Fervor (3 page)

"Dad,
she...she, dad." I couldn't fucking breathe, there was a vise grip on my
heart and all I could do was point to the desktop computer while gasping for
breath. Derrick and Brian ran over to see what I was talking about.

"What is
it son?"

"She's,
she's, in an abandoned building, she's fucking him in an abandoned building
like a street rat."

"No Gage,
it's not what it looks like, it's not what you think man it's a gif."
Brian came over to us.

"What the fuck
Brian, what does that mean, how is this shit a gift?"

I was ready to
tear his motherfucking head off for saying some stupid shit like that to me.

"No not
gift Gif, G.I.F"

" WHAT THE
FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?" That's it I was totally gone, I needed a drink in
the worst motherfucking way, fuck this shit.

"It's
animation, where they take a still photo and make it do all kinds of crazy
shit."

"So she's
not fucking him there?"

"No man,
it's just someone's idea of a sick joke."

"Who the
fuck does that shit?"

"Gage did
you notice that they're fully clothed?"

"Derrick
who the fuck has time to notice that shit? All I saw was him humping back and
forth behind her." That shit still made me sick to my stomach no matter
what Brian said.

"And why
the fuck would someone do this shit? Are these fuckers trying to make me lose
my shit? What kind of fans are these anyway do they even stop to think how
seeing this shit would make me feel?"

"Okay bro
it's not about that, you can't let what people say influence you like that. You
have to decide for yourself what's best for you. We only told you to read this
shit so you could see what's out there, but as for how it makes you feel, you
have to sift through the bullshit and get to the truth, and I know you don't
want to hear this shit right now, but eventually you're gonna have to talk to
her, the sooner the better." The whole room went deathly still.

Well fuck me.
No.

"I can't
talk to her Brian, not now not ever."

"Gage,
son, you know that's not reasonable, if you ever want to move forward you're
going to have to deal with her at some point."

"Dad..."

"No son
hear me out, I'm just looking out for your best interest here. You know how we
are, you know our legacy, and you know what she is to you."

"Dad what
the fuck are you saying are you saying I have to forgive and forget, I have to
let this shit go? Go on like this shit never happened?"

"Of course
that's not what I'm saying, but I am telling you to give yourself time, think
this thing through and don't make any rash decisions. This is your life we're
talking about here son."

I really didn't
want to hear this shit right now. I knew what he was getting at, but I just
couldn't, I couldn't deal. I just wanted to go back to a little over a week ago
when things were damn near perfect. What the fuck happened to my life? Now that
my head was a little clearer than it has been for the past few days, things
weren't adding up for me. This person, this girl in the news headlines with a
married father of two was not the girl I knew. My Suzette would never do such a
thing it just wasn't in her. So what the fuck happened what could've possibly
transpired between the two of them? I wanted to know every minute detail and
yet I didn't want to know. Conundrum. Fuck me.

"Dad don't
you understand? I can't see her right now; I'm not in my right mind for this.
When she told me she kissed him I wanted to spit in her face and slam her head
into the fucking wall in front of all those people. Now the papers are saying
she fucked him, and that bullshit apology...she fucked him dad, my Suzette
fucked a fifty-year-old man with a wife and kids, obviously she wasn't happy
with me but why couldn't she just tell me? That day before the awards show we
were home together just like any other day, playing with Rex, going for a swim,
I made love to her dad, and all the while she knew she had fucked him. How can
I live with that?"

The look on my
dad's face alone was enough to make me want to find that fuck Terry Poole and
fuck his shit up. I never stopped to think how my agony was affecting my loved
ones, especially mom and dad, but being here with them, I could see it. They
were hurting, not just because they had loved her, but because I was hurting. I
guess no matter how old a kid was he was still your kid. My dad was definitely
hurting for me and that shit was not cool.

There was a
knock on the door before the women invaded. I was wondering how long it would
take them to make an appearance it wasn't like the women in this family to take
a backseat.

"Okay guys
you've had him long enough, now it's our turn. They all made themselves
comfortable around the room. Mom and dad took the leather couch, sitting as
close together as possible. Brian took one of the side chairs with Connie on
his lap, while Derrick and Tiffany took the same position in the matching
chair.

In that moment
I couldn't help thinking about how things use to be whenever Suzette and I
would come home for a visit, which was pretty often. We would all sit around
together like this, except I usually had her in my lap then too. It was going
to be hard not being part of a couple anymore, we'd spent almost everyday
together except when we were working, which we had both decided early on we
would only work locally unless one of us was on a break and was able to follow
the other on location. It had worked out well until this last show of hers. The
one where she met that piece of shit Poole.

Why the fuck
couldn't I go ten minutes without thinking about her would I ever have peace of
mind again? Fuck my life.

"So here's
the plan." Connie's twang drew me out of my misery.

"We call
Suzette up to meet, I'm thinking Tiffany should do it since she trusts you, and
then I ambush the bitch in a dark alley somewhere and beat the shit out of
her..."

"Connie..."
Mom admonished.

"What?
It's not like you're not all thinking the same thing." she rolled her eyes
around the room. I'm not sure I liked hearing that, as much as I wanted to dig
into Suzette I didn't want anyone else fucking with her.

"That
maybe but we're not animals, we're civilized, rational people and we will deal
with this as such. Now Gage it's up to you how you want to handle this, we'll
support you in whatever way you need. You should know that I already spoke to
Bess and she's taken care of the house. Yes she told me about the mess you made
there."

I had a
sheepish look on my face; yeah I'd almost forgotten about that, I'll have to
give Bess some kind of bonus for taking care of that shit. Speaking of which...

"Don't
worry about her and Sanchez, they're already taken care of. I gave them both a
month off with pay. Bess insists on going by the house at least once a week for
the upkeep, and I figured the grounds could go a month without suffering.
Maddox security already has a few men there they already had a run in with the
paparazzi so we'll just leave them there for now. All you have to do is
concentrate on you, focus on your needs."

Leave it to mom
to handle shit.

"Next
order of business Jane; do you want to make a statement, do you want to let it
all blow over on its own, what do you want?"

"Mom, I
don't know what I want, I do know I don't want to make any statements, although
that crap about me wanting to meet that fucker for a man to man sit down makes
me want to say something. Why would I want to see him? He's just as guilty as
she is; why the fuck would I take his word for anything? The only reason I
would want to see that asshole would be to put a cap in his ass."

" That
could be arranged..."

"Brian."
Mom sighed.

"I'm just
saying James is on standby for whatever."

Oh fuck, James
Dupree was head of Maddox security, him and his wife Amanda were fucking
walking weapons, I wouldn't wish those two on my worst enemy, well maybe
Poole...no I want to take care of that fuck myself.

"We'll
have none of that, let's not forget none of us knows what really happened yet,
including you Gage."

"Linda
there are pictures..."

"Oh Connie
don't be so naive, you and I both know that with today's technology you can
make anything look real. People have been doing it for years."

"Mom, she
made a statement, a public apology."

"Did she
Tiffany? Did you see Suzette stand in front of a microphone and say those
words?"

"So what
are you saying?" I asked, this whole thing was giving me a headache.

"I'm not
saying anything son, I'm just suggesting that we all stay calm and look at this
thing from all angles. Let's not let anger rule the day. We need to bring
Suzette to the compound..."

"No, no
fucking way, you bring that bitch here and I'm leaving."

"Gage
Michael Maddox, this is not the man I raised you to be, I did not teach you to
run from your problems, shame on you. No one is saying that you have to get
back together with her or even that you have to forgive her, but the least you
can do for yourself if not for her is to hear her out. Do you think I want this
for you? If she's guilty of this I want to burn her at the stake. As your
mother that's my prerogative to feel that way, but as a woman I say hear her
out."

Everything she
was saying made perfect sense but I just didn't know if I could do it. It was
too soon. Too new, I was still too raw. I needed an outlet for my pain I didn't
think I could stand to hear her say the words. Just the kissing thing almost
killed me if she told me she fucked him it would end me.

So what did
that mean? Did that mean I still cared for her could I get past this shit? I
didn't know. I did know my family was right. I was going to have to see her
eventually; we had a movie premier in a month and a half. Fuck my life.

"Suzette Melissa
Sorenson what have you done?" I walked through the doors of my family home
and this was the greeting from my dad.

"Dad..."

My next memory
after his eloquent greeting is awakening on the couch with a spinning head and
a racing heart. I had spent days trying to out maneuver the paparazzi so I
could get home to the security of my dad's arms after the hell that had become
my life. As my dad crouched down next to me with that familiar look of love and
concern puckering his brow, I felt the floodgates open up and I cried. I cried
for my broken heart, I cried for the piece of me that was now missing, a piece
that I wasn't sure I would ever have again. For the first time in my life I
felt despair. Who knew the human body could withhold such torment? How strong
was the mind that it could withstand that agony and not break? Well I was sure
mine didn't have too far to go before that happy occurrence.

"Suzie,
hon I'm sorry, come on sit up here and drink some water." My dad in his
comfortable flannels and khakis was just what I needed. Such a stark contrast
from my life of glamour, my laid-back camera shy dad.

I lifted myself
up on an elbow as he held the glass to my lips, I could barely take a sip of
water since food had been my enemy for the last eight days. I must've lost ten
pounds already, pounds that I couldn't afford to lose but who cared about that
now, who cared what I looked like when my life had fallen apart when what I
loved the most in this world had been ripped away from me? And the screwed up
thing about it is that I have no idea what the hell happened.

"Well are
you ready to talk now or do you need more time?" That's my dad the no
nonsense cop he would coddle me yes, but he would demand his answers.

"Dad."
And the water works started again, why couldn't I get the words out of my
mouth? This is why I was here after all, for his comfort and understanding, but
where did I begin?

"Dad, I
don't know what happened." Was that my voice sounding so little and
broken?

"What do
you mean Suzette? You're all over the news, you and Gage and that, that Terry
character, what were you thinking or were you thinking at all?" Although
the words stung, there was no heat to them as I knew there wouldn't be, no
matter what I knew there was at least one person on this earth who wouldn't
judge me and that was my dad. He had always been my rock, the one I looked up
to, until my Gage. Oh gosh my Gage, would he ever be that again? I don't think
I could live in a world with him without being with him. He was my other half,
my better half, how could I have been so stupid, so naïve? How could one
momentary lapse in judgment destroy so many lives? I wish I had the strength to
take my own life but I was too much the coward for that, so instead I came here
to hide away and lick my wounds, heartsick and soul weary.

I guess dad
realized he wasn't going to get anything coherent out of me at this point
because he laid me back on the couch, covered me with grandma's old afghan,
patted my head a few times before kissing my forehead.