In any ordinary life (In any oridnary Book 1) (24 page)

Chapter 23

Jeanie pulled back the curtains at the cottage and started to dust around the kitchen surfaces. The damp cold kitchen breathed as Jeanie wiped life back into the room.

   Letters from James had dried up and deep inside Jeanie had started to feel like she was loosing him.

“Shit…” Ivy bundled herself through the back door and as Jeanie turned she could see her sucking her thumb.

“Paper cut these darn things hurt more than slicing your finger off!”   

Jeanie leant on the kitchen sink and watched the birds outside the window. This was the first time she had been home in two months and knowing it was only for a few days made her feel worse.

“Are you seeing John? I’ve often wondered what he meant that day in the parlour.” Ivy fumbled and clasped her hands together; Jeanie could see her knuckles white as she clenched them together.

“What kind of a question is that?” Hurriedly Ivy started to clear the clutter off the kitchen table avoiding eye contact with her sister, hurrying Jayne into the living room Jeanie followed with more suspicions about her sister’s movements.

“You seem distracted”

“Don’t do this, he’s just trying to get to you and he’s being horrible to me instead. I’m just trying to protect your feelings, you’ve been through enough.” Ivy wiped her hair away from her brow with her hand and as she hastily fluffed cushions Jeanie couldn’t comprehend her answer.

“I don’t understand why he would want to. He knows there’s no going back and it doesn’t make sense.” Walking closer to her sister she placed her hand on top of the cushions that Ivy was so violently fluffing.

“Ivy I don’t need protecting. He needs help and support but I just don’t want him spoiling anything else in our lives.”

   Ivy squoze Jeanie’s hand and smiled uneasily. Jeanie felt Ivy needed to talk more but seeing how uneasy the conversation had made she didn’t push it any further. The last thing she needed was an argument spoiling the only time she had at home.

“I’ll start the stove and get a fire going.” pulling her coat around her she went outside to collect some logs. The unease in Ivy’s response intrigued Jeanie further and more than anything she felt Ivy knew more than she was letting on. Regardless Jeanie felt she had to know.

   The living room looked as if life had never disappeared and even though the curtains where closed the room felt more alive as the flames danced around the mantel.

   Ivy had settled Jayne down and Jeanie watched from the settee. Part intrigued to her behaviour and trying to mask her feelings Jeanie buried her head in her book.

   Ivy sat on the floor next to Jayne stroking her hair.

“What is there to do tomorrow?”

“All I can see is cobwebs so it looks like getting rid of them might be a start, I don’t know lets see what it looks like in the morning, “

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t wrap you up as well, and I know you don’t need it. Maybe we should talk after breakfast.” With that Ivy scooped Jayne into her arms, “Night Jea Love you.”

   The uneasy feeling in Jeanie’s stomach returned knowing something was going to happen, but not knowing till morning wasn’t going to sedate her into a goodnights sleep.

   The sun peered through the curtains in Jeanie’s bedroom and as the rays illuminated the room with an orange glow Jeanie was already sat upright and counting down the minutes to when she could confront her sister. The suspense of not knowing what was wrong was too intense to bear.

   Hearing stirrings from the corridor Jeanie opened the door and made her way to the kitchen. Jayne was sat on the kitchen floor playing with a wooden duck looking the picture of innocence.

“Auntie Jea, is going to put the kettle on. Let’s see if mummy is going to tell me what’s going on.” Jeanie paced whilst the kettle simmered and as it started to scream, Ivy poked her head around the corner.

“I’m just getting dressed,” she yawned, “pour us one out...”

   Peering out of the window Jeanie noticed a car moving into place at the bottom of the path. Looking outward the distinct colourings of the vehicle immediately made her heart sink,

“Jea what’s up…?” peering over her sister’s shoulder she noticed the base car pulling up on the farm track outside the back of the cottage.

“Jea it might not be what you think.”

The panic could be heard in her voice and Jeanie knew this time there was no escaping from it. Throwing the tea pot into the sink she stood at the side of the stove in silence. Jeanie stood stern as the knock came to the door.

“Open it.” Ivy looked for reassurance but Jeanie was severe, cold there didn’t seem to be an emotion that would justify her look. As the gentleman walked into the room, Jeanie raised her head to greet him.

“Ivy Jeanie Ivy I need to talk to Jea.”

“She can stay John get on with it.” Jeanie glared heavily knowing there was only one reason John would make the trip. Angered by his presence she anticipated his words.

“Jeanie I’m sorry to have to say this but we have received communication that James is missing in action. I’m sorry to say presumed dead. I have the telegram here but I thought it would be better for me to deliver it.” Jeanie stood unyielding with no reaction and her glare intensifying.

“You mean you thought you would drive up here and gloat.” Jeanie spat her words out. John shocked at her reaction, didn’t know what to do. He had expected her to fall to pieces and as she stood firm he seemed unsure how to continue.

“That wasn’t my intension Jeanie I thought...”

“You never think John. The only thing you think about is what’s best for you. What did you think I would do break down throw myself back into your bed so you could comfort me in my hour of need….” John stood tall placing his cap underneath his arm and stepping back into the doorway he felt the tension and tried to deflate her anger.

“You know that wasn’t my intension Jeanie we’ve been through so much doesn’t that count for anything…” Jeanie turned around to the stove; swallowing deep she took another huge breath adamant she wasn’t going to cry and adamant that John would never manipulate the situation.

“The only thing that has ever counted was the baby we made and he’s gone. But as for anything else no it never did.” John replaced his cap knowing she was upset he tried to understand.

“You don’t mean that I know you don’t and I know you still feel for me Jeanie. I came up here to help because I appreciated what you did for me with our son. I though a friendly face, hell familiarity would help. I know you’re in shock but……” Jeanie walked towards him and without hesitation she slapped him hard across the face, John held his head to one side unable to look at her.

“You only came here for yourself. Leave the telegram on the table and get the fuck out of my house.”

“I did everything to get back to you and when you where lay cold and dying in my arms Jeanie I knew I could never love someone as much as I love you. I knew I’d lost so I let you go and burying our son whilst you were still fighting for your life just made me understand how wrong I had been.

   I thought I meant something to you. I thought with you helping and understanding how isolated I had become that we had made a new connection. I thought maybe this time it would be different.

   James loves you I get that but just maybe we have both found substitutes Jeanie. Here is your telegram. Oh and just in case your wondering what I mean why you don’t ask your sister.”

John slammed the door disappointed that he had lost his temper and disappointed that any chance he had of cementing a reunion had frayed a little more.

   As the door closed behind him, Ivy stood petrified as Jeanie’s heavy glare waited on her.

“What does he mean Ivy?” Ivy shook from head to toe and as she pressed her lips together she tired to move. Jeanie shouted again forcing an answer.

“Tell me what he means.”

“Give me a minute to get Jayne sorted Jea please...” Jeanie sat at the kitchen table fixated on the unopened telegram however with her anger seething she could help but be impatient.

“Ok Jea you should know, you need to know…..Eighteen months ago George received a letter from John stating he was home on leave and at that point. Jesus at that point I knew that John’s marriage had broken down and he needed a place to stay for a little while.

   I didn’t want to tell you. I didn’t know how to tell you but with everything that happened. John moved in and George said he needed to sort a few things out for his new base and I swear to you now I didn’t know he was going to be stationed up here he said he couldn’t wait to meet up with an old friend and he was looking forward to getting away from London.” Jeanie clenched her fists, wondering where all this was going to lead. Ivy stood up and walked over to the kitchen sink still unable to look at Jeanie she placed both her hands on the basin.

“George got his papers and off he goes back to war and in the meantime John is still at the house. One night he opens his case and there is a bottle of brandy in it. I don’t know how to tell you this….John and I been intimate before. George knew and I said some things before he left that I have regretted ever since.

   John said he- he said he had spoke to a solicitor and Olivia was going to cost him a small fortune. Something about a business deal or something that went wrong so we start to drink.

   Anyway one turns into two. I can remember falling over in the kitchen and as he picks me up he kisses me then apologises but I didn’t stop……I suppose I didn’t want him to stop see he wanted you and I’ve always been your substitute. I wanted him so I kissed him back and before I knew it we where making love in the kitchen and before I knew it I was having an affair with my brother in law.

   Every time John was on leave, he was with me…..anyway a couple of months went by and George returned home for a while with injury. I told George then I was pregnant. But I knew Jayne wasn’t his…..” Jeanie sat motionless, closing her eye’s she anticipated Ivy’s conclusion, confused as to why she needed to know.

“Jeanie I don’t have to tell you that Jayne isn’t George’s daughter, she’s John’s, you know it but just listen to me I know he’s been in love with you forever and I was foolish to think that he loved me.

   He would call me Jeanie and I would ignore it and I know he used me and I let him. See you weren’t the only one in love with the wrong man and I’m just as guilty as John in fact I’m no different, I married George because he reminded me of John, not because I loved him. I used his brother as a substitute because I was in love with him but I know better now. I pleaded with George to stay but secretly I was happy he was going.

   See when John turned up again our relationship all started again and I didn’t feel guilty until the telegram arrived.”

“What about the conversation I over heard, what was that about?”

“He visited, because he wanted to talk to you. I told him to leave you alone, he said I was jealous, I told him he wasn’t going to use me again to get to you. “

“Does John know Jayne is his?” Ivy shook her head.

“I couldn’t I felt so ashamed and before James you where so squeaky clean. No exploits no illicit affairs. Jeanie I love you but at one point I couldn’t I just couldn’t relate to you. You could have never understood.” “You could have made me understand, and you could have made me see. Is that why you said take a chance at the hospital is that it...?” Jeanie shook from head to toe as the anger took hold of her body.

” Ivy for Christ sake ANSWER ME!! Is that why you said you’re a good girl you wanted me to fall in love with James so then you would have John all to yourself.”

“Jea no…..no I could ever compete with you. That was my fault not you. I didn’t expect you to be nearly killed by a raging psychopath I- I don’t know how far.”

“I know what you wanted Ivy. I know exactly what you wanted you thought I had a fucking moral pedestal that I needed to be taken down from. You thought sleeping with James was your answer and John would come running back to you once……once I’d lost my virginity and I was no longer a conquest for John but it didn’t work did it DID IT!!

This is fucking unbelievable my own sister you wanted this…..you wanted me to fail at all of it didn’t you so you could say I told you so” Jeanie had started to breath deeper trying to keep her emotions under control. The betrayal inside felt too much to comprehend.

“You don’t understand I didn’t want you to nearly die! I just wanted you to feel like me…I don’t know Jeanie it’s poisonous what I wanted”

“All your advice all your promises it was all lies and you did it on purpose why would you do that? If you wanted him so badly why didn’t you tell him? I don’t love him, or want him he’s nothing to me anymore, but you….” Jeanie clutched the telegram in her hand and gritted her teeth, “Maybe I would have been in this position anyway without you. My husband may be dead or dying and all you can think of is how to fuck John Stanton and how to screw me over in the process.  I don’t think I know you anymore...”

“It’s not like that. I was wrong. Please Jeanie I don’t understand. What are you going to do?” Jeanie threw the telegram at her feet and as all the hurt and the hate started to rise she felt the bile rise in her throat.

“I am going to find him this time without you or your advice….”