The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (542 page)

DOGBERRY

Why then, let them alone till they are sober: if they make you not then the better answer, you may say they are not the men you took them for.

Why then, leave them alone until they are sober: if they do not then give a better answer, you may say they are not the men you took them for.

SECOND WATCH

Well, sir.

Good, sir.

DOGBERRY

If you meet a thief, you may suspect him, by virtue of your office, to be no true man; and, for such kind of men, the less you meddle or make with them, why, the more is for your honesty.

If you meet a thief, you may suspect him, based on your position, to be no loyal man; and, for such men, the less you deal with them, why, the more of your honesty is left.

SECOND WATCH

If we know him to be a thief, shall we not lay hands on him?

If we know him to be a thief, shouldn’t we capture him?

DOGBERRY

Truly, by your office, you may; but I think they that touch pitch will be defiled. The most peaceable way for you, if you do take a thief, is to let him show himself what he is and steal out of your company.

Truly, by your position, you man; but I think they that touch tar will be made unclean. The most peaceful way for you, if you do take a thief, is to let him show himself as what he is and steal away from your company.

VERGES

You have been always called a merciful man, partner.

DOGBERRY

Truly, I would not hang a dog by my will, much more a man who hath any honesty in him.

Truly, I would not hang a dog by my own decision, and much more a man who has any honesty in him.

VERGES

If you hear a child cry in the night, you must call to the nurse and bid her still it.

If you hear a child cry in the night, you must call to the nanny and tell her to quiet it.

SECOND WATCH

How if the nurse be asleep and will not hear us?

DOGBERRY

Why then, depart in peace, and let the child wake her with crying; for the ewe that will not hear her lamb when it baes, will never answer a calf when he bleats.

Why then, go in peace, and let the child wake her with crying; for the female sheep that will not hear her lamb with it bleats will never answer a calf when he moos.

VERGES

'Tis very true.

 
It is very true.

DOGBERRY

This is the end of the charge. You constable, are to present the prince's own person: if you meet the prince in the night, you may stay him.

That is the last of your duties. You, constable, are to present the prince’s own person: if you meet the prince in the night, you may stop him.

VERGES

Nay, by'r lady, that I think, a' cannot.

No, by your leave, I think he cannot.

DOGBERRY

Five shillings to one on't, with any man that knows the statutes, he may stay him: marry, not without the prince be willing; for, indeed, the watch ought to offend no man, and it is an offence to stay a man against his will.

Five shillings to one on it, with any man that knows the rules, he may stop him: but not without the prince’s willingness; for, indeed, the watch should not offend anyone, and it is an offence to stop a man against his will.

VERGES

By'r lady, I think it be so.

By your leave, I think it is so.

DOGBERRY

Ha, ah, ha! Well, masters, good night: an there be any matter of weight chances, call up me: keep your fellows' counsels and your own, and good night. Come, neighbour.

Ha, ah, ha! Well, gentlemen, good night: and if anything important happens, call me up: keep your fellows’ advice and your own, and good night. Come, neighbor.

SECOND WATCH

Well, masters, we hear our charge: let us go sit here upon the church-bench till two, and then all to bed.

Well, gentlemen, we hear our commands: let us go sit here upon the church bench until two, and then we will all go to bed.

DOGBERRY

One word more, honest neighbours. I pray you, watch about Signior Leonato's door; for the wedding being there to-morrow, there is a great coil to-night. Adieu; be vigitant, I beseech you.

One more word, honest neighbors. Please, watch around Sir Leonato’s door; since the wedding will be there tomorrow, it is very important tonight. Adieu, be [he mispronounces “vigilant”], I beg you.

[Exeunt DOGBERRY and VERGES.]

[Enter BORACHIO and CONRADE.]

BORACHIO

What, Conrade!

WATCH

[Aside.] Peace! stir not.

 [Aside.] Peace! Do not move.

BORACHIO

Conrade, I say!

CONRADE

Here, man. I am at thy elbow.

Here, man. I am at your elbow.

BORACHIO

Mass, and my elbow itched; I thought there would a scab follow.

My, and my elbow itched; I thought I was getting a scab.

CONRADE

I will owe thee an answer for that; and now forward with thy tale.

I will answer you for that; and now go on with your story.

BORACHIO

Stand thee close then under this penthouse, for it drizzles rain, and I will, like a true drunkard, utter all to thee.

You stand close then under this penthouse, for it is drizzling rain, and I will, like a true drunk man, tell you everyting.

WATCH

[Aside.] Some treason, masters; yet stand close.

 [Aside.]
 
Some betrayal, gentlemen; you should still stand close by.

BORACHIO

Therefore know, I have earned of Don John a thousand ducats.

Therefore, know that I have earned from Don John a thousand ducats.

CONRADE

Is it possible that any villany should be so dear?

Is it possible that any villainy should be so expensive?

BORACHIO

Thou shouldst rather ask if it were possible any villany should be so rich; for when rich villains have need of poor ones, poor ones may make what price they will.

You should instead ask if it was possible for any villainy to be so rich; for when rich villains need poor ones, poor ones may demand whatever price they wish.

CONRADE

I wonder at it.

I still doubt it.

BORACHIO

That shows thou art unconfirmed. Thou knowest that the fashion of a doublet, or a hat, or a cloak, is nothing to a man.

That shows you are unenlightened. You know that the fashion of a doublet, or a hat, or a cloak, is nothing to a man.

CONRADE

Yes, it is apparel.

Yes, it is clothing.

BORACHIO

I mean, the fashion.

CONRADE

Yes, the fashion is the fashion.

BORACHIO

Tush! I may as well say the fool's the fool. But seest thou not what a deformed thief this fashion is?

Pshaw! I might as well say the fool’s the fool. But don’t you see what a deformed thief this fashion is?

WATCH

[Aside.] I know that Deformed; a' bas been a vile thief this seven years; a' goes up and down like a gentleman: I remember his name.

 [Aside.] I know that Deformed; he has been a terrible thief these seven years; he goes up and down like a nobleman: I remember his name.

BORACHIO

Didst thou not hear somebody?

Did you not hear somebody?

CONRADE

No: 'twas the vane on the house.

No: it was the weathervane on the house.

BORACHIO

Seest thou not, I say, what a deformed thief this fashion is? how giddily he turns about all the hot bloods between fourteen and five-and-thirty? sometime fashioning them like Pharaoh's soldiers in the reechy painting; sometime like god Bel's priests in the old church-window; sometime like the shaven Hercules in the smirched worm-eaten tapestry, where his codpiece seems as massy as his club?

Do you not see, I say, what a deformed thief this fashion is? How giddily he spins around all the hot-blooded young men between fourteen and thirty-five? Sometimes shaping them like Pharaoh’s soldiers in a painting; sometimes like the god Bel’s priests in the old church window; sometimes like the shaved Hercules in the stained worm-eaten tapestry, where his codpiece seems as massive as his club?

CONRADE

All this I see, and I see that the fashion wears out more apparel than the man. But art not thou thyself giddy with the fashion too, that thou hast shifted out of thy tale into telling me of the fashion?

I see all this, and I see that fashion wears out more clothing than the man. But are you not yourself giddy with the fashion too, that you have gotten sidetracked out of your story into telling me about fashion?

BORACHIO

Not so neither; but know, that I have to-night wooed Margaret, the Lady Hero's gentlewoman, by the name of Hero: she leans me out at her mistress' chamber-window, bids me a thousand times good night,--I tell this tale vilely:--I should first tell thee how the prince, Claudio, and my master, planted and placed and possessed by my master Don John, saw afar off in the orchard this amiable encounter.

Oh, that’s not true; but know that I have tonight wooed Margaret, the Lady Hero’s personal attendant, by the name of Hero: she leans out at me at her mistress’ bedroom window, tells me goodnight a thousand times, -- I am telling this tale badly – I should first tell you how the prince, Claudio, and my master, planted and placed and possessed by my master Don John, saw far away in the orchard this friendly meeting.

CONRADE

And thought they Margaret was Hero?

BORACHIO

Two of them did, the prince and Claudio; but the devil my master, knew she was Margaret; and partly by his oaths, which first possessed them, partly by the dark night, which did deceive them, but chiefly by my villany, which did confirm any slander that Don John had made, away went Claudio enraged; swore he would meet her, as he was appointed, next morning at the temple, and there, before the whole congregation, shame her with what he saw o'er night, and send her home again without a husband.

Two of them did, the prince and Claudio; but the devil, my master, knew she was Margaret; and partly by his promises, which first possessed them, partly by the dark night, which did deceive them, but most of ally by my villainy, which confirmed the false accusation that Don John had made, Claudio went away angry; swore he would meet her, as he was appointed, next morning at the church, and there, in front of the whole congregation, shame her with what he saw the previous night, and send her home again without a husband.

FIRST WATCH

We charge you in the prince's name, stand!

We command you in the prince’s name: stop!

SECOND WATCH

Call up the right Master Constable. We have here recovered the most dangerous piece of lechery that ever was known in the commonwealth.

Call up the good Master Constable. We have here discovered the most dangerous piece of wickedness that was ever known in the commonwealth.

FIRST WATCH

And one Deformed is one of them: I know him, a' wears a lock.

And one Deformed is one of them: I know him, he wears a lock.

CONRADE

Masters, masters!

Gentlemen, gentlemen!

SECOND WATCH

You'll be made bring Deformed forth, I warrant you.

You’ll be required to bring Deformed forward, I predict.

CONRADE

Masters,--

Gentlemen, --

FIRST WATCH

Never speak: we charge you let us obey you to go with us.

Quiet: we command you to go with us.

BORACHIO

We are like to prove a goodly commodity, being taken up of these men's bills.

We are likely to turn out to be a valuable resource, being taken up with these men’s bills.

CONRADE

A commodity in question, I warrant you. Come, we'll obey you.

A resource in question, I predict. Come, we’ll obey you.

[Exeunt.]