It’s Still Complicated: …because I Am Still Waiting (15 page)

Megha excepted the flower and smiled at him, she asked him who told her to do so, and the child pointed out his figure at me. She kissed the child on his cheek and said, “CK
ko bhi meri taraf se ek kissi de dena.”
The child came to me and kissed on my cheek and said, “Bhaiya,
aap mujhe ek aur chocolate doge?”
I smiled at him and gave him one more chocolate which I kept for Megha.

Her mood was okay now, and she was happy that at last I was somehow able to make her smile, the lunch arrived, and we had those chilli parathas and moved back to the car. This time I am going to drive, she said sitting on the driver’s seat. I smiled and we started back to Delhi. While going back to Delhi, we saw the same van was surrounded by the PCR and Ambulance, on the other side of the road. A man was passing by our car, I asked Megha to stop the car and asked that man, “
Kya hua
uncle?’’ He said, “They met an accident, may be they were drunk and all were badly hurt.” Megha started the car, she looked at me and we both smiled at each other.

We reached home, but thereafter we never talked to each other about that matter, and we never went to Haveli after that, of course the urge to go for a long drive took us to the Ambience Mall, Gurgaon after few days of that scene. But this time nothing serious happened except her car’s tyre got punctured and I we had to take a risk to hand over the keys to a mechanic nearby to get that tyre fixed till we come back from our shopping, which he did genuinely and we were back home safely.

July 2013 (A Lie)

I was at my home town enjoying the vacations after the completion of my MBA, Megha and I talked to each other for the whole day. And by whole day I mean whenever we were free and no one was around us to notice us while we are talking to each other. One day she was out with her friends, I called her up and during the conversation I asked whether she has a plan to booze with her friends that day. She replied that she has no plans of getting drunk and why am I asking this question to her, as I never asked her this question before.

I was confused and I don’t know why, but it was my sixth sense which was telling me that she is going to booze that day. Although she never did anything which I did not liked and if she wanted to do such thing she informs me before doing it, so if she would have had a plan then she must have told me. Because I never wanted her to get indulged in such things, I always tried to keep her away from those things. I never booze, and never did I want her to. I hanged up the call as my mom saw me talking to someone from last half an hour, after few hours Megha called me back and again I asked her whether she is drunk, but the reply was negative. I had a strong feeling that she is surely drunk but if I was feeling, it doesn’t mean that she really is, so I did not say anything to her except few words, “I trust you and I know you will never break it.”

The next day while she was on the way to her home from the college, she said, “I want to tell you something but you will have to promise that you will not get angry on me.”

I said, “Okay I’ll will not.”

She said, “You were right, I was drunk yesterday, earlier when you asked I didn’t had any plan to booze but when I was offered the drink by my friend I did not inform you because you would have stopped me from boozing.” She did not reveal that truth yesterday because she thought I would get angry on her and she knew when I get angry I’ll either shout on her or would not talk to her, in both cases we both get hurt.

My reaction was blank, I became angry because she was drunk and more than that she lied to me for the first time in the last 4 years of the relationship and I hated this, I never wanted her to lie as I never did and when you start lying the trust in the relationship gets finished. I disconnected the call and sent her a message that I will not talk to her till she is sorry for what she did and she promises me that she will never drink with her friends hereafter.

She was sorry for what she did, she knew that I was loyal in the relationship and I never lied to her. I always shared each and everything to her irrespective of what her reaction is going to be. She understood the level of pain I may be going through when she lied to me, but somehow she did not wanted to promise that she will not booze when she is with her friends, because according to her boozing with the friends occasionally was not a crime and every one does that and if you say no to a friend they would laugh on you and say, “Come on you are mature enough to take your decisions and you are capable enough to control yourself when you are drunk.” and it is a trend to drink with friends when you are out with them.

But according to me if you say no to a friend it doesn’t mean that you are behaving kiddishly, or you are showing them that you are afraid of something, it means that more than anything else you respect your family values, you respect you religion if it doesn’t allow you to booze, you respect the trust of your partner on you and more than that you respect yourself that you need not do something which reduces your self-respect just to show it to others that you are big enough to booze, I mean who does that, if you booze it doesn’t mean you have grown older, does it build up your image if you drink. You should always do what is right for you.

You never realize what you are going to do when you are drunk and after a few occasions you eventually start doing it regularly, and being her love I would never let her do something which will harm her or our relationship, and never will I do anything which would harm me and our relationship either. After a long argument she agreed and she realized what I was trying to make her understand, she was too concerned about what if I start boozing. Then after thinking for few seconds she said I will promise that I’ll never drink with my friends but on one condition, the condition that you will also never booze when you are with your friends, I agreed as I knew I’ll never do.

She promised me that she will never booze when she is with her friends. Of course, she was allowed to drink when she is with her family and relatives as it is very rare. I knew her mood was off, but when you are into a

relationship, you have to give up few bad things which your partner wants you to, for your good and when it was for her good, I had to make her promise.

July 2014 (Unedited Romance)

I was waiting for her at my home, where I had shifted a few months back, since I had started my own business. I was staying alone now as I wanted to make myself independent. Though Mamaji and Mamiji felt very unhappy to let me go from their house, I had made my mind and they had no choice left.

She has been here many times before but I don’t know why today I felt like this day is special and I should enjoy each and every moment of this day. Maybe I was feeling this way as we were meeting each other after almost a month and I was emotional, but my sixth sense always sensed something unusual. I was busy thinking why I am feeling very uncomfortable and so worried, I rarely feel that way. Meanwhile, she was there at the door.

I opened the door and let her in. I was quiet as some thoughts were still running somewhere inside my head. I did not pay much attention to her dress, and asked her to sit. She asked me where I was lost, to which I replied, “I don’t know but I am feeling very negative, some negative thoughts about our relationships are running in my head and I don’t want them to come out.” To change the topic I asked whether she has had her breakfast or not.

She said she has had her breakfast and asked me whether I had eaten. To which I replied, “When I am waiting for you I never feel hungry for food,” and I smiled.

“What do you mean by hungry for food? What else do you feel hungry for?”

Nothing, I just wanted to say I was not feeling hungry, but now when you are talking about the food I have started feeling hungry. I asked her to cook something for me as she used to tell me that she is a very good cook. After a few ifs and buts she finally agreed to cook something for me, when she asked me what I would like to have I opted for ‘Red Chili Paratha’, my favorite.

She moved to the kitchen and I was standing beside her; she took out plate and put some flour and then poured some water into it. I was looking at her, and trust me girls hate this when you stare at them. She asked me what I was looking for.

“Only three people in a man’s life cooks in the kitchen of his house. One is his mom, another is his sister and the third one is his Love. I am very happy that that third person is you and the dream to see you cooking at my home and my kitchen is fulfilled today.” She smiled and tried to manage her hair falling on her eyes but she could not as her fingers were wet and full of flour, so I helped her hair behind her ear. I kissed her and we both smiled at each other.

I went back to the room to check my phone and play some romantic songs on the TV, and after a few minutes she came inside the room and said “Parathe ready!”

I had a look at the parathas made by her, they were over-baked, and a lot of ghee applied on them. She helped me with few bites and I loved the way she fed me. After a few bites she asked me how the taste was I responded “They are not better than what mom makes, but they are certainly better then all those dishes which you made me try on my last birthday when we went to Kingdom of Dreams!”

She smiled and said, “Those were traditional dishes, after all we rarely get to eat the dishes of almost all the states at one single place and I enjoyed trying those dishes. But you don’t change the topic, please say the parathas were tasty and that I am a good cook,”

I knew there is no way out. “They are not tasty, they are very tasty!” She was happy to listen to this, after all a girl is hungry for praise.

She said, “I am happy that you think about me so much; you care and love me so much, I am glad that I have you in my life and I pray we always remain together forever.” A tear of happiness rolled down from her eyes, she smiled and said, “I was very happy when you made my last birthday special by giving me birthday surprise which I never thought you will do.”

“I did nothing much, it was just that you wanted all your cousins, your school and college friends to be at one place with you and me and I called them up to plan a surprise and the plan did work out.”

Few of her friends did not turn up but those who came were awesome people, her college friends Riya, Yamini and Nishika were the best people I have ever met with. I realized how good her friends circle is, and her real sis Kavya also joined us there. All I did is brought her inside the domino’s blind folded to the table where everyone who was unexpected by her was sitting in front of her when she opened up her eyes. Then we had a cake cutting and then the girls were busy taking selfies.

“After all a different thing happened that day, Yamini took few pictures of us without letting us know and this was the first time in 5 years of relationship when we got a photograph clicked in which we both were together.”

Strange but true, we have never got a photograph clicked together and this year everything happened very differently, I celebrated her birthday differently, I met her friends which I never did in last 5 years, I taught her the subjects of MBA during her exams, and she cooked the food at my home. Thinking all this made me realize that not only the intuition that this day is going to be special the whole year has been very special for me and her too.

I showed her the pictures which Yamini clicked, and then she went on to lift the guitar which was kept beside the bed. The guitar was not mine; it was of my cousin Nitesh who recently joined the guitar classes. She unzipped the cover and asked me to take a few clicks of her with that guitar and then asked me to learn guitar so that I could play a song for her next time when she comes at my home. I asked her if she would also like to join the guitar classes with me like the salsa classes but she did not have time because of her studies.

Suddenly, I again started feeling very uneasy, negative thoughts were ruining my mood again. I was feeling like we were going to face some trouble in our relationship and because of it I was lost thinking more and more about it, suddenly she came close to me and asked, “Are you okay sweet heart?”

“Yes, I am okay,” I replied smiling.

She was looking very pretty and I just wanted to kiss her, I went close to her and touched her cheeks with my hand, she closed her eyes and I went ahead to kiss her. The lips got locked and we were lost in each other, that sweet taste of her kiss and the mesmerizing smell of her body took me to the cloud nine. Where we both were alone with each other and no one was around to look at us. I bent her slightly on my left arm and carried on the kiss which I never wanted to end.

She was in my control and I was in hers, I let her hair loose by removing her hair clip and was drawing imaginary lines in her hair., I rubbed my nose against her and smiled. Her eyes became deep and dark, they were asking me to hold her tightly. My right hand automatically tried to lift her top and made her free from those cotton-made locks which were not required between us. The shirt of mine got unbuttoned like I never had it on my body, the darkness of the room helped us very well but shyness is a girl’s ornament and she was with me in the square room with no boundaries between us.

We both were deeply and madly in each other’s arms, and there was no point to stop. I kissed her again and her nails were scratching my back but they were doing their task. I kissed her arms, which made me feel her fragrance deeply; I wanted to swim in her deep innocent eyes, the love was intense and more intense was our trust in each other. She gripped me and allowed me to kiss her legs, and she was feeling touchy when I went on to kiss her belly.

I wanted to feel her heartbeat and by getting my ear close to heart I tried to listen to her beats getting faster. She was now all over me, we were two bodies and one soul and there is always a point to connect these; we had no regrets and no complaints, the only thing was love and I was inside her. I could see the pain in her eyes but that pain was just a part of our body. The soul in the two bodies were connected and remained connected for a while, till the strength of getting against the nature prevailed, but it seemed to be happening and we were there, she felt me inside her each and every moment.