Penitence (2010) (17 page)

appease Mom, I ate half. A few minutes later Luke stood, took his clean plate to the sink, set it down and belched. He grinned. Then he crossed to Mom, stirring a bowl of cereal for Abria, and he kissed her cheek. Luke looked at me and jerked his mop of blonde hair in the direction of the front door indicating it was time to go. He swung his backpack over his shoulder and disappeared down the hall. Moms mouth fell open sometime after Luke kissed her cheek, and now her hand was poised at the spot in shock. I smiled, rose and took my plate to the counter. Then I kissed her other cheek. The pancakes were great. I savored the joy on her face, waved goodbye to Abria, standing on her chair at the table, and went out the door with my backpack. Nice one, I said getting in Lukes car. I shut the door and buckled up. Nice what? He was predictably clueless as he pulled onto the street. Kissing Mom? You made her week. His cherub cheeks reddened. She made me pancakes. Something brash screamed from the CD player. I wanted to turn it off, my nerves already raw like theyd been scraped through a grater. I leaned over to flick the switch but Luke stopped me. Hey, I like this song. Arguing over a song for the three minute drive to school was stupid, so I sucked it up and shut up, allowing him his enjoyment. At school, he parked and we headed up the drag toward the buildings, streaming with other students girding up their psyches for another day of education. My stomach bunched. Would Albert show up? You left me yesterday. Oh. Yeah. Sorry. Business. I snorted. Business? Dont think I want to know how you make your money. He and I herded through the door, my nose filled with the mixed smells of freshly showered skin, shampoo and cologne. We shared a smile before he went his way and I went mine. My gaze swept the halls for Albert but I didnt see him. Seventeen I saw Britt in history. She sat next to me, but since shed been absent for a day, I hadnt felt the discomfort I now felt seeing her. Facing her. I lifted my chin and returned the brick exterior I felt coming from her. I hadnt done anything wrong, didnt deserve her attitude and wasnt going to take it. Class started and my phone vibrated. Britt. I glanced over. She had her phone under the desk and her thumb was busily tapping the keyboard. u r just going 2 ignore me? u r ignoring me u stole weston i think i have a rite i didnt steal anyone whatever She kept tapping her nails on her phone, but I didnt get anymore texts so I put my phone away and listened to the lecture. So this was how it was going to be? Tired from being up late the night before and feeling the weight of living on the edge of a black, bottomless canyon, I laid my head down on my desk, closed my eyes and everything in my mind vanished into a swirling memory of Matthias. His neglected past. The bell shrilled, chairs screeched and I jerked upright, startled. Had I slept? The hour was gone, so was Britt and most of my classmates. I stood, hoping the teacher hadnt noticed me dozing in class. His back was turned as he wrote on the blackboard, so I scurried out. Krissy was next to my locker, waiting for me. Today, she had her hair down. Id never seen it in anything other than a ponytail. I was surprised that it went past her shoulders, was thick and had a nice sheen. The style changed flattered her. She wore a sheepish expression on her usually eager face as she watched other talking, chatting teens pass by without notice. My heart stung for her. The party she wanted to have was in one day. Who would go? For her sake, I hoped no one. Sweet, naive Krissy shouldnt be within five states of a party, not unless it was a birthday party with clowns, balloons and pizza. Her gaze found mine and she grinned, squeezing her books tight to her chest. Hey. I whirled the dial on my locker. I like your hair down. Looks nice. Thanks. Im so excited about Saturday night. Have you told anyone about it? Um. Not yet. You? A few people. I actually made little invitations, wanna see them? Her fingers trembled as she pulled out a hand decorated Post-It with Please Come to the Party! in hot pink and bright yellow. Daisies lined the paper. Her address and name were scrolled on the bottom. I gulped. Wow, I said. You want some to give out? She produced a giant stack of the ready-made Post-It invites just for me. No, Im good thanks. I prefer word of mouth. In fact, thats kinda the way these things are spread. Her jubilant expression faltered. Oh. So I shouldnt hand them out? How many have you given away? What kind of damage control needed to be done? I exchanged books and shut my locker. She followed me through the packed hall. I felt the curious stares of passers by and wondered how long it would take for word to spread that I was hanging with Krissy ...I-didnt-even-know-her-last-name. I wasnt worried about my reputation; Id handled worse in junior high (labeled loser) and even here at Pleasant Grove High School being known as everything from slut to popular. There was the real possibility Krissy would be judged as okay simply by being seen with me. Krissy noticed the stares, too, because she glowed like she had at the Purple Turtle the day shed gone to lunch with Weston and me. Ive given out about... ten. Her eyes rounded innocently, as if she was waiting for me to laugh at her social blunder. Oh. Okay, well, no need to hand out any more, I think. Theyre cute and all, but lets stick to word of mouth, kay? She nodded, accepting my instructions as if they were commandments. Then her eyes lit and held across the hall. I followed her drooling stare to Weston at the door of a classroom. He stood with Brady. Please tell me the two of them arent pals again. I smiled genially at Weston, ignored Brady, then faced Krissy. Ive got to get to class. Without tearing her gaze from Weston she nodded. My cell phone buzzed in my hand. Weston. hey u ok? Yeah im not hanging with brady if u r wondering not wondering What he did with Brady was his business, right? But if I heard the two of them were buds again, Id keep far away from them both, and Id make sure neither went to Krissys party. I looked up. Krissy was gone. Shed crossed the hall and now stood at the door of the classroom with Weston and Brady. If she was inviting them to her party, she was gutsier than I gave her credit for. I headed to my next class, and my phone vibrated. Weston. I grinned. krissy + party = WTF? lol I know shes really doing it? guess so. u going? yeah u? if u r, yeah Youre texting him now? Britts voice cut through my concentration. I dropped the smile on my face. Youre reading my texts over my shoulder now? I held my phone so she couldnt see the screen and I kept walking. She hung by my side. From all appearances, we were friends again. I had to admit, the comfort of familiarity swamped me: her perfume, the easy way she walked in stride next to me, all things Id grown used to over the years wed been friends. I am when my best friend sabotages my boyfriend. I stopped. She did too. Bodies filed around us, quieting, staring as they slowly passed. Britt was hammered: circles under her eyes, skin sallow, hair messy. What was with the torn jeans and shabby shirt? Britt never left the house unless she looked perfect. I didnt do anything purposefully, Britt, I tried the compassion I felt it in my heart for her. Whats this party you two are having? Were not having it. Krissya girl in one of my classesis throwing it. The chick with the jumper and boots? I nodded, hoping she would laugh, hug me and put all this nonsense behind us where it belonged. She gazed down the hall to the classroom where Weston had stood with Brady and Krissyall of whom were gone now. She likes him, doesnt she? I blew out a sigh. Yeah. But shes Shes a dog, Britt snapped, her bloodshot eyes locking on mine again. She scrubbed a hand down her face. Her white-tipped nails chipped and neglected, like everything else in her life I guessed. Shes not you, I said. Britt, why do you worry about girls like her? Shes really shy and definitely not Westons type. Her glazed eyes sharpened. Its you he wants. The tardy bells high pitch sheered my ears. We both stood staring at each other. Im not after Weston, I said through teeth. Ive told you a thousand times. Now, Ive said it a thousand and one times. I took off for class, infuriated she was beheading me for something I wasnt guilty of. Im going to that party. Her threat echoed through the hall. Im going! * * * In newspaper class, I stared at my computer screen like a zombie, the white page with writing in front of me annihilating my brain with boredom. I was supposed to edit this article on the brand new football field that had just gone in this past summer. YAWN. Who cared that the painted royal blue grass had actually lasted through the season? What did that prove but an ber paint job? Either that or our team didnt do much tearing up and winning. I couldnt remember how the Vikings had scored this season. I couldnt do this. Chase! Chase was glued to his computer but jumped to his feet when I called, and strode over. He put one hand on the back of my chair, the other on the desk, boxing me in. Spicy sweet cologne swirled in my head. Yeah? I cant do this. I told you, sports and me... thats like drinking a Rockstar while trying to sleep. Cant be done. Chases discerning gaze traveled over me. He pulled a metal chair next to me and plunked down. Youre not happy today. What happened? Are my moods that obvious? Circles under your eyes, a listless, bored expression on your face. Signs, Zoe. Could it be this yawnsville copy you assigned me to edit? He reached over and clicked on the mouse, minimizing the offending article. Then his brown eyes fastened to mine in a piercing gaze that rivaled Matthias. You want to talk about it? Oh. Sure. So the paint stayed on the Astroturf through all ten home games. WOW. I faked a yawn and grinned. The right corner of his lip lifted. So the articles a parochial approach to reporting. Were dealing with beginning, inexperienced writers on staff. Whats really bugging you? Im just tired. I leaned close to him, indicating I had something private to share and he mirrored me. The freakiest thing happened, I whispered. I told him about Albert. About how Id assumed he was my new guardian, sent by Matthiasand what had happened out at the marquee. Through the unfolding story, Chases face paled. He swallowed. Thats... I dont know what to say. Yeah, well, it was about the scariest thing Ive ever had happen to me. The worst part, was how convinced I wasfor a whilethat Albert was... a good guy. I mean, he looks so much like Matthias. Its... Chase, the whole thing was worse than a nightmare. I wasnt in control of my soul. Albert... he... I shuddered. Chase laid his hand on my arm. Dont talk about it. You might invite the dude back. As if chilled to the bone, my body continued to convulse. Chase set both of his hands on my arms and, finally, the torrent of shudders left me. I blew out a breath. Chases hands slipped away. Zoe, this is huge. This Albert dude is... he takes this to a whole other level. Do you mind? Im trying to calm down here. Oh. Yeah. Right. Is that all thats bothering you? And Im a little worried about Krissys party. Krissy. Oh, yeah. She gave me one of these. He pulled a Post-It invite Krissy had decorated from the front pocket of his khakis and held it up. She told me you said I should have one. Did you really say that? In a roundabout way. You should go, Chase. Im worried no one will show up. I had to admit, when she told me the two of you were throwing a party, and that Weston was going, I thought she was joking. I didnt even know you two were friends. Im not throwing the party, Krissy is. And I saw her guardian. So, I kind of feel responsible for her. Now I get it. Yeah, Ill go to her party. I figured you would. I laid my hand on his knee for a second. His Adams apple bobbed and I slid my hand back to my lap. I dont know what shes got planned. I mean, the parties Ive gone to are pretty raw. Im not sure she knows what shes getting into. You, me and Weston can make sure everything stays above board. Why was I discussing this with Chase? Like he knew about parties. But he radiated excitement. Yeah, we can. Hey, youre such a nice guy, maybe you can, you know, hang with her a little before Saturday. A deep crease formed between his brows. Like... how? I know you dont like her like that, but, you can be friendly, right? So that when you show up Saturday, she knows more than just me and Weston. His face relaxed. Oh, sure. Okay. Do you think I should tell people about the party? Chases friends were harmless. Definitely. There was a slim chance Krissys party wouldnt be a disaster after all. Chase looked at the screen of my computer. He reached over, his arm brushing mine, clicked on the mouse and the article popped up again. He stood. You gonna be okay? I nodded. Thanks. Then get back to work. He wagged his brows at me. I swear there was a cocky spring in his walk when he strolled back to his desk. My cell phone vibrated. I pulled it out, anything to avoid the inevitable of facing the editing job. Weston. can i give u a ride home? A flock of birds let loose in my stomach. I tapped the phone with my fingernail, gnawing on my bottom lip. I needed a ride, Luke wasnt one- hundred percent reliable, and Britt was off Westons to-do list, so... why not? sure k cya I took a deep breath. The flock of birds spread from my stomach through my arms, legs, to my toes, and circled around my heart. I checked the clock on my phone: thirty minutes to finish editing. Thirty minutes until I saw Weston. I shouldnt be this excited about a ride home. Eighteen Weston stood by his truck, arms tucked across his chest, legs casually crossed at the ankles as he leaned his tight frame against the door. He was alone. His gaze locked on me across the parking lot. Wow. He must have 20/20 vision with that hawk-stare. I swallowed a nervous clutch in my throat and continued toward him, keeping a distracted eye out for cars backing out of parking places and other students making their way to waiting autos. Where were his guy friends? The packs of girls usually loitering in his aura trying to catch his eye, his scent, desperate for his attention? Where was Britt? With that thought, I glanced around the thinning parking lot but didnt see her white Mustang. I continued toward Weston, my palms sweatier with each step, my heart fluttering. He smiled and came away from the truck, his arms falling to his side. Hey. Hey. Awkward silence. Horns peeping, voices calling out. Random CD tunes blaring. Weston stuffed his hands in his front pockets. So... Yeah... Weston laughed. His smile spread across his strong cheeks in a contagious expression of awkwardness that I caught and savored with a smile of my own. Okay. He shrugged his shoulders and his right foot toed the asphalt. Okay, I teased. Youre not nervous are