Fervor (6 page)

It's two
o'clock in the morning and I can't sleep for shit, I'm restless and twitchy
I've pretty much been in the same state since receiving that phone call. It's a
bitch analyzing yourself when you're all alone in the middle of the night
without alcohol to cloud your mind. Who am I right now? I don't know who the
fuck I've been since this fuckery started, it's like I left my body or
something and was just going on fumes. I don't think I really stopped to think
about what the fuck I was dealing with. I needed to have a one to one alright
but not with that fuck Terry Poole, I needed to have one with myself. This was
my life, I wanted it back and no douchetard motherfucker was going to control
what I did or how I felt, fuck that shit. What's mine I keep, I wish a
motherfucker would fuck with my shit ever again. Balls to the wall Maddox.

It was time to
go General Hannibal on these fucks.

I had keys in
hand and was in my Aston Martin in lest than ten minutes.

I made the trip
in half the time; what the fuck was the point in having a sports car if you
weren't going to utilize it? I parked a little ways down the street from my destination
and walked. The street was deathly quiet as was to be expected at fuck me
o'clock in the damn night. I reached the tree that would get me into the house
and took a deep breath. My heart was like a runaway train in my fucking chest
and my hands were sweating. Punk ass. I worked the kinks out of my neck and
started climbing, this wasn't my first time at the rodeo, I'd pulled this stunt
before, only then I was sure of my reception, this time I had no fucking clue
what awaited me at the end of this fuckery. I hoisted myself through the window
and the scent hit me. Fuck me, sensory overload, fucking strawberries and
vanilla. I was literally stopped in my tracks; how the fuck did I forget that?
That was one of the things that first drew me to her; her fucking scent drove
me insane. Hands in the front pockets of my jeans I stood in the corner out of
the view of the window, you never know what nosy ass neighbor had insomnia and
was watching shit out their window, that's the last damn thing I needed.

There was more
than enough light coming in through the window so I could see, and the first
thing I noticed was the gauntness of her features, the second was the tear
tracks on her cheeks. I bit my fist to keep the groan from escaping. She looked
so small and helpless, nothing like the vibrant vivacious girl of my dreams. I
slid down the wall hands clasped on my forehead, nose burning from holding back
tears. I wanted so much to go to her but I couldn’t, not yet, not without
answers.

"Gage."

Fuck did she
see me? My body tensed as I prepared to flee, but looking towards the bed I saw
that she was asleep still, and tears were once again rolling down her cheeks.
Well just fuck. She was calling for me in her dreams that ought to mean
something right? I felt my own tears seeping from the corners of my eyes as I
watched her beloved face, so ravaged, so pale. No wonder Jonas had lost his
shit she looked at deaths' door.

I spent the
night sitting in that corner thinking and planning, going over and over in my
head what was the best course of action. Everything was spinning out of
control. Sitting here gazing at her it all seemed so simple, so easy. I knew
what dad was talking about that first day, the Maddox male legacy to love only
once and love hard. As often as I had heard the stories I don't remember once
hearing about the woman cheating. Don't think about that shit now, you can't
lose your fucking mind in her bedroom in the middle of the night, that'll just
fuck shit up even worse. So I sat and I watched and I planned, and in that time
she called out for me three times, and each time I had to fight to stay in my
corner. Soon little butterfly, man I hope soon.

When the first
rays of morning light filtered through I got up to leave. I tried not to do it
but I couldn't help myself, so with the lightest touch I kissed her brow,
drawing in her warm scent before making my escape.

The ride home
was long and tedious, I had so much on my fucking mind it was a wonder I could
concentrate on driving. It was still too early for much traffic so I had the
roads to myself. Nothing but open road and cluttered thoughts to keep me
company. One thing was for sure James was going to have to step his shit up; I
didn't have the time I thought I did. If she was this fucked up now I can't
imagine what another couple weeks would do to her. I tried to hold on to the
anger I felt in the beginning but the fire wasn't there, it hadn't been
extinguished completely but it was now tempered with reason and the look of
desolation on a sleeping girls' face. She was breaking my fucking heart.

Mom was in the
kitchen bustling around when I got home, the rest of the house seemed to be
still asleep. I knew my loved ones would need to get back to their lives soon,
they were only here to support me, dad had been going in for only a few hours a
day, which for him was a monumental sacrifice the man ate slept and drank
medicine. Tiffany had left a buying trip in Europe to come home, Derrick could
work from anywhere as long as he had Internet connection and Brian had been
conferencing with the office over Face Time or Skype or some such shit. I
appreciated them all so much, but I had to get my shit together so everyone
could get back to their lives.

"Morning
son, you're out and about early."

I sighed as I
dropped onto a stool at the kitchen island. I pulled the fuck out of my hair
much as Jonathan had been doing the night before. I wish I was six years old
again so I could let my mother handle all my shit, but then again if I was six
I wouldn't be having this problem. No paparazzi, no dirty old douche trying to
steal my girl, and no Suzette.

"I went
for a drive." I was so not ready to share my nocturnal excursion with
anyone. I watched absently as my mom prepared breakfast, usually she had help,
but with my fuckery and the need for privacy she didn't want to risk it, not
that we couldn't trust the staff, they'd been with us since before I was born,
but sometimes it paid to be cautious. Mom droned on about some shit in the
background as my mind wandered to where it had been for the past week and a
half. Suzette. Fuck Suzette what am I gonna do with you? As if in answer Gotye
rang out in the morning stillness of the kitchen. Fuck it.

I awakened this
morning feeling Gage's presence with me, for the first few seconds I smiled
thinking he was here, that it had all been a very bad dream but when I opened
my eyes he wasn't there and the agony was almost unbearable. I think I'm losing
my mind because I can smell him, that clean scent of the outdoors and Burberry
mixed with his own personal scent, I could've sworn he touched me while I
slept, I could still feel his phantom lips against my brow.

I didn't have
the strength to face another day without him, this was the longest we had ever
gone without each other and I wondered how he could go on without me for so
long when he never could before. That more than anything convinced me that it
was over, Gage hated to spend even one night apart, in fact since the first
night we made love and slept in each others' arms it had been damn near
impossible for either of us to sleep without the other.

So how could he
bear it now? Where was he who was he with was there someone else comforting
him? The thought was like a knife to the heart, I couldn't bear it. And with
that my mind flashed to the upheaval that I had caused, me all on my own. I
rushed to the bathroom to throw up...nothing, I dry heaved for what felt like
hours but could only have been a minute or two. My stomach was raw and my body
hurt, I hadn't eaten in so long I'd lost track. I hadn't read a newspaper since
that first day when all the headlines screamed at me. And those pictures, just
the thought of my Gage seeing me like that made me sick, and this is where I
shut down, I never allowed myself to go there, I couldn't, I don't think I ever
would. I hated me, hated my stupid guts for what I had done to him to us. I
didn't deserve him, his love and devotion, all the care and adoration he had
showered me with for the past three years, especially behind closed doors, away
from the public eye, in the privacy of our home. He had treated my like the
rarest of gifts and I had squandered it all away.

The cold tiles
of the bathroom floor felt good against my flushed skin, so I decided to rest
my eyes just for a little while. I would be sure to get up before dad woke up.
Reaching into the pocket of his hoodie I removed my cell phone and made the
only connection I could with him now, an unanswered telephone. I listened to
the ringing on the other end as tears poured down my face. "Bubby I need
you please." I had no idea what I sounded like in that moment all I knew
was that I had to go away from the pain again. Into the sweet abyss of sleep,
maybe this time I wouldn't awaken to this nightmare. Maybe I could just drift
away in my sleep from a broken heart. Anything would be preferable to living
without him.

I knew it was
her calling of course, but still I hesitated to answer. By the time I got my
nerve up the call was headed to voicemail. I could barely make out the whispery
content of her plea, but the tinny sound of her voice left me cold.

"Butterfly."
I flew off the stool and headed for the door.

"
Gage...?" I think I scared the fuck out of my mother.

"Suzette..."
that's all I got out before I was running to my car, no thought and no direction,
I just knew everything inside of me told me to get to her before it was too
late.

I drove like a
bat out of hell with no thought to the speed limit, if there was a high-speed
chase they would have to shoot me down because I wasn't stopping. I drove with
a broken heart the tinny repeal of her plea playing on a loop in my head. When
I pulled up to her house the sight of an ambulance almost gave me a heart
attack. I pushed my way past the EMTs and entered in time to see her dad
bringing her downstairs bundled in a blanket. I barely held myself up by my
will.

"What are
you doing here Gage?"

"Please
Steve I know you're pissed off but we can't do this now, you can't take her to
the hospital, the media would be all over this."

"You think
I give a shit about that boy? This is my little girl."

"I know
that and you know my dad's a doctor, let me take her to him please."

He looked at me
as though measuring my sincerity. "Why should I trust you with her? You're
the one who brought her to this, you threw her away like garbage." His
voice broke on the last word.

"You have
every right to be mad and after we get her taken care of you can deal with me
any way you wish just please let me take her now"

"Why
should I trust you?"

"Because
she called me." I saw the resignation in his eyes before he passed her off
to me.

I left him to
deal with the medics as I bundled her into the passenger seat before jumping
into the driver’s side and flooring it. I was on autopilot as I made it to the
corner and saw Brian's hummer coming from the opposite direction. He made an
illegal U and swerved in behind me. I could make out Derrick's blonde head in
the passenger side with Tiffany in the back her pixie head between them. Mom
and dad were right behind them in mom's Audi coupe.

I didn't look
at her, I couldn't I would lose my shit if I did. Hitting the speaker on my
dash I called my parent's car.

"I'm here
son."

"Dad it's
bad, I don't want to take her to the hospital, do you have what we need at the
house?"

"If we
don't we'll get it son, just drive carefully now, we don't need you getting
into an accident."

I hung up and
gave a quick glance to my passenger. Fuck butterfly, what did you do to
yourself? I wiped my face noticing the tears for the first time. She had been
cold as ice when I took her from her father her breathing was erratic like she
was fighting for every breath. I didn't care anymore, who did what or why. When
he fucked with her she was mine, my responsibility, my woman. Living in my
house, sleeping in my bed. Guilty or not she was under my care; because of him
she was this broken shell laying half dead in my car.

I'm gonna make
that motherfucker bleed.

"You
fucked up Poole, I swear on everything I have you're done. I WILL END YOU.”

I sped through
the gates and down the driveway slamming on the brakes like a man possessed.
All that mattered right now was getting her the help she needed as soon as I
knew she was okay I could give my anger free reign.

My family was one
step behind us as I ran up the steps with my bundle in my arms. She felt so
fucking light. Suzette was a small girl to begin with she couldn't afford to
lose the weight she had.

My dad tried
taking her from me but I wasn't having that shit, I followed him to the
makeshift emergency room he kept on the first floor cradling her against my
chest. I saw Connie out of the corner of my eye with little Jonathan obviously
she had stayed behind when the others had followed after me.

There was a
madhouse of activity as mom helped dad set up the room, I laid her down on the
bed and gently removed the blanket from around her, the sight of my favorite
black hoodie swallowing her slight frame damn near broke me. I had to close my
eyes against the sight.