Sweet Obsession (44 page)

“Nidal, how do you know it is a he?” I asked playfully.

Nidal just ignored me and continued his conversation with the baby. “If you are a baby girl, little one, even better. I will give you the world on a silver platter. I would love to have a little girl who looks just like her mommy, a little girl I can spoil.” He gently rubbed my stomach.

I could not be happier than I was at this precious moment. I felt complete. Nothing in the world could bring me more joy than this. We stayed in the meadow all day and had our picnic, and we made love again until we were fulfilled with each other. It was late in the evening when we gathered our belongings and headed home. The servants had lit the torches and were putting the animals away as we reached the palace. I saw Billal standing outside the doors of the palace with his hands on his hips, and he looked mad as hell.

His frown deepened as we approached the palace. He stood rigid, and his eyes were bright with hatred as he looked at Nidal. Then his gaze swept over me, and he looked back at Nidal and growled, “If you ever, and I mean ever, leave the palace with Loula again, I will rip out your throat!” he threatened.

“You don’t give me orders. Do you forget that I am the crown prince, and next to me, you are nothing! It will do you well to remind yourself next time before you open your mouth and sound like a fool. Loula is mine. You will never have her, and as a reminder, if you ever touch her again, I will kill you with my bare hands!” Nidal sneered. And he pulled me alongside him inside the palace.

Once inside, Nidal kissed me tenderly with the guards and a few servants present, looking right at us, stunned at what they were seeing, but I did not care. I kissed him back hungrily as I wrapped my arms around him and melted in his arms. After we were done kissing, Nidal looked around at the servants and the guards and barked orders to them, and they all scrambled to their duties. I could not help but laugh at the scene I had just witnessed. But Billal wiped the smile off my face as he stepped into the palace and looked at me with eyes that looked as if they were in pain. He walked right past us and went flying up the stairs two at a time. We heard the door slam really hard, and I knew that, when I went to my room, Billal was going to put me in my place.

When I looked back at Nidal, I found him regarding me silently. Then he cupped my face and kissed me one more time. Before he sent me to my room he said, “I promise I will come to you as soon as I can.”

I reluctantly left him and walked up the stairs slowly. I was in no hurry. I knew full well that Billal was waiting to give me a piece of his mind.

When I reached the room, I opened the door gently and entered. He had his back to me, and he was looking out the window with his hands in his pockets. I braced myself for his words that were sure to come. Billal turned swiftly around and fastened his eyes on me. He walked over to me. I could feel his breath on my face. He was that close. Billal blinked and remained silent for a moment. His eyes were bright with anger. Then he pushed past me brusquely, walked to the bathroom, and slammed the door shut, but not before muttering that I was a worthless whore.

I just stood there, stunned with what had just transpired. I could not blame him for feeling the way he did. I did not play fair with him. But I felt it was not my fault that life had dealt me this misery. I walked over to the bed and sat on it, and I tried to figure out what I would tell him. He was in there for quite a while, and finally when he opened the door and walked toward me, I stood and addressed him.

“Billal, I apologize for everything. My intentions were never to hurt you.” I meant everything I said to him. “Please believe me, Billal. I love you, and I do not want you to suffer in any way.” I took a step closer, reached out, and touched his face.

Billal took a step backward. “Madam, contain yourself. You have no right to touch me! You gave up your rights outside the palace a few moments ago. Release me from this pain in my heart, and then leave me in peace,” he pleaded emotionally, and he turned and walked back to the window.

A miserable silence followed. We were both left speechless. I did not know what to do next. It was as if time stood still. I never anticipated that the day would end like this. I guessed it was unavoidable because Billal saw us coming together from the meadow, but I never set out deliberately to hurt him.

Billal broke the silence. “Have you ever felt love for me, Loula?” he asked in a choked voice. He still had his back to me, and my heart skipped a beat.

“I love you, Billal,” I whispered back to him.

I wanted to put my arms around him, but I was afraid of rejection. Again, there was silence. He placed both hands on the edge of the window and leaned his head out for fresh air. I was right behind him, waiting for him to turn to me. After what seemed like a lifetime later, he pulled his head back in and turned. His eyes were wet with tears.
Dare I think it is because of me, or is the sting of the air causing the tears?

He walked past me to the bed and sat on it. He looked defeated. My heart went out to him. I ran to him, dropped to my knees right in front of him, and put my hands on his.

“I beg your forgiveness, Billal.” I took a deep breath. “I never meant to hurt you. I really do love you.” I hoped against hope that he believed me.

“I believe that you love me, Loula, but it’s not enough! I want you to feel for me what you feel for Nidal! You love him more, and that revelation hurts me. You are my match in every way, Loula, yet you choose him. I have done everything I could to get you to love me, but it was a losing battle from the start. I ask you now. Please release me from this pain. I am suffering, and I do not know how to make the pain go away. Please, Loula, release me from my pain!” he pleaded again, and the tears rolled down his cheek.

I felt inclined to answer him, but I did not know what to say.
What could I say? He is right. I love Nidal more. Much more. I could never love another the way I love Nidal. He is my life. He is the very air that I breathe. But I had to say something to Billal to help him out of his misery.

“Billal, please, understand this. Had I met you first, you would have been my first choice. You are handsome and kind, and you love me so much. But it was my fate to meet and fall in love with Nidal. He is the one I must be with. I do not say this to hurt you. I never want to hurt you, Billal. But I say this because it is the truth.” I hoped he understood what I was telling him.

My words were not getting through to him. He stared at me like a lovesick puppy that was in tremendous pain.

“Billal, why do you love me? You deserve better than me. You deserve a woman who can give you unconditional love, a woman who would die for you. I know this country has many maidens for you to choose from. They would kill to spend one night with you. Go find yourself a wife and be happy, Billal,” I begged him.

“I do not want anyone else. I want you! If I cannot have you, I do not want another. I’d rather stay single.” Another tear escaped his eyes. “I will wait for you to change your mind, Loula. Nidal will never marry you. He cannot marry you even if he desires to. He is the crown prince of Arabia. Shaeena has his child. By law, he must marry her! He will make you his mistress and nothing more. You will spend nights alone while he sleeps in Shaeena’s arms. He will come to you on rare occasions, and if he gets caught, your life will be in grave danger, not to mention your child’s. The king will kill you and the baby! Is this what you choose? Is this what you want for your life? You throw away my love and choose a life full of pain? Why, for what, for who, for a man who can never claim you as his? Is that what you want, Loula?” he asked desperately.

I closed my eyes. My tears rolled down my face freely without shame. He was right. Everything he said was the truth. I dropped on the floor and wept like a child. I pounded the cold floor beneath me until my hands turned blue. I cried until my eyes had no more tears to spill. Billal just sat there watching me, holding his breath and waiting for the results he was hoping for. And he won.

I rose off the floor and went to him in total submission. I chose him because he was right. Everything he said was the truth. I clung to him, and he held me tight. We both cried like little children. My pain was unbearable. I now knew and felt the pain that Billal did. Our fates were sealed. There was no going back.

We lay in the bed that night silently in each other’s arms. No words were spoken, for there was nothing to say. We both knew what we had to do. The Loula that Nidal knew died tonight, and she buried herself in his heart. The shell that was left of Loula knew what she had to do. Come morning, all that I knew would seize to exist. I closed my eyes and slept, for there was nothing else for me to do.

When morning came, Billal asked if I wanted to go for a walk with him. I said yes, wanting to get some fresh air. After we cleaned up and dressed lightly, Billal held my hand as we exited the palace. My heart was heavy with pain, but I ignored it, reminding myself again that I was now the new me. The old Loula was buried in Nidal’s heart.

Our walk brought us to the meadows. I did not know how we ended up here. All I knew was that I was dead inside and someone else was standing here with Billal.

Billal bent his head and kissed my lips. I responded immediately. It was a hungry, heated kiss, and I knew exactly what I was doing. Billal started to unbutton my gown, and I let him. When it dropped to the floor, I was standing stark naked in front of him. Billal feasted his eyes on my body, and I could tell he was on fire. Some kind of stirring was inside me too. I reached and pulled the strings to his pantaloons, and they dropped to the floor. Billal pulled off his shirt, and he too stood naked in front of me.

My eyes roamed over his broad shoulders, traveled down his chest, and continued down his lean waist. His muscled, masculine thighs were spread apart, and I licked my lips when I lowered my gaze to his manhood. It was erect and massively big. A groan escaped Billal’s lips.

He was a handsome man with a beautiful body, and I had the honor of touching it. Billal took a deep breath and closed his eyes as I lightly stroked his chest, and when I lowered my hand, Billal grabbed it and looked in my eyes.

“Loula, are you sure you want to continue?” he whispered hoarsely. His breath was lightly teasing my face as I nodded in response to his question.

Billal slammed my body to his, and as our bodies touched, I felt his huge manhood piercing my thighs. He pulled me down on the grass with him and kissed me tenderly as his hands explored my naked body with expertise. He was a skilled lover. I stroked his shaft, and his body jerked violently at my touch. He inhaled sharply and lost all control, immediately positioning himself between my legs.

I wrapped my legs around his waist and cried, “Take me now, Billal. Please make love to me.”

Billal entered me with such passion that I almost came immediately. When we both reached our peak almost at the same time, it was pure heaven. Now I knew I was beside myself at this moment, not realizing the damage I had just done, not understanding I had just changed the course of my life at this moment and headed straight for the destruction of my soul. But even so, I ignored all reason and continued making love to Billal.

Billal held me in his arms so tenderly, and I knew at that moment how much he loved me. He was still inside me and unwilling to pull away. At that moment, I heard a horse galloping toward us, and I heard Nidal’s voice loud and clear as he yelled, “Oh my God, Loula! What have you done?”

At this moment, I realized that I had caused the damage that sealed our fates. I pushed Billal away from me and looked around for my clothing to cover up. I was ashamed of myself. I could not look into Nidal’s face. I dressed quickly and kept my eyes to the floor, not saying a single word.

Billal stood up, naked in all his glory, and yelled back, “What in God’s name are you doing here?”

Nidal jumped off his horse and punched Billal square in the face. Billal stumbled backward and fell on the grass, rolling a few feet away. Nidal turned to me, raised his hand to strike me, and stopped it midair. He looked at me disgustedly, spit on my face, got back on his horse, and rode away. I stood there, watching him leave. My knees were trembling, and they buckled, and I fell to the floor and passed out.

Nothing would ever be the same again. I had sealed everyone’s fates. I had done it singlehandedly with no one to blame but myself. I had made my bed, and now I had to lie in it. I would never smile again.

Chapter Seventeen
Nidal

W
here do I start? Where do I begin to talk about the misery in my heart?
It all started on the day I snuck into Loula’s room and made love to her. Then Loula told me off. She complained I was not man enough to claim her as my bride. She knew not what she was talking about. I explained to her that it was a very dangerous thing to do under the circumstances. The king despised her. Her appearance at the palace threatened him. Her life and my baby’s life were in grave danger.
How could I claim her as my bride when it meant severe punishment, possibly even death, if I so much as admitted that I loved her and she carried my child in her womb?

Then, to make matters worse, Loula admitted to having feelings for Billal. I’d rather have someone stick a knife in my heart than have her tell me that she loved Billal, but even then, she fixed things, and our love flourished. My baby was growing inside her, and I was beside myself with great joy. We had stolen moments together, and we lived in our own world.

On the day of our picnic at the meadow, we made love again under the willow tree, not knowing it would be our last time ever that we touched each other in that way. Walking back to the palace, Billal saw us together, and after that, things were never the same between us again.

The next day when I awoke, the princess and her baby were sitting on the chair by the window. The baby was sucking her mother’s breast. I walked to the bathroom and washed up, and then I walked to the couch where my clothes were, and I started to dress. I felt Shaeena’s eyes on me. It was unnerving knowing that she was staring at me.