Sweet Obsession (43 page)

I heard a soft knock on the door, and the servant walked in, carrying the tray with breakfast. She placed it on the table and quickly exited the room. I was famished, smelling the bacon, sausage, and eggs, alongside the hot rolls with a rich butter spread. The baby and I were so hungry. I devoured everything on my plate and even tried to steal a piece of bacon from Billal’s plate. He playfully slapped my hand away, and we both laughed aloud like two little children having fun. At that moment, he looked at me, and I felt something in my heart that I could not explain. I sobered up and looked away, embarrassed.

In a serious tone, Billal asked hoarsely, “What is it, Loula? Why all of a sudden do you look away from me? Have I overstepped my boundaries? Have I disrespected you without knowing?” With genuine concern in his voice, he continued, “Loula, please, tell me what is wrong.”

I turned, looked at him with tears in my eyes, and said softly, “No, Billal, you did nothing wrong. As a matter of fact, you have done everything right. I am the one I am mad at. I play with your feelings, knowing I can never love you the way I love Nidal. You are a good man, Billal, and you deserve better.” I let out a big sigh.

Billal just sat there looking at me, as if I had just slapped him on the face. I wondered why he looked stunned. I had never told him that I carried feelings for him. On the contrary, I had told him the opposite. But at that moment, something was tugging at my heart. I realized something that I could never admit to anyone, let alone myself, before now. I loved him, and as I tried to accept this new realization, I stared at him wide-eyed and openmouthed.

Billal was confused. “Madam, release me from my pain, pray tell. Let me in on your secret.” He placed his hand on mine and waited for me to respond.

And without thinking, I blurted out the three words that had the power to ruin everyone’s lives. Three words that were better off never being said. But it was too late now. The damage was done.

“I love you.” I whispered, lowering my gaze from embarrassment. Billal jumped out of his chair, knocking it to the floor, and lifted me up. He took me in his arms and squeezed me tightly. Almost immediately, I knew I had made a huge mistake, but the damage was already done. Billal’s lips eagerly landed on mine, and he kissed me tenderly.

When the kiss ended, Billal drew his head back and held me at arm’s length as he tried to study my face. He seemed very emotional at this very moment. “Loula, you have found my weakness, and you have hypnotized me. I am at your mercy,” he said with trembling lips as he dropped to his knees. I looked down at him, not understanding what he was about to do.

He looked up at me, and he took my hands in his. “Loula, you know I have loved you since the very first time I laid eyes on you. You are a delightful creature, and you have stolen my heart. And now to hear you say to me those words, you blow me away. I kneel before you, Loula, not as a prince, but as a man in love. I declare my love for you. Marry me, Loula. Marry me now. Today. Let us go and get married right now! Please, Loula,” he begged.

He looked so handsome, and I was a lucky woman for him to love me. But I knew in my heart that, even though I really did love Billal, I loved Nidal more. Nidal was my first choice, and in this lifetime, he was the only man for me. I hated to wipe the smile off his face, but he must know the truth. I spoke hastily, and now I had to hurt him without wanting to.

I took a deep sigh. “Billal, I am so sorry. You misunderstood me, but it is my fault, not yours, for I did not clarify for you what I meant. I do love you dearly. I’ve come to realize this now, but I love Nidal more. He is the man I wish to spend the rest of my life with. He is my true love. I know I cannot and will not live without him. I am sorry if I have hurt you. I did not mean to. Forgive me, please, Billal,” I pleaded, hoping against hope that he would be understanding.

I could see his lips trembling, his eyes watering, and his hands shaking as he stood up from his position and straightened his back. He towered over me as he looked down into my eyes.

He squared his broad shoulders. “You played with me, Loula. You used me, and I, the fool, believed you.” He laughed aloud now as he stepped back, away from me, as if I had some kind of disease. He pointed his finger at me. “I love you so much. It hurts knowing that you love Nidal. I am your match in every way, Loula, yet you choose him! You have always chosen him! You think me a fool!” He grabbed the tray with the plates on it and threw it across the room, shattering everything on it.

Fear struck me, and I placed my hands on my stomach to protect my baby as I stepped backward, away from Billal. At that moment, the door swung open, Nidal came running inside our room, and Billal made a fist and punched him squarely on his jaw. Nidal swayed backward from the unsuspecting blow and crashed into the stone wall, stunned. Billal slammed the door behind him as he exited the room, and I ran to Nidal and hugged him.

“What happened here, Loula?” Nidal rubbed his jaw, now red and swollen. “Why is Billal so mad? What did you say to him that got him so upset?” he asked suspiciously, expecting an answer from me.

I knew not what to say. I feared a lot of trouble would happen if I told him the truth. But I could not lie.
What if Billal were to tell him the truth?

I looked down at my feet. “I told Billal that I love you and want to marry you and not him, and he got really upset.” That was not a lie. I just withheld some information from him. That was all.

A miserable silence followed, and I slowly tipped my head back and saw Nidal analyzing what I had just told him. I held my breath, knowing he would explode at any moment. Nidal was not stupid. He would figure it out, and then I would be in trouble again.

I stood there all tensed up, playing the waiting game. Finally, Nidal said in an unfriendly tone, “What else did you say that angered him, Loula? He already knew you love me. It has to be something more than that.”

I noticed the anger in him starting to build. I looked away, lest he read the truth in my eyes.

But Nidal was clever, and he walked up to me and grabbed me by the shoulders gently. “Pray tell, Loula, what else did you tell him that caused him to get this upset? I demand you tell me now before I go to Billal and get the truth from him. I must warn you, Loula, if I hear it from him first, I will be angry as hell.”

Swallowing hard and with quivering lips, I told him the truth. “I told Billal that I loved him.” I held my head up high, and then I added quickly, “But I also told him that I loved you more, and it was you whom I wanted to marry, not him.” Then I braced myself for what I was sure would follow.

“You told Billal that you loved him?” Nidal whispered softly.

And it was like the calm before the storm. At this point, I was ready for anything. I knew this revelation would destroy our relationship, but it was too late. I had said it, and I took full responsibility. Nidal threw his head back and laughed aloud. I watched in horror as his throat rumbled with laughter, not understanding any of this. Nidal continued to laugh until tears were in his eyes. And when the laughter stopped, a dangerous look was on his face, and I took a step backward and placed a protective hand on my belly.

“You told Billal that you love him? Who else have you told those words to? Tell me, Loula. Why do you lie to me and to yourself? Tell me why you told Billal that you love him!”

Nidal took a step forward and grabbed me by my shoulders. Terrified, I froze in my tracks. I knew I was in the wrong, and I knew not what to say. Tears rolled down my eyes, and as I looked at Nidal, tears were rolling down his face too. I tried to reach over and wipe his tears, but he slapped away my hands.

“I am so sorry, Nidal, but it’s not what you think. I did tell Billal that I love him because I do love him, but it is not the same kind of love that I feel for you. You are my life, the very reason for my existence. I love you with all my heart. I could never love anyone the way I love you. Billal has been good to me, and I love him for that. Please, don’t confuse my feelings with what you think I feel. Do not underestimate the love I feel for you, Nidal. You would be cheating yourself out of great happiness. Billal got angry because I told him that I loved you more. I told him that I wanted to marry you and not him, and this is the truth, Nidal.” I waited to see if Nidal would accept my words.

After what seemed like a lifetime later, Nidal grabbed me and held me tightly in his arms. “Loula, you are mine, and I will never allow you to marry anyone but me,” he said passionately, and then he kissed me hard on the lips, bruising them, as his hands pulled on my gown.

I heard the ripping of material. I gave myself to him in total submission as he tore my gown off my body and stripped himself of his clothes. He took me hard and fast to heights of passion where only mad lovers go. I yielded to his touch and trembled in ecstasy.

Life was beautiful. Nidal was beautiful. I was finally collecting what life owed me, true happiness. Our bond could never be broken. We could not move forward without one another. When we danced our lives away, Nidal let me lead. Our love had transformed into a rare jewel, so precious that no one was able to separate us. Only God himself had that power, and he was being generous to us.

The days came and went, and I was happy. Days turned to months, and my pregnancy was going well. It was toward the end of my second trimester. The baby kicked wildly, and I loved every minute of it. Nidal came to me every chance he got. I was blissfully happy. The king’s health was getting better, and I suspected that, once he got back on his feet, he would make plans for Nidal to wed the princess. Until then, Nidal was completely committed to me. Billal was busy with his own stuff. He had taken over many duties since the king had gotten sick. He was second-in-command, and certain responsibilities came with that. I could not have been happier. By the time Billal came to bed each night, I was fast asleep. Before I woke up in the morning, he was already out the door.

Shaeena was too busy with her infant to make any kind of demands on Nidal. So for now, we had each other, and we enjoyed every minute of it. We took strolls in the gardens, we made love behind the bushes at night, and Nidal snuck in my room whenever he knew Billal was out and about. The servants had a field day with us. They knew, but they learned to keep their mouths closed.

I had not seen the queen for a long time. I suspected she was busy with the king and helping him recover. I wondered what the queen had done with Natalie. I had not seen or heard of her since the fire. I finally overheard the queen tell the servants to prepare Natalie for departure. She was to go and stay at the doctor’s home. What business did she have to go there? Why would the doctor take her to his house? She was not related to him. I thought that was odd, but I was too preoccupied with what to do about Nidal that I quickly forgot about her.

Today, Nidal promised me a picnic in the meadow. I loved going there. It was so magical this time of year. Banks of colorful flowers flanked it, and I saw trees that danced with the wind, lush green grass, and animals playing without a care in the world. But most of all, it was the memories I loved the most. Under the willow tree, we made love each time we went there, and I was looking forward to being with Nidal again.

Finally, the door opened, and Nidal walked in all smiles with a picnic basket hanging from his right hand and a bottle of wine in his left one. I grabbed my wrap, and ran to him, and planted a kiss on his warm lips. We headed out the door and down the stairway, and as soon as we landed on the first floor, there was Shaeena, who had just come out of her room. She stood in front of us with her hands on her hips and she looked at us angrily. We stopped in our tracks, speechless, and we looked at each other nervously.

Nidal studied her for only a brief moment, and then he barked, “Step aside, Madam.”

She ignored his request and rested her gaze on me. I swallowed and looked away from her, not knowing how to handle the situation. I was not about to let her spoil my day, so I ignored her totally.

“Step aside, Madam. Do not make a fool out of yourself again,” Nidal said sarcastically.

And that only infuriated the princess even more. She was huffing and puffing and was about to make a nasty remark when Nidal gently pushed her to the side and she almost lost her balance.

“How dare you lay your hands on me in such a manner? You will regret it soon enough, Nidal!” she screamed.

But Nidal only laughed. “Behave yourself, woman. Your claws are starting to come out.” Then he looked at me with tender, loving care. “Let’s go, Loula. Just walk around her and follow me out of the palace.”

So I did just that, and I heard Shaeena stomp her feet on the marble floor behind me. I did not turn to look. I just kept walking behind Nidal and exited the palace. We walked about a half mile, and finally when we came to the willow tree, Nidal dropped the basket and the wine on the grass. He grabbed me and kissed me sweetly on my lips. All was forgotten as we kissed and made love, right there under the willow. Nidal caressed my stomach and talked to his child, telling the baby how much he loved me and how he could not wait for his boy to be born.