Songbird (16 page)

Schedule copies made? Check.

Water cups set up? Check.

Chairs neatly lined up and facing front?
Check.

Lines of the gun hidden under my skirt?
Check.

Going down the pointless checklist helped
calm my nerves. There was no reason to be nervous, I’d scheduled
tours before. I knew how the numbers worked.

This tour held more importance than others.
Detachment wasn’t as easy to come by as I had hoped. I supervised
bigger tours in the past. I oversaw more important people on the
stage before. And yet… I couldn’t seem to shake the idea that
Nicholas was more important than all of those combined.

All twenty men were on time. With my threat
looming there was no reason to believe they would be late. Nicholas
of course sat in the back and Arc was curiously right in my face in
the front. His attention was rapt and I wasn’t sure if it was
genuine or not.

I was slapped with the realization that I was
the only woman in power on the tour as I stood in front of the
small crowd. I hadn’t thought about it before but staring out at
the scruffy faces, beards, and general bulk of the men it was hard
to deny.

“Thanks for coming guys.”

“What’s this about?” Jimmy seemed crankier
than usually.

I sighed, “In light of recent events the tour
is being adjusted.” I handed out papers and waited for Nicholas to
get a copy before continuing. “After conferring with Ezra for the
better part of the day we’ve decided the tour will be cut back to
five weeks remaining instead of eleven.”

“Yes,” Nicholas’s fists went up into the air
and I tilted my head.

“Something you want to say?” I asked sweetly
with a smile.

“What?” He glanced around. “Sorry, no. Please
continue.”

“Las Vegas is next. We won’t be stopping in
Phoenix after all. This is also going to cause longer driving
times.” I looked at our drivers. “But I made adjustments to the
driving schedule and it shouldn’t be a problem. If it is I’d like
to know about it before pulling out tomorrow night. No bitching
behind my back.”

“Looks sound.” Doug flipped back and forth
through the schedule once and nodded. The other drivers took their
cues from him and their heads bobbed. I got the impression Doug was
the veteran of our drivers and what he said went. I was glad to
have him on my side.

“Jimmy, your new schedule is included here as
well. Is there any issue you can foresee?”

“I don’t see why we have to make any changes
at all. The current schedule was fine.”

I saw Nicholas’s face fall and could feel him
withdrawing from the room. I made my voice firm and unquestionable.
“Ezra and I have decided on this. You don’t have the authority at
this point to question why. You simply have to do. Can you do it or
do I need to find someone else?”

Nicholas’s eyes were on me but his face was
unreadable.

“She’s got a scary boss voice.” Arc’s mock
whisper to Max was anything but quiet. “Do you think she has the
scary mom voice too?”

“She’s a woman.” Max didn’t bother to pretend
whisper. “Of course she has the scary mom voice too. They’re born
with it.”

Jimmy glared at me and I could tell he was
considering. “It’s fine. Not a problem.”

I nodded. “The venues already have been
rearrange as well as the rest of the schedule. All we have to do
from this point is make our times.”

“We’re good.” Doug stretched his legs and
grinned. “We’ll get you there.”

“Good.” I nodded. “These copies are for you
to keep. Any questions from this point on you can certainly direct
to me. Ezra is in New York for the next three days and is
unavailable. He is aware that changes would be met with some
complaints, and is willing to hear those when he gets back. Any
questions now? Obi you’re clear to leave for Vegas whenever you’re
ready.”

“The girl will be happy to get this.” Denton
sent me a tentative smile. He looked a little relieved that we
wouldn’t be on tour another eleven weeks. Knowing how much it taxed
Nicholas, and add in female hormones and I could only sympathize
with his pain. Everyone benefited from the change.

Obi chin tipped me after reading over the
papers one last time. No one else spoke. I paused just a moment
longer then nodded as well.

“You’re dismissed then.” I gestured to the
door. “Jimmy, a moment please.”

I waited until even Nicholas and the guys
left the room. “I’d like to know what your problem is with me.”

He looked at his shoes.

“I’m serious. I’m trying to do my job and
you’re not being polite or professional at all. So, what’s the
issue?”

“Women have no place on a tour.” If he had
chewing tobacco it would probably be on my foot. As it was I forced
myself not to give him any ground when he entered my personal space
and looked down at me.

“I see.” And unfortunately he wouldn’t be the
only one to harbor that sentiment. I’d come across it before and
was just as unimpressed by it now. “Ezra’s paying me to do a job.
Am I or aren’t I doing that job?”

“You keep interfering.” He crossed his arms
and jutted his chin out. “You stick your nose into my work, and
undermine me in front of the crew.”

And the real problem came to light. “I think
you’re forgetting one vital fact, Jimmy. You’re not the boss here.
I am. That means I’m allowed to breath down your neck and look over
your shoulder. It’s what Ezra is paying me to do. Don’t like it?
Just say the word and I’ll get someone out here who actually knows
the tree of authority for the tour. I have the power to do so. We
both know it.”

“I’ll finish here.” He scowled. “You can deal
with the rest of the tour.”

I nodded. “As you wish.”

I watched him go, a little relieved I didn’t
have to fire him. At least with him quitting the resentment that
might have affected the performances of other shows wouldn’t occur.
I made note in my phone to give Jimmy his severance package anyway.
Just for making my life easier.

Nicholas stuck his head in. “Can I talk to
you?”

I checked the time before looking up at him.
I smiled, “Sure. We have this room for another few minutes.
Something wrong?”

“Not really.” He stepped in and closed the
door behind him. “Why did you really spend hours readjusting the
schedule with Ezra?”

I considered the pros and cons of the truth
and studied his face. Since curiosity was the only thing reflected
back I went with the truth. I stepped forward and took his arm
leading him out. “Because I don’t like seeing you unhappy. And it
wasn’t anything major.”

Henry waited in the hall and fell into step
behind us. He remained a polite distance behind but close enough he
could intercede if something happened.

“Major to me. Why didn’t you ask me?” Still
no anger.

I shrugged. “I didn’t want to give you false
hope if Ezra didn’t go for it.”

He reached across and his fingers played with
the ones I still had on his arm. He didn’t say anything the entire
walk back to the rooms we had booked.

“Did you want a companion for tonight?” I
broke the silence, fully prepared to have Henry bring the car
around.

“No. Ah.” Nicholas cleared his throat. “No
more girls.”

My brows drew together of their own
violation. “Why?”

He shrugged this time but didn’t provide an
answer.

I stopped in front of my door. While I would
miss his company, since no one would be sleeping in his bed
anymore, he could. No more snore companion.

“Would you like to come in?” I slid my key
into the lock, swinging it open when the light turned green. “The
guys are probably around maybe we can get a few games
together.”

Nicholas lifted a shoulder and followed me
into the room. “I’m not big on the games they play.”

“Bowling in the hall?” I set my phone on the
charger as he laughed.

“Among other things.”

When I turned, I knocked solidly into him and
stumbled. His hands caught me by the hips and held me into place.
His eyes were intense and serious. My pulse jackknifed.

“Walker. What’s wrong?” That wasn’t my voice
was it? That sounded entirely too…winded and weak.

He took a step forward and I took a step
back. That was all the space I had before my ass pressed against
the dresser. He took another step forward and I couldn’t evade his
body pressing against mine.

“Walker.” I snapped a finger under his nose.
My voice shook slightly but not from fear. There was no way I as a
woman would survive whatever required him to pin me to furniture.
“What are you doing?”

“I’m tired of playing pretend.” He still
watched me with dark, unwavering eyes. The amber ring was lost
again but this wasn’t anger. “All the girls.” He shrugged and
dipped his head to rest his forehead against mine. “Just a
substitute for what I really want.”

This kiss was nothing like any of the others.
He was rough but not in any kind of temper. His body pressed harder
into mine and I had to grab the dresser behind me to keep from
clutching at him. I did my best not to respond to the onslaught
despite my weakening legs and sudden, uncomfortable dampness.

When his teeth nibbled on my lower lip I
gasped and Nicholas dove deeper. I was drowning in sensation I’d
never had before. It scared the shit out of me.

“What’s wrong?” he murmured against my
mouth.

“I…” What could I say? What would be the best
way to get out of this without hurting him? Without hurting me?

I couldn’t; someone was going to be in pain.
I would have to hurt one of us. I closed my eyes and snapped my
steel spine into place.

“Songbird?” Nicholas’s hand came up and
traced my jaw. His eyes focused on mine and I knew I had to make
this choice. For the both of us.

God, the memories hurt. I didn’t want the
words to spill from my mouth. I knew how they would sound, and it
could hurt him a little, but me, reliving that…

I opened my eyes and tried for a smile while
my stomach pitched into my throat. “I don’t know what you like. I’m
not sure—”

He frowned. “What I like?”

Just him repeating it made me feel small and
ashamed but I had started this. I nodded slowly. “I need you to
give me instruction. I don’t know if you want me to touch you or…
Do you want me to moan or... I don’t know—”

He jerked back as if I had burned him. “What
are you talking about?”

I couldn’t look at him. My throat had gone
dry and it took everything I had to get the words out. “Sex. I
think. I mean…you kissed me so… I assumed…” I toyed with the top
button of my blouse. “Do you want to undo the buttons…?”

His mouth fell open and his eyes widened
almost comically if the situation wasn’t so severe. “What. The.
Fuck. Are. You. Talking. About.”

Nerves kept my fingers worrying the button.
“What you like and what you don’t. Do you want me to…?” I had to
swallow. “Just lie still so you can…”

“That’s not fucking sex. Who wants to have
fucking sex like that?”

I flinched and tried to check the motion but
he caught it. I closed my eyes and turned my head before the tears
could escape as he stared in what couldn’t be mistaken for anything
other than transparent horror. A single tear, dammit, slid down my
exposed cheek.

“Songbird.” His voice was gentle and he
reached out wiping the moisture away. “Did you
want
to have
sex like that?” Damn him for being so perceptive.

I swallowed but still couldn’t find my voice
to answer him.

“Answer me, Bianca. This is important.”

“When forced to choose either doing what I
was told or being beaten until I could no longer protest…” I
trailed off, trying to get the bitterness in my tone under control.
“What do you think?” That wasn’t any better, just defeated and
tired.

He stepped back completely and more tears
fell. His reaction wasn’t uncommon. Guys didn’t want broken,
sullied girls. One had, and the memory of him almost dropped me to
the floor in agony. How much pain was one girl supposed to be
delivered in her lifetime?

“I…” Nicholas swore under his breath and I
heard him walk away and the quiet click of the door. Well, I had
accomplished my goal.

I let my knees give out and cried the rest of
my tears.

Once my tears ran out, I forced myself up
instead of crawling into the bath. Running the shower as hot as
possible I climbed in hoping it would melt the ice in bones. Not
that I had any hope of that.

The soaps were left forgotten on the shelf
for the time being as water pummeled my shoulders and back. I bowed
my head and for the moment just focused on the soothing slosh of
liquid.

“Get a grip.” My voice echoed back in the
bathroom. The sound wasn’t comforting but I continued with the
lecture. “You’re so stupid for letting your heart get involved even
a little.
Friend
zone. I am just a friend. He needs a
friend. You need to get a grip on reality.”