It’s Still Complicated: …because I Am Still Waiting (20 page)

Megha knew about my friendship with Anamika and she never realized that I am getting inclined towards her, but she still trusted me. She knew that no matter how much love and care some other girl had for me, no matter how far I may go with that some other girl, in the end I would be back with her and will always be hers only. This is called true Love, when you trust your partner so much so that he/ she doesn’t have the guts to leave you no matter whatever has happened or happens. Her trust on me made me realize that I was on the wrong path and I blocked Anamika from everywhere and had no chats with her till we met once again after one year.

Coming back to the present, I got a message on Facebook from Anamika. “Hey! Where have you been since last one year, I mean you was not available on Wechat, you also removed me from Facebook and also changed your mobile number too. I tried a lot to contact you but could not, why did you do that?”

“Hi! I did not go anywhere, I just did not wanted to talk to you anymore. That’s why I deregistered myself from Wechat and removed you from my Facebook friend’s list too. The reason being very simple. I felt that I was getting very close to you and I started to develop somewhat of an infatuation. I was in a relationship with a girl for the last 5 years and she trusted me blindly; being in a relationship I can have good and even the best of friends but I had no rights to get into any other relationship than that,” I told her.

“You did not tell me that you had a girlfriend, but did you tell her about me? Did she know that we were very close to each other and you started getting inclined towards me?”

“She knows that we had a very close friendship with each other, but she never knew that I was getting inclined towards you. I wanted to tell her many times that I was doing something which she never wanted me to do but I couldn’t tell as I wanted to get over it on my own and I did.”

“It’s good that you did not cheat your girlfriend and you stopped talking to me, but now I don’t want to be in any contact with you as I think you lied to me. You did not tell me about you relationship with Megha and you also left me in between.”

“I don’t know the reason for not telling you about my relationship with Megha,” I told her, “But I certainly left you in between and I accept that. But when we met again I just did not wanted to keep you in dark and that’s why I have told you the truth. My relationship with Megha has met many ups and downs these last few months and I don’t want it to get back to being bad again. So I have decided I will not hide anything from her after my relationship with her is back into the track once. I know you are hurt and you may not talk to me hereafter but I want you to be with me as I definitely need all my good friends to be with me.”

“You stopped talking to me! You did you even think about me, did you even bother to think how I was worried about you? Why do you expect that I should now stay in your life?”

“I stopped talking to you to save my relationship with Megha, and being a girl you understand that. I stopped talking to you because I love Megha more than anything else in this world and I did not wanted to see myself going the wrong way. But today my relationship with her is going through the worst period ever and I need all my friends to be with me as you are amongst the best buddies I have ever had.”

“Sorry, my heart was always with you and is with you as you are a true person heart but my mind is not allowing me to talk to you. So I just need a break and I wish everything becomes good between you and Megha… bye, hope to see you again somewhere at some point of time in lives.”

22nd October, 2014

I wished Megha a ‘Happy Diwali’ through Whatsapp but she replied disinterestedly after few hours. I called her but she was very reluctant to pick up the call, maybe she was busy I thought but I never knew the reason behind her not picking up the phone call. I then waited for her call but as the time passed by my frustration increased and in the evening I called her again when she picked up the call but she said she did not want to talk to me and disconnected the call which was unexpected as everything was solved between us and there was no reason for her to get angry on me now.

Despite calling her again and again she did not picked up the call, meanwhile Preeti Di called me up to wish me ‘Happy Diwali’ and she asked me the reason for sounding so sad. I explained everything to her and she said she would have a word with Megha and she had a con call with her and I. When Di asked her the reason for behaving so indifferently she replied that she had read all the chats between Anamika and me on Facebook.

She said she was ready to forgive me for everything I had done till now, and she was ready to get back in the relationship as soon as she felt everything was going to heal. She said that she had a lot of trust in me and she loved me very much, but she never knew that I would hide the fact about me getting inclined towards Anamika from her, though it was not intentional. I stopped talking to Anamika as soon as I realized that I was going the wrong way but I shouldn’t have hidden this thing from Megha. She said she never wanted to know anything like this and she was badly hurt and this was the end of the relationship from her side as she had lost all the hopes, trust and feelings she had for me.

Preeti di and I tried everything to make her understand until Monika di called me up and I had to tell her everything and she too got involved. She convinced Megha by telling her that everything was getting worse just to test our love and relationship and that you (Megha) are going to fail if you leave. She did not want to get into the relationship but still she said she would be my friend till she made her final decision.

The ‘Happy Diwali’ turned into a pathetic Diwali; destiny did not look into my favor, and the girl who was out of my life for last one year came back for a few days. But alas, it did not end as I had hoped, prayed and expected…

10th November, 2014

I was back to Delhi, My health was getting worse because of depression. My Mamaji and Mami decided to call Megha to their house so that they can have a chat with her and try to figure out what could be done. I had hope and I thought may be everything would be okay, but she came with her final decision which did not change even when she knew everything was just unintentional and it all out to be the worst day by day of my life. I looked into her eyes, they were sad, her eyes explained that innocently she wanted to help me and to hold my hand but she could not., she was worried about me but she did not want to come back, her actions did not match her words, her body language was completely opposite to her behavior.

She said she to me that she didn’t want to come back to the relationship and to me, that she doesn’t even want to be friends with me as it would put me in a situation where I would keep loving her and she will have no such feelings for me. She said it would be more hurtful if it became a one sided relationship and I would not be able to move on. She knew that everything was against the relationship and maybe it will get to the worst, she had no positive thoughts and she had no hope that everything would be fine.

She looked into my eyes and said, “If you truly love me, set me free, if you really want me to be happy, don’t force me to come back. The day I feel that you have changed and I should get back to the relationship, I will.” These words were not hers, they seemed to be put forcefully in her mouth, and she said something which her eyes couldn’t support. It was an untold reason which she knew but I didn’t, I asked her several times for the reason behind her decision but she couldn’t tell me one except few words, “Your nature.”

While she was going back to her car through the stairs, I called her name, she looked back at me. I asked her to come up and give me a hug, she came up without a second thought, she hugged me and said take care, her eyes were filled with tears but she tried to hide them. I said to her, “I will wait for you.” To which she replied, “Don’t do that.” She left me once again but I hoped that she would be back.

I still love you and will love you till the end

My heart has paused, like the deserts wet sand

I know you are the only one, my one and only friend

We both are broken but, it’s not the only end

People live and die but we are meant to live forever

Maybe not in bodies, but in the souls till the end

I still miss you and will miss you till the end

The years have passed and I will wait for more thousand

The time flies away, and with it flies away my thoughts

Feelings remain the same, same till the end

I will wait for the time which has passed

The time together we have spent

The life goes on, and so does the journey

But you will always be special no matter what has happened

I will always be yours, and will be yours till the end

I still love you and will love you till the end.