The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (535 page)

And God keep him out of my sight when the dance is done! Answer, clerk.

And God get rid of him when the dance is done! Answer me, clerk.

BALTHAZAR

No more words: the clerk is answered.

I have nothing to say: the clerk is answered.

URSULA

I know you well enough: you are Signior Antonio.

I can tell who you are: you are Sir Antonio.

ANTONIO

At a word, I am not.

Really, I’m not.

URSULA

I know you by the waggling of your head.

I know you by how you move your head.

ANTONIO

To tell you true, I counterfeit him.

To tell you the truth, I am pretending to be him.

URSULA

You could never do him so ill-well, unless you were the very man. Here's his dry hand up and down: you are he, you are he.

You could never do such a good job pretending, unless you were the actual man. Here is his dry hand, absolutely the same: you are him, you are him.

ANTONIO

At a word, I am not.

Really, I’m not.

URSULA

Come, come; do you think I do not know you by your excellent wit? Can virtue hide itself? Go to, mum, you are he: graces will appear, and there's an end.

Oh, come on; do you think I cannot recognize you by your wittiness? Can virtue hide itself? Enough, stop protesting, you are him: qualities will appear, and that’s the end of it.

BEATRICE

Will you not tell me who told you so?  

BENEDICK

No, you shall pardon me.

BEATRICE

Nor will you not tell me who you are?

BENEDICK

Not now.

BEATRICE

That I was disdainful, and that I had my good wit out of the 'Hundred Merry Tales.' Well, this was Signior Benedick that said so.

That I am disapproving, and that I took my witty comments under the ‘Hundred Merry Tales.’ Well, this was Sir Benedick who said so.

BENEDICK

What's he?

Who’s he?

BEATRICE

I am sure you know him well enough.

BENEDICK

Not I, believe me.

BEATRICE

Did he never make you laugh?

BENEDICK

I pray you, what is he?

Please tell me, who is he?

BEATRICE

Why, he is the prince's jester: a very dull fool; only his gift is in devising impossible slanders: none but libertines delight in him; and the commendation is not in his wit, but in his villany; for he both pleases men and angers them, and then they laugh at him and beat him. I am sure he is in the fleet: I would he had boarded me!

Why, he is the prince’s jester: a very boring fool; only his gift is in coming up with impossible insults: only immoral men enjoy his company; and the approval is not in his wit, but in his badness; for he both pleases men and angers them, and then they laugh at him and beat him. I am sure he is present at the party: I wish he had come to me!

BENEDICK

When I know the gentleman, I'll tell him what you say.          

BEATRICE

Do, do: he'll but break a comparison or two on me; which, peradventure not marked or not laughed at, strikes him into melancholy; and then there's a partridge wing saved, for the fool will eat no supper that night. [Music within.] We must follow the leaders.

Do, do: he’ll only make a few insults back at me; which, when they are not noticed or laughed at, will make him gloomy; and then there’s a partridge wing saved, for the fool will eat no supper that night. [Music within.] We must follow the leaders.

BENEDICK

In every good thing.

BEATRICE

Nay, if they lead to any ill, I will leave them at the next turning.

No, if they lead us to anything bad, I will leave them at the next turn.

[Dance. Then exeunt all but DON JOHN, BORACHIO, and CLAUDIO.]

DON JOHN

Sure my brother is amorous on Hero, and hath withdrawn her father to break with him about it. The ladies follow her and but one visor remains.

Surely my brother is in love with Hero, and has spoken privately with her father about it. The ladies follow her and only one mask remains.

BORACHIO

And that is Claudio: I know him by his bearing.

And that is Claudio: I know him by how he walks.

DON JOHN

Are you not Signior Benedick?

Aren’t you Sir Benedick?

CLAUDIO

You know me well; I am he.

DON JOHN

Signior, you are very near my brother in his love: he is enamoured on Hero; I pray you, dissuade him from her; she is no equal for his birth: you may do the part of an honest man in it.

Sir, you are very dear to my brother: he is enamored with Hero; please, persuade him not to go after her; she is too lowborn for him: you may do the part of an honest man in it.

CLAUDIO

How know you he loves her?

DON JOHN

I heard him swear his affection.

I heard him promise he loved her.

BORACHIO

So did I too; and he swore he would marry her to-night.

So did I, too; and he promised he would marry her tonight.

DON JOHN

Come, let us to the banquet.

Let us go to the banquet.

[Exeunt DON JOHN and BORACHIO.]

CLAUDIO

Thus answer I in name of Benedick,

I answer in this way under the name of Benedick,

But hear these ill news with the ears of Claudio.

But here this bad news with the ears of Claudio.

'Tis certain so; the prince wooes for himself.

It is certain; the prince woos for himself.

Friendship is constant in all other things

Friendship is loyal in all other things

 Save in the office and affairs of love:

Except for in the business of love:

Herefore all hearts in love use their own tongues;

From now on all hearts in love should use their own tongues;

Let every eye negotiate for itself

And trust no agent; for beauty is a witch

Against whose charms faith melteth into blood.

Against whose magic powers faith melts into blood.

This is an accident of hourly proof,

This is an accident of time,

Which I mistrusted not. Farewell, therefore, Hero!

When I was too trusting. Farewell, therefore, Hero!

[Re-enter Benedick.]

BENEDICK

Count Claudio?

CLAUDIO

Yea, the same.  

Yes, it’s me.

BENEDICK

Come, will you go with me?

CLAUDIO

Whither?  

Where?

BENEDICK

Even to the next willow, about your own business, count. What fashion will you wear the garland of? About your neck, like a usurer's chain? or under your arm, like a lieutenant's scarf? You must wear it one way, for the prince hath got your Hero.  

To the next willow tree, on your own business, Count. How will you wear the garland? Around your neck, like a banker’s chain? Or under your arm, like a lieutenant’s scarf? You must wear it one way, for the prince has got your Hero.

CLAUDIO

I wish him joy of her.

BENEDICK

Why, that's spoken like an honest drovier: so they sell bullocks. But did you think the prince would have served you thus?  

Why, that’s spoken like an honest herder: that’s how they sell cattle. But did you think the prince would have done this to you?

CLAUDIO

I pray you, leave me.

Please, leave me alone.

BENEDICK

Ho! now you strike like the blind man: 'twas the boy that stole your meat, and you'll beat the post.  

Ha! Now you strike out like a blind man: it was the boy that stole your food, and you’ll beat the post.

CLAUDIO

If it will not be, I'll leave you.

[Exit.]

BENEDICK

Alas! poor hurt fowl. Now will he creep into sedges. But, that my Lady

Beatrice should know me, and not know me! The prince's fool! Ha! it may be I go under that title because I am merry. Yea, but so I am apt to do myself wrong; I am not so reputed: it is the base though bitter disposition of Beatrice that puts the world into her person, and so gives me out. Well, I'll be revenged as I may.  

Oh dear, the poor wounded bird. Now he will crawl around and mope. But, that my Lady Beatrice should know me, and not know me! The prince’s fool! Hah! I might go under that title because of my cheerfulness. Yes, but I am also inclined to do myself wrong; I am not thought of that way: it is the resentment of Beatrice that puts the world into her person, and so gives me out. Well, I’ll take what revenge I can.

[Re-enter Don Pedro.]

DON PEDRO

Now, signior, where's the count? Did you see him?

BENEDICK

Troth, my lord, I have played the part of Lady Fame. I found him here as melancholy as a lodge in a warren. I told him, and I think I told him true, that your Grace had got the good will of this young lady; and I offered him my company to a willow tree, either to make him a garland, as being forsaken, or to bind him up a rod, as being worthy to be whipped.  

Truthfully, my lord, I have played the part of Fate. I found him here all gloomy. I told him, and I think I was right, that your Grace had got the good will of this young lady; and I offered him my company to a willow tree, either to make him a garland, as someone who has lost, or to make him a switch, as being worthy to be whipped.

DON PEDRO

To be whipped! What's his fault?

BENEDICK

The flat transgression of a school-boy, who, being overjoy'd with finding a bird's nest, shows it his companion, and he steals it.  

The basic error of a schoolboy, who, being overjoyed with finding a bird’s nest, shows it to his companion, and his companion steals it.

DON PEDRO.

Wilt thou make a trust a transgression? The transgression is in the stealer.  

Will you make it wrong to trust someone? The wrong is in the thief.

BENEDICK

Yet it had not been amiss the rod had been made, and the garland too; for the garland he might have worn himself, and the rod he might have bestowed on you, who, as I take it, have stolen his bird's nest.  

Yet it would not have been unsuitable if a switch had been made, and a garland too; for the garland he might have worn himself, and the rod he might have given to you, who, as I understand, have stolen his bird’s nest.

DON PEDRO

I will but teach them to sing, and restore them to the owner.  

I will only teach the birds to sing, and restore them to the owner.

BENEDICK

If their singing answer your saying, by my faith, you say honestly.

If their singing is the same as your saying, by my faith, you are being honest.

DON PEDRO

The Lady Beatrice hath a quarrel to you: the gentleman that danced with her told her she is much wronged by you.  

The Lady Beatrice has a quarrel with you: the gentleman that danced with her told her you have much wronged her.

BENEDICK

O! she misused me past the endurance of a block: an oak but with one green leaf on it, would have answered her: my very visor began to assume life and scold with her. She told me, not thinking I had been myself, that I was the prince's jester, that I was duller than a great thaw; huddling jest upon jest with such impossible conveyance upon me, that I stood like a man at a mark, with a whole army shooting at me. She speaks poniards, and every word stabs: if her breath were as terrible as her terminations, there were no living near her; she would infect to the north star. I would not marry her, though she were endowed with all that Adam had left him before he transgressed: she would have made Hercules have turned spit, yea, and have cleft his club to make the fire too. Come, talk not of her; you shall find her the infernal Ate in good apparel. I would to God some scholar would conjure her, for certainly, while she is here, a man may live as quiet in hell as in a sanctuary; and people sin upon purpose because they would go thither; so indeed, all disquiet, horror and perturbation follow her.