Falling (19 page)
Authors: Jolene Perry
JASON
None of This is Working Out. At All.
When we stop at the airport, I motion for Dana to get out. As much as I’d love to
have
her leg pressed against mine during the drive, it’s a hard place to sit for that many hours. I don’t move when Dana gets out. Justine doesn’t need to know I’m happy to see her. Dana opens the door of the truck and steps into the cold.
“Hi!” Justine looks like this is the most normal thing in the world and we’d all planned to meet together like this in Anchorage and
oh my gosh
isn’t this the most fun thing
ever
? Justine and I look the most alike—though she has lighter hair and pale little freckles we all tease her about.
“You must be Dana!” She throws her arms around Dana. Dana looks a little bewildered but laughs as Justine lets her go. “I’m glad somebody is around to make him crazy when I can’t.”
Justine flashes me a smile as she climbs in and kisses me on the cheek. Dana is smiling as she looks back and forth between us. Yep, my first thought was right. They’re going to get along great and torture me together—just in very different ways. I wonder again how we’re going to work sleeping arrangements. I really want Dana with me. Justine can take back her purple Twilight room.
“Your
hair
!” Justine is beaming again. She looks at Dana. “I’m assuming this is because of you so
thank you
.” Then she turns back to me.
“Thanks, bro.” Justine smiles again as I put the truck into gear and pull out.
I nod in response.
“See? I’m not even going to complain about riding the hump all the way back.” She smiles widely again. “Can we hit Taco Bell on the way out of town? I’m
starving
.”
“No, no no! You should have eaten before you came!” I’m exasperated. We have a truck full of stuff, and we’re already hours behind when I thought we’d be leaving town.
Dana’s eyes are on me, and it reminds me again of how much I like her. I smile and Dana smiles softly back at me. Now I really wish I had her next to me. I want her tucked underneath my arm, her head resting on my shoulder. I’m in so much trouble.
She looked like she was going to hyperventilate at her house, and all I could think of was to reassure her that I know she’s not ready to have a real relationship, and I’m okay with that. That I can do the no-strings thing I know she needs, even though I’m way past
feeling that little
.
I look back to the road, still feeling confused.
“We’re not going to make it back until close to midnight. It’s already dark, and I’ll either be taking loads in all night or both of you will be awake with me bright and early in the morning to haul all this stuff in,” I grumble.
“Yes, sir.” Justine gives me a mock salute and giggles. “Seriously, Jase, what is all that stuff?”
“I got new lights,” Dana says.
“Finally!” Justine dramatically puts her hand to her chest. “I’ve been begging him to do that forever.”
“And he doesn’t know it yet but I also got a few more games for the Wii I snuck in. It’s so boring during the week.”
“What?” I say at the same time my sister says, “Awesome!”
I shake my head. “Un-freakin’-believeable.” But just like when I’m annoyed at Justine, I’m not really annoyed.
Justine and Dana grin at each other again, making me realize that any decisions to be made are going to be two on one, unless I just go along with them. I pull through the Taco Bell drive thru, and we order almost thirty bucks worth of Taco Bell and Mountain Dew—not an easy feat.
Justine goes on and on about her friends in Juneau and the people she misses in Palmer. She talks about me and how I was in high school. She talks about my ‘snobby’ college friends and my stupid, horrible ex-wife. I have given up on having any control over the direction of the conversation and let the girls talk and giggle for the nearly three hours to the far parking lot.
Boz, the great friend that he is, meets us with a snowmachine and two large trailers. Between that and the Sno-Trac, which is like a big Jeep on track wheels, we barely cram everything in, but we make it. The Sno-Trac is a much slower ride to the lodge than the machines, but we’ll only have to do it once. Fortunately the thing is so loud it makes it difficult for Dana and Justine to talk. They’re suddenly silent. This is good because the chances of me hearing what they say to one another isn’t great in this thing, and I definitely need to know what’s being said between the two girls.
Now I Have Two Spoiled Girls to Worry About – And the Wrong One is in my Room
“So, when someone uses your sister’s room, she just sleeps with you, right?” Dana asks quietly as we step inside the lodge. She doesn’t let any hint of what she’s thinking slip out.
“Um…yeah.” I nod. Then I swallow. I don’t want this to work out that way. “But—”
“All right, well I’m off to bed.” Her voice is too loud. “It was nice to meet you, Justine.” She smiles at my little sister and heads up the stairs. I stand at the bottom of the stairs like an idiot watching her go. Shit.
My shoulders slump. “I’m wiped.” And irritated and definitely not getting laid tonight.
“Me too.” Justine follows me to my apartment with her pack.
“You get the couch.” I point once we step inside.
“But your bed is huge!” she protests.
“You called
me
, remember? If we’re not having sex, you don’t get to sleep in my bed. That’s Jason’s rule.” I head for the bathroom.
“So, does Dana get to sleep there?” she sings behind me.
“Mind your own business.” I brush my teeth and flop into bed. This is not at all how I wanted to spend my night.
“Why are you here, Justine?” I ask as she turns out the light.
She sighs. “I just needed away for a while.”
And I have this realization that Justine does the same thing as Dana. There’s the “real” Justine, like now, and then there’s the “public” Justine that nothing bothers.
I still don’t know what to do with either of them—the Justines or the Danas.
“Mom and Dad know where you are.” Really, I should have called Mom as soon as Justine called me.
“Yeah and I even sent them a text to tell them I landed safely. We both know your phone would be ringing if I didn’t.” She sounds so smug.
“What happened?” Something set her off. She would have planned a visit otherwise.
“Just arguments with friends and sometimes
I
need space.” She’s trying too hard.
“Fine,” I say. “Let me know when you’re actually ready to tell me.”
“Night, Jason.”
“Night, Justine.”
“Thank you.”
“You owe me.” But we both know it doesn’t matter.
It doesn’t take Justine long to nod off, despite her earlier protests about sleeping on the couch. I sigh. Wait, a smile starts to spread across my face. I can just sneak up the stairs and see if Dana’s still awake. I slide out from underneath the covers and walk slowly and carefully out of my apartment. My body tenses with anticipation as I get closer, but when I open her door Dana’s already asleep.
The tension drops out of me, and is replaced with something a lot warmer. I lean against the doorframe for a moment, wishing I could crawl in with her, that I could pull her close to me and fall asleep. That she’d want me
that
way too.
I want the impossible. What the hell am I doing? Cass nearly destroyed me, and I’m wanting another girl who will do the same thing.
For a few more moments I stand there. I don’t like perfume, and I don’t know that Dana wears it. I do know I love the smell of her, of whatever it is she puts on her body. I breathe in until I realize that I’m acting like some crazy stalker and that if Boz were here he’d smack me in the back of the head. I
need
to be smacked on the back of my head. I turn and walk quietly down the stairs, mad at myself and even more annoyed at the little sister that has disrupted my fun.
I call Mom in the morning as I start coffee.
“Jason?” Like she always answers.
“Yep.”
“Did Justine get settled in?”
“Oh yeah. She’s fine.” It’s me who’s a little disgruntled over the situation.
“Did she sleep okay?” Mom’s voice has that worried tinge that always puts me on edge.
“Fine. What’s going on?” Justine certainly hasn’t been very forthcoming.
“She didn’t tell you?”
“She told me she needed to get away for a while.”
“Oh,” Mom says. “Well, she started dating Trevor almost as soon as she got here and they split up. She was a mess and begged us to let her go visit you. I thought she’d called.”
“Oh, she did call. She called me and just happened to catch me in Anchorage.”
“Sorry, Jason. Next time I’ll make sure we’re in touch. Justine made it sound like everything was set up. It’s her spring break next week, so she isn’t missing much school, and… I guess I just assumed you two had talked.”
I sigh into the phone.
“So, how are things going up there?” Mom knows something’s up. We’ve spoken a few times since Dana’s arrival.
“I have absolutely no idea.”
“All right.” She waits for me to say more, but I don’t even know how to start. “Well, thanks again for being such a good big brother. It means a lot.”
“Bye, Mom.” I’m ready to head inside and see where I stand with both of them.
“Love you, son.”
“Love you, too.”
If that’s all that’s going on with Justine, why didn’t she just tell me? Something here doesn’t make sense.
“Your mom?” I hear Dana behind me.
I spin around to face her. “Yeah.”
“She sounds nice.” Dana’s wide eyes are penetrating.
“My parents are pretty great.” I nod. “I think they’re a little more distracted now than they were when I was growing up. It’s why Justine ends up out here. Well, and when Cass left I think she came out for my sanity.”
“And it helped.” Dana smiles a little.
“It did.”
I want to ask her what’s going on between us. What maybe
could
go on between us. I want to slide my arms around her waist and breathe her in. Unfortunately, I think about it for too long and Justine appears.
“So. What are we all doing today?” She smiles brightly.
I’m reminded that Justine and I also need to talk. Having two girls here that I only kind of understand isn’t going to be easy.
The Paranoia is Never-Ending
I’m nervous about the weekend. I’m worried Dana is going to come downstairs completely inappropriate and Justine will follow. In the two days since Justine arrived, she and Dana have been pretty close. I have to admit that it’s probably nice for Justine to have a girl out here, but I am a little nervous that the other girl is Dana.
The other thing that sucks is Dana has given no hint at anything happening between us in the near future at all. No flirtatious looks. No touching. I find her looking at me once in a while, but it’s filled with confusion, which doesn’t help me any. Wonder if the whole no-strings thing has expired?
It’s early on Friday morning, and I’m doing food prep before the kitchen gets insane. Dana comes down looking…gorgeous. No abs showing. I exhale in relief and partial wistfulness. I’ll miss watching her smooth strip of skin walk away from me this weekend.
“Thanks for toning it down a little.” I smile at her as she starts pouring cereal.
“Justine,” she answers.
“I know. And thanks.”
Dana looks lost.
“I’ve made coffee.”
“Perfect.” She wanders over and grabs herself a mug.
“You okay?”
“Not sleeping well,” she says. “I stayed up too late last night talking with Leann.”
“She okay?”
“She’s fine.”
The way Dana says it makes me realize that they weren’t talking about Leann, they were talking about Dana. Dana has something going on. Something I probably can’t ask her about, and something she probably wouldn’t tell me even if I did. Our eyes catch for a moment, and I open my mouth to ask.
“Morning,” Justine mumbles as she walks carefully into the kitchen.
“You look green,” I say.
“Thanks a lot.” She frowns. “I’m fine. I just need something in my stomach. Or, well…something to eat.”
“Maybe you need coffee,” I suggest.
Her eyebrows pull together. “You almost never let me have coffee.”
“Well, it’s Friday morning, and I need you two girls bright-eyed and bushy-tailed today
,
” I try to tease.
Justine gives me a weak smile in return, pours a bowl of cereal
,
and starts picking at it with her fingers. No milk. It’s weird, and I’m a little worried. I start to turn around and go back to cutting, but I realize that Dana is staring at Justine with an odd look on her face.