Penitence (2010) (22 page)

was pasty. He didnt look good, Zoe. I dont know... They were playing that hanging game. The one where you I know what game it is! I snapped. Id heard about itBritt and I had even talked about how stupid it was for people to take themselves to the edge by hanging. My pulse skipped through my veins. Wheres Britt? I dont know. Its a madhouse. The cops are here, the paramedicsthey just took Brady away in an ambulance. I called 911 and everyone ran. Brittany was totally smashed. I mean, she could barely walk. I dont know how she made it out the door much less got away from here. I have to call her. Yeah. Okay. What about Krissy? Where is she? How is she? Shes freaked. But I think shes also high, because she was acting all casual one minute, freaked the next. She isnt herself. Man, what a night. Its bad. And because I made the call, I had to answer all the questions. Lucky for me, I passed the alcohol test. The cops are handing out alcohol tickets like candy. My parents are going to be pissed. Where are you? Still at Krissys. Listen, theyre taking a bunch of the kids down to the police station. They let you use your phone? They havent taken it yet. Im being sneaky, he whispered. Im gonna call Britt. Text me later, k? I disconnected and dialed Britt. Her phone rang and rang. Luke let out a snort and fell to the side, completely out of it. I dialed Britt again, my fingers tapping on the screen as I waited. What? Her voice slogged. I heard what happened, are you all right? What do you care? Forget Weston for a second, Brittwhat happened with Brady? I heard hes in the hospital. Yeah. Her voice trailed off. I dont know...we were... she choked out a sob. We were all hanging, you know? That game... Britt! I slapped my palm against my forehead. Wed talked about this, why had she done something so asinine? What happened? Iheone minute he was laughing and the next... we couldnt... he stopped breathing and turned all white. A knob formed in my throat. Jeez. Everybody freaked. Somebody called nine-one-one and thats all. Thats... all. I dont re... member anymore. I feel sick. I I heard her barf. My stomach rolled. On her end, the sound of her convulsing and sobbing wretched on. Britt? Britt! The phone clattered and her sobs grew distant, so I disconnected. Bit my lower lip. What to do? Go to her? Did Weston know? I dialed him. He picked up after one ring. Its me. Did u hear about Brady? Im at the hospital. How is he?" "Not good. Oh no. Even though Brady and Weston had had a falling out, theyd been friends for as long as I could remember. He must feel terrible. Are you okay? Can we talk later? Yeah. Im here if you need me. Thanks. Click. Luke still lay collapsed on his side, his mouth open in a snore. At least he was home and not in the hospitalfighting for his life. Gratitude swamped me. I bent down and gently shook him. I shouldnt have gotten upset at him earlier. His scattered brain seemed to coagulate behind his blinking blue eyes. He groaned and sat up. With a look around, he seemed to realize where he was. You fell asleep, I said. Oh. He rubbed his face with his hands. Man. He got up and fell onto his bed, rolled to his side and was out again. Im sorry I muttered. Not that I was looking for his forgiveness, my gratitude was enough for us both. I pulled his comforter up and over his shoulder, turned off the Tiki lamp hanging next to his bed and quietly left the room. I couldnt sleep, not with what had happened at Krissys. Was it my fault for leaving them? Should I have dragged Chase away from there? Demanded Krissy listen to me? I stopped in the darkened hallway and closed my eyes. Id tried, but Albert ... his face, brandished in my mind, sent my body into a convulsion of shakes. I did what I could without putting myself at risk. And Id come home and found him here, hovering over Luke like a grizzly salivating over his next kill. My cell phone vibrated, the glowing screen lit up the dark hall. Weston. Weston? Silence, long, heavy and horrible. He didnt make it. I sunk to the floor. Oh no. I heard sniffling, then more deathly silence. How could this happen? Where are you? Do you want me to come down? A cough. In the background, wailing. I cant believe it, Weston muttered. I cant believe it. Which hospital are you at? I had to go to him, the need to comfort surging through me. American Fork. But Im leaving now. Im ... Ive got to go home. What can I do? More silence, the wailing growing faint. Time dragged by with each of Westons sniffs and coughs. I dont know. Ive got to go, Zoe. Click. Helplessness engulfed me. I closed my phone, stood and went into my bedroom. Staying home in my warm bedroom didnt seem right while Chase was dealing with the police along with Krissy and whoever else was getting busted. Weston suffering with the loss of Brady... a thought occurred to me and I quickly went to Lukes bedroom. I felt my way to his bedside and clicked on the swinging Tiki lamp. He snored from the bed, in the same position Id left him in. I gently shook him. He remained dead to the world, so I shook him again. What? Bradys dead, Luke. He labored upright. What? I just heard from Weston. Luke scrubbed his face, white streaks staining his shocked pink skin. His hands stayed fixed at his gaping mouth. What happened? I sat on the foot of his mattress. He was at a party and accidentally hung himself in that choking game. Luke finally dragged his hands from his mouth. He was white as paper. Does Kevin know? I dont know. Weston didnt say much. He was very upset. Man. Luke was alert now, no traces of being bombed anywhere in his eyes or countenance. Youre serious? I nodded. That sucks. Yeah. Luke whipped out his cell phone and started tapping. Theyre probably still at the hospital, I pointed out. I gotta tell him Im sorry about it, though. Man. Man. I cant believe it. I know. Luke brought his legs up and wrapped his arms around them. Behind the shaggy veil of his blond hair, his blue eyes teared. A pang in my heart made me pat his knee. At least it wasnt him. Thank you, God. He stared at the screen of his phone, then started tapping messages. Ive got a million texts. I nodded, stood. Word spread fast through the texting grapevine. I just wanted you to know. He sniffed and swiped under his nose with the sleeve of his hoodie, and he continued to text. Yeah. I left heavy hearted. Four hours ago, Id seen Brady alive and breathing. I wondered what would happen now, to Krissy. I hadnt seen her guardian at her househad he known about the precarious position shed been in? Would he think Id let her down? It wasnt my fault all of this had happened. Rationally, I understood that. Krissy had wanted to have that party. Both Weston and I had warned her about the odd pitfall that could happen at such a gathering, but this was so far out of that league, I couldnt help but continue to question my involvement and feel hampered with guilt. I sat in my dark bedroom, staring out the window at the night sky. Gauzy clouds stretched over the bright moon. Matthias was up there somewhereat peace. Safe. Far from the ugly troubles this life presented. The white light of the moon lifted my soul, and his face came into my mind. I wished I was with him, far away from the upheaval and pain happening in my world. Yet, even in Matthias perfect existence, he carried love and concern for his father. In spite of existing in peace, compassion never rested. Midnight blue sky overhead and its infinite vastness speckled with sparkling stars reminded me that this dark night, Bradys life had ended. Brady was somewherewhere, I didnt know. Did he regret the night? How did he feel right now? What was he thinking? The heartache his family must be experiencing pained me. My own near death experience flashed in my memory, vibrant and deep as the galaxy I peered up at. I was grateful to be alivefor my family and for whatever else I had been sent back here to do. My cell phone, clutched in my hand, vibrated. Weston. im outside Twenty-Two I skipped down the stairs and opened the front door. Westons shoulders hunched underneath his royal blue Viking hoodie against the cold; his hands were deep in his front pockets. His face was twisted in grief. I wrapped around him, and his arms surrounded me in a long, silent hug. He wept against my shoulder, his body shaking against mine, ridding itself of sorrow. After a moment, I eased back, took him by the hand and led him inside, shutting the door. He looked around at the dark interior, and I pointed to Dads officea room directly off the entry. With a gentle tug of his hand, I urged him to follow me. Inside, I shut the glass French doors and flicked on a low-lit lamp. His cheeks were scored with red slashesfinger marks, like hed rubbed his face over and over. Pink rimmed his brown, glistening eyes. Sorry, he said. No, Im glad you came. I didnt want to go home yet. Man. Im ... this is so unreal. I nodded and drew closer so our bodies touched from knees to chest, and kept my hands anchored on his arms. We hadnt talked in a while, you know? Since... that day I... hit him. But, Ive known the guy since first grade. We... grew up together. He lowered his head, shook it, then covered his face with his hands and a sob broke out. I hugged him. I dont get it, he muttered into the curve of my neck. Why would he do something like that? I dont know. His grip grew tighter. Didnt he know the risk? I mean, why did he do it? Another sob shook him from head to toe, vibrating his loss into me. With one hard squeeze at my waist, he released me, stepped back and scrubbed his face. He blew out a sigh, his hands hanging uselessly at his sides. Im so sorry, I whispered. Its terrible. Yeah. Kevins... hes out of his mind angry. His parents... He closed his eyes. Ive known them all my life. He shook his head and turned around, hiding his face, shoulders buckling in another round of sobs. I went to him and wrapped my arms around him, pressing my head against his back. I wished I could ease his pain, but I also knew a certain amount of purging took place in the grieving process. Westons weeping finally came to an end and he wiped his face with his hands and let out a sigh. He turned and his stormy brown eyes locked with mine. He studied me, without saying anything and the air around us grew heavy. You knew something bad was going to happen. You saw something what was it, Zoe? My pulse skipped. Not this again. If it has something to do with Bradys death, then, yes this again. What did you see? I stepped back, crossing my arms over my chest. I saw danger. His face crooked into mocking. Danger? What? How? He advanced, and my heart started to race. He gripped my shoulders. Tell me what you saw and why you didnt tell me about it. If youd told me, maybe Brady would be alive. I wrenched free of his grip. This is not my fault. You said you saw something thereat the partyhow can part of it not be your fault? How about because Brady chose to play the stupid game, Weston? We werent even there! If Id known he was in danger, I would have stayed! And put yourself in harms way? I was the one who told us to get out of there, or have you conveniently forgotten that? I remember you wanting to leave, but, dammit Zoe, I want to know what you saw tonight! Excuse me, Dads voice boomed from the open door. Weston and I whirled around. Dad and Mom, sleep-mussed, stood with wide eyes in the open doorway. I dont know whats going on here, but youve awakened my family, young man. Im sorry, Dad. I stepped around Weston and stood in front of him. We just got some terrible news. Mom drew her flowered robe more tightly around her. Brady died, I said. Mom and Dads faces grew stony. Moms hand went to her lips. Oh, no. What happened? He... I glanced at Weston whose gaze was averted to the floor. He accidentally hung himself, Weston finished with a snap. He shoved his hands through his hair and sighed. Its... unbelievable. How does one accidentally hang oneself? Dad asked. How terrible. Oh no, Mom murmured. Its... horrible, Dad muttered under a sorrowful sigh. Weston swallowed. Yeah. Howhow did this happen? Mom asked. Its a game, I said, highly aware of Weston beside me. I couldnt believe he was placing some of the blame on my shoulders. A game? Hanging is a game now? Moms face was etched with a mothers sorrow. Dad shifted, displeasure mixing with disbelief on his face. You have got to behowdid this happen at the party you two were at earlier? Weston and I exchanged glances. His shock melted into fear. Yeah, he admitted. Dads hard stare slid to me. Zoe, you promised us you I promised Id be careful, Id keep to curfew and let you guys know where I was. I did all of that. This happened long after Weston and I left the party, Dad. Still, Mom rubbed her face with both hands. You were so close. We left because it wasnt a place we wanted to be, I continued, hoping theyd understand I had done my best. Shes right, Westons voice was nearly a whisper. He stared at the floor, his expression dead. What happened to Brady wasnt our fault, Weston, I said. What had happened to Brady was a horrible accident, Dad stated, as if still trying to convince himself of the reality of Bradys death. His family... Moms voice petered off. Her eyes closed, she shook her head. Long moments of wretched silence heated the air. Mom kept her face buried in her hands. Dads gaze flicked from me to Weston. Finally, he said, Well talk about this in the morning, Zoe. I nodded. Mom and Dad said goodnight to Weston, turned and headed up the stairs. As soon as they were out of range, Weston leaned close. Youre lying to me, he hissed, his body coiled with rage. Fear screamed through my nerves. My eyes darted right, then left. Was I in danger? Weston gripped my shoulders. What are you looking at? Youre making me nervous, thats all. You want my dad to come back down? Westons palms left my shoulders; his head fell back in a deep sigh. Then his head snapped up and his eyes latched on mine. One last penetrating glare and he turned and stormed out, slamming the front door behind him. What the eff? I stared out the sidelight, watching Weston stomp to his truck. He got in, turned on the engine and the diesel rumbled away. Whatever. Okay, cool down, Zoe. I had to remind myself that his best friend had just died. The thought sobered me and I texted him. i really am sorry I bit my lower lip. forgive me, k? I didnt expect to hear from him, he was driving after all, and we knew not to text and drive, though every teen I knew broke that rule. Still no texts from Chase. I hoped he wasnt in huge trouble. He hadnt seemed too concerned about being busted but then we had both been caught up in talking about Brady. I turned off the office light and climbed the stairs to my bedroom. Dad opened the master bedroom door and slipped out. Everything okay? Yeah. It looked like you two were having an argument. We were, sort of. I sighed. Dad shut the door and crossed to me, bringing his