Maggie on the Bounty (13 page)

"H
ow
up are you for running, Killian?" I asked him.

He
straightened himself out.  "At your service,
Maggie."

But he was
limping at a slow half-jog, which didn't bode well.  Even though the entire
world was sort of hanging in the balance and I could have used an extra
hand, I knew the vampires would finish
him off before we ever got a chance to save the world.  And truth be told, if Killian
died, there wasn't much of a world left worth saving. 
Not that I would ever say that aloud to that fucking elf.

I turned
to George.  "George?  I need you to watch one more person for me."

Killian
tried to stop me, but I shut him down before he could say a word. 
"Listen, partner.  I know you want to go all macho
on me, but I know you elves.  Given a couple minutes to rest, you'll be on your
feet in no time flat.  If you keep pushing, I'm going to be scraping your dead
body off of a bulkhead.  And that's a hassle."

He opened his mouth again
to protest, but Jackie came over and took his hand.  "Can
you protect me?" she asked.

Leave it
to a MacKay girl to figure out how to wrap an elf around her little finger.

Killian
looked down at her and then looked at me.  "Did you instigate this?"

I shook my
head.  "Nope, the kid needs you all on her own.  You wouldn't go disappointing
a child now, would you?"

Jackie
gave him a low, slow blink with her big ol' eyes.  Killian sighed, utterly
defeated.  The girl was a player.

"So this
power over males is genetic, is it not, Maggie?"

I gave him
a shrug.  "What can I say?  Us MacKay women got skilz."  I came over and hugged Killian.  "Rest.  I'll be back
as soon as I get Mortimer.  I promise."

He hugged
me back.  "I will hold you to that."

I turned,
ready to go.  Then, I stopped and turned slowly back to Killian, unsure of
whether to speak.

"What
is it, Maggie?" he asked tenderly.

"Killian?"

"Yes?"

"Which
direction should I go?"

K
illian drew me a map, which made
this stumbling around in the boat thing a whole heck of a lot easier.  I mean,
yes, it made it a little harder to keep my eyeballs peeled for vampires, but I
handled the few I ran into well enough that I barely lost my place.

I certainly was not what you might
call "thrilled to pieces" about having to go this alone, but it
wasn't so different than what life was like those two years that my dad was
caught in the boundary.  I mean, of course I was caught on a ship with a
boatload of undead things, but still.  I had gone it alone for a long time and
tried to tell myself I didn't need that pain in the ass elf by my side,
anyways.

That's what I told myself.

I was so
distracted by all of the layers of dimensions that I practically stumbled into
the organ room and the two vampire soldiers standing guard.  I ducked back
around the corner before they saw me.  I folded up my map and tucked it down my
front.  Figured it wouldn't ruin the lines of my dress any worse than my
monster-proof vest.  And this maid's outfit was so shot to hell, there wasn't
much left to ruin anyways.

I pulled
out my silver stake and my more utility stake, took a deep breath, and ran.

These
fuckers weren't messing around.  I guess I had screwed up their plans enough
that they were willing to take me out now, even if it took them out, too.  They
pulled out some WWII standard issue handguns and started firing.  I took a
bullet to the shoulder that felt like a mule kicked me
in the collar bone.  I took another hit to the stomach that knocked the wind
right out of me and dropped me to the ground.

The fact
they were young vampires, and more apt to think with their fangs than their
heads, was the only thing that saved me.  Me flopping around on the ground like
some sort of wounded animal was like dancing a laser beam in front of a cat. 
They tossed their guns aside and sprang, ready for lunch.  I
tried not to think about the fact, too, that if I was dying
and their master was keen on turning me, someone had to do the turning part
before my heart stopped beating.  They started pushing each other to see who
was going to have the honor of hitting my carotid first,
and while they were distracted, I had the time to pull a little derringer out
of my boot top and nail them at close range.  I made sure to give them an extra
poke through the sternum to make sure they weren't coming back.  And maybe an
extra kick or two to their heads, just for being assholes.

I limped
off down the hall, each breath feeling a bit like someone got a knife in me.  I
don't think anything was broken, but my ribs were going to be sporting some
nasty bruises for the next couple of weeks.  Fucking vampires.

I pushed
open the door.

Two
vampires had Mortimer held down in his chair and had his fingers pressed to the
keyboards.

"PLAY!"
Barbara screamed at him.

"I do
not feel inspired!" he shouted back.

His poor
feet were bleeding all over the foot pedals and those
magic spikes were sporting a new coat of rust-colored paint.

Everyone stopped and looked at me.

"Fuck,"
I said.  I so was not feeling this right now.  I shot
my stake at one of the vampires before he could move and dropped him on the
spot.  I waved my remaining stake at the other guy. 
"Come on.  Let's get this over with," I groaned.

"You
came, Maggie!" said Mortimer.  "Finally!  An audience who appreciates
my work as a musician and who doesn't treat me like some Tin Pan Alley
player."

"I've
always believed in you!" I said as Barbara and the remaining vampire
squared off with me.  Two vampires and one stake.  It was enough to make anyone
want to throw up.

They both
flew at me at once, and all I could manage was to hit some defensive postures. 
I wished to God Killian had packed some of that
medicinal healing elf nectar I had tasted a couple times.  We needed to start
carrying old-skool thermoses of that stuff.  I was getting beat and beat bad. 
I was hoping that eventually the adrenaline would kick in enough to dull out
the pain, but it wasn't happening quick enough.  I wasn't able to do much more
than be their punching bag and hope eventually they'd get bored.

"Stop
it!" Mortimer yelled as I took a punch to the jaw that had me seeing
stars.

"Play
the organ!" shouted back Barbara.

"Leave
her be and I will play all you want!"

The other
vampire grabbed my arms and had me pinned, holding me there for Barbara to do
her worst.  I managed to get my foot around his ankle and kick his leg out from
under him, but didn't know if I was going to have the energy to flip him over
my head.

Mortimer
didn't give me a chance to figure that out though.  He pressed his fingers on
the organ in the ugliest sounding chord of discordant notes ever played by a
middle school band.  The noise that came out of the organ was like standing in
front of a jet plane.  The sound knocked all of us onto
our butts.  It wasn't just sound.  It was raw, inter-dimensional power being
ripped apart as worlds were forced to collide.  It rumbled through the steel of
the ship and I could hear it pour out of the smokestack.  My ears were still
ringing long after the sound had faded away.

Barbara grabbed Mortimer and yanked
him to his feet.  The other vampire looked like he wanted to have another go at
me, but Barbara snapped at him, "Leave it!" and he slunk after her
like a pit bull on a choke chain.  I was only too happy to let him go. 
Sometimes you need to know when to stay down, and I needed to stay down.

The thing that got me was Mortimer,
though.  His steps left puddles of blood as he followed her in tow, the organ
having claimed its price of admission.

As they
walked past, he just whispered to me, "My
apologies."

I couldn't
help it.  I shouted at them just as they reached the door, "Aren't you going to finish me off?"

I
struggled up to my feet.

Barbara
smiled.  "Never fear, Maggie.  I shall make sure you are well attended
to."

"If
you hurt her, I will not play again!" said Mortimer.

She tutted
at him, "Now, Mortimer.  I will do no such thing.  Maggie will rest
comfortably here in 1941 and watch the years pass comfortably by."

I suddenly
understood what she was doing.  She wasn't going to kill me.  She was going to
trap me in this bubble of time and when it blinked out, so would I.  Or, more
accurately, I'd be stuck here traveling along this timeline as the years and
decades passed and get to look forward to spending my golden years in the 1980's.

Fuck that
shit.

No one
should have to live through the 1980's again.

I hobbled
after them, making sure to stay out of sight, but looking for any opportunity
to take them down without giving them an opportunity to return the favor.

I was SOL.

They went
into the pool room.  I opened up the door just enough to see them.  The waters
were still filled with their bathing beauties and I had no idea when they'd
decide that dinner was served.

Barbara
jumped through the portal with Mortimer in tow.  There was an instant, a split
second when I could have followed after them, but then I thought of Killian and
Jackie down in the engine room and I couldn't do it.  Even with the fate of the
world hanging in the balance, I couldn't do it. 

I looked
at the boundary as it slowly closed in front of me, almost taunting me to jump
on through, but all I could think of was that time I
had jumped through and left my dad caught in limbo-land.  Sure, he wanted to
get caught, and sure, we got him out later... But I couldn't go through
something like that again.  If this reality blinked out, or worse, Killian
ended up storming the shores of Normandy...  It just wasn't cool.  I knew the
only chance he and Jackie had to make it through was me, and I wasn't going to
fuck that up all because a couple of worlds needed
saving.

I pulled out
my map.  I needed to get to Killian.  If we never figured out how to reopen the
time portal, well... we would just pick up some new hobbies.  Swing dancing and
maybe in a couple years, doo wop and staking vampires at the
car hop.

I
got back
down to the engine room.  My motley crew was busy playing some sort of game
involving throwing wrenches.  I think Jackie was winning.

Killian
looked up.  "I felt it," he said.

Nothing
more needed to be said.

But who
was I to let a moment like that hang out in thin air?  "They grabbed
Mortimer and pulled him through the swimming portal.  Barbara closed up the
door.  I didn't want to go through without you guys... just in case I couldn't
get back."

"Can
we get through now?" he asked.

"No. 
We're trapped in the bubble.”

He threw
his wrench with probably a little more force than necessarily necessary for
wrench throwing.  It hit one of the pipes and the clanging sound clanged
something in my brain.

"Wait."
I said.  I pointed at the pipes.  "The smokestacks have
to go off in order for all of this to work."

"Yes,"
Killian affirmed.

"No! 
You don't get it!  The smokestacks have to go off in order for this to
work!" I shouted.

"Saying
it louder does not increase my understanding, Maggie."

"Mortimer
said that his notes have to play simultaneously across three dimensions in
three different times in order for the portals to open.  So what would happen
if we fucked that up?"

"How?"

"What
if there was no steam?"  I looked over at George.  "We stop the
steam, we stop the smokestack, we stop the end of the world..."

The gargoyle
stood there thinking for a minute, and then a great big smile spread across his
ugly horned face.  He slowly shook his wrench at me.
"Maggie, you might have something there."

We all ran over to one of the
boilers.

"How are we going to keep this
thing from going off?" I asked.

Killian shook his head.  The entire
room was made of steel.  There was no "For a good time, puncture here"
written anywhere.

"Okay, boilers explode all the
time," I said.  "What we need is something to break through the boiler,
like... bullets or something."

"Bullets?  You are proposing
firing off rounds of shells at a steel object in an enclosed space?"
clarified Killian.

"I said LIKE bullets.  You
come up with something."

We all stood there for a moment.

George rubbed his nose.  "I
can release the steam, but it will boil all of you humans like lobsters in a
pot."

I looked at
him.  "Will it hurt you?"

He
shrugged his shoulders.  "We gargoyles are tough.  We're made for casting
demons into the pits of the Dark Dimension.  A little steam will be like a day
at a sauna."

I wasn't
sure if he actually meant it or was just trying to throw me off so that I would
convince him that we'd figure something else out.

"Okay, George," I
said walking over to him.  "Sabotage the steam here, but we need you to
sabotage the steam sixty years from now, too.  It is the same night you meet
Killian and I in the future.  We meet you in the engine room during a ghost
tour.  I catch you wiping grease on a tourist's leg.  You screw up when Jackie
tries to get me a message written in soap bubbles and that's why you're in the
right place at the right time."

"I'll make sure I get
that leg nice and greasy," he said, giving me a three-fingered salute and
a wink.  "It's like I was put here just for this mission."

I nodded
my head.  "Okay, kids, let's evacuate the engine room."  I held out
my hand.  "Thanks, George.  If you ever need a favor..."

"Know
anyone in The Other Side permit department?" he asked.

"I
most certainly do," I said.  "And as soon as we get home, I will make
sure you get to stay here for as long as you feel like."

"Actually,
I was hoping for maybe a reassignment.  Something with a bit more excitement
than this old boat."

"You
got yourself a deal.  Something nice and close to a
hellhole," I said.  "Oh!  If you fall
asleep in the chapel, watch out for kids with permanent markers!"

He gave me
a smart salute and scampered off.  Killian gave me a little side hug and I
winced.

"Are
you all right?" he asked, concerned.

I
shrugged.  "Just ran into a little trouble and realized how much I
appreciate it when you're around to distract the gun fire."

We were
the walking wounded trying to hobble out of a burning
building.  It just flat out sucked that neither of us were operating on full
steam, so to speak.  Jackie probably was the best equipped of our entire crew
to take out any bad guys, and she was just a kid with a wrench.

We walked up the steps as the final watertight door sealed behind us.  That was that.  It was all on George now. 
I started rubbing my chin, a nagging little thought messing with my head.

"Maggie? 
What's going on in that head of yours?" Killian asked.

I looked
back where we had come from.  "Just wondering if we should make sure we
have a failsafe in case this doesn't work."

"Why
wouldn't it work?" Killian asked.

"It's
the future," I said.  "How could smokestacks go off in the future if
there is no steam to release?  The boat is docked.  It is a floating hotel. 
The most steam they have is from their shower room."

I could see
Killian was troubled by my thinking, too.  My dumb brain and its logic ruining
a perfectly good sense of victory.

"Okay, this is okay," I
said as we reached the next landing.  "What does the steam do?"

"It propels the sound."

"So if the sound is
wrong..."

"Then the harmonic resonance
will not shatter the boundary and the portal doesn't open!" Killian said.

"And you completely fuck their
plans!" piped up Jackie.

Killian and
I looked at one another and then at the kid.

"You
corrupted your own grandmother, Maggie," said Killian, aghast.

"Maybe
she's who I get it from," I pointed out, trying not to feel bad.

Jackie
giggled, "Nope!" and ran
ahead.  "Come on!"

We'd have
to worry about how much psychological damage we were doing after we finished
saving the world, I guess. 

"Okay,"
I said.  "Let's get to the roof and see if we can sabotage the
smokestacks."

"How would you suggest we do
that?" asked Killian.

"Well, we have a boat full of
soldiers, heavy equipment, and military supplies," I replied.

We also,
evidently, had a boat with a cranky vampire.

Blocking
the top of the staircase and our way to the deck was the woman in black.

"Wait. 
You're supposed to be in the future!" I said.

She
started advancing slowly towards us, her silk black dress and flapping in the
breeze.  "I know all about what you are trying to do," she said.

I pushed
Killian and Jackie behind me.  "And how did you find out about that?"

"A
little gargoyle told me."

"George..."
I whispered, having a really bad feeling about this.

"Don't
worry.  I made sure his death was swift and
quick," she replied.

"You're
gonna die for hurting my friend," I informed her.

She smiled. "Oh, sweetheart, I'm already dead."

And then
she raced down the stairs towards us.

"Killian,
get Jackie to safety," I said, pushing them away.

"I
cannot leave you, Maggie," he said, his eyes on Barbara as she reached the
bottom of the steps.

"Go
do what you do best.  Find the deck while I keep her distracted," I said.

"Maggie..."

"I'll
just get us lost if you leave the 'find the deck' up to me.  Go!  I'm taking
this bitch down."

Killian
grabbed the kid's hand and they ran off down the hallway.

"We're not going to let you
tear down the boundary," I said, blocking her claws and throwing her to
the ground.

She landed like she was resting on
a chaise lounge and I was asking her if she preferred lemonade or iced tea. 
She laughed.  "Aren't you quite darling?  I don't need to your permission,
Maggie MacKay."

"I think you do," I said.

"What are you going to do to
stop me?" she pouted.

"I'm going to kill you,"
I replied, taking out my stake and twirling it in my fingers.

She flew toward me and I
sidestepped her.  She might look like a kitten, but she fought like a tomcat.  Girl
vampires fight dirty.  She hissed and snarled as she came at me, a flying ball
of fangs and claws.  I flung her off me and raced up the stairs.  She tried to
tackle me, but I kicked her in her pretty nose and kept going.

I emerged out onto the deck of the
ship, which was a surprise to me. I had no idea we were so close to topside. 
She hit me again and I tucked and rolled, springing to my feet and trying not
to vomit as the pain from earlier decided to let me know it did not appreciate
this workout.  But the clock was running down.  It was dangerously close to
midnight and that final whistle.

I looked up
to the upper deck.  The smokestacks were right in front of me.  So close.  I
was so flipping close to them.

Barbara
landed on my back and was biting on my neck guard like a toddler with a
teething ring.  I slammed her against the railing.  Guess a metal bar to the
spinal cord isn't the best feeling in the world because she let go. 

And I took
that opportunity to run.  I looked over my shoulder and she was right behind
me.  But I had a sliver of a plan.  It all depended on if I could get America's
finest to play along.

"Come and get me, bitch!"
I shouted.

"I shall finish you!" she
cried.

"I'd like to see you
try."

I ran along the deck, dodging
between curious soldiers.  You could feel the waves of disbelief.  I think I
had them on my side, though, because I at least tried to weave around them,
while Barbara was knocking them down.

"Help!  Help!" I cried. 
Sometimes you gotta work the helpless female angle.  The fact Barbara was vamping
it up, not in the good way, was working in my favor.  The soldiers' disbelief
was switching to outright hostility.  Over on the left-hand side was a set of
stairs which ran up to the upper deck right next to those smokestacks.  I took
them two at a time.  When I reached the top, I turned and she flew at me, not
even bothering with the stairs at all.  I caught her and dropped down, flipping
her over my head.  She landed crouched in a three-point position like a
linebacker.  Truth be told, she could take a hit with the best of them.

"You are going to be my lunch,"
she hissed.

"Not a chance in hell," I
replied. 

I ran as she flew again and rolled
right under her feet.  She landed again and then was chasing behind me.

"Spy!" I shouted at the
soldiers on the lower decks, the ones manning the massive deck guns.  "She's
a Nazi spy!"

Our
soldiers might not have known what to do with two women in a catfight and/or a
vampire, but they sure as hell knew what to do with one of Hitler's minions. 
Every soldier had his gun out and was taking aim.

"Shoot
her!  Shoot her!" came a shout.  It sounded like Killian.  "Strafe
away, men!  Stop the fascists in their tracks!"

I dropped down.

The vampire jumped and for a moment
Barbara was silhouetted against the smokestack.

"Open fire!" came the cry
again.

And then I heard that blessed
rat-a-tat-tat.  The beautiful sounds of old-timey machine guns and a bona fide
Gatling gun, ripping through the metal.  God bless boys and their toys.  They
nailed Barbara like a metal duck in a shooting gallery.  But even more
importantly, their bullets punctured the smokestacks. 

The sound of gunfire stopped.

I stood up
and gave a big thumbs-up in my
best impression of a USO Pin-up Girl. "Well done, boys!"  The maid outfit helped.  I limped over to Barbara.  She was filled with so many holes, you could drain a pot of spaghetti
through her.  She wasn't getting up anytime soon, but she was still alive.

"This
is not over," she spat at me, her eyes filled with burning hatred.

"Yes,"
I said, "it is." 

And I nailed
her through the heart with my silver stake.

It was over. 

And then, I let myself fall over.  I was so fucking tired.  I lay on the deck of the boat as
the soldiers came running to see what happened and if I was okay.

Some fetching young GIs hoisted me
to my feet and I was more than happy to let them help me over to the railing. 
I looked down to see who had manned the big guns.  Face down and dead on the
deck was the gunner, with overly-long canines in his mouth and Killian's pole
through his chest.  Taking his place at the trigger was Jackie, sporting an
army helmet and a fierce little look on her face.  She and Killian were
high-fiving.

The clock struck midnight.

All three
smokestacks went off.  One.  Two.  They were illuminated against the sky and
gave off an eerie glow. 

The third went off and the tone was
all wrong.  It was like a slipped finger on the keyboard of an organ.  It was
over.  It was finally over.  Thank fucking God.

"Thanks,
grandma!" I yelled.

Jackie
gave me a great big grin and a thumbs-up.

"Are
you all right, miss?" asked one of the eighteen-year-old kids at my elbow.

"Just
fine," I replied.

Killian grabbed Jackie's hand and
came running over.  He threw his arms around me and twirled me.  If I wasn't so
fucking thrilled to be alive, I would have probably passed out from the pain. 
"Ow!"

He let me down and planted a great
big kiss on my cheek.  "We did it, Maggie!"

To hell with pain, I hugged him
right back. 

"You two should get
married!" said Jackie, smiling at us.

I messed up her hair.  "You
sound just like my mother."

Killian planted his fists on his
waist in a downright Peter Pan stance, looking pleased as punch.  "We did
it!"