It’s Still Complicated: …because I Am Still Waiting (12 page)

By the night everyone went back to their home except Mahesh Mamaji who insisted to stay along with me in the hospital. The nurses were coming to change the glucose bottles in the night and many times I had to call them to remove the drip as I had to pee again and again due to the excess of cold and the glucose also. A sleepless night, without the phone and without talking to her, but I was more concerned about her, I dint wanted her to panic thinking about my illness, but I had nothing to do and I had to spend that whole night thinking what all I will do if I would be okay once again or what if I die.

18th October, 2012

It was the day when my mom dad was arriving to see me. Shiv Mamaji came early that day to check the reports and the platelet count again dropped to 84000, to which the dr. said that I have to be ready for the worst where I could get red rashes on my body, a lot of itching and more than that. Mom and Dad arrived, I was never so weak that I would not be able to stand up and touch their feet. They enquired about the reports and my mom’s face turned pale after hearing that the situation is getting worst. Dad was silent, he never said anything to me and I dint expected him to say anything too, as if he would have dropped a single tear out of his eyes, it would have broken me from inside. The nurses again took the blood samples in front of my mom’s eyes and she could not see me in pain, but she had no choice too. Then arrived Dimpal Mami, for whom I was waiting, I was waiting to hear from her that Megha called her up and asked her for my well-being. When dad went back home, and only me, mom and Mami was inside the room, Mami told me that Megha is worried and she wanted to come and see me. I smiled and asked my Mami to tell her not to come today as Shiv Mamaji is here and he would get angry to know about my relationship and if possible she can come tomorrow morning.

After few minutes when I was alone with my mom in the room I burst out crying. She too was emotional and worried but she said don’t worry I am here everything will be alright. In the evening the dr. reported that the platelets are further decreasing and the count has reached 64000 and then he smiled and said something which gave me strength to fight. He said “I you lose hope, no one can save you from dying; but if you want to survive, you will get the energy to fight and win”.

Then I started collecting the reasons why I have to live, I have to live to fulfill my mother’s dream of seeing me become something great, I have to live for myself to fulfill my duty towards my parents, I have to live to fulfill the dreams of Megha who is eagerly waiting to see me, I have to live to fulfill the promises made to her and I have to live because I was born to do something for which I have been given the birth of a Human Being. Those reasons gave me energy to fight, to battle and win.

This time my mom decided to stay along with me and Mahesh Mamaji also decided to stay as we needed someone to be there with us in case of emergency. Again the scary restless night, the nurses doubling the doses of medicines, and suddenly the itching started in the palms and the legs. I told my mom about the itching, she started rubbing my legs and the palms, for about half an hour she did so and then the itching stopped and I was able to sleep for half an hour after which I had to go to washroom again and again when for which my mom had to call the nurse now and then to remove the drips. Again the itching started and again my mom tried to relax it by rubbing my hands and legs, I worked out again but this time it didn’t go completely, it decreased to a bearable level. I was afraid of the rashes and the decreasing platelets count but I was positive that tomorrow the platelet count is going to increase and I am going to be fine by the next day, maybe it was my sixth sense or the will to survive, but somehow that long night ended.

19th October, 2012

The morning made me feel better as today I expected Megha to come. Mom went home to have breakfast leaving behind Dimpal Mami who brought some juice and my cell phone for me. She said Megha wants to talk to you and of course I was waiting for her to tell me when Megha is about to come and suddenly the unexpected happened, Shiv Mamaji and Mamiji came early that day and I knew now Megha won’t be able to come to see me. Shiv Mamaji asked me about my well-being and said he is getting a positive feeling that I am going to be alright very soon. I sent a message to Megha that she should not come to meet me as Bade Mamaji has come to the hospital and he would get angry if he comes to know about us. She was alright with it as she got the news that I am recovering and will be okay very soon. I was unhappy because I wanted Megha to come to see me but she couldn’t and I was happy because I was feeling better today than those past few days.

The reports came and the dr. said “The platelet counts have increased to 72000 and it’s a sign of recovery”. I could see a smile on my Dad’s face after hearing this and everyone was taking care of me like never before. I remember what Megha used to say sometimes “I was to get unwell for few days, not because I want to take some rest, just because I want everyone to take care of me a lot and I would feel like a queen”. I know this sounds childish but it’s the truth, it was working with me. I smiled and I laughed a lot, I started cracking jokes with everyone and I was jumping off the bed as I was recovering and I was happy to see myself better. Actually the happiness was because I wanted to get well to meet Megha, to be in her arms once again and to roam around with her and spend time with her, to kiss her, to hug her, to enjoy the best of my life with her.

The reports in the evening brought some good news once again where the platelet count increased to 122000 and the dr. promised me to discharge me of the platelets reaches the 150000 mark “A minimum count of platelets required in human body”. The itching stopped, the weakness ended and I was feeling better, better and better.

In the night, Mom stayed with me and she told me how my Uncle was worried about me when he heard that I am hospitalized, how everybody back home was worried and how each and every relative of ours were taking the updates about me frequently.

20th October, 2012

Someone informed us that Shiv Mamaji is not coming today as he has got some work, the other relatives were there and now Megha could come to meet me, but hang on! The dr. has brought the reports and he said “Congratulations! Your platelet count has reached the count of 151000 and you are fit and fine to go home now”. He asked Mahesh Mamaji to get the discharge papers ready and clear the dues, which they did in few hours and I was allowed to go home at 12pm.

I informed Megha that I have been discharged and I am absolutely fit and fine now. She was happy to hear this and I was waiting for her call to make a plan to meet her, but I was not allowed to go out of home today as mom and dad were waiting for me at home and Dad was about to leave for Rajasthan. I went home to see off Dad, and then my mom and Mami started taking care of me like a small baby, they started filling my tummy every now and then with different types of juices and liquids thinking that I still have some weakness in my body.

I was feeling better than before, far better than what I was before having the Dengue. I opened my almirah at my home and wanted to see the things which were kept inside it. I jumped to the gifts given by Megha at my birthday’s which I used to keep inside my almirah and I was looking at them. I found something unusual; the dancing couple globe was broken, it was the closest of all of them. I was hurt, I asked Mami who did that but she said no one touched my almirah except her and that to only once when I asked her to do so. She said she did not touched the gifts and I doubted on Ankit (Mami’s brother) who has come to stay with us for few days, but I could not say anything to him as I had no proof.

I called up Megha and I was afraid that she is going to get angry on hearing this, but when I told her that someone has broken that gift. She said, “It’s just a gift sweetheart, so what if it’s broken, at least you have the most precious gift of your life ‘Me’ with you”. I smiled and then she asked me what all I did in the hospital and I enquired about what all she did in my absence and how much we missed each other in those days when we both were not able to talk to each other. Actually these types of distances, makes us understand and feel the importance of the special someone in our life.

November 2012 (Yet another Simran)

I don’t remember the date, but it’s not much important also. Simran Chawla, my classmate, she was a good friend of mine till that day. By ‘That Day’ I mean the day when I realized that she is giving special importance to me in each and everything. Each and everything means the special attention, whether I have had food in time. Whether I have done my assignment in time or not, showing me that she is performing better in the presentations, showing me that she is contributing very much in our group, she is doing exactly what I wanted her to and then she started getting jealous of Megha when Megha used to call and message me when I was with her.

Once, when I was travelling to my college in the same college bus in which we (Me and Simran) used to, she was sitting beside me. She started the topic of Megha, she wanted to know each and everything about us and then I discussed what all happened after Megha came into my life including the two proposals which I got in the past. Then she started telling me what all is good about me and what all she likes about me which made me feel good, of course anyone would be happy hearing good things about himself. She also told me about the relationship she had with a guy who left her in tears a few years back.

Then she asked me what do I think about her and I told her that she is a good friend of mine and I love all my friends but I love Vatsala more than anyone else. I appreciated the way Simran used to care for me but this is not what I expected from her, a good friend does care but up to some extent and not above the limits which I asked her not to do so, and then she started crying which made me speechless. I held her hand and tried to calm her down when she told me that she Loves me and she wants me to be her Boy Friend.

For a while I was feeling like I am Shahrukh Khan and all the girls named as Simran were falling in love with me. But trying to be a bit serious, I told her that she knows that I am already in relationship and that too since almost 4 years, which is a true and serious relationship from both the ends, how could she expect me to leave Megha and get into a relationship with her, she was silent and then I said “I always took you as a good friend of mine but hereafter I would not be able to consider you as a good friend of mine, because my closeness with you is going to hurt you more and if I still remain your friend I would never be able to talk to you the way I used to”. Once again tears of pain came scrolling down from her eyes, but this time I couldn’t help, because helping her would maybe hurt Megha which I could never allow to happen.

We reached the college and then we separated to different seats, Vatsala came to know that there is something wrong with Simran and when she looked at me she sensed that may be I would have said something hurtful to her which may be related to her performance in the group or the presentations. But until I shared everything with her she dint knew anything, Vatsala knew the decision I took was right and she knew how much loyal I was in my relationship and of course as a friend of Simran, she consoled her and tried to make her understand that I was right and she had to understand the reality.

This was the Third and Last proposal till date and I never wanted to hurt any one of them but I couldn’t help out. I told Megha about what all happened throughout the day and she was really surprised to know that I again have got a proposal. To pinch me she said,
“Yaar tu itna to achha hai bhi nahi jitney tujhe ladkiya propose kar deti hai, pata nai kya dekhai deta hai unko tujhme,”
and started laughing. This is the reason why I loved her more than anyone else in my life as she was the best gal I could ever be in relationship with. If she could have got a proposal from someone I could have got angry on her thinking that there must be something wrong with her behavior with that guy because of which he had proposed her or I would have become over protective in some case. But she, she was totally different from me, and as you know Opposites Attracts. The dissimilarity between both of us brought us together and despite of having different thought process we were together and we were in the depth of love with each other.

The next day onwards Simran started sitting to the different seat in the bus, she stopped even smiling at me while entering inside the bus, she was ignoring me but when she used to sit on the front seat in the class she used to stare at me with her wet eyes while I used to sit on the back seats just to stay away from her. The only medium of conversation between us was the group conversation during the preparation of some assignment or project. All of this continued to a very long time, meanwhile I had a fight with one of my group member Alex after which Vatsala and few other friends of mine stopped talking to me or maybe I thought that being my best friend if Vatsala doesn’t behave nicely with me I should never ever go and talk to anyone of them.

I even stopped replying to Text Messages of Simran and blamed Simran for all those misunderstandings and fights between me, Vatsala and all other friends of mine. I was separated from my own group and I hated Simran for taking my best friend away from me. I was very angry on Vatsala for not being with me and I thought that she has changed and she doesn’t consider me her best friend anymore. Then I joined a completely different group with Nitesh (The Amir Khan Copy of my class who acted as Amir Khan in the very first class of Executive Communication).

I used to hang out with my new friends and but then I used to feel bad about the friendship of me and Vatsala going towards an end which I never wanted to, she was an support to me in the college as I used to share everything with her and suddenly she was not there with me and I had no one to hear me and understand the way I used to think. She was the one who always took me for granted and used to say that whatever I did was right, this was not because she never wanted to go against me or she wanted to show me that she cares for me but, this was because being a Psychologist she understands that the way I think I was right was absolutely correct from my part.