The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (543 page)

A Room in LEONATO'S House.

[Enter HERO, MARGARET, and URSULA.]

HERO

Good Ursula, wake my cousin Beatrice, and desire her to rise.

Good Ursula; wake my cousin Beatrice, and ask her to get up.

URSULA

I will, lady.

HERO

And bid her come hither.

And tell her to come here.

URSULA

Well.

Okay.

[Exit.]

MARGARET

Troth, I think your other rabato were better.

Truthfully, I think your other rabato would be better.

HERO

No, pray thee, good Meg, I'll wear this.

No, please, good Meg, I’ll wear this.

MARGARET

By my troth's not so good; and I warrant your cousin will say so.

By the truth it’s not as good; and I predict your cousin will say so.

HERO

My cousin 's a fool, and thou art another: I'll wear none but this.

My cousin’s a fool, and you are another: I’ll wear none other than this.

MARGARET

I like the new tire within excellently, if the hair were a thought browner; and your gown 's a most rare fashion, i' faith. I saw the Duchess of Milan's gown that they praise so.

I like the new clothes inside excellently, if the hair was a shade browner; and your gown is the latest fashion, by my faith. I saw the Duchess of Milan’s gown that they praise in that way.

HERO

O! that exceeds, they say.

Oh! That’s excessive, they say.

MARGARET

By my troth 's but a night-gown in respect of yours: cloth o' gold, and cuts, and laced with silver, set with pearls, down sleeves, side sleeves, and skirts round, underborne with a blush tinsel; but for a fine, quaint, graceful, and excellent fashion, yours is worth ten on't.

By the truth, it’s only a nightgown when compared to yours: gold cloth, and cuts, and laced with silver, set with pearls, down sleeves, side sleeves, and round skirts, trimmed underneath with pink tinsel; but for a fine, quaint, graceful, and excellent fashion, yours is worth ten of it.

HERO

God give me joy to wear it! for my heart is exceeding heavy.

God give me joy to wear it! For my heart is exceedingly heavy.

MARGARET

'Twill be heavier soon by the weight of a man.

It will soon be heavier by the weight of a man.

HERO

Fie upon thee! art not ashamed?

Darn you! Are you not ashamed?

MARGARET

Of what, lady? of speaking honourably? is not marriage honourable in a beggar? Is not your lord honourable without marriage? I think you would have me say, 'saving your reverence, a husband:' an bad thinking do not wrest true speaking, I'll offend nobody. Is there any harm in 'the heavier for a husband'? None, I think, an it be the right husband and the right wife; otherwise 'tis light, and not heavy: ask my Lady Beatrice else; here she comes.

Of what, lady? Of speaking honorably? Is not marriage honorable in a beggar? Is not your fiancé honorable without marriage? I think you want me to say, ‘saving your reverence, a husband:’ since bad thinking does not stop true speaking, I’ll offend nobody. Is there any harm in ‘the heavier for a husband’? None, I think, unless it be the right husband and the right wife; otherwise it is light, and not heavy: ask my Lady Beatrice as well; here she comes.

[Enter BEATRICE.]

HERO

Good morrow, coz.

Good morning, cousin.

BEATRICE

Good morrow, sweet Hero.

Good morning, sweet Hero.

HERO

Why, how now? do you speak in the sick tune?

Why, what’s going on? Do you speak in a sickly way?

BEATRICE

I am out of all other tune, methinks.

I am all out of all other tune, I think.

MARGARET

Clap's into 'Light o' love'; that goes without a burden: do you sing it, and I'll dance it.

Clap us into ‘Light of Love’; that doesn’t have a chorus: you sing it, and I’ll dance it.

BEATRICE

Ye, light o' love with your heels! then, if your husband have stables enough, you'll see he shall lack no barnes.

You, light of love with your heels! Then, if your husband has enough stables, you’ll see he’ll have no lack of foals.

MARGARET

O illegitimate construction! I scorn that with my heels.

Oh false accusation! I scorn that with my heels.

BEATRICE

'Tis almost five o'clock, cousin; 'tis time you were ready. By my troth, I am exceeding ill. Heigh-ho!

It is almost five o’clock, cousin; it is time you were ready. By the truth, I am exceedingly ill. Heigh-ho!

MARGARET

For a hawk, a horse, or a husband?

BEATRICE

For the letter that begins them all, H.

MARGARET

Well, an you be not turned Turk, there's no more sailing by the star.

Well, if you are not turned into a Turk, there’s no more sailing by that star.

BEATRICE

What means the fool, trow?

What does the fool mean?

MARGARET

Nothing I; but God send every one their heart's desire!

I mean nothing; but God should send everyone their heart’s desire!

HERO

These gloves the Count sent me; they are an excellent perfume.

These gloves the Count sent me smell lovely.

BEATRICE

I am stuffed, cousin, I cannot smell.

I have a stuffy nose, cousin, I cannot smell.

MARGARET

A maid, and stuffed! there's goodly catching of cold.

A maid, and stuffed! That’s a good way to catch a cold.

BEATRICE

O, God help me! God help me! how long have you professed apprehension?

Oh God help me! God help me! How long have you suspected this?

MARGARET

Ever since you left it. Doth not my wit become me rarely!

Ever since you stopped. Aren’t I unusually witty today?

BEATRICE

It is not seen enough, you should wear it in your cap. By my troth, I am sick.

It’s such a rare thing, you should wear it in your cap. By the truth, I am sick.

MARGARET

Get you some of this distilled Carduus Benedictus, and lay it to your heart: it is the only thing for a qualm.

Get you some of this distilled Carduus Benedictus, and place it over your heart: it is the only thing for sickness.

HERO

There thou prick'st her with a thistle.

There you prickle her with a thistle.

BEATRICE

Benedictus! why benedictus? you have some moral in this Benedictus.

MARGARET

Moral! no, by my troth, I have no moral meaning; I meant, plain holy-thistle. You may think, perchance, that I think you are in love: nay, by'r lady, I am not such a fool to think what I list; nor I list not to think what I can; nor, indeed, I cannot think, if I would think my heart out of thinking, that you are in love, or that you will be in love, or that you can be in love. Yet Benedick was such another, and now is he become a man: he swore he would never marry; and yet now, in despite of his heart, he eats his meat without grudging: and how you may be converted, I know not; but methinks you look with your eyes as other women do.

Moral! No, by the truth, I mean no moral; I meant, plain holy-thistle. You may think, perhaps, that I think you are in love: no, by your leave, I am not such a fool to think what I suppose; nor do I suppose not to think what I can; nor, indeed, I cannot think, if I would think my heart out of thinking, that you are in love, or that you will be in love, or that you can be in love. Yet Benedick was once like that as well, and now he has become a man: he swore he would never marry; and yet now, despite his heart, he eats his food without grudging: and how you may be converted I do not know; but I think you look with your eyes as other women do.

BEATRICE

What pace is this that thy tongue keeps?

What are you talking about?

MARGARET

Not a false gallop.

Nothing untruthful, anyway.

[Re-enter URSULA.]

URSULA

Madam, withdraw: the prince, the count, Signior Benedick, Don John, and all the gallants of the town, are come to fetch you to church.

Madam, withdraw: the prince, the count, Sir Benedick, Don John, and all the young noblemen of the town have come to fetch you to church.

HERO

Help to dress me, good coz, good Meg, good Ursula.

Help to dress me, good cousin, good Meg, good Ursula.

[Exeunt.]

Another Room in LEONATO'S House

[Enter LEONATO and DOGBERRY and VERGES.]

LEONATO

What would you with me, honest neighbour?

What do you want from me, honest neighbor?

DOGBERRY

Marry, sir, I would have some confidence with you, that decerns you nearly.

Indeed sir, I would confide in you, that [he means ‘concerns’] you closely.

LEONATO

Brief, I pray you; for you see it is a busy time with me.

Be brief, please; for you see it is a busy time for me.

DOGBERRY

Marry, this it is, sir.

Indeed, that it is, sir.

VERGES

Yes, in truth it is, sir.

LEONATO

What is it, my good friends?

DOGBERRY

Goodman Verges, sir, speaks a little off the matter: an old man, sir, and his wits are not so blunt as, God help, I would desire they were; but, in faith, honest as the skin between his brows.

Goodman Verges, sir, speaks on a bit of a tangent: an old man, sir, and his wits are not so [he means ‘sharp’] as, God help, I would desire they were; but, in faith, honest as the skin between his eyebrows.

VERGES

Yes, I thank God, I am as honest as any man living, that is an old man and no honester than I.

DOGBERRY

Comparisons are odorous: palabras, neighbour Verges.

Comparisons are [he means to say ‘odious’, that is, distasteful, he accidentally said they were stinky]: palabras, neighbor Verges.

LEONATO

Neighbours, you are tedious.

Neighbors, you are wasting my time.

DOGBERRY

It pleases your worship to say so, but we are the poor duke's officers; but truly, for mine own part, if I were as tedious as a king, I could find in my heart to bestow it all of your worship.

It pleases your worship to say so, but we are the poor duke’s officers; truly, though, for my own part, if I were as tedious [he has misunderstood and thought this was a compliment] as a king, I could find it in my heart to give it all to your worship.

LEONATO

All thy tediousness on me! ha?

All your time-wasting boredom on me, ha?

DOGBERRY

Yea, an 't were a thousand pound more than 'tis; for I hear as good exclamation on your worship, as of any man in the city, and though I be but a poor man, I am glad to hear it.

Yes, even if it were a thousand pounds more than it is, for I hear as good exclamation on your worship, as of any man in the city, and though I am only a poor man, I am glad to hear it.

VERGES

And so am I.

LEONATO

I would fain know what you have to say.