In any ordinary life (In any oridnary Book 1) (29 page)

   Jeanie’s talent had always astonished him and as he lay in her embrace he moved her hair away from her face remembering how inadequate he felt.

She deserved more

She needed someone to be proud of and that wasn’t him.

   Feeling his inadequacy again the dark clouds gathered in the bleakness and in his passing moment of bliss she had gone. The happiness together grew cold and the anger in the air intensified.

   As he desperately tried to find her a figure under the tree at the edge of the field beckoned him closer. As he started to run the panic started to rise in his chest and stopping before he reached the tree he found Jeanie.

   Only this time she was different, older. She stared into the sky as the violence of the night grew. As he ventured closer all the fears of losing her collated together in this one moment and there she stood, not moving. Her blackened filthy uniform and with her shirt ripped and torn, she looked fearful and isolated. The dried blood stained her shaven head and as he grew close he could see a noose wrapped around her neck.

   Grabbing her arms Jeanie’s gaze didn’t falter she was still, no emotion, no comfort and no happiness. John began to try to release her from the rope, but everything he tried bound her further and tighter squeezing the life out of her.

She screamed, “He’s here.”

   The rope snatched back around her throat and John awoke brutally from his sleep. Throwing back the covers he went to the sink splashing his face with water.

   He had become the epitome of what she had needed and all it had done was push her away. Lying back down on the bed he picked up the picture which lay on his pillow, wiping his face for the final time he threw the towel to the floor.

   The picture haunted him; his inadequacies drove him away from her especially when it should have been the happiest day of his life. She had asked him to marry her that day and she had wanted him to make love to her under the tree that had hanged her in his dream. Instead he felt like the noose strangling her from the tree. Starring into the smiles of the photo he knew all his regrets had been pin pointed into that one moment.

   Matt was right this was more than being in love. She ran too deep in his veins and without him knowing she had been the voice pushing him further and further. His army career wasn’t forged by lies and deception it was formed on the understanding that one day it would lead him back to her. He had stepped on numerous toes and even used his own wife and his future father in law to get what he wanted.

   Lieutenant Colonel Stanton was still not good enough for Jeanie as it had made him into the type of man she loathed. Standing in front of the mirror he looked at the excuse he had become, egotistical, false and unfaithful, knowing she needed more had pushed him further away, but he knew if he had the chance now he would give it all up just for her.

Chapter 29

“This is my sixth month and I still haven’t found anything to lead me back to James, all I find is death.

   There are only six of us left, radio communications are non existent and trying to find a friendly in this god forsaken place is like looking for a needle in a hay stack. The men keep talking of home, I feel like I have forgotten the good memories of home. I keep feeling like this is a dream and I’m going to wake up with James beside me but all I have is the stench of death rising up from my feet.

   I always thought there was hope; this place drains it out of you like a leach.

   They seem to respect me now, far cry from what it was back in the dorms. We attacked a carrier yesterday, coordinating the attack has been something which I strangely enjoyed.

How can that be when the only result is death?

   We are still alive though. I keep thinking about my sisters and that I’ve left my family alone, the reliance on them is something that I now crave it was so simple. 

   I suppose taking care of these men and making sure we stay alive has become a priority. 

   My dreams have turned into nightmares, I’m haunted by the screams of my battalion dying, I’m haunted by the things I’ve done. This feels like murder. I feel like this is punishment. Staying alive, this is survival nothing else. This war is leaving me with more scars than what I care for. I still feel like this has a purpose and there is something more I’m going to face. Maybe I need to learn to survive!

I need to get these men back to a base camp, I’m lost and frightened I can’t do it but if I don’t that’s all of us dead. James dead or alive I’m going to find you even if it’s the last thing I do.”

   Putting her pocket journal away she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, after the decimation of there regiment she knew it wouldn’t be long before they stumbled across someone on the same side.

Anyone from the same side please for god sake we need help!

“Mike stop hiding in corners it’s your patrol tonight.” Jeanie didn’t lift her head; she didn’t even change her glance.

“What you writing about?” Mick sat down at her side and lit a cigarette, the emphasis of him looking after her had become ironic and almost the butt of a bad joke.

“Nothing that would interest you I need you to stay on patrol. If you keep wandering off you’re not looking after the group I can’t...you know the plan we need to keep together.”

“Jea…Sarge I do know the drill my turn your rules you’ve made that plain enough. But you know if I was at home…”

Jeanie looked up raising an eye brow and wrapping what was left of her jacket around her, “If you where at home go on I’m intrigued to know cause I’m sat in a fucking jungle with half of the squad dead and the other half wondering what the fuck is going on so enlighten me Kowalski please.” Mick cricked his neck trying to respond calmly and trying to rephrase the meaning of what he said.

“I shouldn’t have to take this bullshit from you. You’re a fucking wo…pain in my arse.”

   Mick wandered about the camp like a child scorn she wished she could tell them everything would be ok she also couldn’t say how much she wanted this nightmare to end for all of them.

“I wish I was back home Mick….I really do.” Huddling under her jacket, she attempted to sleep and as she lay in the dark she listened to the rain hitting the leaves in the trees. No matter how tall or wide the leaved felt they didn’t give you much shelter and the fact that death was around every corner made it even harder to relax.

   Mick stood at the bottom end of the camp lighting another cigarette, staring at her intently.

“Oh bozo got another smoke.” Pete had seen his glare and broke it to cut the tension, “Yeah…hold on.” Pulling the crumpled packet from his inside jacket pocket he threw one down, “Thanks you know he’s only trying to do the best he can. You’ve got to give him a break….some days I swear it’s like you want to kill each other and if I didn’t know any better I wouldn’t think you where friends.” Smiling under his breath Mick bent down and lit his cigarette grabbing Pete’s collar his discontent at his thoughts fell through the puffs of smoke.

“It’s none of your fucking business what I talk about especially to that over there are we clear.”

“Listen Mike I think you need to take it easy the wars out there not in here.”

   Throwing his cigarette away Mick disappeared into the dark. Jeanie sat up and watched him from the distance knowing that everybody was on edge. The only thing she could control was letting him walk off his anger.  Jeanie nodded to Pete acknowledging that she had seen the event. Pete shrugged his shoulders as Mike’s reaction had become a usual daily occurrence.

   The stress of survival had affected some more than others and in Mick’s case Jeanie put it down to just that. Watching Pete settle back down in the undergrowth Jeanie felt relieved that he hadn’t taken Mike’s outburst too personally.

   Watching the darkness Jeanie saw the shadow of Mike and she was pleased that he’d at least done as she said for one night. Trying to get comfortable she rested her head back against the tree Jeanie thought of her sisters in the parlour next to a warm fire. The comfort of at least knowing they were safe gave some relief.

   Jeanie had been already been up a couple of hours as dawn had broken. Looking at the maps of the surrounding area Jeanie sought for points of reference. They had been isolated for so long that the lack of radio contact made it feel as if the where walking in circles. Sitting with Merle she hunted for the easiest trek and the safest route down to base camp. “Merle point us in the right direction. Eugene pack up the rest of the supplies and count what artillery we have left. Pete help Eugene. Billy find Mike,”

“Sarge…Mike’s at the stream I found him down there before.” #

“Thanks Billy go get him we leave in five.”

   As everyone dispersed Jeanie winced with pain throwing back her jacket she bent over counting to ten over and over again until it subsided.      

   Having to bind her breasts with dressings had created pressure sores and as she packed to leave it was noticeable she had a problem.

“You ok Boss?”

“Thank you.” still sheepish from the disagreement he began to swallow his pride,” You can’t keep doing this, there going to turn bad and then what’s going to happen..” Jeanie trying to ignore his concern started strapping the rest of the equipment around her.

“I appreciate that you’re worried about me but you know as well as I. I have no where to go.”

“So let me help?” Jeanie laughed uncomfortably at the thought of even showing her boobs to him.

“Can’t do that soldier…fall in.”

   Wading through the under growth Jeanie couldn’t help but admit to herself that things had started to get tough. Between the sores, the gun and the uniform the irritations of jungle life where starting to bring her down.

   Though the rains had started to dry up the damp dark stench made her pray for a clearing of daylight. “Sarge look down there.”

Hurrying from the side to the front of the group Jeanie took hold of the binoculars.

“Looks like POW’s…shit looks like there digging…Fuck me.”

Jeanie didn’t want to look anymore, the emaciated bodies of the dead where being burnt and the rest of the POW’s looked as if there on the brink of death.

“The rumours where right then those fucking men are being tortured.” Jeanie slid down the tree and sat on the floor, kicking the dirt as the helplessness she felt was evident.

“This fucking war!”

“What can we do? We need a plan we can’t leave them there Sarge.” Jeanie starred into the overgrown mangled earth and as she shuffled her feet she started to dig her own hole. “With what Eu we are just about staying alive. We need to get over that ridge and we at least need to retain some fucking fire power.” Eugene stood and looked at the silent crowd unable to comprehend what she was saying.

“So where just going to leave them to die?” Mike placed his hand his shoulder trying to reassure his concerns. “What the fuck do you want you’re fucking preoccupied all the fucking time you don’t give a shit.”

“Eugene that’s enough. Sit the fuck down. Don’t you think we all feel helpless spouting off is not going to do us any good it may even get us all fucking killed and if anything happens to us they die any way so sit down and let us think.”

“Sorry Sarge it’s just fucking SNAFU!”

Pete tried to make out the acronym sounding words out to try to make out what he meant. Looking over his puzzled stare continued

“And where the fuck have you heard that.” Eugene ruffled around in his pockets for something which resembled a cigarette.

“What never heard of situation normal all fucked up SNAFU!”

Jeanie curled the corner of her mouth in jest at the acronym She was please for the small light relief but she was just as angry and frustrated as the rest, after all James could be down there dying or even dead for all she knew.

   Looking at the equipment she knew there was no possible way they could even make a successful attack.

“Right listen all of you I know how you feel but in order to make this any better we have to get supplies, artillery is down to shit and Eu thank you for your SNAFU but we need to be realistic, if we get caught both us and them are fucked.

   If we make a stand we don’t have the fire power to deal with it so we need to carry on down the ridge and hope that we hit a base by tomorrow morning. If anyone’s religious pray for the poor bastards and if your not give it a go. Right round up everyone bayonets on everyone with full rounds lets keep going.”

   The only thing Jeanie could be was practical and the thought of James in one of those camps made her blood run cold, but she had to keep these men alive and she had given them her word and so far it was working.  

   Silence was easy, no sarcasm, smart comments or smut transferred across anyone’s lips for the rest of the afternoon. Even Mick had decided that his usual aggressive bullshit needed to be put back on the back burner.

“Billy pssst Billy...” Merle grabbed his collar tight and dragged him into position.

“What the fuck man.”

“Shut the fuck up and get down...” Merle signalled to the group and everyone dropped and took cover. Jeanie could feel her heat beat in her throat as the majority of what they had faced had been hand to hand combat.

   Feeling the bayonet knife puncture the skin and spurt of blood in the air made her feel sick. Crawling through the undergrowth she signalled for Mike and Pete to go wide.

“What have you got?” Looking through the scope he whispered softly

“Two maybe three of the little bastards are in there holes.” Signalling to the rest of the men Jeanie knew this was a chance to get away; making a move was now or never.

“Come on…come on come….there you are” the two shots rattled through the trees like thunder rolling over a hill and as the men fell Jeanie saw the third. “Got him. MOVE!”

   Mike and Pete started to fire at the guard on top of the carrier and in the cover fire Merle, Jeanie and Bill had made the way to the side. Crouching at the wheel both gents waited for the next move.

“Grenades…the hut is at the back of this carrier get the grenade as close to the hut as possible, there are fuel drums at the front go.”

   The noise disappeared in the jungle mass and as the waves of heat washed over her Jeanie had made a run for the jeep. Looking for a key and grabbing the gun from the dashboard she fired as more men washed over the sight. Fumbling under the steering column Jeanie tried desperately to get it started. Hearing the fire being drawn closer and hearing the cries, the emphasis on leaving immediately had become more than visible.

   Seeing her men jump in one after the other she began to count.

“Where the fuck is Merle?” Pete still firing shots out of the back of the jeep looked around. “He’s coming now.”

Looking out of the mirror she heard the shot and Merle fall forward lying in a pool of blood.

“Mike get in the fucking seat....” Jeanie ran and picked him up as Bill followed behind.

Jeanie dragged with all her might,” Get in the fucking jeep and don’t fucking say a word,” Pete still firing shots screamed “Move now!”

Jeanie started to fire at the oncoming attack dropping each time to look at the bleeding dying soldier.

“Sarge…..he’s.” Jeanie took a breath trying to compose herself.

“He’ll be fine just keep pressure on it.”

   Watching the trickles of blood fill the curved ridges of the jeep, the group where once again reminded again of how fragile every situation had become. Jeanie clutched at the gun in her hand feeling guilty that her actions had put them all in danger.

“Mike…Mike Does that radio work?” As she shouted back he could hear the change in Jeanie’s voice. She had taken a chance and they weren’t out of the woods yet.

“Should be able to find a frequency…give me a few minutes”

Three hours had past and nothing but static was reporting back, Merle was pale and drawn and Jeanie had started to blame herself.

Standing at the side of the vehicle, the anger and disappointment that she may have killed one of her own started to arise