In any ordinary life (In any oridnary Book 1) (25 page)

   Grabbing her coat she ran down the hallway trying to escape the chaos that sat in her kitchen. Laying her hand on the glass the fog surrounded her fingers and as the heat of her anger still raced through her veins it moulded her fingers around the etching in the glass.

   Slamming the door behind her Jeanie swallowed her tears unable to comprehend that she could have lost him.

   The actions of her sister had left a bad taste but underneath she was more alone now than what she had ever been. Walking through the forest didn’t ease the situation and just the thought that her own sister had conspired against her made her sickness return.

   Confused and alone Jeanie sat on the bank of the river looking for inspiration. “You look lost my dear, “Dorothy Partridge stood at the side of Jeanie her stern gaze and plad suit propped up her head mistress features.

   She was a very petite smart lady and Jeanie instantly fell in love with her when they met, “If you don’t mind me saying, it looks like you have been given bad news.” Holding out her hand Jeanie took it and gently arose, “I was miles away, yes…yes I suppose it’s not the best news Dotty.” Smiling she wrapped Jeanie’s arms around hers,” I guess cause we are British it’s time for tea…come along.”

   Jeanie clasped her arm tightly trying to hold onto to anything that felt safe. Tea and sympathy was never Jeanie’s forte but this time she needed the comfort.

“I’m sorry Dotty James…..” Jeanie coughed and cleared her throat determined to keep her emotions in check, “….He’s been lost presumed…..dead...”

   Dorothy sat cosily at the small kitchen table with her head slight cocked to one side she continued the conversation as if Jeanie had never uttered any words.

“I knew James as a child, peculiar little boy obsessed with pulling things apart and putting them back together…..never really connected well with children, no surprise he became a doctor, so young lady how do you feel?”

   Jeanie looked puzzled, Dorothy had always been a direct woman but this sudden change took her by surprise, “Dotty what has this got to do with him going missing. I don’t understand?”

   Dorothy picked up the pot swilled the leaves around and placed it back down on the mat. Jeanie watched thinking she was going to read her fortune but instead she continued her direct line of questioning.

“And what do you feel about the gram?”

“I don’t believe it…it doesn’t feel right and I know it sounds ridiculous, but I know he’s still alive. It feels calculated planned I don’t know I have recently gotten this feeling that other people are pulling the strings and I’m stuck playing along.

   You’re probably going to tell me I’m stupid for feeling this way and thousands of other women in my position are going through the same thing but it just doesn’t feel right.” Dorothy smiled walked around the table and picked up Jeanie’s coat.

“Well you’re a resourceful girl you will know what to do. The first thing you have to do is get yourself sorted oh and don’t forget to write.”

   With that Jeanie stepped outside feeling more pushed then ushered out of the door. Dorothy stood at the window waving as if she had given her the piece of mind she needed.

   Looking back Jeanie felt more bemused by the whole conversation and as she peered at the light from the lantern that graced Dotty’s door she felt uneasy knowing Ivy would still be at the cottage.

   Contemplating Dorothy’s words she made her way down the steep hill, and back to the cottage. Weaving around the path Jeanie’s thoughts, where constantly of James but as she reached the front door reality of dealing with this situation crept slowly from behind. 

   Closing her eyes, everything Ivy said had fallen into place. Jealousy, betrayal and hurt all because of a man. Her sister was still in love with him even though he had treated both of them despicably. The only problem was Jeanie’s connection to John was dead and Ivy’s was a living breathing wonderful little girl.

   Entering the house the glow of the fire in the living room warmed the hallway. Hearing the latch Ivy raced to the doorway

“You had me worried. Jeanie I’m so so sorry.” Jeanie took off her coat and as she hung it on the peg she wavered on the hook for a few moments.

   Knowing Ivy would need an answer she contemplated her next move. Jeanie could see that her sister had been crying. The puffy red circles around her eyes and the look on her face felt enough to prove to Jeanie that she had just made a wrong decision.

“I love you and I love Jayne, as much as I could ever love anyone. Whatever has been done or not done doesn’t matter all that matter’s to me. It’s about getting James home and I still believe he is out there lost and he just needs to be found.

   You need to tell John he has a daughter. It’s only fair and I don’t want to discuss it anymore tonight. I’m really tired and I’m going to bed and I think you need to do the same.” Jeanie hugged Ivy tightly and as she squoze Ivy’s hand she disappeared down the corridor. Ivy’s echo’s of goodnight rung through the cottage.

   The feelings of emptiness arose in Jeanie’s heart. She hadn’t felt this alone for a long time previously just knowing her family was there for support made everything seem bearable. This time knowing Ivy had deceived her made her feel very isolated.

   As she closed the door to the bedroom she leant on the back of it and as the darkness filled the space quickly and she felt the fear creeping up on her as if she was a character in a horror show.

   Placing her head in her hands she wiped them down her face and across her mouth unable to shake off the claustrophobia. Switching on the small lamp Jeanie closed her eye’s confirming her irrational fear. She wanted to scream and she wanted to hit something hard to make it feel as bad as she did.

   Trying to push the feelings away Jeanie followed the stream of light through the slit in the curtains. As the moonlight dripped in she noticed and old friend glowing in the rays.

“How did you get here?” Running her fingers over the lip of the old garage table she pulled a file from the draw. The repair schedules and sign offs on completed vehicles glistened in the stream and on noticing a familiar signature she pulled at the paper wedged in at the bottom of the drawer.

   It had been signed by John and the general and the crest on the front gave it away as official war office papers. Racing her eyes through the content one word struck her immediately.

Enlistment.

Delving further Jeanie realised she had officially enlisted Jeanie into the RAF as an engineer. Sitting down in the chair at the side of the window she placed the signed document back in the file.

   Maybe keeping away from John wasn’t the answer, maybe now she needed him more than ever.

Chapter 24

Morning broke and silence took over the cottage and as Jeanie threw the last remaining bits and pieces into the car the lack of sleep hadn’t aided her mood.

   Staring at the folder that lay on top of her hand made table confused everything more and the underlying feeling that something was wrong conflicted with the facts in front of her.

   Running her fingers over the cover thoughts of James raced through her mind. Something was definitely pushing her to make a decision but whether it was right or not preoccupied her mind.

   Jeanie couldn’t help but feel conflicted about John and Ivy had increased her suspicions that something was definitely wrong. As the door flew open Ivy stood waiting for her reaction.

“You scared the living daylights out of me…”

“I’ve got Jayne in the car and the last bits you wanted are you ok?

“How did this table get here?”

“I brought it here why?” Puzzled Jeanie couldn’t help but feel she wasn’t telling her the whole truth.

“Are you sure your ok you just looked deep in thought.”

“No just…just got lots going through my mind come on then…”

   Without hesitation she picked up the folder and placed it under her arm. Ivy couldn’t help but notice how serious Jeanie looked as every thought seemed play out on her face.

“What’s the folder for?”

“Things from the garage.”  Ivy still insecure couldn’t help but notice the way Jeanie clung tight to it. It was as if her whole life was dependent on the content.

   Jeanie closed her eyes and swallowed deep again, she couldn’t let the tears fall and Ivy could never understand. Stepping into the car Jeanie opened the glove box and placed the file carefully inside. Before she was able to close it Ivy grabbed her arm.

“I know your up to something and I know your thinking about doing something and I’m scared Jeanie.” Jeanie moved Ivy’s hand away and slammed the glove compartment shut. Moving the car around Jeanie still couldn’t answer her sisters concerns.

   “There is something you’re not telling me Ivy and I’m being pushed in a direction I don’t know whether or not is right. I don’t care whether you tell me or not but I will find out eventually. Right now I need to do what I feel is right.”

  No other conversation was started by either of them on the way home. Ivy knew how serious Jeanie was and she knew once her mind had been made up there was no going back.

   Dropping Ivy and Jayne at home Jeanie was adamant she wasn’t seeing the rest of her family until she found out the truth.

“What are you going to do Jea you don’t have control of this.”

“No I don’t but as much as I would like to trust you I can’t. I also don’t think you fully understand what’s going on. So whatever you think you are in control of. You are sadly mistaken.”

“You can’t fix everything Jeanie it’s not your place. Dad always thought the same and you just the same.” Jeanie gripped the steering wheel in anger and as her temper flared the rub of the leather could be heard through her finger tips.

“No but I can get to the truth.”

   Ivy’s heart sank as she raced away knowing the façade she had been hiding under had now been split completely open. She also was left to tell her mum and sisters the news about James.

   Before the door had shut screams of despair filled the corridor as the news of James’s disappearance was announced Irene raced out frantically looking her daughter. Inside her heart welled with pain as she knew Jeanie was once again coated in grief.

   Jeanie sat at the lay by near the barracks gate looking at the glove box. She could hear her heart beating faster and as she clenched her fingers around the wheel she noticed John’s car pulling onto the base.

   Crawling up the gate she wound down the window and smiled sweetly, “Hello gents…long time no see” Jeanie cautious wanting to keep the conversation light kept smiling, “Jea what the fuck. Why are you back?”

“Meeting with the boss man you know how it is.” The private without questioning anymore opened the gates.

  Waving politely to the private she rolled the car along the side of the main building. Jeanie watched John converse with his staff and enter into the building and knowing he would be going to his office first she didn’t make a move until he had entered the building.

   No one questioned her reasons for being their as after all she was one of them and she was on indefinite leave. Still expecting someone to ask Jeanie started to mumble over excuses just in case.

   Standing on the main corridor Jeanie felt her heart beat faster the noise of her heartbeat deafening her thoughts. Looking up at the ceiling she hoped for inspiration and as she clenched the folder tightly under her arm she knew it was now or never.

   Loitering around the typist pool Jeanie waited for her chance and on seeing John’s receptionist distracted she took her opportunity and slid through the gap in the large oak doors.

“Ah Jeanie now what do I owe the pleasure….” Walking to the large winged chairs at the front of the fire place Jeanie sat nonchalantly crossing her legs. Undoing the top button of her jacket John looked on in satisfaction that she may have come to her senses.

   She looked as if she had all the time in the world with her act elegant and her demeanour coy she had perfected the swan like affect.

“I need your help John and lets just say I’m not exactly ecstatic about having to come to you for it.” John already had a scotch glass in his hand and as he sat with it at his desk he mauled with it as if he was a cat playing with a mouse.

“My help Jeanie in the last twenty four hours what has changed?”

You said you despised me and I was a part of your life you are only too willing to forget you. So let me ask again. Why now do you need my help?”

“I want some answers and unfortunately there is only you that can give them to me.”

“I have to say Jeanie you’ve always been a piece of work but on this one I have to say why don’t you go fuck yourself and whilst you’re at it get out of my office.” Jeanie ignoring him walked over to the drinks stand and poured herself a scotch and on walking back she sat in chair opposite the fire. Taking her coat off completely she exposed the purposely low cut purple wrap dress and as she crossed her legs she stared into the fire.

“Can you remember when we where kids John and you used to tease me a lot telling me how fat and stupid I was. I thought you where horrible. Then we grew up a little bit more and stupidly in my teens I thought I fell in love with you.”

“Is there a point you’re going to make or am I just going to be insulted again.” Jeanie leant forward removed his glass and took hold of his hand. “We used to be inseparable. You where so beautiful and I didn’t want to ever think of my life without you. Only I found out the hard way and when I caught you with that girl my world fell in pieces. What I didn’t realise until now was that I saw you fucking my sister Ivy.

  She’s infatuated with you and even now I couldn’t see it. She has loved you for a life time and I know now that I got in the way. 

   Olivia was just as much a pawn in all this as well cause you ended up cheating on her with your own brothers wife. You see John secrets are great when they are just secrets but when the truth is revealed it’s hard to be happy with the results.” John stood up and walked back to his desk, taking his jacket off he faced the window

“How do you know all that?”

“I talk to my family John and they love me very much, I also love them dearly and hate them being hurt. I’m not doing this to be cruel…but you forget I know you John Robert Stanton and nothing you do seem to escapes me.”

   John lowered his head, knowing that all his secrets and been laid bare. He had kept everything hidden but in the end maybe if she had known the truth the disdain of his actions may have been forgivable.

“What else do I need to know Jeanie more mistakes, more wrong moves, I think you probably have enough dirt on me now to justify why I’m so bad for you “

“I know you love me and no matter what you where my first love and I will always have a place in my heart for you.”

“I’m sorry for treating you the way I did and I’m sorry for never giving you the credit you deserve. James is a very lucky man.” Jeanie placed her hand on his cheeks wiping away a tear which had started to fall.

“You know John wonderful things happen from horrible mistakes.”

“You think our night together was a horrible mistake?”

“We have never fully discussed that night have we.” Sitting back on the chair Jeanie grabbed the glass and tipped back the scotch in one.

“I felt like a catastrophe. Two men that had entered my life had both made their way into other women’s beds and I felt like it had something to do with me. You looked just as lonely as me and as you stood in that room I wanted you. Just like I’ve always wanted you. You whispered regret John. You whispered two words of regret that made me feel like we could have had something and I let you take me the way I had always imagined you taking me and for that night it was right. Olivia gave me the excuse to run and I did. Not because you weren’t sincere I know that. I ran because what we have is poisonous and not healthy and we hurt everyone around us just to satisfy something we can never have. But I don’t regret our son. Our son was perfect in every way even though I never got to see him. But that wasn’t your only failing John as there is another Rutherford woman part of that network of mistakes.”

“Ivy what does she have to do with Jea.” Contemplating her next words Jeanie knew from this point on there was no way back.   

“You have a daughter John”

“Is this a sick joke Jeanie, because this is cruel, “

“John Jayne is your daughter, Ivy fell pregnant with her after your separation from Livy I’d liked to say she spared me the details but I know exactly where she was consummated.” Unable to comprehend he paced the room feeling the intensity of her words.

“I have a daughter you’re absolutely one hundred percent sure, because I don’t think I could bare to loose another child Jeanie……”

“She is yours definitely.”

“There’s something else isn’t their. I know you and you didn’t come here just to tell me this. Did you?” Jeanie knew not matter how much she had tried to hide her intentions John knew her too well for her to ever bluff her real reasons.

“No - No I didn’t.”

“You said you needed my help and I have a feeling I’m not going to like what I’m about to hear. Spill Jeanie,” taking the folder out of her coat she placed it on the corner of the desk.

“Ok John you want to know what this is about then you need to tale a look in the folder.” John hurriedly rustled through the documents and as he glared at the paperwork he couldn’t understand how calm she was and the enormity of what she was asking was intolerable.

   Rustling his fingers through his hair he slammed the folder down hard on his desk.

“I don’t need to tell you what it is, I can possibly tell by your reaction.” Looking into the fire the scares on her neck quivered in the light; still angered he tried to be reasonable.

“You signed it....I enlisted you.” Clutching the document a lump appeared in his throat and seeing his reaction made it difficult for Jeanie to keep control.

“You enlisted me into a unit that hasn’t been deployed yet and underneath that roll of paper is my signature. There is something not right with this affair. I need to get to the bottom of it and if I ever want to find out it means that I have to go to war.” Slamming the paper down hard again John shook his head violently.

“Are you fucking out of your mind, you are in no fit state to go to fucking War and you are a woman, do you know what would happen Jeanie. I would be fucking court marshalled so the answer is no.” Jeanie knew the seriousness of her request and she needed John to understand that she wasn’t going to give up, “I know what would happen John but with you or without you I’m going. So you either do it and help me or don’t and risk it it’s your choice.”

“I have no fucking choice you mean. Why can’t you be like every fucking other woman and know your place?” Jeanie stood toe to toe with John and on taking both of his hands she breathed deeply to calm herself, she hated having to use him, but on this occasion she felt she had no choice.

“I know you love me and I know you care for me and the reasons why you have always done that is because I’ve never been like anyone else. You also know that there is something going on here that doesn’t feel or sit right with either of us and I need to see and find out for myself whether he is alive or not.”

“Why do you do this? Why do you always give me fucking reasons to want to punch you really want to say no Jeanie. For the reasons that I don’t think I could take you getting hurt again.” John stood with his hands firmly placed on his hips. Thinking it through was never going to be an option and he also had the same uneasy feelings that something just wasn’t right.

“When are you going to be ready?”

“Give me 5 months, I will be ready and I won’t let you down.” Picking up the file she made her way to the door.

“When can I see Jayne? Tell me again why should I do this Jeanie?”

“Ivy will be waiting for you and for the second part cause if you don’t I’ll always make you miserable.” Running to the door John placed his hand on the handle over Jeanie’s. “I can’t guarantee he’s alive Jeanie……I…I don’t want you getting hurt when he might not be alive….Please Jeanie please think about what you’re asking me to do?”