Songbird (21 page)

I had thought for sure my lack of sexual
prowess would have turned him away. Guys like Nicholas wanted an
experienced lady who knew the rules. At least that’s what I had
always believed. Until now.

Why me? I couldn’t get past that one
question. Why in the world was one of the hottest men on the planet
infatuated—hell, let’s be real here; in lust —with me?

Tyler thought I was pretty. I sighed and
conceded to my inner voice. Yes, but if I compared Tyler to
Nicholas than Tyler was the average American male. Maybe not
totally average with his blond hair and blue eyes but average
looking enough I didn’t feel self-conscious—no, I didn’t feel like
I didn’t deserve—love from him.

And, I realized, I just solved part of the
problem. Nicholas was overwhelming compared to everything I had
experienced. He was gorgeous and talented and while Taylor was too,
Nicholas had a whole lot more. He was new in a way that made
everything super scary all over again.

He was also only temporary. There was no
reason to believe Nicholas wanted more than a companion for the
tour. I wasn’t interested in temporary. I wasn’t even sure I was
interested in permanent. For the moment I was only concerned with
staying whole.

Tyler’s loss ripped wide gaping holes in my
heart that had taken forever to heal and even now they still bled
from time to time. I was already having emotional control issues
where Nicholas was concerned.

What would happen if I got too attached? I
didn’t even want to think on that. I wasn’t sure I was built for
casual either.

I would have to put my foot down. I would
just tell him this…thing…couldn’t continue. I had a job to do and
he needed to focus on his music. There wasn’t any room for lust at
this time. Thanks but no thanks. I wasn’t interested.

If I thought that would work then the sky was
purple and rained monkeys. I would make it work. I would.

Since sleep continued to elude me after
coming to my decision, I climbed out of the bunk and walked up the
tiny hall to the drivers. Doug sat behind the wheel humming to
George Strait while Charlie munched on chips and monitored the
GPS.

“Shouldn’t you be sleeping?” Doug didn’t his
eyes from the road.

“A lot to think about.”

“Roadster has already arrived and are bedded
down for what’s left of the night.” Charlie informed. “City is
there.” He lifted a hand and pointed. “We’re not too far behind
them tonight.”

“Probably a good thing. More sleep for
everyone all around.” I sighed and rubbed the back of my neck. “I
best go get ready. Obi said there were issues with the vendor’s
attitude.”

“Well.” Charlie swallowed a mouthful of
chips. “Not for long.”

Charlie wasn’t wrong. One receptionist, two
managers, and the entertainment supervisor, later all the details
smoothed out. Obi was back on the road for Salt Lake City and it
was finally time for sleep.

Used to the unloading process by now, the
guys were relatively little trouble to get from bus to real bed.
Nicholas clung a little more than normal, but I pried him off with
a promise to be back in a minute. If I were lucky, it wouldn’t take
that long for him to fall back into deep sleep.

The suite was impressive with its grandeur.
Obi failed to mention that we’d been given one of the higher class
rooms of the casino. After making sure the guy were once more
snoring, I walked through marveling at the splendor.

Other than the four bedrooms with two queen
beds in each, there was a deep cushioned couch and eighty inch TV.
If we had time the game system connected to the TV might have
gather attention. The guys might turn it on anyway just for kicks
if they woke early enough.

A pearl white baby grand piano sat in front
of a wall of windows facing red desert. The piano was a temptation
I didn’t need. We’d be leaving immediately after tonight’s concert
so I only had to ignore it’s presence for a few hours. I probably
didn’t even remember how to play anyway.

Like you don’t remember how to
compose?
That nasty little internal voice asked.

Sighing only a little, I sat on the glossy
white bench, but didn’t open the fall board. Instead I ignored my
itching hands and turning looked out the window to watch the sun
rise over the desert. My chest ached just sitting there.

I had given it up. Voluntarily. This was no
longer part of my life.

Just scales?
The internal voice asked.
Scales won’t hurt anything.

I looked back to the closed bedroom doors.
Everyone was sleeping. There wouldn’t be anyone to witness. What
harm could scales do?

My hands shook when I lifted the fall board.
For a minute I didn’t press any of the keys just touched them
lightly with fingertips. Smooth, and ready.

The heart never forgot what brought the
greatest joy. With eyes closed and head bowed I let the memory of
what once was guide my hands. Without being aware of it my fingers
dipped away from scales into a quiet song.

Taylor had written the song for our wedding.
He wasn’t the greatest composer so it played more like a lullaby
than a declaration of love but I loved it so much. Loved that he
had gone through the trouble to give me something no one else had.
The Fabulous Five had played the music while we danced our first
dance as husband and wife. A silent tear trailed down my cheek with
each note.

“I didn’t know you played.”

My eyes flew open and the quietly confident
hands pulled off the keys as if I’d been suddenly burned. I pressed
them against my speeding heart as I shifted to look at Nicholas. “I
don’t. I was just fooling around. I couldn’t sleep.” My words fell
over themselves and I bit my tongue to stop the cascade.

He looked deliciously rumpled with his
sweatpants barely hanging on and his hair all over the place.
Nicholas ambled over and straddled the bench. His hand came up to
wipe the moisture from my face before he wrapped me in a hug under
my folded arms. He dropped his head onto my shoulder.

“Play something for me.” He didn’t ask why I
cried and some of the tightness in my chest receded.

“I don’t play,” I repeated shaking a little.
My stomach began to churn and not from his nearness. Playing for
myself was one thing, which I shouldn’t have done, but playing for
anyone else was an entirely different matter.

Nicholas’s hand closest to the piano lifted
and he ran down a complicated scale one handed. “Neither do I,” he
murmured into my shoulder. His hand returned to link with the one
that hadn’t moved. “Play me a lullaby, Songbird. So I can go back
to sleep.”

My fingers trembled over the keys. Reaching
for calm, I went back to scales. Slowly it shifted into the
requested lullaby—gentle, soft and lovely. With Nicholas wrapped
around me and the music staining the air like the perfume of an old
lover the walls around my heart cracked a little more. Between the
man and the music, I wasn’t going to come out of this whole.

I needed a nap. Coffee wasn’t going to hold
up much longer. Appointments were back to back and the lack of
sleep took its toll.

However my less than cheerful attitude had
it’s up side. Nicholas behaved during the conference—he didn’t fly
off the handle once.

After sitting down at the brunch table, I
closed my eyes and hoped for a fifteen-minute nap just to recharge.
I could do a lot with fifteen minutes of battery. Like survive the
rest of the day.

“Hello, how is everyone?” the perky female
voice was nails across a chalkboard for me.

“We’re fine.” Nicholas sounded annoyed and
guarded. “You are?”

“Oh, ha.” She laughed. “I’m Andrea Buchanan,
the vendor host.”

I cracked an eye open and tried for a smile.
“Miss Buchanan. Nice to meet you.” I watched her make eye contact
with all the band and with some surprise she didn’t linger on
Nicholas.

“You must be Miss Sheridan. If you need
anything at all from us just give me a ring. I have other events to
oversee but there is ample staff to handle any problem.” She still
scanned the table as if to tell us all but her eyes paused on Max.
The drummer sent her a saucy smile that made her flush and swallow
nervously.

“Behave.” I kicked Max under the table. “I’ll
be certain to keep that in mind. We really appreciated everything
you’ve done.”

“Good. You enjoy brunch then.” And she walked
away, probably with a little more sway then necessary.

“I’m supposed to worry about what turns up in
Walker’s bed, not yours Max.” I drank more coffee and prayed for
the caffeine high to be soon.

“Nick’s bed is as cold as Everest at the
moment. Figured I should pick up the torch.” He winked at me.

“Please don’t.” I covered my face with both
my hands and my shoulders shook with suppressed laughter. He could
not be allowed to see I found any amusement in this. “Just
don’t.”

Nicholas scowled. “My bed isn’t cold.”

“You haven’t picked up a chick since the
incident in LA.” Arc frowned at Nicholas. “Not like you to be
without bed partners on a tour.”

“I’m practicing monogamy,” Nicholas said with
a shrug.

Arc laughed loud and long, so hard tears ran
down his face. He doubled over, clutching at his stomach as if to
keep it in place. He slid out of his chair and to the floor
boneless, and still laughing. “Stop it hurts. That’s a good one.
Really. You got me.”

“I’m serious.” Nicholas dropped his fork and
leaned back.

Arc’s laughter stopped as quickly as it began
as he scanned his friend’s face. “Well. I’ll be damned. Who’s the
lucky chick?” He climbed to his feet and continued to study
Nicholas.

Nicholas shrugged. “Bianca.”

And I choked on my coffee. Literally. Down
the wrong pipe and everything. Well, what didn’t spewed out across
the table. Thank God I wasn’t wearing white.

“Does she know that?” Guy asked dryly,
thumping on my back to help out.

Nicholas’s face darkened. “I thought I made
it clear.”

My ringing cell phone had never been a more
blissful sound. “Hello?” I croaked.

“Bella what’s wrong?” Taylor’s frown came
through the line as if he stood next to me.

“Choked on coffee.” I cleared my throat.
“Sorry, what’s up?”

“I’m standing in a space that is drastically
larger than your stage. Your performance area is too small to be
effective here the way it is. That’s what’s wrong.”

“What do you mean the stage is too small?” I
drummed fingers on the table.

“Bella, have you seen this stage?”

“Yes. It’s been the same for over a
week.”

“Have you forgotten everything I taught you?”
he sounded aghast. “Bella, Nicholas cannot perform on this stage
like this.”

I sighed. “We’re wrapping up brunch. I’ll
deposit the guys back in their room and I’ll be over.”

“And where are the instruments. The backline
crew has nothing to do.”

“On Bandwagon. The instruments travel with
the band.”

“I’m assuming that’s one of the keys from the
ring Paulie handed to me.”

“More than likely.”

Taylor sighed in frustration. “This is the
most ass backwards performance I’ve ever had to clean up. You know
better than this,
bella.
”

Taylor had taught me everything I knew so I
let the comment slid. He was likely right. The Gracing boys had
been family before we were business partners and Taylor never
treated me as anything other than the former. Being his little
sister, and having what he and Tyler had brought to my life was
worth more than Midas’s gold to me.

The Gracings taught me what family was, not
just the business aspect of our profession. Sometimes it annoyed
and sometimes it comforted. Since I needed him, and frankly, yes,
it had been a long time since I played the production manager role,
I trusted his skill.