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Authors: Jordan Silver


BOOK: Fervor
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© 2013 Alison Jordan

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Gage Maddox is
having a bad, fucking day his life has been playing out in the tabloids like a
bad fucking dream that never ends. It was six days since that lying bitch had
been caught in a compromising position with that fucktard by the fucking
paparazzi. I mean how fucking stupid could you be? You're a high profile star
whose every moment was damn near documented and you get caught out there like
that in a fucking abandoned building down the street from my motherfucking
house? I mean what the fuck. How could she do this to me?

In the past six
days I've broken everything breakable in our house, every memory, every photo,
every fucking thing, and what couldn't be broken I tore the fuck to shreds. The
only thing I didn't do was burn the fucker to the ground and that's only
because I couldn't find a fucking match in that bitch. I shredded every damn
piece of clothing she left there the conniving bitch. I don't think I've ever
been this mad in my life. The bitch keeps trying to contact me but I have
nothing to say to her. I wish I could say I hated her at this point, but I
never lie to myself, as angry and as hurt as I am I still love the deceiving

I spend my days
in a drunken haze having shut myself away from family and friends, but the
nights; the nights are the fucking worse. I can't sleep without her; it feels
as though I’m missing a fucking limb. If I could reach into my chest and dig
out my own heart without doing permanent damage to myself I would've done it by
now, the pain was that excruciating. So now I'm sitting here like a chump, me
Gage fucking Maddox Hollywood's hottest leading man, star motherfucking player,
humiliated by a slip of a girl and an old douche. Every time I thought of that
fucker I wanted to commit murder, as much as I told myself to stay off the net
it was a losing battle, like a moth to a flame I kept going back, I had to
look. The pictures of them together with his hands all over what's mine made me
bleed, but more than that they made me seethe with anger. I wanted his blood on
my hands; I wanted to tear out his fucking throat with my bare teeth.

The ringing of
the telephone for the one-hundredth time brought me out of my bloodlust fuse. I
snatched it up knowing without looking who it was, after all only one person
had that ringtone, why I hadn't chucked this shit out a window yet or at the
very least deleted her ass was a mystery. Maybe I liked torturing myself. I
answered as I had been for the past two days "fuck off bitch". I
punched the off button like it was her face."Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck." When
will this shit end? I finished my first fifth of jack for the day and passed
out on my couch. I'll deal with this shit tomorrow.


Day seven of
this fuckery I roll off my couch with a groan. There were three maybe four, no
definitely four little demon fucks playing construction with my head, I could pinpoint
each individual location, one for each temple, one for the frontal lobe and the
last dead center on the nape of my neck. As if my existence wasn’t FUBAR enough
now I have to deal with this shit. One thing I've learnt in the past week is
that all those asswads who claimed alcohol made everything go away didn't know
fuckall about the human psyche. I went to bed knowing what the fuck was up and
woke up the same, only with the added bonus of my mouth tasting and smelling
like horse shit, my body stinking like a distillery, limbs hurting like an old
bitch, bowels on fire and my fucking heart ripped to fuck.

I opened my
blood shot eyes and looked around lost. No one knew where I was, except maybe
my mom and pops, my siblings might have a pretty good guess, but no one knew
for sure. The cabin has been in my family for generations and after I'd done
everything to destroy the million-dollar home I shared with that bitch I'd
headed here without really knowing where I was heading. Hidden away in the
woods miles away from the nearest town it was just what I needed right now.
Thank goodness I'd had the presence of mind to stock shit up on the way here,
not that I'd had much more than my man Jack in the last few days, but at least
I didn't have to leave for at least a month if I didn't want to. Of course I
had obligations, two premiers, some promo shit and fuck all, but right now I
could give a fuck.

I felt that
niggling anticipation that has been by constant companion for the past few days
creeping up on me again. The one that made me boot up my Mac and Google my
life. This time around I fought it off and headed for the shower. I made the
water as hot and then as cold as I could not even giving my boy a cursory tug.
What kind of fucked up shit could prevent a man from pulling one off in the
morning? Even when I was getting pussy on the regular I could still rub one
out. This shit had to stop, I knew the only way it would end was if I knocked
the shit out of that bitch, but if I did that for sure the cops would be on my
ass, how come no one was arresting her sorry ass for the shit she did to me?
This shit is murder. I felt the telltale betrayal of tears as they coursed down
my cheeks as thoughts of her flooded my mind. I loved her so damn much, I
probably hadn't even realized how much until this shit happened. She was my
fucking world and now that shit was rocked off its axis. What to do, what to
do, what to do? One thing was for certain, as I toweled off and threw on a pair
of sweats, no more Jack, I had to get my shit together, it was time to take the
power back. This was me, Gage fucking Maddox, master of my motherfucking
universe. I run this bitch.


First order of
business call mom, none of us were allowed to go a whole week without some form
of contact with the home front. It didn't matter if we were in the bowels of
Borneo or bumfuck anywhere, unless we were in a coma, we called home. I knew
she was having a hard time with this, my whole family was, they'd all grown to
love the viper I had introduced into their midst three years ago. I'd briefly
spoken to my parents for about five minutes that first day when my life was
fucked, but nothing since then. I just couldn't, I had nothing in me to give to
anyone. Bitch gutted me like fuck. You hear all these stories and see some
fucked up shit in the Wood, but you tell yourself that would never be me, I
would never play the chump. Well somebody must've had it out for my ass because
she didn't just knock me down a peg; she threw my ass off the fucking ladder.
It's widely believed that in the Wood everyone is fake, relationships are
organized and everything rolls off you like you're Teflon, well fuck that
noise, I'm a real motherfucker, I wasn't raised with this shit. My family isn't
a Hollywood family, I am the first and only one in the business, my dad is a
head surgeon at his hospital in our little hometown in Montana, and moms is an
interior designer who stayed home until my little sister Tiffany started
school. Dad comes from money, like a boat load of that shit but mom came from
humble beginnings, she taught us how to value the things that were important in
life. We had to work hard for what we wanted it wasn't just handed to us, well
okay we didn't mow the lawn and all that shit, but we had to do good in school,
keep our rooms clean, play nice with others and all that happy shit; okay that
's not as hard as some have it but it did teach us to respect certain things.
So all those jokers who were in the tabloids speculating that this shit was
some kind of hoax could go fuck themselves, tell that shit to my decimated
heart assholes.


Enough of this
shit I have to get my shit straight so I can call home and talk to mom without
losing it. I took a deep breath and reached for calmness. Heading into the
state of the art kitchen, I brewed a pot of coffee for the first time since my
arrival. Foregoing my new enemy aka the laptop, I headed outside for some much
needed fresh air. It felt like years instead of days since I'd been outdoors. I
can't believe this is my life, one week ago I was onstage with the love of my
life, the woman I was about to ask to marry me, basking in the glow of our
success our one movie together a few years ago had been phenomenal and had
catapulted both of us into stardom, I was so in love with her that night,
smiling for our fans and just loving life, until it all came crashing down
twenty four hours later. Now here I am a clone of myself hiding away and
licking my wounds. Another deep breath Gage, you're still breathing so there's
still life to live, just pick the pieces up and keep on trekking on. Yeah,

The beauty of
my surroundings finally penetrated for the first time as I took in the
wildflowers spread out in abundance with a nice backdrop of redwood trees.
There was a nice stream running through the property that dad and gramps kept
filled with trout, wild birds were going crazy in the trees closest to the
cabin, and the sun was magnificent. How the fuck could life still go on when I
felt half dead inside? I wanted to rant and rave, scream at the top of my
lungs, kick and yell like a toddler with ADD until this pain left me, but
nothing I did helped. I thought with time it would get easier, but with each
passing day the agony intensified. My trust was gone with the wind, shattered,
I had no feelings left, no care for anything or anyone, I literally wanted to
lay down and die, but this beauty, this peace which now surrounded me was the
first light of hope in a thousand days of darkness. It was my new awakening,
time to plan. Let the motherfucking games begin.


Mom answered on
the first and a half ring like she'd been waiting by the phone, or maybe it was
that freaky premonition shit she's had going on since we were kids. Somehow she
always knew when we were up to no good, as a teenager that shit was scary as
fuck. Imagine planning to have a fuckfest while the parents were away for the
weekend only to have your mom give you the evil eye and a lecture before the
fact. Good times.

"Baby how
are you? Where are you, are you okay? You need to come home your father and I
need you here so we can take care of you, everyone's worried sick especially
your brother and sister, we've been going out of our minds here."

"Mom slow
down, I'm fine really, everything's good." I lied through my teeth. Just
the sound of her voice the love I heard there made me want to cry like a little
bitch. I do want to go home and crawl into her lap and let her play with my
hair the way she did when I was sick as a child. What the fuck? Man the fuck up
Maddox, no crawling in mommy's lap you douche it was time to be a man and hit
these motherfuckers hard, can't do that from mommy's lap.

BOOK: Fervor
8.25Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub

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