Penitence (2010) (13 page)

out the window for a moment, then slid his gaze back to me again. She probably wouldnt have noticed. I dont know about that, Chase put in. She seems pretty intuitive. Weston shook his head. Intuitive? She hasnt gotten many of my clues. Im done with her. You make her sound conveniently disposable, I said, disgusted. Thats not what I meant. Look, I know you find this hard to believe, but shes not my type anymore. And when did that change? Just a few months ago you were very happy deep sea diving in her mouth. Westons eyes widened. He swallowed, glanced at Chase. Were done now. I thought you knew that. Your love life isnt something I keep up with. How about I put on some music? Chase suggested, clearly trying to lighten the tension. Barry Manilow serenaded us about being ready to take a chance again. Westons eyes were fierce and hurt, his body tense. I rolled my lips under. Shut up, Zoe. Youre attacking this guy and hes been civil all night. Maybe I should drop you off first, Weston, Chase said. Drop Zoe off, first. Weston and I stared each other down, my heart pounding in trepidation. What was this all about? Soon we were in front of my house. Chase put the car in park and jumped out. So did Weston. Both strode to my door. Weston opened it. I got out. Weston slipped into position at my side, lightly pressing his hand at the small of my back, claiming the job of walking me to the door. To make sure he knew I wasnt giving him an inch, I moved away and hugged Chase. Thanks. This was fun. Chase returned the hug. He faced Weston, and shot him a victorious grin. I started for the walkway. Weston stayed at my left side, Chase at my right, the two of them in a stare down with me in the middle. When we reached my front door, Weston stepped between me and Chase. I need to talk to Zoe, dude. Ill walk home from here. Chases mouth fell open. Weston turned, faced me, indicating to Chase that he was done with the topic of a ride home and the evening, as far as Chase was concerned, was over. You and I need to talk. Its eleven-thirty. I know. But... He reached up and pressed a hand to the brick wall of the porch, as if frustrated. We need to talk. Im not sure Zoe wants you to stay, Chase sputtered, blinking behind his glasses. Dude, shes fine. Zoe? Um. I swallowed. Its okay, Chase. Thanks again for the fun night. Chase hesitated, blew out a loud, annoyed breath, then leaned close, his hand gripping my elbow, and he kissed my cheek. He sent Weston another glare and left, the sound of him starting the car followed by the soft rumble of his engine fading into the cold, winter night. A light breeze rustled the trees. Bushes trembled. I did too. Weston kept his hand anchored on the wall and stared into my eyes. Just to be safe, I unlocked the door and pushed it open. What happened tonight? What do you mean? I mean, something happened when you saw those guys at Jack and Jills. I saw it on your face. You saw more than just three homies ready to rip off the place. A knot formed in my throat. I tried to swallow it down but it wouldnt go. His hand slid from the wall. He moved closer, bringing himself nearly flush with my chest. Youre different, Zoe. Special. I knew it that night when... when... Pain scored his face. He looked away. When Brady and I... He closed his eyes. Something happened that night. He opened his eyes and searched mine for the answers he sought. What happened? he asked. I... dont know what to say. Are you clairvoyant? No. Then how did you know those guys at the bowling alley were bad? Apart from their clothes and attitude you mean? I dont. They could have been What? There to play? he snickered. I dont think that and neither do you. Come on. Theres nothing to tell you. I looked at them and got a bad feeling, just like you, just like Chase. He shook his head, stuffed his hands into his front pockets. I dont believe thats all it was. Youre going to have to. No way would I ever tell Weston about anything spiritual. Youre not a liar, Zoe. The air crisped with truth. At that moment I realized there was the real possibility that Weston Larson had changed. Id changed, couldnt he? He seemed to sense that I was debating truly believing him. Relief spread from his intense gaze, loosening the taut corners of his jaw into a hopeful smile. Okay, so Im not a liar. At least we agree on that. I wish youd agree that Im not the same. I tilted my head. What changed you? He scrubbed his hair with both hands, blew out a sigh, his skin flushing soft pink. You. My eyes widened. He nodded. That night. There was something in the air around you. This invisible strength. This vibe. I cant explain it except that I felt it build the moment I held you in my arms. Like I was holding someone... What? I urged, curious. Like I was holding someone important. I dont know. He paced, his hands roving his hair, then down his face in an expression of exasperation and intrigue. Brady was going on and on about hooking up with youbut I knew, to my coreI shouldnt do that. That if I did, Id be... that Id... Id be in deep trouble. I took a deep breath, trying to assimilate his experience. There was so much happening inside of me, I couldnt deny the feelings. His hands dropped to his sides. He stepped close. Using you like that was wrong. But it was more. Way more. I felt it. Like some unseen force was shielding you. A shiver rippled down my spine. Maybe your conscience was getting the best of you. He shook his head. More than that. Like I said, there was power in it. A force. I think youve seen one too many Star Wars movies, Weston. I reached out for the doorknob. His fingers wrapped around my wrist. Zoe. I worked to control my knocking knees. Questions still haunted his eyes, deeply probing mine. A few quiet moments ticked by as if he was taking one last stab at hoping Id tell him something. He released my wrist. Never mind. I went inside to the safety of home, turning to look at him one last time before I shut the door. Weston Larson. On my doorstep. Could things be any weirder? * * * I shut the door and pressed my back against it. Closed my eyes. Let out a sigh. The house was asleep, without light except for the soft glow of the nightlight in the long hall from the entry and the kitchen, family room area. What a bizarre evening. I started up the stairs. My cell phone vibrated in my pocket and I dug for it. The screen glowed electric blue in the black hall. Britt. where is he? at home i guess im at his house, hes not here!!! I forgot that Weston was walking home. He lived a good four miles away. It was freezing outside. I slammed my forehead with my palm. He probably called one of his friends to pick him up. The clock on my phone said midnight. Guys like Weston had plenty of buds they could ask for a ride. Guilt gnawed at me. What if he hadnt called anyone? I stared at Britts text. I could tell her to find him. Shed blow apart if I told her that he was walking home from my house. Crap. I made my way down the stairs, feeling for each step in the near-darkness, and once I was in the night light of the main hall, I booked it to the key rack in the kitchen where Mom and Dad hung their keys. I grabbed Dads and went out through the garage door. You must be out of your mind going after Weston, I mumbled. The garage door moaned open. Id wake the whole house with the charitable escapade. I got in Dads Jeep and started the engine, then closed the garage doorbetter to be safe than sorry, Mom always saideven with the groaning door. And after having just seen those creeps at Jack and Jills I didnt want to invite any theft to the house with an open garage. I drove slow, keeping my eyes out for Weston. My breath plumed out in front of my face and I cranked up the heater. Roads were empty and lit only by the occasional street light. My cell phone kept vibrating. Britt, obsessive Britt. Get a life. Go to bed. Finally, I saw him, shoulders hunched, stride long and quick. He glanced at the car and moved off the road to the side. I slowed, rolled down the passenger window. His eyes grew wide when he recognized me. Zoe? Need a ride? He smiled and jogged over, opened the door and brought an icy blast of air in with him. He was white, blue and shivering. I pulled back onto the road. Why didnt you say something? I figured Id said enough, he sputtered, hunching. Britts looking for you. Yeah. Ive got seventy-five messages from her. He reached over and flicked the heater dial to high. Man, Im glad you came. I almost sent Britt after you, I joked. His dark eyes sparkled at me across the car. Nah, you couldnt do that. Not that you dont deserve it. Hey, Ive tried to tell hernicely, I might addabout fifty times, that were over. She just wont accept it. He rubbed his hands back and forth then cupped his mouth and blew. The smooth skin spreading over his taut cheeks rounded for a minute. He had strong looking hands. Hands that had caught and passed the Pleasant Grove High School football zillions of times in zillions of games as quarterback. Hands that had carried me when Id been unconscious. A shiver trickled through my belly. He caught my appraisal and slowly, his hands eased from his face. I cleared my throat and faced the road. His gaze stayed on me, unnerving as it was. What are you looking at? What were you looking at? he asked. I didnt care what he thought of me, so it didnt matter what I said. I was looking at your jaw and hands. Such honesty had not been a part of Westons female relationships that was obvious. His eyes dilated, giving his surprise away. What were you looking at? Your lips. Pow. My heart thudded. You have the poutiest lips Ive ever seen. Pouty? I snorted. Like I look bratty? Like you look kissable. Bang. Knot in the throat again. Thankfully, were almost at your house. Whys that, Zoe? Cant take the truth? Cant take the b.s. is more accurate. I turned left onto his street. He let out a low laugh. No b.sing here. Ive always thought you were gorgeous. Okay, stop. My friendmy best friendis in love with you. Or at least she thinks she is. Im just getting used to the idea that youre not the same woman-banger you used to be. This, whatever it is youre doing, is starting to take my opinion of you backwards. He let out a sigh and leaned against the door. Sorry. Sometimes the obnoxious woman-banger tries to resurface. I hate that guy. Honest. I tried to read him. The darkness didnt allow me to see anything more than stark shadows. Was he telling the truth? We drove in silence, snapping and sizzling with his charisma, like beads of water on a hot skillet. I pulled into the circular driveway, smiling when I remembered the night Id boldly pulled my VW onto his grass and parked. The engine of Dads car idled. I would have frozen to death if you hadnt come and gotten me, he said. Lets not exaggerate. He reached out and tentatively took my right hand from the steering wheel. His gaze didnt leave mine and it didnt seem like either one of us was breathing. Im going to keep saying this until I know youve forgiven me. Im sorry. His fingers were warm now, and they lightly caressed mine. I tried to pull my hand free, uncomfortable with the tangled feelings inside of my body. But he held on. His gaze dropped to my lips. His face, half shadowed the other half intense and exposed, stirred desire. No wonder Britt was in love with him. He was gorgeous, and the passionate remorse I saw in his eyes made him appear vulnerable and very touchable. Any signal that I was cool with him, and hed be all over me. But thinking about allowing the nascent desire inside of me for him full-on growth felt wrong. I still had a hard time completely believing he was changed. I also felt guilt. I loved Matthias. He wholly occupied my heart. No one would ever take his place. I gently drew my hand from Westons and gripped the wheel again. Its late. He nodded. His eyes stayed on mine as he opened the door. Thanks, Zoe. He got out and the cozy warmth that had been in the car was sucked away. A blast of chilly air snuck in. I shivered. He shut the door. He started up the path to his house. Britt sat perched on his porch. She stood, her marshmallow winter coat popping out in the dark night like a light bulb. She wobbled toward him. Uh-oh. I didnt bother sticking around. I backed the car down the driveway, but caught Weston checking me out over his shoulder. I actually felt sorry for him. But then, I was certain to face Britts wrath myself. At home, I tried to relax, but kept thinking about how weird the night had been. I undressed, took a hot bath and kept checking my phone, waiting for Britts chastisement. Not that I would take crap from her. I may not be interested in Weston, but she needed to get a life and leave him to his. I dried, put on my flannel pjs and my phone rang. Britt. I plopped on my bed. Hey. Skank. Excuse me? I heard her gulping. She was no doubt downing a bottle of vodka. You left me and stol him from me. Ill nere forgive you. I didnt do anything. You wen bowling wif him! And Chase, who you have conveniently forgotten. Chase and I were on a datethat you invited yourself along on, remember? Then somehow Weston was involved. I didnt do anything to him. You bowled him ore with yer innocence. Me? Innocent? I snorted. Thats wha I tol him, she mumbled. Tha you were a ho. But he didn believe me. My stomach rolled. Im not going to listen to this. You better lisen! I hate you for taking him away from me, an Im gonna to make you pay, Zoeeee. I yam. I clicked off my cell phone. It rang again. Britt. I snapped it up. Dont threaten me you drunk loser. He told me hes not into you anymore. Get over it. Why? So you can get it on wi him? Never! You... you ... I heard a sob, then the phone crashed and her heavy wailing pushed through the air waves. I disconnected. My stomach was so upset, I knew Id never relax enough to fall asleep now. My phone vibrated. Weston. Great. Hello? Zoe, are you okay? Yes, of course. Why? He let out a sigh. Britt left and was threatening you. Shes not there, is she? No. She just called me from her house. How do you know shes at her house? Because she was getting wasted. She keeps a stash there. But then, you might already know that. Yeah. She freaking lost it, man. Im telling you, that chick is out of control. I told you, she loves you. She doesnt love me. Shes, like, obsessed. But its not about me anymore. Her egos bruised and shes playing some sicko game. Shes not playing with me. I wont take her crap. If she says anything, does anything at all to you, you tell me. Understand? Now I had another guardian angel? I fought a grin. Weston, I can take care of myself. But thanks. No, Im serious. Shes a whack job. A whack job you were into not too long ago. Silence. I should let dead dogs lie. I banged my forehead with the palm of my hand. Sorry. That wasnt cool. Its okay. My phone ticked. Another call. I bet thats Britt. I better see if shes okay. Dont want her doing something drastic. Promise me youll