Maggie on the Bounty (4 page)

L
acy looked up from her ledger as I
walked in and threw the vampire's body on the reception desk.  She rolled her
eyes.  "You're gonna get vampire juice all over my keyboard, Maggie."

Lacy was a woman who lived the
blues.  Probably because she was blue.  All of her.  From the tip of her curly
hair to the bottom of her dainty toes.  She handled intake over at the prison,
but the way she wore her uniform was not regulation.  The bedazzled name-tag
was a good look.  It threw people off from the fact she could wipe the floor
with your ass any time she liked.

"Sorry, Lacy.  Just wanted to
make sure you saw this guy's face before he got lost in the bureaucratic
shuffle."

"I like to see his face in the
photos from the morgue, not because you've decided he's my new cube-mate."

"I'm not sure this guy is
going to be wanted in your morgue.  I need you to do me a solid, Lacy."

She rolled her eyes. "Maggie,
when do you NOT want me to do you a solid?  It's like I see you coming through
the door and I know I'm in for double the paperwork."

The bell rang as Killian walked in.

"What about for me?" he
asked.

Lacy purred, "I'd rather
you
did me a solid."

"That could be arranged,"
he winked.

"I'm going to throw up,"
I pointed out.

"Shut up, Maggie,"
Killian and Lacy said together.

I threw my hands up.  I was out. 
Who was I to interrupt their little game of bad cop/sex cop when there was a
mystery vampire on the desk?

Lacy hitched her hip and leaned
over the dead vampire, looking at his face, "I don't recognize him from
any of our reward posters, Maggie."

"That's the problem."

She snapped her gum. "Did you
just kill a vampire that you are not supposed to be killing?"

"No, I'm pretty sure he
definitely needed killing, we just need help figuring out exactly who he is and
how much killing he needed."

Lacy walked over to the cabinet and
got out her fang printing kit.  She popped open his mouth with a pencil and
made him bite down into the putty.  She threw the kit into a plastic baggie and
put it into a pneumatic chute.  The little cylinder went flying through the
glass tube up and out of the room.

"It's gonna take me a few
days," she warned.

"That's cool!" I
replied.  "Killian and I are just getting the shop set up."

"You could deliver the results
in person," Killian offered with a smile.

I could feel the room heat up from
all the way over from where I was standing.  I slapped Killian's shoulder.  "Come
on, Romeo.  No glamouring The Other Side's finest."

Lacy pinched my arm.  "He can
glamour The Other Side's finest whenever and however long he wants, and if you
two are wanting my help, I am suggesting that he pony up."

"Bribing an Other Side
official is a federal offense, Lacy," I pointed out.

"I'll lose the paperwork if
the government decides to press charges."

I grabbed Killian by the elbow.  He
was continuing to shoot out the laser rays of love from his eyes as I dragged
him out of the room.

"Thank you, Lacy!  So glad to
know you are doing this purely out of service to your fellow man!" I
shouted.

Killian shook his head as we walked
down to our car. "I could be her fellow man."

"Can it, elf."

I
unlocked the door
to MacKay & MacKay Tracking and ushered Killian in.  The office hadn't been
touched in a week and still smelled a little like werewolves and vampires.  I
made note to pick up some Undead Strength Febreeze the
next time I was at the store.

I flipped on the light and opened
up the window to get some air moving through the place.  Killian walked over to
my dad's desk and was just about to sit down.

"Wait!" I said.

He froze midway down.

I grabbed a chair and put it on The
Other Side of my desk.  "Why don't you sit here today?"

Killian looked at the chair and
looked at me.  He calmly stood, walked over, and sat.  He looked at me with
those great baby blues and nailed me with some truth.  "You did not want
me sitting at your father's desk, did you?"

I shifted uncomfortably.

"If we are to go into
business, the day will come when I will need a place to sit, Maggie, and it
makes sense that it should be at a desk which is not currently being
used."

"Yeah, well..."

He stared at me.  He had this habit
of waiting patiently for me to finish perfectly unfinishable sentences. 

"...yeah," I finished,
lamely.

"Let me know if you are having
second thoughts about our partnership arrangement."

"No!"  I said, shutting
him down.  "No, that's not it at all.  It's just... let me just clean out
the drawers and stuff first."

Killian gave me a smile, totally
knowing all the stuff I wasn't saying about how tough it was going to be to
look at a desk where my dad had sat for the past twenty years and to see
another face.  The fact he didn't make me say it was pretty much proof positive
I couldn't have asked for a better partner than this damned elf.  Instead, he
just said, "Take all the time you need." 

He looked around as I grabbed a box
and started emptying things.  "So, what do you two do all day?"

"Oh, we usually just wait for
someone to call."

"You sit here, waiting?  For
clients to find you?" Killian asked with, dare I say, some incredulity in
his voice.

"Hey!  It works, hot shot. 
Don't go dissing the system before you have a chance to give it a shake."

The phone rang.

"See?" I said, pointing
at the phone.  "It's like kismet.  It's like people know that we are here
and they need us."  I picked up the phone, listened for a moment, and then
hung up.  "Telemarketer."

Killian motioned around the room.
"If this is your typical day, might I suggest a receptionist and working
from home?"

"That's not the way these
things work, Killian.  They just know when we're here.  Plus, some of our
clients don't even have fingers to dial."

"You are frightening me,
Maggie."

"That's why we have to be
here.  In case they come through the door."

"How do they come through the
door if they do not have fingers to turn the knob?"

"They bash it down."

"What?"

"And so we also have to be
here to put the door back on the hinges."

"How often do you have those
sorts of clients?"

"...often...?" I
admitted.

Killian looked really uncomfortable
and started to get up.  "I believe, Maggie, I might call it a day—"

The phone rang.  I pointed at
Killian. "You see, doubter?  What did I tell you?  It's like magic!"

He held up his hands, motioning to
me to prove him wrong.

"Hello?" I asked as I
picked up the receiver.  I grabbed a pen and some paper.  "Really?  Huh. 
All right.  We'll be right over."  I hung up.  "Crap."

"Who was it?" he asked.

"General manager of the Empress
Adelaide.  Evidently, they are having a bit of a ghost problem."  I shook
my head.  "We should have worked from home."

I
couldn't believe we were in the
same place twice in one week, albeit a pretty nice place to be twice in one
week.  But, the fact we were here meant that something was definitely going on,
you know, other than our own little run-in with haunted soap dispensers and
mystery vampires.  Needless to say, the prospect of more toilet-adjacent undead
thrilled me to no end.  At least, this time, I got to wear pants.

"Maggie, just think, all-you-can-eat
waffles twice in one week!" Killian tried to cheer me as we parked.

"Sorry, I was distracted by
the All-You-Can-Read-Death-Threats in the bathroom sink."

"Our new employer did not say
what this was about?"

"Nope.  Just that they had
illuminated the bat signal in the sky and our presence was requested."

"What is a bat signal?  Does
it relate to vampires?"

"First off, I can't believe
you don't know that reference, and second off, let's hope not.  Did you pack
your bag?"

He patted the sack sitting upon his
lap.  "I hear they have an indoor swimming pool.  How remarkably human! 
We heard of such things in our human studies class.  Imagine it!  A pool of
water inside a boat which is sitting upon the water.  It is such a strange
order to things."

"Not so strange," I
replied.

"Did the passengers think that
if they kept the pool inside, they would not get wet if it rains?"

"Okay, so maybe a little
strange."

"I just wonder what other sort
of oddities we might come across."

"Probably not many."

"I wonder if I should write a
paper about the early 20th-century habits of the water-faring humans for an
advanced degree program," he mused as he got out and looked excitedly at
the boat.

"Your nerd is showing,
Killian."

"Pardon?" he asked,
looking to see if something was hanging out that shouldn't.

I patted him on the shoulder.  "Save
your money, elf.  What we do doesn't require an education."

"You are merely being modest,
Maggie.  You have exhibited a great understanding of society and
cultures."

"Merely the byproduct of
trying to stay alive," I replied, locking the door and pocketing my keys. 
"You ready for this?"

"I look forward to enjoying a
cruise for two with you."

I rolled my eyes.

We walked over to the little office
area next to the hotel check-in.  A phone call was placed and then we were
whisked away and deposited in a tiny office on one of the middle floors.  It
was a nicely appointed room.  Paneled walls, mid-century modern chairs and desk
in the middle of the room.  The orange industrial carpet probably wasn't the
best choice, but it sort of worked in a poor man's decor sort of way. 

The manager, one Julio Tiron,
entered.  He was a little guy.  Latino with a bushy brown mustache and a bald
pate.  He was a ball of pent up energy, twitchy, and someone who should
probably cut back a little on the coffee.  He seemed like he was counting the
minutes until this could be over and he could move on to the next crisis.  He
waved his hand to indicate that we should sit in the chairs across from him. 
We sat.

Julio wiped the sweat from him head
and opened up a color-coded red folder.  "I am glad that you were able to
finally get here.  You came highly recommended from Father Killarney."

I swear to God, that priest had the
hookups.  Dollars-to-donuts, it wasn't from bingo night.

"We're having a ghost problem,"
he began.

I pulled out my notebook.
"What are you seeing?  Ghosts?  Poltergeist?  Removal systems are
slightly different for each one."

"No!  No!" he said,
holding up his hands and stopping me right there.  "I don't want you to
remove them.  They're missing.  I want you to find them and bring them
back."

I lowered my notebook and looked
over at Killian for confirmation we had heard the same thing before asking,
"What?"

The manager explained, "Ghosts
are completely welcome here on the Empress Adelaide.  We welcome them in with
open arms.  We WANT them to stay and make themselves comfortable.  We prefer it
when they are our noisy neighbors."  He pulled a brochure out from inside
his desk.  It had scary pictures of the boat in fog and dramatic lighting. 
"This is a haunted boat.  We maintain a very exclusive clientele that
stays in our hotel strictly for the experience of having an encounter with a
ghost, and I have some very underwhelmed clients at this point.  Word is
getting out all over the message boards that things are completely ordinary
here.  This is a problem.  Someone is either scaring them away or crossing them
over and I need you to find out who and stop them.  Whatever is going on is
ruining my business."

I suddenly realized why Mom wasn't
here.  It was her life mission to calm down cranky ghosts and here this guy
wanted us to stir up the mess.

"Um...  I have never been
asked to do anything like this before.  Usually people want the ghosts to go
away..." I mentioned off-handedly.  Killian kicked me.  The look on his
face seemed to say 'quit scaring away the man who wants to give us money.'

"Well, I'm sure you'll
adapt."  Julio pulled out an envelope with two room keys inside. "I
have taken it upon myself to reserve you both a stateroom."

"Separate beds," Killian
and I said at the same time.

"Yes, separate beds," he
continued, looking a little annoyed that we were talking when he was outlining
his master plan to us.  "I would have given you separate rooms but I can't
afford to comp two rooms in this economy.  You charge by the hour,
correct?"

I nodded.

"Well, work fast.  You have 48
hours and then I move on to someone who knows what they are doing.  If you
don't figure out a solution, I am only I paying you half your rate."

I looked at my partner and he
looked at me, "Um... that's not how we operate..."

"Well, that is how you will
need to operate if you want this job.  Think of it as a working vacation."

I so wanted to just grab this guy
by the back of the neck and give him a hands-on demonstration of my idea of a
working vacation, but we needed the money.  Killian shrugged.  I shrugged.  I
guess we were both on board, so to speak, whether we wanted to or not.

"Okay, but if we win, you
double our salary."

The manager looked at me crossly. 
"That was not a part of our deal."

"We don't have a deal, we just
have your demands.  So, if we are going to risk not getting our salary for
failure, you get to carry the risk of our success."

He sat there for a moment, then
reached out his hand. "Deal."