Sweet Obsession (42 page)

Nidal’s hand caressed my stomach, and I told him that I felt the baby inside me flutter earlier. We both cried, feeling that life was not fair. We were both at a loss for words. But words were not needed at this time as Nidal’s hands caressed my stomach, gently rubbing it and waiting to feel his child kick. But our baby did not respond to his father’s caresses, and Nidal was disappointed.

I smiled and said, “Don’t worry, Nidal, there will be other opportunities to feel the baby kick.”

Nidal lowered himself until his lips were on my stomach, and he kissed every inch of it. I was just beside myself with adoration for this man, for whom I would give my life for.

Nidal pulled himself up and kissed me hard on the lips. “Loula, my life, my soul, my everything, I love you so much,” he said passionately and claimed my lips one more time.

I could not get enough of him. I held on to him for dear life. This was what I lived for, and this was what I would die for. And I knew without a doubt that Nidal felt as I did.

“Nidal,” I said as I pulled my lips away from him, “we need to talk. I know time is against us today, but we must talk.” I mustered up the courage to tell him how I feel.

Nidal stopped kissing me and, with a questioning look, waited patiently for me to speak my mind.

“Nidal, we have to find a way to be together. I need you, I love you, and I can’t go on this way. The baby and I need you to be more active in our lives. You need to express your thoughts to your father. You need to stand up to him. I cannot go on this way. I am in pain. My heart bleeds without you.” I pleaded for him to understand and take some action to reassure me that he would fight for our love.

Nidal said nothing. He only stared at me with what looked like pain in his eyes. He pulled himself up into a sitting position, and then he pulled me up next to him. I saw the look in his eyes, and I knew I would not be pleased with what he was getting ready to tell me.

Nidal took a deep sigh. “Loula, how can you ask this of me at this time? You know what the consequences would be if I spoke up and claimed my love for you. You and the baby would be in grave danger if the king finds out the truth about us.” He cupped my face with his hands and whispered, “Please, don’t do this to me. Please be patient until I figure things out. I need you to be a little more understanding. I am doing my best to find a solution to our problem. I have a lot on my plate right now.”

Nidal’s eyes searched mine, and I did my best not to cry.

He said, “Loula, please give me more time.”

I did not have too much time to give him. Billal was becoming more demanding, and I knew not what the outcome would be. I could not tell this to Nidal. I did not want him to kill Billal. I knew Nidal would not stand for his cousin touching me. So I kept my mouth shut and said not one word. I would have to take care of this one on my own.

Nidal immediately noticed my mood swing and, with his fingers, tipped my face upward. “What are you thinking now, Loula? Do not keep me in the dark. Tell me,” he demanded lightly as he waited patiently for my response. I did not know what to tell him. I could not reveal the truth to him.

“Nidal, I will do as you say. I will wait patiently for you to think of a way to fix all this,” I lied, smiling to throw him off the truth.

But Nidal was smarter and quicker than I was. He raised his eyebrow and looked suspiciously into my lying eyes and knew instantly that I was keeping something from him. He was no fool.

“Tell me now what you are thinking, and this time, the truth, please,” he warned, fighting to keep the anger out of his voice.

I averted my eyes, not wanting him to read the truth in them, but it was too late. He was smarter than I thought, and he roared through his teeth. There was a shuddering tension about him as if he were a hairbreadth from exploding.

He drew his head back, and his voice held a dangerous softness as he said, “You have three seconds to tell me the truth before I go looking for Billal and kill him with my bare hands.”

I winced as I looked into his eyes, and I knew he was going to do as he threatened. I tried to think of a response that would satisfy Nidal, but I could not come up with a single thing.

With a hint of sarcasm in his voice, Nidal said, “He tried to make love to you, didn’t he?” When I did not answer, Nidal’s eyes widened, and he jumped out of bed, naked in all his glory, and said recklessly, “Tell me, Loula. Did he accomplish his goal?” he asked breathlessly, waiting for an answer.

I stared at him, speechless. I could not believe what he had just asked. I carried his child inside me. I waited patiently for him to come to me.
And this is what I get?
His accusations took me aback, and the words spilled out before I could stop them.

I said regretfully, “Well, at least he wants me badly enough to want to marry me. He does not hide his love for me. He does not accept Shaeena’s child as his own. You, on the other hand, have no balls! You hide your love for me. You hide the fact that you have fathered a child with me again! And you sleep in the same bed with the woman that you will wed one day! Because as you say, it is your duty to marry her, since she had your child, since your father says so, since you are not man enough to claim me as your wife!” I spat angrily.

I knew instantly that I had said the wrong things, but it was too late to take back my words. I wanted to tell him that he was a fool for not realizing after all this time that he was the only man that I loved. But I stubbornly kept my mouth shut. He needed to stand up for me, and he needed to claim me as his wife. I would not yield. I would not be his puppet anymore.

“You suck the very life out of me!” he said.

I could tell he was trying to keep the anger out of his voice. Then a miserable silence followed, and we both stared at each other. Both of us were angry out of our minds.

“You have found my weakness, Loula, and you use it to hurt me!” he said callously. “Your words were brutal, Madam, and you have accomplished what you wanted. You killed me in every way possible!” His voice held a note of finality.

I froze, realizing too late that I went much too far this time.

“You open your mouth and throw words in the air, without thinking of what they mean. You want things done immediately when you know it cannot be done in that fashion. I am the crown prince of Arabia, and I am but a servant to my crown. There are certain expectations the people of Arabia expect from me! I have fallen in love with you, against my people’s wishes, against my father’s wishes, and against everything I have ever believed in! I have become a jack-off. I play with myself when I can’t have you, when I am going crazy with want for you, when I do not have you near me. I do this because I cannot substitute you with anyone else, and I have come so low that I touch myself! I am ashamed of myself, but I can’t help it. When I think of you, I go crazy! You have made me into a crazy man! I have done everything humanly possible to make you mine! Now the most powerful man in Arabia is threatening your life! The king wants your head on a silver platter. My baby’s life is at risk! I have been wrongfully accused of fathering a child that does not belong to me! I have to stand by and see my cousin touching the woman I love! How much more of this do you think that I can take?” He ran his fingers through his hair.

I knew that what he said was true, but it was hard for me to accept it all. I was running out of patience, and it seemed he was too. He was yelling again. Nidal was slowly changing into a different person. I looked at him.
What is really in that mind of his?
He looked stressed out. I knew he had a lot on his plate.
But what am I to do?
My tears slid down my face, and I did not even realize it.

Nidal immediately ran to me, took me in his arms, and held me tight. I wrapped my arms around him, not ever wanting to let him go. Sobs ripped through my throat, and I cried my heart out. Nidal cupped my face, and his lips brushed gently over mine, sending shivers through me. But I knew this had to stop. We could not continue in this way. I had to make him see my point of view.

My eyes were shining with tears, but my back was straight, and my voice was firm and unwavering when I opened my mouth and said, “Nidal, this has to stop now. I am suffering. Do you understand? You brought me to this land, a place I knew nothing about. You took me from the only family I had, and you promised me many things, of which you did none! You have not kept your promises, Nidal!” I pulled away from his embrace as the tears threatened to spill once again. “I am pregnant with your child, and I have never felt as alone in my life as I do at this very moment! I sleep in someone else’s bed at night, and every night, I pray he does not rape me! Every night, I dream of you, and every morning when I wake up, I am alone again. Just knowing you are in the same bed with Shaeena kills me. I die a new death every day! Nidal, I cannot take this anymore.” I threw myself back in his arms and wept.

I knew I had accomplished nothing tonight. But at least he knew how I felt. Nidal looked into my eyes and said passionately, “Loula, I love you. You know I do.”

I nodded numbly as I tried to blink away my tears.
And is that his shaft that I feel hard against my body?
I placed my hand over it and lightly caressed it.

Nidal shut his eyes and moaned under his breath, “Don’t, Loula. Please. This is not the right time. I have to get back to my father’s bed. I need to see him about a few things before he falls asleep,” he said miserably.

“Yes, Nidal, you are right. Go now, and do not worry about me. I can handle myself. Even if Billal tries to make love to me tonight, I will try to stop him. And if I do not accomplish it, then at least you know that I tried,” I said sweetly, my eyes averting his. I knew he was going to explode any minute now. I held my breath for what was coming.

Nidal growled loudly, and he picked me up and slammed me against the stone wall. His body pressed against mine as he said hoarsely, “If Billal lays a finger on you, I will rip him to pieces. Do you understand that? And you will have the same fate as him if I so much as suspect that you allowed him to touch you in that way,” he said angrily, shaking me lightly. “Tell me that you will never allow him to touch you in that way, Loula! Promise me that you would never allow it, please,” he begged breathlessly.

I was truly exhausted now. Nidal raised his eyebrows, waiting for me to say something in response to his question. I remained silent, and he made an agonizing sound, unable to withhold his patience with me anymore.

I kept my eyes averted, and with a sharp edge of anger in his voice, he asked, “Promise me that you will not allow Billal to touch you, Loula.” His voice was full of anguish.

That struck a chord of fury inside me. I was enraged.
What does he think? That I would so easily give myself away like that? How dare he even insinuate that!

The bitterness of my own voice startled me when I responded, “You think highly of yourself, don’t you? You think the universe revolves around you. That you even ask me such a question only reminds me that you have changed. You are not the Nidal I have come to love. I am carrying your child in my stomach, and you dare ask me to promise you such a thing! I am not a whore, Nidal! I do not sleep with Billal or any man besides you! If you question my loyalty, then you are not worthy of my love! Go, leave me in peace, and do not come back until you learn to respect me!” I was very emotional, and I felt disharmony at this time.

A startled look flashed across Nidal’s face as he stared at me in silence. He studied my face to see if I meant what I had just said. His hands dropped to his sides as he turned and walked away from me.

When he reached the door, he turned and looked at me. “Good night, Loula.” His tone was dismissive.

He opened the door and stepped out into the hallway. I ran after him, but it was too late. He had already disappeared down the staircase. Pain tugged at my heart. I was emotionally broken at this moment. I closed the door, walked over to the bed, and collapsed on it, and I cried myself to sleep.

In the morning, I awoke to find Billal sleeping next to me. I studied his face and saw all the tiny fine lines and dark circles under his eyes. He looked tired as he lay there in deep sleep. My heart went out to him. He had a lot on his plate now with everything that was happening in the palace. He stirred a little, and I held my breath, not wanting him to wake up. He desperately needed to sleep some more.

As I lay there watching Billal, my baby started to kick in my stomach, and I was beside myself with love. The tiny miracle in my womb had awakened and was playing. Automatically, my hand caressed my stomach, and at that moment, Billal woke up, and he reached over and gently caressed my face.

“Good morning, beautiful,” he said, smiling. “You have a happy smile on your face. To what do I owe the pleasure?” he asked teasingly.

I smiled back. “The baby is kicking.”

He placed his hand excitedly on my stomach and tried to feel it for himself. And just about that second, the baby kicked really hard, and Billal burst with laughter. His eyes were sparkling with love, and I could not help but love him back. He was a beautiful person, and I was glad that he was here with me at this time. I placed my hand on top of his and dragged his hand to where the baby kicked next, and we both laughed with joy.