Forgive Me (25 page)

“
You made my life the best life Noah.” Carrie says, holding her big brother so tight as she cries tears of happiness and blessing. “You made it the safest place you could and saved me from a cynical outlook. You brought me Chad even though you fought me tooth and nail, and Candey by forcing me to get an education… and everyone in this room because they loved you so much and with you I am a packaged deal. You brought us family Noah and I would never be here without you.”

They hug one another a little longer before Noah steps back and gives a single swipe under his left eye, but does it so fast I may have been the only one to catch it.
“Fuck this is heavy and we don’t do heavy.” He says and motions between his chest and Carrie. “Your something new is this new world. Own it sissy yeah?”

She nods and turns to look in the mirror checking her makeup. All of us are looking in the mirror now too as we check our makeup. Shamus, and Cal are looking at the ceiling or the door or anywhere they can hide from the emotion that is seriously strong in this room.

“
Know what song I am?” Carrie says as she turns around and grabs her bouquet.

“
Give it.” Noah states with a smile.

“
Party rockin’ in the house tonight.” She says and smiles making her way to her soon to be husband.

I hope you find what you're lookin for when it all comes runnin' down
I hope you find it painted black on your window, or the lips of your lover's frown
Cuz if it dies in cold, when the clouds start to roll.
Is it then that your soul, starts to bleed?

Joshua James

Chapter Twenty-Seven

I looked around the glitter and glam of the hall and couldn’t believe they pulled it off without a single paparazzi getting wind of the nuptials until after the end of the ceremony. Chad and Carrie had come so far and I felt like the biggest dick for completely ignoring the ceremony because my eyes were on my girl, who was snuggled in close to me as we danced to Lifehouse’s You and Me.

Out of the corner of my eye, lost in thought of the lyrics I figured maybe I was seeing it wrong, but as I paused and focused I saw exactly what I thought. Hidden from the rest of the room and only visible to me from the angle I had through lit trees and candles and shit, was Noah Beckett on his knee with Candey
’s hand in his. Her look of shock and complete happiness told me exactly what I was seeing. Fucking dick kept stealing my thunder. First with the toast then interrupting my dance with Sass so I could totally spy on them. Fucker proposed. I knew it with everything in me. I watched as Candey’s eyes glossed with shiny tears and a simple nod of ‘yes’ brought the biggest smile I have ever seen on Noah. For once that brooding bastard was happy. Truly fucking happy.

He jumped up from his perch before her and cupped his hand behind her neck and brought her mouth to his. His free hand still clasping her left hand as he kissed her. I would be a pussy if I admitted I had tears in my eyes from the scene
… or a liar for saying I didn’t. I accept the chick card on this though. I have known the guy for years and the undertone of complete wreckage he wore like a skin was gone in that precious second with Candey. If it was possible I loved her more than I ever thought I would because of the look she just put on my boys face.

Today had wrecked Noah. He gave Carrie away to his best friend who was famous literally for causing mass orgasms with just a smile the prick. For any father to pass his daughter on to the man who she chooses is a feat, I can only imagine. Noah though, his situation was deeper and harder because of all he and Carrie dealt with. Seeing the sadness and worry earlier as well as a very rare show of emotion in front of hundreds as he toasted the couple
… this was awesome.

“
What are you so intrigued by?” Sass asked me and pulled me from the private moment I witnessed and swore I would take to the grave. Knowing that they simply looked like a couple in love I nodded toward them and spun Cass in my arms.

“
The smile she puts on Noah is priceless.” I say and mean those words even if I sound like a girl.

The tears in Sass
’s eyes told me without words that she saw it too. I felt like Mikey for a minute and wanted to tell her what I saw, but seeing how Candey would nut me for spilling the beans…well I liked my nuts where they were.

“
I feel that happy.” She says and kisses my neck canceling out every person in the hall with the simple kiss. I was ready to leave and show her how much I loved her.

“
I thank heaven and hell both that your in my arms now babe.” I say and taste the bitter edge for the hell she was in waiting on me, even though I know we wouldn’t be here without it. When your life hangs in the balance it’s easier to forgive….or so she tells me. I would have taken that pain for her every minute of every day even if it meant she was never mine again. It would be my sacrifice and my cross to bare if only I could. Like usual she takes my dark thoughts away with a simple desperate request. “Take me home Shame.”

Hell fuckin yeah.

*

Shamus

Hours have passed and I am spent and splayed across Shames chest sleeping sound when the phone starts ringing
‘Gun Powder and Lead’ by Miranda Lambert and I know it’s Carrie and I am on alarm because it’s her wedding night and two in the morning. There is no reason to be calling me other than bad news.

“
Hello?” I say and try whispering even though the ring woke Shame and he was now flipping on a light as I sit up and rub my eyes. My heart sinks when I hear Chad’s voice on the line and the sadness in his voice is impossible to not hear.

“
Hey pretty girl. Shame there?” He asks and I can hear the tears falling I swear to God. I don’t ask why he is calling my phone and not Shames. I ask nothing as I hand the phone over. I rise from the bed and start searching for a T shirt when I hear Shame say hello.

“
What the fuck you calling Cassa’s phone this early in the morning on your wedding night?” He asks and looks at me with a smirk that fades to anguish in a split second before he jack-knifes off the bed with a loud “What?”

I am in a full body cringe and completely lost and worried for every person I know right now. Shame has tears in his eyes and starts asking Chad questions in rapid speed as we both frantically search for clothes.

“
What hospital are they at?”

I now feel the tears break free when I hear him ask and I wonder with complete horror who
‘they’ are.

“
We are on our way.” He says and tosses my phone on the bed and grabs my hand. He threw on a pair of tattered camo shorts brown flip flops and an old
Slave to the Needle
hoodie. I grab some flip flops out of the closet and yank the first hoodie I see off the hanger as he tugs me toward the front door.

I try stopping but he is in panic mode and doesn
’t hear my protests. “Shamus god dammit stop!”

He turns and I see his red rimmed eyes and yank my hand from his and step back.
“What happened and to who?” I ask and I am not moving until he tells me. He is visibly upset and I wont let him drive in such a state.

He looks at me but its like the words have frozen in his mouth but his mind is forcing the thoughts anyway because I watch as tears spill over.
“Shamus please baby your scaring me.” I cry and curl myself against him hoping to comfort him in an obvious loss that has put him in shock. “Please baby talk to me.”

When he finds his voice and the words spill out I am not prepared.
“Noah and Candey were in a wreck leaving the reception tonight. Candey …” He pauses and I know. I fucking know. “Candey didn’t make it baby.”

I feel my heart stop at the words, the filthy words that tell me my old roomy, my crazy cornball wild fire friend is gone. Gone. And I cant breathe until my brain flickers the image of her and Noah at the reception.
“Noah?” I gasp his name like a question.

“
In surgery baby. We gotta go.” He grabs keys off the counter and keeps me tucked into his chest as we make our way to the car.

Maybe in another life
I could find you there
Pulled away before your time
I can't deal it's so unfair
And it feels
And it feels like
Heaven's so far away
And it feels
Yeah it feels like
The world has grown cold
Now that you've gone away

The Offspring

Chapter Twenty Eight

Shamus

We get to the hospital and I keep my fingers entwined in Cassa’s as I storm past the reception desk and straight to the double doors and wait to be allowed through. The nurse is watching me and I am not in the mood to play sexy rock star right now. She makes her way to the small window by the doors and asks if she can help me.

I laugh darkly,
“Yeah. Look we both know why I am here and I would prefer to not have a scene. I…” My words fail as she nods and I hear the click indicating the magnetic lock has released. I am so grateful she didn’t force me to say my name and who I was there to see or god forbid she was clueless and I had to replay that fucking bullshit call because it was on replay in my mind. I look to her before taking a deep breath. “Thank fuck you have a soul.”

“
Of course and know my prayers are with him.” She says with glassy eyes and I take a second to remind myself how bad ass our fans are. Times like this it helps having them.

I nod in appreciation but don
’t say what I know is true and that is that Noah is beyond prayer the minute he finds out his fiancé is dead…if he doesn’t know already.

I make it to the next nurses station where I see Chad and Carrie who is in hysterics. Chad is getting loud with two paramedics and a nurse. I pick up my speed and pull Sass closer but once we are withing reaching distance of them she breaks free and rushes to Carrie who cries harder at seeing her and it breaks my heart.

I take a protective stance in front of Chad who has both hands in a white knuckle fist. I look to the paramedics and the nurse and give a simple “back the fuck off.” I turn and press my hands against his chest to get him to take a few steps back. “Calm. Bro Noah needs calm right now and he needs it because Carrie is freaked the fuck out. Turn. Walk away. I got this.”

I left no room for argument even though he stared them down as he backed up. Once the sound of Carrie talking through her tears to Cass he snapped out of it and turned and walked toward them, taking both in his arms and letting them cry.

“
My name is Shamus James.” I say and look to the paramedics and nurse. My voice is hollow and empty and I'm digging deep for the strength to ask what I need to ask. “I'm guessing we are waiting on Noah’s status?”

“
Are you family?” The nurse asks. Before I can respond with a simple white lie of yes I hear Carrie enraged she is screaming through her tears. “I am all the blood he has god dammit. He is family by bone and I give permission for you to open your fucking trap and tell someone if my brother is alive!”

Chad literally lifts her off the ground and walks farther away as she screams pleas for them to give us anything and I no longer care about keeping it together. Carrie has Chad and Noelle so I know she will get through, but if she loses Noah she will forever be broken
… its how they are built. Its also why Noah has to be okay because they are built for survival.

“
Look you can see what the wait is doing to her. She will go into panic and become a health risk if you don’t give me something here. I am willing to hand over everything in my bank for her to get an answer here so do me the favor of finding anyone who is willing to bargain if your not.”

The paramedics are watching Carrie. Her jaw is chattering and she cant take a full breath and I see the switch take place as they head her way to try and calm her down or at least get her vitals checked. I look to the nurse and wish like hell I had the strength to put the charm on but my heart was broken along the rest and I was anxious to get to Cass who had to be in shock.
“He is still in surgery. I wont have any news until he is out.”

“
Surgery for what?” I ask hoping it’s not extreme.

Nurse hatchet wastes no time and doesn
’t bother with kitten gloves and goes for the ‘like a band-Aid’ tactic. “Both his lungs are punctured as well as his spleen and a tear in his liver. He has minor head wounds that will most likely cause a concussion but there was no bleeding on the brain.” She looks at something behind me and I turn to see two of Washington’s finest dressed in blue.

“
Officers.” I say but my thoughts are stuck on the plethora of fatal injuries Noah is fighting.

“
Can we have a few minutes?” They ask and I cant figure why they want me.

“
I just got the call that Candey was gone and that Noah was in surgery so I doubt I’ll be of help.”

“
We spoke with both Mr and Mrs Blake when they got here. We are trying to establish the last hour or so of the reception to see what happened.”

“
Okay. Yeah… um I left with my girlfriend Cassa maybe twenty minutes after Carrie and Chad left. I saw him holding Candey and …” I pause and feel my throat tighten with pain and sadness at Noah’s loss. Fucker was cursed or something. I might be the only one who knew what moment they shared before she left him forever. “I hadn’t paid attention to the time though.” I only cared about getting Cass home and in our bed and the list of nasty shit we got down too. “Can you tell me what happened?” I ask and I don’t know if I can take the details of Candey and Noah's final moments together.

“
From what we have gathered they were pulled over to the side of the road for some reason.” The cop seemed confused but I knew just as the rest of our crew knew they were most likely fucking because they were horn-balls both of them. “A car veered over the medium and hit them with what looks like a T-bone effect. The extent of Miss True’s injuries tells us they were in the back seat when they were hit. Mr. Beckett was conscious when we got on the scene and told us he had tried to block her body with his once he saw the headlights coming toward them. From what we gathered he rolled them and he took all the impact from behind as Miss True’s body hit the opposite door head first and broke her neck. She was DOA sir, I’m sorry.”

I felt like I would puke from the gory details. I also hoped nobody else heard them.
“Have you spoken to Carrie about this yet?” I ask hoping like hell I can keep her from knowing all this. Sadly the officer shakes his head no.

“
We notified her when we arrived on the scene. Mr. Beckett was ranting in shock that he needed his ‘Sissy’. We looked in his phone and saw her contact and told her where to meet us and her brother.”

I am trying to take it all in and I know I
’m in shock. I watch as the room continues to feel with our TAT family. Mike and Roni are beside Chad and Carrie while Roni and Cassa try to soothe her. Our roadies are huddled in the waiting room taking up most of the space and I find myself looking for Cal.

I make my way to Chad.
“Anyone call Cal?” I ask but before he responds I hear Cal yelling for me and Chad from behind the double doors. I see that bitch nurse Hatchet arguing with him that it’s too crowded and he and Tayla aren’t allowed back. Everything in me snaps seeing this bitch on a power trip. I tryto be the gentleman I know resides deep inside but right now I am in shock, sad and real fucking mad.

I make my way to the doors with Chad at my side. I can hear Cal begging her to let him back.
“Look if you cant let me back there can you at least call for Chad Blake or Shamus James to come up here?”

He sounds both livid and desperate. It is Nurse Hatchets response that sends me over the edge. With a snide laugh she rolls her eyes and looks at what I assume is Cal because I cant see through the doors.
“You want me to just get on the hospital intercom and ask for Chad Blake and Shamus James to come to reception? And then shall I call the police since it will cause pandemonium in my hospital? How about you have a seat and I will let you back when it clears out.” And then she dismissed him like he was a nobody. Cal fucking Dorian is our brother not a nobody.

Nurse Hatchet turned and gasped when she saw me and Chad staring her down from the other side of the glass.
“Open the door.” I demand coldly.

“
Are you leaving Mr. James? If so I have another friend here anxious to come back.” She doesn’t even look at me as she stares at a stack of folders as if we don’t matter. Cal hears my name and starts yelling to me and Chad.

“
Hold on bud.” Chad yells and looks to the nurse with pleading eyes. “Please.” He almost whispers and the moment is deafening because Chad Blake begs no one.

“
No.”

Before he started to truly beg I lost it. I stepped to the glass and slammed my fist against it causing her to jump.
“Look lady. I am not asking you to understand the devastation that hit our band tonight. I'm not asking you to be our biggest fan, and I'm not asking for a favor. What I'm doing is telling you to open the fucking doors now or watch me get your job and your license.”

“
You don’t have the power Mr. James.” She responds with a sneer.

“
You would be amazed what kind of power I have.” My voice is laced in fire and ash of what we have lost and may lose still. “Everyone and everything can be bought. There is no question in my mind if there aren’t a dozen other applicants waiting to take your place. I suggest you pull the stick out of your ass, and open the fucking door before I show you how rich I am.”

“
Are…are you threatening me?” She asks with a stutter.

“
No I am promising.” She looks at me but makes no move to open the door. “Now.” I must have made my point because the doors opened and Cal and Tayla came rushing through and you can hear Tayla call the nurse a bitch under her breath. Chad guided them to the waiting room but I stayed there long enough to make sure the nurse knew I wouldn’t be intimidated any more tonight.

“
Men like you are all alike. You scare women and probably beat them after using them in every city you go to.”

Wow.

“
No you're wrong battle Ax. Tonight Chad married the woman he has loved for years. I went home to my high school sweetheart and Cal was most likely talking business with our manager, the sweet girl who called you a bitch just a few seconds ago. Noah proposed to the only woman he ever loved just hours before she died. You judge us because we are rock stars and you think it means we are trashy junkies and a danger to society and its youth. The only danger I pose to you is that I didn’t back down to your bullshit. I'm used to being judged by people like you and, I secretly love it. I go home happy to the woman I love and I'm surrounded by the best people I fucking know. I might be an asshole to you lady, but I lost a good friend tonight and another is fighting for his life; so my manners have escaped me. You need to check your shit though, and check it fast. Do not fuck with us anymore. We are loud, tatted, foul-mouthed rockers and we are here until we know that one of ours is OK. You don’t like it go home. Ill tell your boss I fired you and I am cocky enough to get away with it so don’t push me...” I look at the name on her badge pointedly. “Deloris.”

Her gasp was all I heard when I went back to my people to wait out the night for Noah.