Maggie on the Bounty (10 page)

I
pointed down the hallway.  The
boat in this day and age had been transformed from its state of lovely art deco
grandeur to a military wet dream.  The carpet had been ripped up in favor of
battleship linoleum.  The walls covered in sheets of plywood painted military
grey.  All semblance of artsy-fartsy-ness replaced with industrial efficiency.

The thing I noticed most, though,
was that this floor was eerily quiet.  I'd place cash money on the fact our
lady in black and her cohorts wanted to make sure no one figured out they had
some VIPs lounging by the pool.  It was brilliant, really.  Who was to notice
if a bunch of soldiers disappeared en route rather than on the battlefield? 
The only one who would care would be their commander and dollars to donuts,
their commander had developed an allergy to Vitamin D somewhere along the way.

But Killian and I didn't have time
to worry about the bloodsuckers here.  Hopefully, if we played our cards right,
they'd all disappear into the netherworld in a paradoxical time conundrum. 
Actually, hopefully this whole entire alternate universe boat would blink out
and the only thing that would remain were the normal, grumpy ghosts in the
normal, grumpy timeline of modern day.  Mom would be so proud, me sweeping away
the riff raff to make space for some of her favorite buddies.

"You doing okay,
Mortimer?" I asked over my shoulder as we jogged.

"My!  Look at how things have
changed!" he replied, all wide-eyed and a little bewildered by it all. 
"I think that I like the world as it was before."

"You and me both."  I
turned to Killian. "Thoughts on where you would hide a small child on a
boat full of strapping undead men?"

"The one spot where she needs
us to go?" Killian replied.

"The organ room," we both
said in unison. 

"Do we just go barging in there
with guns blazing?"

Killian shrugged.  "Strange as
it might be to believe, I have not been in this situation before."

"Well, what good are
you?" I asked.

"Dock my pay."

"I am so charging Julio mileage
for all this time-travel," I commented.

"What is the per diem for
seventy years?"

"I'm thinking $.39 a minute,
which I think equals out to a billion dollars."

"I shall prepare the
invoice," Killian replied.

I heard a little girl's screams
from down the corridor. 

"Come on.  This way," I
said.

Thanks to Jackie, we were all on
high alert when we turned the corner, which is the only reason that we weren't
creamed by the vampires when they ambushed us.  Still, they cut our work out
for us.  Barbara was on the far end, but I lost sight of her behind the hulking
crew. There were twelve of them in a cramped hallway, all of them ex-military. 
The only thing we had going for us is that they weren't armed with guns.  The
bullets would have ricocheted inside the bulkhead like ping-pong balls inside a
lottery bubble.  But that meant they had big sharp knives and big pointy teeth
instead. Got me thinking that as soon as we wiped the floor with them, I might
get back into something a little sturdier than a maid's uniform.

I saw Jackie curled in a doorjamb just
before a knife came flying at me.  I ducked to the side with about a hair's
breadth of space between me and permanent shishkabob-ness.  I winged my silver
stake and got the guy right in the heart.  The good news about the 1940's was
that the only folks wearing Kevlar were me and Killian.  The bad news was that
we were outnumbered six-to-one and my stake was now ten feet across the room
impaled in the chest of a bad guy. 

I turned around and started yanking
the knife he threw at me out of the wall.  I mean, if he wasn't going to use
it, finders keepers and all that.  It was pretty well embedded and I had two
vampires on me before I could yank it out.  I elbowed one of them in the teeth
and caught the other one in the stomach with the tip of my steel-toed boot.  I
know they weren't quite regulation to the uniform, but I'd take the reprimand. 
I looked like a maid and I was cleaning up.  I don't see how anyone could
complain.

Killian had two of the vampires
staked on either side of his pole and was lifting them up like a strongman
doing a clean-and-jerk at the same time he kicked a vampire coming at him,
square in the chest.

"I didn't know your pole had
pointy ends!" I shouted appreciatively.

"I am a mystery wrapped up in
an enigma, Maggie!" he yelled back as he flung the two vampires off and
lined up to skewer another one.

I got the knife out of the wall and
did a little impromptu open heart surgery on my attackers.

Jackie watched in horror as I
dispatched the last of my monsters.  When I was done, I leaned up against the
wall and slid to the floor next to her, breathing hard.  The vampires managed
to tear my pretty dress and scrape up my knuckles, but other than that, I was
in fairly good shape.  I patted her knee and tried to be comforting. 
"It's okay, kid.  The monsters are all gone."

I wasn't about to tell her about
all of the other ones on this boat.

Killian rolled over and staked the
last vampire he was grappling with on the ground. 

"You alive?" I asked.

He nodded painfully.  "Did we
win?"

"We won." I looked around
the room.  It was just us three.  Fuck.  "But we lost Mortimer."

Killian wiped the sweat from his
brow on his arm.  "Did you stake our lady in black?"

"Not yet, but I'm not losing
our bet, elf."

"I really think that you'll
find K&M Tracking has such a lovely ring to it," Killian said, reaching
out his hand to me.  "Let us return Jackie to her own time and find our
organist.  Are you coming?"

"Guess enough sitting around
for the day."  I looked over at Jackie.  "Want to go home?"

Jackie nodded.  "Will she come
back?"

"We'll get her," I
promised.  I reached out my hand and took her grubby little paw in mine. 
"Sorry you had to see all that."

"It is okay.  Sometimes that
happens."

She just saw a maid and a porter
off twelve vampires.  I liked this kid's style.  "Sure does, Jackie."

We slowly got up and walked out
into the hallway towards the pool area.  Or at least where I hoped the pool
area was.  Looked like my tracker skills were working just about as well as
they were in that past dimension.

"So, Jackie.  Is that short
for anything?" I asked, trying to make conversation.

She nodded proudly. "Jocelyn. 
Jocelyn Dolan Duffy."

I stopped dead in the middle of the
hallway.  "Say that again."

"Jocelyn Dolan Duffy,"
she said.

Killian looked at me. "What is
it, Maggie?"

"I think it might be really
important that we keep her safe," I replied. 

"Why?"

I pointed at the kid. 
"Killian, I would like to introduce you to my grandmother."

"W
hat?" Killian asked,
his concentration absolutely broken.

I pointed at Jackie.  "Yeah, I
am pretty sure this kid grows up to my grandmom."

"Are you positive?"
Killian asked. 

"Kinda escalates our present
situation to a major conundrum if my biological grandmother is trapped in a
time bubble that the vampires control, doesn't it?"

"It is an excellent strategy
for ensuring you are not born," he pointed out, admiringly.

"I should have thought of this
myself.  I'd go back far enough to stake Vaclav when he is still wearing his
training teeth."

Killian bent down to Jackie.  "Tell
me where you are from?"

"London!" she said. 
"But we were from Ireland before that.  We had to go to England in order
to come to America."

Killian looked at me for
confirmation.

"We got our ancestor."

She laughed, "I'm not old
enough to be a grandmother."

"Yeah, well... you will be
someday.  Hopefully."  I turned to Killian, "I'm pretty sure I've
broken all sorts of time-travel, dimensional laws."

"I believe the vampires
started it."

"Okay, the facts are these. 
We are in charge of my own grandmother.  We need to get Jackie into the past,
but out of a bubble that the vampires control.  At the same time, we need to
find Mortimer and make sure he doesn't play that organ."  I looked at my
watch.  "And seeing how that first bell went off at 10:00, I'm thinking
the next should be at 11:00.  Looks like we have about forty-five minutes to do
all this."

Killian rubbed his face.  "Let
us first secure her safety.  Then, save the world?"

"I say we save the world, then
secure her safety."

"There will not be a world if
we do not save her, first."

"If we save her first, there
might not be a world around left to save."

"I can take care of
myself!" she shouted.

"She is most definitely your
grandmother," Killian replied.

"It's genetic."

"I can see."

"Okay, how about this.  We
jump backwards and stick her where she needs to go and hopefully, when we pop
this bubble, she'll be exactly where she needs to be to go back to where she
belongs."

"Does time and space work like
that?"

"I have no idea." 

He held up his hand and said,
"Let us proceed, Maggie.  It is your future... or past... you understand
what I mean."

We got to the swimming pool with
its vampire soup.  No sign of either Mortimer or Barbara, just a bunch of guys
who looked like they really would have rather been dead.  I grabbed Jackie's
hand as if my life depended upon it, because it did, and got ready to jump
through the portal. 

Things were getting a little bleedy
with space, though.  The room was overlapping with the future and I could see a
woman in a flowered shirt from a generic bargain store in the swimming area. 
She pointed at us, her eyes grow wide.  I looked at Killian and jerked my thumb
back, "She can see us."

He peered at her.  Her husband and
a group of other folks appeared, too.  They were transparent and you could see
the entire boat straight through them.  Guess we managed to hit the perfect
timing to run into the modern day candlelight ghost tour.  They were all
fumbling around with their cell phones.  It was almost as if this time and that
time were layered upon one another like two pieces of celluloid.  I wasn't
taking a hankering to this movie, though, and kind of wanted my money back.

"Why are there ghosts
here?" Jackie asked.  "There are always so many ghosts on this
boat!"

"They aren't
ghosts," I replied.  "You're looking into the future."

"Why are all the people in the
future in their underwear?" she whispered.

I looked around at all the tourists
in their tank tops and shorts.  Yeah, it kind of did look like maybe they
forgot to put on some clothes.

I didn't want to freak her out that
in a couple decades these people would be looking positively prudish, thank you
1980's, so I just said, "Oh... just... fashion."

She wrinkled her nose, "I
think I would like to stay in my own time."

"You and me both."

The woman was freaking out even
more, pointing and shouting.  I grabbed Killian's hand and yanked him and
Jackie around the corner where the group couldn't stare at us.

"Fuck," I said.

Jackie looked up at me.  "You
swear like a saaaailor," she said through squinty eyes.

"Out
of the mouths of babes, Maggie?" Killian asked.

"Shut
up, elf. We're on a boat, aren't we?" I pointed
out.  I peered around the corner, getting a glimpse of the tourists. 
They were freaking out like they just won the grand prize on a game show.  "Well, the good news is that Julio got the haunting he was
looking for and we can probably claim our full paycheck for that little
stunt."

"That
is good news!" said Killian.  "What is the bad news?"

"I
think that portal goes in only one direction."

"What?"

"I
think if we go through, we'll be bringing my grandma
into the future.  Then, we'll have a fantastic two jumps to navigate before we
can get her into the past." 

"Two..."
Killian said.

I chewed on the inside of
my lip.  "We can't go through," I said finally. 
"We can't risk it."

"Good!"
said Jackie.  "I can help you!"

"You'll
be the most helpful if you just say alive, kid."

"So,
what do we do with your grandmother while we save the world?" asked
Killian.

"I can
help!" Jackie repeated like we hadn't heard her the first time.

"Engine room!" I
exclaimed.

"Engine room?"

"Yep.  I'm thinking we might
have ourselves what you might call the best babysitter in as many dimensions as
you can shake a stick at."

Killian looked like he wasn't
convinced.  I held a finger to my lips and pointed around.  Didn't want to blow
my plan in case any of those vampires were listening.  And more important, I
didn't want Killian to try and convince me otherwise if it was super stupid.

The ghosts
of ghost-tours-yet-to-come were fighting their way over to
where we were hidden, so I motioned to Killian and the kid that we needed to
hightail it out of there.

"Hey,
Killian?" I asked as we jogged out.

"Yes,
Maggie?"

"Do
you remember at all how to actually get to the engine room?"

"Are
you asking if an elf remember his way to a place he has been before?"  Killian smiled.  "What would you do
without me, tracker?  Come along.  This way!"

We followed him down the steps,
trying to look like we belonged as we passed a bunch of GIs.  I'm not sure how
convincing we were.  In fact, I'm pretty sure we weren't convincing at all. 
But we were able to buy some time as they figured out whether to report us to
their commanding officer or not, and we made it to the engine room safe and sound.

I started calling, "George! 
George the Gargoyle!  Where are you?!"

I heard a scrabbling sound as he
crawled out of God only knows what hole.

The gargoyle jumped up on the
railing, wiping his fingers on an oily rag in his hip pocket.  "Funny
seeing you here."  He looked at our outfits.  "Having a nice
weekend?"

I looked at him. "Wait.  How
do you know us?  We don't meet for another seventy years."

"Let's
just say we've met before."

"Right... 
Are you jumping through time with us or are you being
literal?"

George
shrugged.  "What is time?  A false construct of human existence to mark
the passing of perception."

"That's
pretty deep."

"We
gargoyles have plenty of time to think."

Jackie was
starting to wander off, completely bored.  We needed to get this show on the
road.  "Listen, George, any chance you are up for a holy mission?"

He got really quiet and said,
"Now, you wouldn't be offering me stuff like that if you didn't mean it,
did you?"

"I'm not one to take the
Lord's name in vain."

Killian elbowed me in the ribs.
"Yes, you are."

"Jesus, Killian, quit blowing
my cover.  I'm trying to convince this gargoyle we need his help."

Killian shut up, but the gargoyle
rolled his eyes.  "What is it?"

I grabbed Jackie's wrist and hauled
her back over to us.  I gave her a little twirl so George could get a good look
at her.

He started laughing and got really
close.  Now, if I had been that kid, I would have been screaming and running
for cover at this moment.  Gargoyles are freaking scary.  It's how they are
able to scare off evil.  But gotta hand it to her, Jackie just sat there and
looked at him with curiosity.  Guess this affinity for monsters really did run
in the family.

"I recognize you," Jackie
said.  She pointed at the gargoyle.  "I saw him before but he was a ghost!"

George gave a sort of 'aw shucks'
swish of his head.  "I wasn't a ghost..."

"Think of him more like a
guardian angel," I said.  "A slightly terrifying guardian angel.  A
gargoylian angel."

Jackie nodded, totally down with
all of this.

"So, is this kid the holy
mission you have for me, Maggie?" he asked.

"Pretty much.  Turns out that
a lot hangs in the balance of her survival and we need someone to hang out with
her."

George pointed at all the gears in
the engine room.  "I got a job, Maggie."

"Nothing more important than
this," I said.

He sighed, "Fine.  I'll watch
the kid."

"Good.  Because a whole bunch
of vampires might be after her.  Make sure she doesn't bite it.  Or that the
vampires don't bite her."

George's eyes lit up.  "Did
you say vampires?"

"I did.  Vampires."

He rubbed his hands together
greedily.  "Why didn't you say so?  I would have been on-board without a
second thought!"

"Well, next time I'll make
sure to mention it at the top of our negotiations."

But George was already moving on. 
He handed Jackie a wrench and was explaining to her, "Okay, kid.  When you
see the whites of their fangs, you just swing this and knock their block
off."

Killian gave me a little pat,
reminding me we had places to be, things to kill.

"Okay, Killian, let's go find
Mortimer."

Jackie bounced the wrench up and
down, looking entirely too excited about hitting things.  Grandparents these
days.  They grow up so fast.