Falling (21 page)
Authors: Jolene Perry
“I blaze through things,” I tell her. It feels like talking about the weather.
“I read like I’m reading out loud.” She almost looks apologetic. “It’s slow.” Why would I care how fast or slow she reads?
“Where are you?” I point. “In the book.”
“Bella’s in Port Angeles.”
“You’re just about to hit my favorite scene.” The moment the words are out, I cringe.
“Is that so?” She laughs. “Jason has a favorite Twilight scene.” She’s herself and she’s teasing me. I like it. I feel like an idiot, but if we can lie together while she laughs at me, it’s worth it.
I rub my face before turning away and cram as many logs into the fireplace as I can.
“Justine kept asking about scenes, and she can sniff out a bullshit answer like nobody’s business.” I shrug as I turn around.
Dana grins. “I can see that about her.”
Something hits me. “There are a lot of other rooms open.” As soon as the words are out, I realize what an asshole I am.
Dana’s face falls. “I wasn’t even thinking.” She folds the book closed and starts to slide off away from the wall.
“No.” I sit on the edge of my bed. “It’s fine that you’re here. We’d just have to wash the sheets before the weekend anyway. It’s okay. Stay. Please.” And hell if I’m afraid to say anything. Too eager will chase her away, not eager enough and she’ll think I don’t want her here. This is a mess.
Dana leans back against the wall, and now as far from me on the bed as she can manage. “I don’t know what I’m doing after this. I don’t know if I’m going home to St. Louis. Home to somewhere else. Staying in Anchorage for a bit. I just don’t know.”
I lean across the bed to rest a hand on her shoulder, which suddenly seems like a risky move, even though my hands have been everywhere. “Dana. I knew what I was getting into when we started…” Whatever it is that we have or had.
“I didn’t.” She shakes her head. “I’m… This was a bad idea.”
I’m not exactly sure what she means by “this” and I probably don’t want to know. Sleeping together? Her moving into my room? Both?
“Relax.” I flop down and pull up the blankets. “I’m wiped. I’m going to crash. But I do have the most comfortable bed in this place.”
I don’t want to fight with her, but this whole thing is a reminder of why I shouldn’t get involved. She needs space because she doesn’t know what she wants.
The problem is that she’s in my bed, and I really, really want her here whether we’re having sex or not. This is definitely going to bite me in the ass.
There Aren’t a Whole Lot of Things I Can do, but There Are Some.
I know the trial that Dana is going to testify in is coming up fast, and I also know that at some point the gravity of what she’s involved in is going to hit her, and I want to be around when that happens.
I send Mi
tchum,
from
the DA’s office
,
an email. I’ve known him for a while, and he’s the best kind of guy, so I’m thinking he’ll help me out.
Mr.
Paris
,
This is Jason Warner. I know the Matthew Workman trial is coming up soon. I’m sure you’d like an opportunity to talk with Dana Copeland. I will happily give you a room in the lodge for yourself and your wife this weekend to give you time to talk over
the case. Even though she hasn’t mentioned it, I’m sure that she’s starting to get nervous, just let me know.
Jason
I get a response in less than five minutes.
Jason–
Great to hear from you. My wife and I would love to take advantage of your offer. We’ll see you Sunday night and we’ll stay through Monday morning. I’m sure you’d have a few empty rooms anyway, and if I’m talking with a witness, I may not even have to take a sick day.
Mi
tch
I’m glad I can be helping in some way because I’m sure Dana would refuse anything direct. This is good. Helpful without being intrusive.
This is Why I Like to Work Alone
“I hate wiring.” I exhale as I pull out the boxes holding the light fixtures Dana bought.
Justine clasps her hands together and begs. “Please Jason, please, those things are so, so horrible.”
“Give me a sec.” They’re obviously not going to let it go, and I know I’ll end up doing it anyway. I go out to the electric box and turn off the main line of electricity coming in here. Nothing will work. I know you only have to turn off the breaker of the area you’re working in, but I’m not taking any chances.
Dana is making grilled cheese sandwiches, and I wonder if she even knows how to cook anything else. Guess its good that we have a gas stove since I just turned off the power.
I scoot the first table underneath where I need to be standing. They’re tough old tables and shouldn’t have any problem with me.
I get the first wagon wheel off with cheers from the girls. Dana sets the sandwiches up on the counter and comes to help. Justine has already ripped open the box of the new fixture. Dana stands up on the table with me to hold it in place while I mess with the small screws. She smells good, and I keep stealing glances at her as I try to put the new fixture on. I start to put the wires together. I hate this part. I hate touching those raw wire edges. I take a deep breath and start, black on black, white on white and green…
“Bzzt.” Justine hisses from below me. My heart skips, and I jump. Dana tries not to laugh.
“Damn it, Justine.” I look down at her.
“It’s so easy, Jase. I can’t help myself.” She giggles as she watches from a bench.
“Try.” I want to be mad, but I know if our positions were reversed, I’d probably be worse.
I catch Dana’s eyes then, and she’s smiling at me. I smile back, and she doesn’t look away. It’s good. And I’m doing it again.
I need to make Boz hang out here more and smack me when I think this way.
It takes all afternoon and nearly endless complaints of how long everyone is going without TV and Internet, but it’s worth it.
We all stand in the living room and look at the dining area—no wagon wheels.
Simple fixtures. Good light.
So much better.
“Thank you.” I grab Dana in a half hug and kiss her loudly on the side of her face.
“You’re welcome.” She nods once and disappears into the kitchen.
“So, what’s going on with you two?” Justine asks quietly.
“I have no fu…freaking idea.” I look down.
“You really like her.” Justine’s words hit me hard, and her smile is mischievously optimistic.
I really do like Dana. A lot. I knew it already, but hearing it out loud is different. It’s not Boz giving me a hard time. It’s my sister who already adores Dana
,
hoping for some sort of future. Some sort of impossible future.
And me kind of hoping for a chance at the same thing.
DANA
Fairness has nothing to do with it. I’m being completely selfish.
The floor’s dropped out from underneath me as Keith’s voice continues in his excited chatter. I’m standing in my favorite corner of the restaurant staring across the snow wishing this wasn’t happening.
“And that’s how I made partner so early!” He’s out of breath after his excited rant over his big promotion.
“I thought that wasn’t even a possibility until like a year from now.” I’m trying to sound excited, but the lump in my throat is becoming painful.
“It wasn’t supposed to be.”
I swallow hard. “I bet Dad is really proud.”
And if I thought the pressure was on before, it’s nothing compared to now.
“Yeah. We’re actually going to head out for a few days together. I mean, Dad never takes time off, so it feels like a big deal.” I can tell by Keith’s voice that he isn’t gloating. He really is excited, and wants me to be excited for him, and probably wants me to come when the thought makes me sick.
“Where’s he taking you?”
“Vail.”
“Wow, that’s great.” I hope I don’t sound as awful as I feel.
“If you can make it, you know we’d love to have you, sis.”
“Yeah. Congrats again,” I tell him. “I testify next week unless it gets bumped again. But I’m pretty sure that’s what’s going to happen.”
“Dana.” Keith’s voice has a tone of honest seriousness in it now. “One call and I’ll come up, okay?”
“Yeah, I’ll let you know, but I’m fine.”
We exchange goodbyes, and I set my phone on the table, still staring out at the snow. Just when I half settle in here, and wonder if maybe I could stay in Alaska. And now this. I can’t stay here. I need to get my master’s done, and work for Dad, and…
I don’t even know what.
Something washes through me leaving goose bumps on my skin and heavy despair in my gut.
“What’s going on with your brother?” Jason’s voice is quiet, and I realize he probably heard my end of the whole thing.
“He made partner at his firm.” I turn to face him, only it’s a stupid thing to do because the more time I spend around him, the deeper I fall, and the more I realize that not only timing, but geography is off. Both are
way
off. And despite Jason’s education and training, he’s not running…say a hotel in Vail. He’s here. And I love that about him because it’s so much a part of who he is, but I don’t think I can shed enough vanity to be that person. Not at this point in my life.
“That’s good, right? Making partner?” Only his head cocks a little to the side as he watches me.
“No, that’s actually pretty incredible. He works for one of the most prestigious corporate litigation firms in St. Louis. He was one of the first people they’ve hired straight out of law school in something like more than ten years, and he just made partner a year early.” It’s phenomenal.
“You don’t talk much,” he says. “About your family. I know there’s pressure—”
“Pressure doesn’t even begin…” I’m not sure how to explain to Jason. “It’s not just my dad and my brother. It’s everyone I grew up around. Dad surrounds himself with people who are unusually successful no matter what field they’re in. You can imagine my trip up here was not looked upon favorably.”
“But, it’s just a year, right?” Jason does a weird swallow with that, and I’m
not
sure if I want to know what he’s thinking.
“A year for me brings me back to ‘normal’ timing, and in my dad’s words—why would you settle, when you can do better? It’s what I’ve been raised with. I graduated from high school a year early, finished an Ivy League education in three years, and I needed out so I came here.” What I don’t say is that I wasn’t good enough for my mom to stay part of our family. I wasn’t good enough for my brother to stick up for, even when his friends were screwing me over—literally. I wasn’t good enough to graduate number one, no matter how hard I tried, and part of me wonders if I’ll be able to break out of this shell of total mediocrity. My dad has always told me I could do anything, and I have this overwhelming need to prove him right.
“Well
,
let me just say that I’m glad my brothers aren’t overachievers.” Jason chuckles.
I give him a small smile, but really just want to be alone.
“Wanna get out of here and join me on a ride before it gets dark out there?” Jason tilts his head toward outside. “I feel sorta responsible for this serious conversation, and I need to de-stress.
”
“Actually.” I pull in a deep breath. “That would be great.” More moving, less thinking.
“You lead,” Jason says as we suit up. “Stop when you’re ready to head
home
, and I’ll lead us back.”
“If you can find the way.” I narrow my eyes, and I’m actually smiling because it feels like a challenge.
“I’ve been riding up here since I was a kid. I’ll bring us back when you’re ready.” He throws me a smirk as he steps out the door.
Once I’m on the machine, and cruising down the trail, and then in the deep snow, the stress of being Keith’s little sister, and my father’s daughter starts to fade away. This is exactly what I needed.
He Should Run Screaming Instead of Teasing.
Once again Jason strips down to his boxers before pulling on pajama pants. I’m watching him over the top of Justine’s book and probably being completely too obvious.
I’m aware of the absurdity of this situation. We’ve had sex. We’re sharing a bed and a room and our days. There are just already too many things I’m going to miss, and too many ties to a place I was supposed to leave without ties
for me to take advantage of how much I love his body
.
Jason jumps into his sides of the bed. “You know what else helps me de-stress.” He wags his brows.
I shake my head, and go back to the book. Justine will want me to tell her where I’m at, and how I’m loving the book in the morning. I know this from the past few mornings of vampire/werewolf talk.
“So, this is…something.” Jason slides between the sheets and rolls on his side to look at me.