The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (540 page)

Of prouder stuff than Beatrice’s’

Disdain and scorn ride sparkling in her eyes,

Disapproval and scorn ride sparkling in her eyes,

 Misprising what they look on, and her wit

Devaluing what they look upon, and her wit

Values itself so highly, that to her

All matter else seems weak.

Everything else seems weak.

She cannot love,

Nor take no shape nor project of affection,

Nor take any shape or form of love,

She is so self-endear'd.

She is so in love with herself.

URSULA

Sure I think so;

I surely think so;

And therefore certainly it were not good

And therefore certainly it would not be good

She knew his love, lest she make sport at it.

That she knew his love, in case she might make fun of it.

HERO

Why, you speak truth. I never yet saw man,

Why, you speak the truth. I have never yet seen a man,

How wise, how noble, young, how rarely featur'd,

No matter now wise, now noble, young, how handsome,

But she would spell him backward: if fair-fac'd,

But that she would drive him away: if handsome,

She would swear the gentleman should be her sister;

If black, why, Nature, drawing of an antick,

If dark, why, she would say Nature, drawing a picture

Made a foul blot; if tall, a lance ill-headed;

Blotted the ink; if tall, like a badly made spire;

If low, an agate very vilely cut;

If short, like a jewel very badly cut;

If speaking, why, a vane blown with all winds;

If speaking, why, a weathervane blown with all winds;

If silent, why, a block moved with none.

If silent, why, a block moved by none.

 So turns she every man the wrong side out,

So she gets the wrong image of every man,

And never gives to truth and virtue that

And never gives in to the truth and virtue that

Which simpleness and merit purchaseth.

Simplicity and merit buys.

URSULA

Sure, sure, such carping is not commendable.

Sure, sure, such pickiness is not praiseworthy.

HERO

No; not to be so odd, and from all fashions,

No; not to be so against things, and from all kinds,

As Beatrice is, cannot be commendable.

As Beatrice is, cannot be praiseworthy.

But who dare tell her so? If I should speak,

But who would dare tell her so? If I spoke,

She would mock me into air:

She would tease me endlessly:

O! she would laugh me

Oh! She would laugh me

Out of myself, press me to death with wit.

Out of myself, squeeze me to death with wit.

Therefore let Benedick, like cover'd fire,

Therefore let Benedick, like a covered flame,

Consume away in sighs, waste inwardly:

Fade away in sighs, waste away inwardly:

It were a better death than die with mocks,

It would be a better death than to die of mockery,

Which is as bad as die with tickling.

Whish is as bad as to die from being tickled.

URSULA

Yet tell her of it: hear what she will say.

Still tell her about it: hear what she will say.

HERO

No; rather I will go to Benedick,

No; instead I will go to Benedick,

And counsel him to fight against his passion.

And advise him to fight against his passion.

And, truly, I'll devise some honest slanders

And, truly, I’ll come up with some honest insults

To stain my cousin with.

To make my cousin less appealing.

One doth not know

One does not know

How much an ill word may empoison liking.

How much an unkind word may poison liking.

URSULA

O! do not do your cousin such a wrong.

Oh! Do not do your cousin such a wrong.

She cannot be so much without true judgment,

She cannot be so much without good judgment,

-- Having so swift and excellent a wit

--
Being so clever and quick-witted

As she is priz'd to have,--as to refuse

As she is proud to be – as to refuse

So rare a gentleman as Signior Benedick.

Such a rare gentleman as Sir Benedick.

HERO

He is the only man of Italy,

He is the best man in Italy,

Always excepted my dear Claudio.

Except my dear Claudio, of course.

URSULA

I pray you, be not angry with me, madam,

Please, do not be angry with me, madam,

Speaking my fancy: Signior Benedick,

Sharing my opinion: Sir Benedick,

For shape, for bearing, argument and valour,

For appearance, for behavior, cleverness, and courage,

Goes foremost in report through Italy.

Is the first man in everything throughout Italy.

HERO

Indeed, he hath an excellent good name.

Indeed, he has an excellent reputation.

URSULA

His excellence did earn it, ere he had it. When are you married, madam?

His excellence did earn it, before he had it. When will you be married, madam?

HERO. Why, every day, to-morrow.

Why, tomorrow.

Come, go in: I'll show thee some attires, and have thy counsel

Come, go in: I’ll show you some clothes, and get your advice

Which is the best to furnish me to-morrow.

Which would be the best for me to wear tomorrow.

URSULA

She's lim'd, I warrant you: we have caught her, madam.

She is caught, I believe, madam.

HERO

If it prove so, then loving goes by haps:

If it turns out that way, than loving goes my circumstance:

Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps.

[Exeunt HERO and URSULA.]

BEATRICE

[Advancing.] What fire is in mine ears?

What fire is in my ears?

Can this be true? Stand I condemn'd for pride and scorn so much?

Can this be true? Do I stand so much condemned for pride and scorn?

Contempt, farewell! and maiden pride, adieu!

Farewell, contempt! And goodbye maiden pride!

No glory lives behind the back of such.

No glory lives behind either of them.

And, Benedick, love on; I will requite thee,

And, Benedick, love on; I will love you in return,

Taming my wild heart to thy loving hand:

Taming my wild heart to your loving hand:

If thou dost love, my kindness shall incite thee

If you do love, my kindness shall bring you

To bind our loves up in a holy band;

To tie our loves together in a holy ring;

For others say thou dost deserve, and I

For others say you do deserve, and I

Believe it better than reportingly.

Believe it more than they think I do.

[Exit.]

A Room in LEONATO'S House.

[Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, BENEDICK, and LEONATO.]

DON PEDRO

I do but stay till your marriage be consummate, and then go I toward Arragon.

I will only stay until your marriage is accomplished, and then I will go to Arragon.

CLAUDIO

I'll bring you thither, my lord, if you'll vouchsafe me.

I’ll take you there, my lord, if you wish me to.

DON PEDRO

Nay, that would be as great a soil in the new gloss of your marriage, as to show a child his new coat and forbid him to wear it. I will only be bold with Benedick for his company; for, from the crown of his head to the sole of his foot, he is all mirth; he hath twice or thrice cut Cupid's bowstring, and the little hangman dare not shoot at him. He hath a heart as sound as a bell, and his tongue is the clapper; for what his heart thinks his tongue speaks.

No, that would be as large a stain on the new gloss of your marriage as to show a child his new coat and forbid him to wear it. I will only request Benedick for his company; for, from the top of his head to the sole of his foot, he is all amusement; he has two or three times cut Cupid’s bowstring, and the little hangman does not dare shoot at him. He has a heart as strong as a bell, and his tongue is the clapper; for what his heart thinks his tongue speaks.

BENEDICK

Gallants, I am not as I have been.

My friends, I am not the same as I was.

LEONATO

So say I: methinks you are sadder.

I agree: you seem sadder.

CLAUDIO

I hope he be in love.

I hope he is in love.

DON PEDRO

Hang him, truant! there's no true drop of blood in him, to be truly touched with love. If he be sad, he wants money.

Hang him, the no-show! There’s no true drop of blood in him, to be truly touched with love. If he is sad, he wants money.

BENEDICK

I have the tooth-ache.

I have a toothache.

DON PEDRO

Draw it.

Pull it out.

BENEDICK

Hang it.

Tie it up.

CLAUDIO

You must hang it first, and draw it afterwards.

You must tie it up first, and pull it out afterwards.

DON PEDRO

What! sigh for the tooth-ache?

What, you’re all worked up about a toothache?

LEONATO

Where is but a humour or a worm?

Which is only a temporary illness?

BENEDICK

Well, every one can master a grief but he that has it.

Well, it’s easy to overcome a trouble until you have it.

CLAUDIO

Yet say I, he is in love.

DON PEDRO

There is no appearance of fancy in him, unless it be a fancy that he hath to strange disguises; as to be a Dutchman to-day, a Frenchman to-morrow; or in the shape of two countries at once, as a German from the waist downward, all slops, and a Spaniard from the hip upward, no doublet. Unless he have a fancy to this foolery, as it appears he hath, he is no fool for fancy, as you would have it appear he is.

There is no appearance of fancifulness in him, unless it is a fancifulness that he has to strange disguises; such as to be a Dutchman today, a Frenchman tomorrow; or in the shape of two countries at once, as a German from the waist downward, all sloppy, and a Spaniard from the hip upward, no doublet. Unless he has a fancy to this foolery, as it appears he has, he is no fool for fancy, as you would have it appear he is.

CLAUDIO

If he be not in love with some woman, there is no believing old signs: a' brushes his hat a mornings; what should that bode?

If he is not in love with some woman, there is no reason to believe old signs: if he brushes his hat in the mornings, what does that mean?