Fervor (8 page)

She was so weak
she couldn't stay awake she drifted in and out of sleep for the rest of the
morning. I had relocked the door a while ago and there was a lot of traffic out
there, I had heard first her dad and then the twins trying to get in but I
didn't get up to let them in, there was some grumbling and loud voices but I
didn't give a fuck. They better not wake her the fuck up, just saying.

I texted Brian
to keep everyone the fuck away and I guess he was doing his job because that
shit had quieted down. I had my phone on vibrate, I didn't need to talk to any
fucking one, the only person I gave two fucks about right now was right here
next to me, the rest of the world could go fuck itself. That shit had been
buzzing away like fuck for the last half hour though, I guess I should see what
the fuck was up, it could be Brian, though I think if it was that important he
would've come to the door.

I had a fuck
load of text from that O’Reilly broad fuck was her problem? Maybe she was looking
for butterfly; fuck if I was going to tell her where she was. Bitch had dropped
the fucking ball, first chance I get I’m firing her ass. It was her
responsibility to protect my girls' public image she had done a bang up fucking
job now hadn't she? I don't believe in half ass work you failed at your job
find another line of work. I wouldn't pay that bitch to walk Rex.

Angry much
there Maddox? I probably should cut her some slack, after all my own publicist
didn't do much in the way of protecting my ass either. What a fucking cluster
fuck.

Suzette finally
woke up for the last time around one, just in time for lunch I was going to
force feed her if I had to. Her I V was just about done anyway, time to let dad
do his thing. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes with a big yawn and a stretch.
Damn she'd lost way too much weight at least my ass was still in tact. What? So
I might've copped a feel, or two. It was a whole week and a half since I had
any that was a long dry spell for a guy who never went without.

"Gage?"

"Yeah?"
I was absently playing with her hair the way I usually did.

"Are you,
are we...uhmm." She bit her lip in that way that drove me fucking nuts, I
know she wasn't doing it to get me all riled up but damn, I had no control over
that shit. Like Pavlov's fucking dog I followed that action until she released
it.

"Are we
okay?"

"Uh,
no." The fuck? I gave her the crinkle brows like she was stupid; how could
she even think that shit? Did she think because she had me by the balls I was a
pushover? She knew me better than that.

I eased her out
of my arms and got off the bed, time to put some distance between us.

"How could
you even think that?" She started that sniffling shit again but I was
determined this time not to let it sway me. I knew lying down in that bed was a
huge mistake. Fuck.

"I don't
know, I...I guess you're ready to talk?"

I didn't even
bother to answer that shit, but first things first.

"We need
to get you something to eat I'll be right back."

I left without waiting
for an answer, I really didn't want anyone else going in that room before we
had a chance to talk but I knew that was a lost cause, what with her fucking
brothers and father here. As soon as they knew I was out of the room they
hightailed it there. I got some fuck you looks but I didn't give a fuck.
Assholes wanted me to take care of her so I am.

Mom had some
soup ready, apparently dad said that was the way to go. I ladled some in a bowl
to take back to my patient and was ready to retreat.

"Wait a minute
Gage not so fast. How is she? "

I tugged on my
hair looking for patience.

"I don't
know yet mom she just woke up, her color's a little better though."

"Oh okay
that's good, did you two get a chance to talk?"

"Working
on that right now." I kissed her cheek and made my escape.

I don't know
what the convo was about when I walked back into the room, but at least those
fucks had the good sense to head the fuck out, but not before a parting shot
from Joshua.

"Watch
yourself."

The fuck, what
the fuck was up with them blaming me for this shit? That fuckery was getting
old real fast; I didn't even acknowledge his dumb ass.

I closed and
locked the door after putting the tray across her lap. I wanted to dive right
into the conversation but she needed to eat, she was going to need her strength
for this.

She ate
sparingly before putting the tray aside and wiping her mouth. I don't know what
the fuck happened between her eating and wiping her mouth but I was fucking
pissed again. All the anger I had held in check all morning resurfaced like a
fucking geyser.

"Did you
fuck him?" Fuck Maddox, you're one suave motherfucker aren't you? Fuck off
conscience I'm running this show. Fuck I was crazy.

"No...I
didn't, I didn't, I promise. She damn near flew off the bed to get to me but I
backed away. I saw what that move did to her but I couldn't let myself care.
She'd fucking gutted me and I needed her to know that that shit wasn't just
gonna go away.

She started
shaking again as she grabbed for me. Her heart was knocking against her chest
so hard I thought it would break the fuck out. She was crying and shaking and
headed straight for a panic attack. Fuck, how could I fight with her when she
was like this? It was like kicking a kitten.

"Ssh, ssh,
it's okay, it's okay, I believe you ssh come on now."

I thought I was
gonna have to sedate her but she eventually calmed down enough for me to seat
her on the bed.

I stood in
front of her with arms crossed over my chest. Okay Maddox, like a motherfucking
Band-Aid.

"So what
happened?"

She was
wringing the fuck out of her hands now, nervous much Suzette?

"I don't,
I...they said..." She couldn't seem to form words.

"They,
who's they?"

"Karen...and...Terry."

She said his
name as though she was afraid I would snap. She wasn't too far off, hearing his
name on her lips made me see fucking red.

"They said
you were having a thing with Justine."

"The fuck,
who the fuck is Justine?" Was she delusional?

"Justine
Deluca, your leading lady from..."

"I know which
fucking movie she's from, are you fucking shitting me? That was two fucking
years ago and I never saw her off set."

"No no
they had proof, they said they had pictures." Her eyes were darting all
over the room.

"They have
pictures of me fucking Justine Deluca?" The fuck?

"Well, not
exactly, just some compromising shots."

"And you
saw these pictures with your own two eyes?" Was I having an out of body
experience? I have no fucking clue what she was talking about.

"A few
yes, I couldn't... Couldn't bear to look at all of them."

"When did
they show you these pictures?"

"In the
middle of filming."

"And you
didn't think to tell me this shit?"

"I didn't
know what to do, I didn't want to believe it, please, I'm sorry, I'm so
sorry." Fuck she was shaking again.

"Calm down
butterfly."

"Listen I
don't know what pictures they showed you but the only time I was with Justine
was during filming or doing promos. You were there from the second day
remember, when the fuck was I supposed to have fucked her? And why did this
just come up after two fucking years?"

"They said
you were still seeing her."

"Are you
fucking insane we spend all our time together WHEN THE FUCK WAS I SEEING
HER?"

She looked a
little bewildered hopefully she was realizing how fucking stupid she had been.
Those fuckers had played her like a fucking banjo. I couldn't wait to fuck
those motherfuckers up.

"That
still doesn't explain what the fuck you were doing in that fucking car with
that piece of shit though does it?"

I had to walk
away before I did something I would regret this shit was harder than I thought.
I left her crying and went up to my rooms I'd had enough for the fucking day.
Who knows what fuckery James was going to show up here with to send me over the
edge. I was strung tight as a motherfucker, something's gotta give or I'm gonna
lose my shit. I laid on the covers of my bed trying to put the pieces together,
obviously O’Reilly was part of whatever the fuck was going on, so the who were
coming together, I just needed to figure out the whys. It didn't matter why
though, whatever the reasoning I was gonna go Kublai Khan on their
motherfucking asses.

Dad found me in
my room sometime later, I was lying there tossing Rex's ball in the air letting
my mind relax for a while. There was just too much going on, and I realized I
never really stopped to deal with it all. When this fuckery first exploded my
only thought was to get the fuck out, was I running from my problems? Maybe but
in retrospect, I am the fucking laughing stock of the free motherfucking world
from here to Timbuktu, I bet those Maasai motherfuckers in Kilimanjaro are
probably reading this shit and laughing their fucking tribal asses off. That's
what the fuck I had to deal with.

Now that my
head was a little clearer my new reality was settling in and all it did was
piss me the fuck off even more. For the rest of my life I will be known as that
guy, the guy who's young hot starlet girlfriend fucked the old douche, and it
didn't matter that I believed her about not fucking him, the world had already
judged and I know about ninety percent of those fuckers believed they fucked.
How could I live with this fuckery?

"The
Sorensons just left."

I jackknifed so
fast I almost gave myself whiplash. My fucking heart started doing that runaway
shit again, and I literally rubbed my chest.

"Take it
easy son she’s still here, but her father and brothers had to leave. I had a
hard time convincing them to leave her here though seeing as how we found her
in that room bawling her eyes out."

Huh, that
sounded kind of accusatory to me.

The next punk
ass motherfucker that acted like this shit was my fault was gonna get jacked.
Just saying.

"Talk to
me son, did you two get any of this mess straightened out yet?"

I shrugged my shoulders,
what the fuck could I say?
 
That I wanted
her here but I didn't know what the fuck to do with her?

"We talked
some, but nothing's really been resolved." I sounded like a fucking dick.
Fuck my life, how did people deal with this cheating shit? I don't understand
how every man or woman who found themselves in this predicament didn't end up
killing something cause that's how the fuck I feel like I wanted to end
something, or someone.

"It's
understandable you feel that way son, the trick is to work through the anger to
get to a better place."

Fuck I'd said
that shit out loud.

"I don't
know how to do this dad, do you realize I'm the poster boy for douchery? Every
human being on the face of the earth has seen this shit."

"That's a
tough one son but you have to get past that somehow, if you want to salvage any
part of your life with Suzette you're going to have to let some of this go,
unless you decide to just walk away, start over."

That shit made
my heart hurt like fuck a world without butterfly, how would that be? All kinds
of fucked up I was sure, I couldn't imagine my life without her in it but I
didn't see how I could get past this. Wasn't shit suppose to get better with
time? I got fucked on the memo because my shit was now starting to kick in. I needed
my man Jack, fuck, that's the only time I didn't feel like a fucking failure,
when I was ten sheets to the motherfucking wind.

And therein
lied the crux of the matter, I felt like I failed, but how was that fair? I
didn't do anything wrong, so why was I suffering the consequences? I thought I
didn't give a fuck about what people said, but that was easier said than done,
no one wanted to look like a chump in front of the whole fucking world. But
this was my pops I could tell him anything.

"I don't
know how to give her up and I don't know how to move forward."

"With time
son you haven't really had time to sort this thing out as yet everything's been
in an upheaval, now it’s time to settle down and put on your thinking cap and
remember what we talked about."

Yeah, the
family legacy one woman for one man like I wasn't fucked enough already.

"But son,
if you forgive her you can't keep using this to hurt her. You'll have to put it
away she's just as much a victim here as you are. The kids told me what James
said." He clarified when I raised my brow.

"Dad, I
get what you're saying but regardless of who was working behind the scenes, she
went for it. How am I to know that she won't do this shit again?"