Falling (16 page)

And Just When I Thought My Situation Couldn’t be More Awkward.

Nearly noon. I haven’t been able to sleep all night. My lips still feel Jason’s kiss. I’m also starving, but too chicken to go downstairs.

Mostly, I’m pathetic. Seriously. We’re adults. He said there’d be no weirdness, and I want Cocoa Puffs. I pull my hair back, and set my shoulders in determination to walk down the stairs and into the kitchen.

Jason’s pouring coffee but turns when I come in. “Hey.” And then his eyes are back on his mug. Could be okay. Could be weirdness.

“Morning.” I grab the Cocoa Puffs, and almost run into Jason when I turn around. I jump back, and run into the counter, freezing there so he can get by. My stupid heart’s pounding, and his damn T-shirt is too tight, which is really, really not fair.

My cheeks burn as I pour my cereal, and that’s not at all like me. Maybe I need more space.

“Want me to pour you a cup?” he asks from behind me.

“I’m good.” I glance back at him again and give him a weak smile. “Gonna down this and shower.”

He nods once, but it’s not a relaxed Jason nod. It’s tense. Weird. I don’t want to take the kiss back, but I don’t want this either. I trudge back up the stairs, feeling suddenly not hungry, and hating how one kiss can change everything.

“Dana!” Jason calls from downstairs.

“Coming!” Maybe he’ll have a plan. Something for us to do so we can get back to normal.

His face looks strained when I hit the bottom.

“What’s up?” I pause at the door to the kitchen, suddenly leary.

“I just got a call from your brother.” His voice is way too calm. It shouldn’t be this weirdly calm.

I wait for him to continue as my heart starts to beat a little harder.

Jason’s watching me a little too closely. “He’s on his way.”

My heart stops. “
Here
?”

“Yep.”

“Wha…” I don’t even know what to say. Stupid, stupid Keith. I grab my head in both hands, my hair still damp from my shower.

“He’s coming by plane.” Jason scratches his head. “He’ll be down in the field in thirty minutes or so.”

“
Thirty
minutes
!” My heart is racing. I look down. I love my Juicy sweats, but I definitely need to clean up a little. I take off up the stairs and throw open the door of the Twilight room, rummaging through my clothes until I find my favorite jeans. I slide them on, and just keep my cami on for now. I still need to do my hair, so there’s no point in picking out a shirt, or a sweater,
and
I need to get ready because I’m making myself crazy.

I hear footsteps on the stairs and panic. Keith couldn’t be here already, could he?

“Don’t worry,” Jason says. “It’s just me.”

I throw open my door and sit down on the floor with my straightener.

“Your hair is already straight.” Jason has a half smile on his face.

I’m not in the mood to be teased right now even though it’s a million times better than the terse, awkward nod this morning.

Jason’s face falls a little. “It’s your brother. Your family. Isn’t family supposed to be your safe place?”

I laugh. “My brother is more nosy and less caring than my father. He acts like he has my best interest at heart, but most of me thinks that he uses his age over me to get more in favor with our dad. He’s six years older than I am. And people aren’t safe places.”

“They can be.” Jason sits on the floor and leans against the frame.

I continue running the straightener through my long hair, hoping it’ll dry faster.

“People can be the best kind of safe place.”

“Not in my experience,” I say.

I don’t know why I keep talking, but I do. It must be nervous energy and trying to find some way to dispel some of it. “I love my dad, but he scares me. I don’t feel like I could ever do enough. My mother… She’s not really in the picture. When I graduated from high school, she made the trip to town, and I was all excited go out with her, and we had a brief dinner together and that’s it. I haven’t seen her since.”

Jason’s eyebrows pull together.

Crap. “I shouldn’t have said all that.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t…”
I don’t want anyone’s pity. I had it good
.

“Don’t what?”

We both hear the airplane then. Stupid Keith. Where is his brown-nosing work ethic when I need it? I can’t believe he took the time off to come all the way up here. The travel alone will cost him two days.

I stand up, step over Jason in my doorway, and head for the stairs.

“You might want clothes.” Jason laughs as he stands up behind me.

I stop, sigh, turn around and dash back into my room. I find my gray cashmere sweater, the one I realized I wouldn’t actually need after I arrived, and make my way around Jason who’s still in my doorway.

“Want me to drive down there with you? Or walk?” he asks.

“I got it!” I yell as I take off out the door, jump on Jason’s snowmachine and head down the hill to pick up my brother.

Keith climbs out of the plane, wearing something that looks perfect for skiing, not snowmachining—fancy sweater and a light jacket with too many zippers.

“Hey, Keith.” I nod and take a deep breath, heart still flying. I really need to calm down.

His warm smile makes me forget my annoyance with him, and his straight, brown hair hangs over his brow a little. Family. It actually does feel a little good.

“It’s a gorgeous flight up here.” He steps toward me and pulls me into a hug. “Even though the plane felt too small to fly.” He tries to laugh a little. I look behind him at the plane, which is already taxiing away from us. It looks like a four-seater from here. Not too small for an Alaskan bush plane.

“Yeah, the landscape is beautiful,” I agree.

“So, I have to climb on behind you on that thing?” He looks over at the snowmachine.

“Yep.” I smile wide. This is going to be great. I step back on and Keith climbs up behind me slowly.

“Hold on!” I holler after starting the machine, and I grab the throttle so we can make it up the hill, and also maybe to scare my brother. I feel his arms go from tight to tighter, and I laugh. I’m also glad my ribs are healed up.

We stop at the top of the hill and he climbs off, stumbling once. “Wow.” He’s still staring at the machine. Then he looks around, and I’m sure feels the same thing I felt upon first arriving. If I’m being honest with myself, I know that my attitude toward this place has softened…a
lot
.

“What a dump.” Keith shifts his bag on his shoulder.

“It’s not that bad.” I try to smile and downplay. “Jason, he’s probably your age, this is his place.”

Just then Jason opens the front door and waves.

“Ah… So that’s the draw.” Keith raises a brow, and I’m glad we’re far enough from the front door that Jason probably can’t hear.

“Jason?” I laugh. “No.” I shake my head. “That’s not the draw.” I laugh harder—a nervous cackling kind of laugh that I really hope my brother doesn’t pick up on.

“Come on in.” Jason smiles as we walk closer.

“Thanks.” Keith walks in the front door, and I’m relieved when I see that he only has a small pack—this means he’ll probably only stay one night.

“How was the trip up?” Jason asks as he shows Keith where to hang his coat.

“Long.” Keith smiles. Every time I see my brother, he looks older. He’s working too hard, and worry starts to prick at me.

“What on earth are you doing here?” I ask as we sit down across from each other at a table. Jason walks back into the kitchen, and I can smell pizza, which is really nice of him.

“Hoping to convince you to come back home.” Keith folds his hands together on the table.

“Well, I got a call from the DA not long ago. The defendant is working hard to get a trial right away and so if I left, I’d just have to come back.” I shrug, and try to look away, but Keith’s got me locked in.

“I don’t see how that’s a problem.” Keith is unflinching.

“Well, how about the fact that I don’t want to go?” He’s not Dad, but he has more power over me than I’d like. I feel this pressure around him to be stronger, better.  Keith’s back is to the kitchen, and I glance over his shoulder to see Jason. His eyes are on me, and I gesture for him to come sit down. There’s no privacy up here anyway.

“I also don’t want to leave Jason in the lurch.” I laugh a little as Jason sits down. He’s brought three beers. He hands one to me that I open and start drinking.

Keith looks disbelieving. “Since when are you a beer drinker?”

“Since when are you?” I look at him as he pops off the top.

“Just weird, seeing you drink, that’s all.”

“That’s crazy.” I stare at him. “How many of your parties was I invited to and offered drinks when I was
way
underage?”

He shakes his head—dismissing me like always. It really irritates me because he has never once apologized or even acknowledged how his friends messed with me. I know he knows about Clive, and he brushes it off, like he does with everything he doesn’t want to deal with.

“So, Jason.” Keith’s gaze is on him now. “How’d you end up way out here?”

“I like it,” Jason answers simply. It would have been the perfect opportunity for Jason to brag a little, but he doesn’t take it.

I do instead. “Jason’s degree is from Yale. He was accepted to Oxford.” I add this, knowing my brother wanted to go there. “He’s done all the training for the FBI so I’m very protected.” I laugh a little at Jason who is purposefully
not
looking at me. I take another drink of my beer for something to do.

Keith looks between us a few times.

“Don’t think it, Keith.” I wait for his eyes to meet mine. “We’re not that way. Jason here I think is still officially married.”

I suddenly feel bad. Maybe I just crossed a line.

“Nope. It’s done.” Jason tries to laugh as he stands and moves toward the kitchen. “I’ll get the pizza.”

I’ll need to thank him later, and I’m realizing that I’ve probably offended him in some way with everything that’s come out of my mouth since Keith got here. Maybe it’ll be enough for Jason and me to step away from each other because I’d be lying to myself if I said I didn’t want a repeat of our kiss.

“Wow, this place needs a lot of work.” Keith looks around. “Or to be started over.”

“It grows on you.” I follow his eyes around the room. “And it suits its purpose.”

“I think
Jason’s
growing on you,” Keith whispers. He looks at me carefully. “Don’t let him get to you.”

“If I was interested. IF. How would that be terrible, Keith?” I whisper and hope Jason can’t hear us from in front of the oven. I glance up several times between Keith and the kitchen.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” He looks at me with wide eyes and his head cocked.

“When did you get to be such a snob?” I narrow my eyes and watch his reaction closely.

He takes a deep breath. “Well, I can see that we’re not going to get anywhere.”

“Nope,” I agree. “Probably not.”

“I have to head back tomorrow anyway. I have an appointment with the DA on my way back home.”

“What for?” I’m angry at the intrusion.

“To make sure he knows what he’s doing. To make sure you’re not lying, and to make sure that your safety and your rights are protected.” Everything about Keith is more rushed, impatient than last time I saw him.

I’m a strange mix of angry and worried about him. “I’m not fifteen, Keith. Where is this coming from? I’m an adult. I’m smart. I’m competent, and if I need to be, I’m well taken care of.”

Jason sets the pizza down just in time.

“Excuse me.” I stand. “I think I need another beer.” I drain mine on my way back to the kitchen, and I’m half-tempted to see if I have another Percocet hanging around.

We finish dinner without speaking much, and I show Keith to a room upstairs and flop on my purple bed. I knew this would be a disaster.

I get up early to shower and look presentable before Keith’s up. Jason is already awake with coffee.

“So, that was fun last night,” he says quietly.

I throw him a look. I’m not ready to joke about my brother. Not yet.

“You two look alike.”

“Yeah,” I say flatly. I breathe in the coffee and take a drink. Jason serves the normal stuff to customers, but I’ve learned to let him make coffee for us in the mornings because he uses his private stash.

“You okay?” he asks as he leans against the counter.

“I don’t know. I guess.” And now that we’re back to Dana being a mess, and Jason being the good guy, our awkwardness over the kiss is gone. I’m not sure how I feel about being the whiny girl again, but there it is.

I’m not sure why I think it’s a good idea, but I lean against Jason from the side, resting my head on his shoulder. “It’s supposed to be fun to get together, you know?”