Songbird (22 page)

“I’m on my way.” I clicked off the phone
before he could lecture me further. “Henry and the team can get you
back to your room. I’m needed in staging.”

Nicholas stood. “We can go too. There’s no
point in going back to the room when sound check is in three hours.
We’ll just float around.”

I wasn’t up for an argument. “Fine. Stay out
from underfoot.”

Nicholas grabbed my arm as I stood and turned
away. “We have to talk.”

“I promised we would. This comes first
though. We both know that.” I was proud of my even tone.

His eyes held mine for longer than what
should have been comfortable. Good thing I was too tired to give a
damn. He nodded and released me.

Avoidance wasn’t the best tactic, but at
least for now, I had bought a couple of hours.

Chaos flooded the event space. At least on
the surface it looked like chaos. However, purpose under laid the
randomness. Lights were being rigged and pulled into place. Sound
cables were being run. People were muscling speakers and monitors
around. Overall, it looked pretty normal.

“Don’t stand under those as we lift. I don’t
want any accidents today,” a familiar blond shouted the command as
he did exactly as he’d just told someone else not to do.

“Should we tell him to take his own advice?”
Arc scratched his chin and watched the lights being lifted into
place.

I pursed my lips and whistled part of a show
tune I had written just for us. Taylor wasn’t the one that whistled
the other half back but his head whipped around searching. When his
baby blues landed on me the world shone a little brighter.

“Bella, my flower.” Taylor jogged, over
throwing his arms out. Laughing I met him halfway. His hug pulled
me off my feet and he spun us around for good measure before he
kissed me lavishly when we stopped spinning.

When my feet touched down again hands landed
on my waist jerking me roughly away from Taylor. I didn’t quit
cover the squeak of surprise.

“Who the fuck is this?” Nicholas’s fury
created instantaneous tension in the space around us.

I didn’t try to pull out of his rough hands.
His anger would undoubtedly cause a scene I didn’t want. Instead I
reached for calm. I laced my fingers through his and gently pulled
them from bruising my waist.

“This is Taylor Gracing. You’re new
production manager since Jimmy quit.” I introduced.

“Jimmy quit? When did that happen?”

“When I made it clear I am his boss even if I
happen to be female.” I pulled slightly away so I could turn and
look at him. “Taylor is an old friend of mine and I trust him to do
a good job.”

“You wound me,
bella,
” Taylor’s eyes
glinted in a way that always spelled mischief. “I’m not just an old
friend. It hurts for you to say so. And just good? I do fantastic
work. Incomparable.”

Nicholas’s hands tightened painfully around
mine. “What the fuck are you to Bianca?”

A squeal interrupted and a body launched at
me, throwing me back into Nicholas. Thank God he was firmly planted
or we’d have all gone down. I was kissed again and just as lavishly
as the first time but this time by Juliette.

“Flower power has returned.” She loosened her
grip ever so slightly, allowing at least a little bit of air to
return to my lungs.

“That was fucking hot,” Arc leaned over to
mock whisper to Max. “Do you think we could pay them to do that all
the time?”

Juliette tossed her dark hair out of her face
and saluted to Nicholas. “Sound Engineer, at your service. Henley
is around somewhere. He’s on monitors today. And we brought Fitz
too. He’s lighting today. Last I saw him he was replacing
bulbs.”

“The three are interchangeable.” I squeezed
Nicholas’s hands still linked in mine.

“The furious five have returned.” Juliette
bounced with glee. “I have to get back. We’ll catch up after.” She
gave me another smacking kiss. “I missed you.” Then she ran
off.

“And I thought Arc was a spaz.” Max held his
face completely bland.

“Sorry about that. Never could get her to
come out of her shell.” Taylor sent an affectionate look towards
where Juliette had vanished to.

“Back to the matter.” Nicholas stepped around
me to face down Taylor. “What are you to Bianca?”

Taylor was unruffled by Nicholas’s anger. His
smile would annoy even the calmest person. “Family. I’ve known
bella
for years. She’s a partner in my business. Maybe
you’ve heard of it, Gracing and Company Production and
Entertainment.”

Guy whistled. “Dude, I knew I recognized his
name. Nick take your head out your ass. There is no one better with
stage production than Gracing.”

“Wait.” I held up a hand. “Partner? No. I
helped set up sure, but—”

Taylor’s face went solemn. “Tyler left his
half to you.”

For the second time within the hour I choked.
This time on air. My breath got stuck somewhere between my lungs
and the surface. I couldn’t pull in or push out. Spots filled my
vision.

I was going to faint. I had never blacked out
before. Swooning was for the weak but I definitely felt a black
curtain falling. I wondered briefly if it would hurt.

“Shit, breath.” Nicholas’s face filled my
wavering vision. “In and out, Songbird. In and out.”

I gulped huge quantities of air and forced
words passed my lips. “I’m sorry,” I dashed at the sudden waterfall
of tears. “I need a minute. Excuse me.” I wrenched from his grip
and blindly hurried away.

“Who the fuck is Tyler?” Nicholas’s voice
held…could that be jealousy.

“Bella’s husband.” Taylor’s answer was the
last thing I heard before I was too far away to hear the
response.

Not the best answer to give to Nicholas. And
not the whole answer. A problem to deal with later. I just needed a
minute to find my calm. Maybe more than a minute.

We’d only been married in name. He vowed to
keep me safe. He promised to love me no matter how long he had to
wait. Then he died for me.

I found the dressing room and crossed through
it unseeing to the bathroom. After closing myself in, the tap was
twisted on in the sink. To cold—ice cold.

With cupped hands the liquid was caught and
splashed against my face to fight both fatigue and puffy eyes. I
kept my eyes down when the door opened and closed at my back. Not
nearly enough time had passed for me to be composed.

Nicholas would need answers. Since he wasn’t
the most patient of people—him seeking me out was expected. When I
finally raised my face, dripping with water, I met his eyes in the
mirror. For the briefest heartbeat they were Tyler’s beautiful
blues before fading to Nicholas’s intense green.

His face was terrifyingly blank. Nicholas
wore his emotions most of the time. Seeing him carefully composed
sent chilly fingers up my spine.

“You were married.” He didn’t make it sound
like a question but I answered anyway.

“Only in name.”

“Taylor wouldn’t say anything other than
Tyler died and you left New York. Said it wasn’t his story to
tell.”

I blessed Taylor and at the same time cursed
him. If he had told Nicholas all of it, I wouldn’t have to. And
maybe hearing all of it would finally detach him from the
incredulous notion of monogamy with me.

Nicholas crossed his arms expectantly. I
broke eye contact and focused on shutting the water off and drying
my face.

“Are you going to tell me?” he sighed after a
moment of silence.

“What would you like to know?” I said into
the towel.

“You were fucking married. That’s a pretty
big deal.”

“Only in name. We were never physical.”

“Why?”

I lifted my shoulders and let them fall.
“Because I couldn’t stand to be touched.”

“But you married him.” Nicholas sounded
completely befuddled.

I put the towel down and turned to face
Nicholas. “Tyler said it didn’t matter. That sex wasn’t what was
important. He loved me as the person I was. He wanted to protect
me. He wanted to keep me safe. He would wait forever. But.” I
closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “He asked. He said; let me
give you all of me. I know it’s not a lot, but I want you to have
all that I have to offer. I want you to know, to feel, to always
have my love and family.”

“You loved him.” Nicholas wiped carefully at
my face with the towel. I knew I was crying but I hadn’t expected
Nicholas to be understanding over another man.

“Very much. I was slowly putting the pieces
back together after… Well, you know.”

“The dictatorship.” Nicholas’s voice
tightened. That was an interesting way to identify sexual
abuse.

As much as I thought the whole truth would
help get Nicholas to step back, I didn’t have the strength to go
through all of my sordid past with him. Fleeting memories of my
life in Annapolis were enough to drop me to the floor. Actually
reliving the memories in their entirety? I wouldn’t survive
intact.

“Yes. That. Then Tyler was shot. He died on
impact. There was no saving him.”

“I’m sorry, Songbird.” Nicholas drew me into
his arms and held me tight against his chest.

I let myself cry the rest of it out. I had
always thought Tyler was the only person who would ever make me
feel safe but here in Nicholas’s arms it felt okay to cry. I never
cried on Taylor’s shoulders—hadn’t felt I had the right after what
happened.

When my tears tapered to an end Nicholas
placed his hand under my chin and lifted my face. He kissed my eyes
and the tip of my nose, pushing a small curve to my mouth.

“I’m sorry. It’s a poor choice of words but
it’s all I have. Tyler sounds like a pretty nice dude to shack with
a girl he’d never copulated with.”

“Copulated?”

Nicholas’s grin was quick. “Hey, I read.
Anyway. I know love like that can’t be replaced…” Nicholas’s eyes
were serious, “I’m not asking to replace him. I’m asking you to
consider me.”

I cupped his face in my hands. “I do see you,
Nicholas. And comparing you to Tyler is like comparing potatoes and
yams.”

“Can I be the yams?”

A broken laugh escaped me. “Yes. You can be
the yams.”

“We’re talking real yams, right? Not the
sweet potato.”

“Oh my God. Yes. Real yams. You want to be a
purple one or a red one?”

“Purple works.”

I laughed again, wrapping my arms around his
neck as I rose up on my toes to brush my mouth over his. His arms
tightened as I dropped back down. I dropped my head against his
chest and sighed.

“Thank you, Walker.”

“For what?” His face rubbed into the top of
my hair.

“For not being angry over a dead man.”

“Would be kind of petty. Even for me.”

“I’ve been running from the memory of him for
so long. I thought by pretending it didn’t exist, it wouldn’t hurt.
It would go away.”

“How’d that work for you?”

I sighed.

“Taylor says you own half the business.”

“Yeah.”

“Guy says that makes you a very rich
woman.”

“He would know better than I at this
point.”

“New rule.” Nicholas announced after a
moment.

“I don’t think I can handle any new rules
right now. Can we just focus on the tour?”

“No. New rule.”

“Walker, you and I aren’t going to work.”

“Won’t know if you don’t try. But now I
understand why you’re running from me. I’ll just keep chasing you.
You have to stop at some point.”

I sighed again. Hope wasn’t something I had a
lot of and the small flame of it flickering in my chest scared me
as much as made me want to believe in him. My heart squeezed with
something I didn’t recognize as I considered Nicholas’s
tenacity.

Could I continue to push him away when he
insisted on holding me close? Did I want to? I had no answer to
either.

“Anyway, the new rule. You are hereby no
longer allowed to suppress yourself.”

“What?” I lifted my head and just stared.
“What the hell kind of rule is that?”

“Hey, I’m required to talk to you when things
get me upset. It’s rule number two, remember? You made it. Rule
number one in case you’ve forgotten is the Mr. Walker rule. I think
you have forgotten that rule.”

“Yes, but... What kind of crap rule are you
trying to make?”

“I want you to be you. Stop fighting against
yourself. That’s the rule. Just be you. Whoever that person is.”
Nicholas reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded piece of
paper.

The paper had seen better days as it looked
like it had been balled up and then smoothed out several times.
Nicholas held out the paper. Curiously I accepted and unfolded it.
I froze.

“I’d like it very much if you finished
it.”

“I don’t write music.” I handed it back but
Nicholas closed my hands around it.

“Something tells me if I ask Taylor he’d tell
me something different. Why are you running from yourself as
well?”