Sweet Obsession (46 page)

I tiptoed out into the hallway and went around the corner to the back staircase. I slowly walked down the stairs, making sure that no one saw me. This stairway is secluded. Grateful that no one is around, I continued my journey. I reached the bottom of the stairway and walked down the back corridor to the back doors that were located on the east side of the palace. I pushed them open, and the sun hit my face, warming it. It was a good feeling.

I took a deep breath and allowed the fresh air to travel down my lungs. I closed my eyes and hugged myself, and just then, the feeling came back. It was the poison in the pit of my stomach. It twisted with pain, and my tears came again. I started running as fast as I could, like a crazy woman. I ran through the gardens with my eyes closed, allowing the wind to blow on my face. I ran until my feet gave up and I could not run anymore.

Finally, I stopped and wiped the tears away from my eyes. I then saw where I had run to. It was the other side of the huge palace, almost a half mile away from everything and everyone. I remember the queen had once mentioned this place to me. She said it was dangerous because it was near the cliff, a very steep overhang. I was curious to see what was at the bottom of it, and I inched my way to the tip of the cliff and looked down.

All I saw was a deep opening that was about a mile in depth. Rocks were everywhere, and I do have to say it was inviting me to jump. I backed away and steadied myself, and that was when the poison left me. At that time, I felt all the anger and pain go away. I was left with a peaceful feeling. I looked around and saw the beauty of nature in all its glory. It was God’s world.
Too bad, it is too late
.

I sat down on the dirt and made myself comfortable. I closed my eyes and thought of a time, long ago, when I first had met Nidal, my prince. He was so beautiful, and he had loved me so much. I thought of everything he ever said to me and everything he ever did to me. I know in my heart that he loved me unconditionally. I brought the poison into the relationship. It was my fault. I lost my baby. I lost both my babies, and it was my fault. My tears started rolling down my face, and I thought of Nidal and Shaeena getting married today. I had lost Nidal, and it was I who had done this. I do not blame him. I knew he loved me I brought the poison first into the relationship and now he has chosen Shaeena instead of me. I blame myself for this.

Suddenly, I remembered something, that day long ago when I had gone to the village with Billal. The old lady who followed me around, the one dressed in black. She had warned me, but I did not listen to her. She said Nidal and I were soul mates and that we were heading for disaster, but we could save ourselves if we stayed away from each other. She was not senile. She spoke the truth. I did not listen to her, and my fate is sealed now. A tear rolled down my cheek.

I stood now and allowed the wind to play with my hair, and I stepped closer to the cliff, knowing exactly what I must do. If I go back into the palace, I will only bring more pain to Nidal. I wanted him to find happiness in his new life and not grief. The only way to give him this gift was for me to disappear. All I had to do was jump, and then all would be fine. I would do this for Nidal. I loved him so much, and I would give him back his happiness. If I killed myself, Nidal could have a better life without me. The poison would be gone. I would do this for him because I loved him very much. It was my gift to him, to give him back his life. I would go and meet my babies in heaven, and Nidal could live a happier life without me.

My right leg swung toward the open space of the cliff. I closed my eyes and jumped. I heard Nidal’s voice behind me. It was echoing through the wind as I was falling to my death. I was smiling because Nidal had me in his arms and we were making love under the willow tree. We were so happy.

Chapter Nineteen
Nidal

T
hey say that real love is a strong and powerful feeling. He who said that lied. Love is even greater than that. Love is the very existence of everything. Love is the very foundation of life. Without love, we really do not exist. But love can also be poison, the kind of poison that fills your veins with grief
.

It had been three long months since I last saw Loula. I had tried numerous times to see her, and I had not succeeded. Many guards under the king’s orders had kept me away from Loula. At least ten guards bar the door to her room. I had not been allowed to even climb the stairs. There are guards there as well, closing off the entrance and preventing anyone from using the stairway.

I was mad with grief. I could not function properly. I had to find a way to see Loula. I knew that, if I did so, I could fix everything. My mother told me of Loula’s pain. She told me that Loula was in a world of her own. She had fallen into depression.
Why doesn’t anyone listen to me?
I knew that, if I went to her, her poison would go away. She needed me now, just as I needed her. I must find a way to go to her. All this is my fault. I did this to her. I put the poison in her, and now she suffers because of me. I would never forgive myself.
Never!

I found out today that my love was having labor pains. She would have my baby today. This should have been a happy day for the both of us. Instead, it was very painful because I tried to go to her and I was not allowed entrance to her room. I heard her behind the door scream from pain. My heart tore at the pain I knew she was feeling. I had snuck past the guards on the stairway, and I even got through the guards by her door. I banged on her door and called out her name, but the guards pulled me back. They were following my father’s orders. I was barred from entering her room.

I called out to her. I wanted Loula to hear my voice so she could know that I was there for her and I had not abandoned her. My tears rolled down my face and burned my skin. The guilt and remorse that I felt was the worst. If I could give my life for her happiness, I would in a heartbeat. If I could turn back the clock, I would do everything differently. But I knew that nothing could be done now. I had destroyed her because I loved her too much. I could not even claim my baby as mine. If I did, the king would take it away and maybe even kill it. I closed my eyes at these possibilities. My hands were tied. There was nothing I could do.

I went to my room and sat on the bed. I was alone today. Shaeena and her baby were taken to another room because it was the day before our wedding. I was told that I was not supposed to see the bride until our wedding day tomorrow.
This is bullshit! I am not going to marry Shaeena! I do not love her! I despise her! I hate her!

I opened my mouth and let out a big scream. I pulled my hair in anguish. I pulled my shirt and ripped it. I screamed again and again and again. I cried my eyes out.

A few hours later, my father entered my room with a grin on his face. I froze. He was the meanest motherfucker I had ever had the honor of meeting. I knew he came to me with important information. He was going to threaten me again. There was a glint in his beady eyes as he looked at me. I stood and walked right in front of him. I wanted to show him that I was not afraid of him. He was ruler of this country, but he was not ruler of my heart.

The king studied my face for a few minutes before he spoke. Then he said without an ounce of pleasantness, “Loula had the baby.” His words were cold as ice.

I did everything I could to refrain my lips from trembling and I asked him, “And Loula, how is she faring?” My body was tense. My heart stopped beating as I awaited his answer.

“She is in mint condition. Son, you would do well to concentrate on your life and not on Loula’s. Tomorrow is your wedding day. Nothing is more important than that.”

Before I could snap back an angry retort, he turned quickly and walked to the door, but not before throwing over his shoulders, “Oh, by the way, the baby boy did not survive.” He walked out of the room and slammed the door behind him.

I reached out to the wall for support. My body was shaking, my mind was spinning, and my heart was bleeding.
My baby is dead! Oh my God! My baby is dead!
I could not breathe. I fell to the floor. My feet could not support me anymore. I clutched my heart and screamed as loud as I could. I cried for this baby whom I did not even claim as my own. A baby I did not even get to see, a little life that was not able to survive on its own. My baby! This was my baby, and I had not the balls to claim him as mine. A baby boy, an angel from heaven, a piece of me, my son!

It was my fault. I did this. I made this happen. With my stubbornness and my jealousy, I put the poison in Loula, and my baby died. I shall never forgive myself. I knew I would never get over this. I must see Loula. I must speak to her and beg her for forgiveness.
Oh, God, help me, please
.

The torture in my heart was so strong that I was not able to get up on my feet. My voice abandoned me, and I could not say another word. I was sick to my stomach. I did not want to live anymore. I could not go on without Loula. I had to go to her. I had to tell her that I loved her. I would think of a way to take her away from here. We could run from this country and find a home elsewere. Then I could give her the love that she deserved.

I wiped my eyes and stood up, and I promised myself that, from this day forward, I would live and exist only for Loula. No one and nothing could stand in my way. If Father or his men tried to stop me, I would kill them with my bare hands. I should have done this from the beginning. Maybe then my child would have been alive.
Oh, how that hurt, dear God
. My heart tightened at the thought of my child.
I swear from this day forward that I will do everything I can to undo what I have done. I know the grief will take years to go away, but I will try my best to rectify my mistakes
.

As night fell, I tried thinking of a plan. The plan had to be a good one. If it failed, then Loula’s life would be in danger. With trembling hands, I reached for the glass of water that was sitting on the table next to the chair that I sat in. I swallowed hard and tried to wash down my pain. But I knew that nothing would take away this growing pain. It is fate, and fate has tricked me into believing in her. I would take fate into my own hands now and never again allow it or anyone to destroy me or mine.

I stayed up all night. I was not able to fall asleep. Nor did I try. I paced the floor all night, trying to figure out what to do. As the sun rose in all its glory, shining its way into my room, I wondered if Loula had awakened. I looked in the mirror and saw circles under my eyes, evidence of a sleepless night. The servants came and went all morning, bringing me breakfast and all the clothing I would need to wear for my wedding.

The wedding was to take place at four o’clock in the afternoon, and that gave me ample time to figure out what to do. Around lunchtime, a disheveled Billal threw the door open to my room, walked inside, and locked the door before he turned and faced me. Anger sprang forth from my heart at the sight of him. I jumped up from my sitting position and sprang forward like a mad dog. I wanted to kill him with my bare hands. I wanted to strangle the life out of him. He needed to pay for all the anguish that he had caused Loula and me.

Billal barred his face with his arms, and I took that opportunity and punched him in his gut. Billal doubled over in pain, and as he bent forward, my knee came crashing on his jaw and he fell backward and landed on the floor.

“Get up, you piece of shit!” I snarled, running out of breath. “Get up and fight like a man, you motherfucker! Get up and fight for your human right to live, because I swear by all that is holy that I will kill you now!” I growled.

I lifted him up from the floor, and with my left fist, I threw him a punch, and I heard bone cracking.

“Nidal, wait. Stop!” Billal wiped his bleeding lips that were threatening to swell up. “I come in peace, Nidal. I am here to help you and Loula. I promise that I come in peace.” He fell against the wall for support. “Please listen to what I have to say. It is imperative that you hear it all. I promise it will be worth your time.” He gasped for air. “I will start from the beginning. Do not interrupt me until I am done. Please, sit down and listen. I am here to help you, cousin.” He pleaded for me to allow him the audience he requested.

Intrigued by what he had to say, I fell silent and waited to hear his words. Looking into his eyes, I knew he really did have serious stuff to say. So I sat down on the couch and waited.

“Cousin, I will start from the beginning. When you told me about Loula, I thought you were chasing after a skirt who was not worthy of you. I thought you to be a silly young prince with an innocent heart. But when I set eyes on Loula, I realized why you were so in love with her. I fell in love with her the instant I laid eyes on her too.” He waved his hands at me trying to make sure I did not jump up and attack him again. “I did not know what to do. I fell so in love with her that I could not function without at least looking upon her beauty once a day. The only thing that stopped me from claiming her right away was the fact that you had already staked your claim on her, and I respected that in the beginning, but as the days turned to months, I was beyond thinking clearly. The love I had for her impaired my judgment, and I made a fool of myself over and over again until I looked like an idiot.” He gasped for air.

“I was a fool in love and did not know what to do, Nidal. One day, Princess Shaeena came to me and asked me to visit her at her palace. My curiosity was piqued, and I went. She told me of her love for you and how displeased she was that you had chosen a commoner from another world over herself. She asked me to help her to win your love. She told me that she wanted to have your baby, but you were not interested in her. She seduced me, and I slept with her. Within a month’s time, she found out that she was pregnant with my child. She told me to tell no one and that she would find a way to pass the baby off as yours. When you went to her palace and stayed there for three nights, she drugged you, and you passed out. That is why you do not remember a thing. You never slept with her. I did, and the child is mine,” he said very emotional as he looked at me, waiting to see if I would pounce on him.