Penitence (2010) (18 page)

you? His brown eyes sparkled. Not at all. But his hands remained anchored in his pockets and his toe kept digging at the ground. Cute. He stepped close towering over me with his broad shoulders, faded cologne and maleness. My heart pattered against my ribs. Weston held me in a hot stare both curious and exciting. If he wanted to play, I could play. In fact, it had been a while since Id played with a guy and pleasure dripped through my body, catching in a refractive pool low in my stomach. Finally, his dark eyes narrowed. I tilted my head. You ready to drive me home? Yeah, Im ready. He grinned. Suddenly, his warm hands slipped around my waist and his body skimmed mine. His fingers gripped me, and my heart pummeled in all directions. Then he turned me around, his hand at the small of my back as he escorted me around the bed of his truck and to the passenger door. He opened the door. I didnt dare look him in the eye. I was sure my skin was flushed with red heat from face to knees. I climbed in and he paused. Then he shut the door. I blew out a breath. Weston got in and the truck rocked with his presence: muscles, scent and heat. I swallowed. Low in my body a whirring desire I recognized swam with the frenzy of sharks readying to be fed. I bit my lower lip. We drove in silence. I was so overcome with Westons flesh and bone, the very humanness of him in the cab, reminding me of how Id fallen asleep in his arms, that I was sure Id have tripped on my thickening tongue if he tried to carry on a conversation. I was embarrassed by my reaction. Whispering through my mind were frenzied memories of kisses, heat, touching. Weston drove with one hand on the wheel. Did he sense ripe desire in the air? He kept glancing over, the sparkle in his eyes growing more intense, joining the rhythm of my heart. Dont drive me home. Pull over. Stop the car and let me kiss you. But Weston couldnt read my thoughts. Thankfully. He wasnt Matthias. The thought of Matthias poked a hole in my building desire for Weston. I turned and forced my gaze out the window. When I thought of Matthias, my body flooded with so much love, the pure nature of that love suffocated lust. Could I want Matthias with the raw desire I had for Weston? Ab-so-lute-ly. I grinned. One of Matthias words. But would I if I could? I had such respect for Matthias, such admiration, and the love in my soul was founded on his spirit, not on flesh. Could I love Weston the way I loved Matthias? It was too early to tell. I was still walking the thin ice of trust. But on a purely physical level, there was no doubt that Weston made my flesh sing. Westons gentle finger touched the vein on my neck. I shivered. You okay? I closed my eyes. Im hungry. Starved. I want companionship. Yeah, I rasped. So what if Weston knew I wanted him. Thats what he wanted, wasnt it? And there was nothing wrong with one human wanting another. The sharpness in his eyes confirmed my suspicion. He yanked the car to the curb. My heart danced. He slid over, his hand reaching behind my neck, his body moved to mine, unable to deny the magnetic draw we had to each other. His gaze devoured my face for two, five, seven seconds. Then he kissed me. Gentle. Tentative. Then more urgent. I wrapped my arms around his neck, melting from the feel of his chest fused to mine. He leaned me gently against the door, his right palm cradling my head, his fingers in my hair. Kneading. Needing. To be wanted. To have and be had. Exhilaration soared through my body, zinging every nerve and fiber into a lively dance celebrating the fusion of male and female. I needed a breath, to slow down. I turned my head, gasping. He pressed his forehead to my cheek, panting, his hot breath tickling my neck. Zoe, his voice shook. I swallowed. Could he feel my heart leaping his direction? Yeah? Youre... His warm mouth grazed my ear, down my jaw, leaving hot tracks. Ive wanted to do that... The next kiss was tender. Soft. Like he was kissing a petal. Then he eased back, his face in a fist of desire unable to fully let go. Are you okay? I nodded, glad we stopped. I... He sat upright, and fell against the back of his seat, thrusting his hands into his hair. I shouldnt have done that. His palm hit the steering wheel with a thud. What? Youre sorry? Did I screw things up? Fear colored his eyes. Did I? Tell me the truth. You hate me now, right? Im such an idiot. He scrubbed his hands down his face, groaned. Im sorry. I grabbed his hands in mine, locking us together. Dont. I ... wanted you to. His chest lifted, fell, lifted in rapid succession. He looked at our joined hands. Then his sober gaze met mine. Are you sure? Because Id never want you to hate me. I couldnt take it. I dont hate you. He sighed, seemingly relieved, and closed his eyes. Impulsiveness is one of my weaknesses. It can also be a strength. I tried to lighten the mood. I mean, impulsiveness is what drives you to pass the ball when youve only got a split second to decide, right? Thats a good thing. He grinned. Youve watched me play? Ive gone to my share of games. But not for the game, for the guys, right? I lifted a shoulder. Ill admit I like a guy in a football uniform. Its cool that youre honest. Im sick of girls who say what they think I want to hear. They have no idea how boring that is. And most of the time, I dont want to hear it. Its all a game, anyway. Yeah, well, weve all been guilty of playing. He looked at our joined hands and ran his thumbs over my knuckles. See? I could never have this conversation with Britt. Or anyone else for that matter. I havent always been this honest. Westons fingers pushed back a stray strand of hair hanging aside my face. I hope you know that you can trust me. I was still making sure of that. But how can you ever be ab-so-lute-ly positive? Again, Matthias face flashed into my mind. I withdrew my hands from Westons, his eyes shading with disappointment when I did. Somehow, I felt untrue to Matthias. I couldnt deny the feeling of infidelity. Thats ridiculous, Zoe. You cant be unfaithful to someone you dont belong to. True as that reality was, my heart belonged to him, bonded by experiences more profound and long lasting than an evaporating kiss. Somethings wrong, Weston whispered, his examination of me growing more concentrated. I shook my head. I see it in your face. I turned you off, didnt I? No. I took one of his hands again. No, you didnt. Im thinking about something else, thats all. What? Whenever I get close to you, I see this ... I cant describe it. You get this look on your face. Like looking at me reminds you of that night. Thats not it, Weston. Ive put that behind me. Seriously. I tugged his hand, hoped he saw that I was telling him the truth. I was amazed that he saw subtle changes in me. Then what is it? He inched closer, as if need pressed from his insides out. Every time I get close to you, it happens. I sighed. I cant share that with you, Im sorry. Just know that it has nothing to do with you and what happened that night. Its someone else. A flash of male suspicion passed over his face. Uh-oh. My cell phone vibrated, and in an effort to divert the focus of the moment from me and the mystery surrounding my changing emotions, I plucked it out of my pocket. Luke. where r u? im waiting Oops. got a ride bud sorry i didnt let you know thx I met Westons now-cool gaze. My brother. He was supposed to give me a ride home. Weston didnt react, he just studied me. I slipped my phone back in my pocket and met his scrutinizing straight on. What did he expect? We werent a couple. Wed kissed, and the kiss had been one of the hottest of my life. Id be honest with him, but details about Matthias were something I wouldnt share unless I knew with surety that Weston was trustworthy and believed. The air in the car bubbled with a mix of curiosity, jealousy, suspicion and my refusal to say anything more on the subject. Finally, Weston shifted, started the car and we drove in silence the remaining two blocks to my house. When we arrived, he parked next to the curb, stared out the front window and didnt look at me. Oh brother. I reached for the door handle. Suddenly, I heard a rustle of fabric, felt the truck rock and his nearness stopped me. Hey. His voice was low, troubled and once again anguish crimped his face. If you can be honest, I can be, right? I paused, wondering what he was going to say next, then nodded. I dont know where you go...in your head ... when you think about whoever it is youre thinking about. Im going to try not to let it bug me. But youre in my head now, Zoe. Youre where I go. A lump in my throat blocked me from replying. His declaration didnt scare me, in fact thrill pushed its way through the last scraps of doubt I still carried. Can I take you to the party Saturday? he asked. * * * My parents werent happy I was going to the party. Dad was especially reticent because Id fallen down, not telling them my whereabouts. But I understood their concerns about their children better now. Love, not control, drove them to want to know where we were and what we were doing. I reassured them that Krissy was a nice girl and that if the party even started looking like it was going over the top, Id leave. I think they were a little relieved when I told them Weston was going with me. Iwas relieved Weston was going with me. Since Krissy had boldly announced that she was throwing a party, a lead ball of uncertainty had lodged in my gut. She said she was taking care of everything. Did she know what that meant? The kind of party she wanted to have versus the kind of party I figured was going to take place were polar opposites. Chase texted me ten times, his enthusiasm for the event like a kid readying for his first trip to Disneyland. He even asked me what to wear. I told him to wear what he usually wore but to ditch the cable knit sweater. With the Weston and Chase at the party, at least Krissy would have a small showing. Westons attendance alone meant a social score, even if no one else was there to see it. Saturday, I searched my closet for something comfortable but hot. Normally, I wore jeans and a tight shirt, maybe a jacket or hoodie to top off the outfit. Weston being there changed that. I wanted to wear something nicer. I chose a flirty skirt in red and black flowers, a black slim hoodie and red flats. I wore my hair up in a fluffy knot at the back of my head and brushed on enough blush so I wouldnt look too pale in the dark. My phone vibrated on my dresser and I retrieved it. im out front Weston. My palms began to sweat. I heard the far off ding of our doorbell, Abria laughing and running and Mom chasing after her. I envisioned Abria racing to the doorshe liked to peer out the sidelights at whoever was outside. The timbre of Westons voice downstairs amped the sweat drenching my palms. One spray of perfume and I went to greet him. He radiated hotness in the royal blue Vikings hoodie, white tee shirt and jeans. Weston didnt wear his jeans baggy and I liked that. I appreciated a guy who knew how to wear clothes that hinted. His smile gleamed against his smooth skin. Mom hoisted Abria on her hip and stood very mother-like at the door, waiting for me to join them. Hey, Weston said. Hey. I took Abrias baby doll hand in mine and squeezed her fleshy palm goodbye. Bye Abria. Say bye Zoe. Abria wiggled and squirmed for freedom. Moms grip tightened. Abria, say goodbye to Zoe. Moms tone held the usual authority needed to get Abria to do something. Abrias gaze passed over me for a half second and she grunted, arching her back in hopes of diving to freedom. Mom laughed. Weston, nice to meet you. Im going to take this little monkey and put her in the bath. Weston gave Mom a gracious nod, patted Abria on the arm and we watched Mom carry Abria upstairs. Taco seasoning filled the air. Chatter from CNN drifted in from the family room where Dad watched TV. My gaze locked on Weston, to find he was already staring at me. You look amazing, he murmured. Thanks. He opened the front door and when I passed him, I was submerged in his exotic colognea tangled scent of sensuality and sweetness. I felt the gentle pressure of his hand at my back all the way to his idling truck. The cab was warm inside, filled with a lulling rock beat that poured from surrounding speakers and pulsed into my body. Uh-oh. Id been seduced before, I recognized the velvet carpet when it was unrolled at my feetlush and soft. Weston shut the door, his brown eyes on mine. Seconds oozed into minutes. He was incredibly hot looking, the royal blue of his hoodie, his sable hair, white teeth and eager eyes. He sat with one wrist poised on the steering wheel, his other hand between us on the seat. I had the sudden urge to touch him and see what my touch did. Would he kiss me? How long was he going to shoot that poster-boy look at me? Id be a melted mess before we got to the party. Better drive, or... I stopped myself from saying kiss me. But I sent him a teasing grin. Or? Why are you staring at me? I still cant believe Im with you. Yeah, it goes both ways. No. He shook his head. Theres a difference. He slowly leaned toward me, and placed a tentative kiss on my lips, as if kissing me would prove that the moment was real. My heart spun. This was real, all right. I almost suggested we ditch Krissys party, find a dead end street somewhere and fog the windows. The grin spreading his lips wide made me wonder if hed read my thoughts. He put the car in gear and drove. Have you ever been to Krissys? Never have. He handed me his cell phone, screen lit up with a text from Krissy with her address. Read me her address when we get closer, will you? Im terrible with remembering numbers and stuff. Sure. When we pulled up to Krissys round, wood house, Weston stopped the car with a jerk. We stared at the igloo-shaped building. This is Krissys place? Weston muttered. Everyone in town knew about the round house. I just never knew the odd-shaped place belonged to Krissy. It kind of fits, dont you think? I said. Shes a different girl, after all. Yeah, but ... I heard some hermit-dude built it thirty years ago and never came out. I snorted. And I heard it belonged to the guy who invented the wearable dog house. Come on, it cant be that bad. Weston looked around at the empty street. Yeah it can. No ones here. Crap. My gaze swept the street. Unless this had turned into a surprise party, Weston was right. Should we call some people? I whipped out my cell phone. Weston did the same. Man. I hate doing this. His brown eyes lifted from the keypad and met mine. A long pause drew our concerns for Krissy and the partyout into the air. I know, I finally said. What should we do? I mean, she wants this, but we cant force anyone to show up. Did you tell anybody about it? He took a deep breath and averted his gaze in an adorable gesture of denial. I didnt know what to say. I dont hang with my old friends anymore. I smiled. Suddenly, a handful of cars came