Falling (17 page)

Jason kisses the top of my head in a gesture that feels like an equal mix of friendly concern, and pushing boundaries that I sort of want pushed. “I know.”

Jason jerks as Keith’s footsteps echo down the stairs, and I step away. No reason to give Keith any more ideas about Jason and me. Though, I still have no idea where I fall on Jason and me.

“Morning, you two.” Keith helps himself to a coffee and sits up on the counter next to me. There’s a small part of me that loves this small gesture—a sign that my brother is still inside this tired, frustrated guy who came to visit. “Last chance to head back to civilization.”

“People up here are civilized…most of the time.” I smile. I feel tense, but want him to think I’m totally comfortable with the situation.

“Fine, Dana. I’ll send you an email when I’m done with the DA.” His shoulders fall slightly in resignation.

“What?” Jason asks, looking at Keith.

“Oh yes.” I glance over my mug at Jason and quickly take another sip before finishing. “Keith has decided that his law degree is far superior to that of Mr. Mi
tchum
P
aris
at the DA’s office so he’s going to go check on his work.” I lay the sarcasm on thick.

Jason laughs a little. There’s nothing else to do. Even he realizes this is a little awkward. “I wouldn’t bother, Keith. M
itchum
’s a smart guy. He’s really grateful Dana’s doing this, and he’ll be sure to watch out for her.”

“Not you, too.” I fold my arms. “I am perfectly capable of watching out for myself.”

Jason opens his mouth to say something, but closes it again. I’m relieved. He has a lot of ammo to shoot down that statement of mine.

We all hear the plane at the same time.

“Let’s get you out of here.” I slide my arm through Keith’s.

“Fine.” He exhales. “But when you change your mind…”

“If.” I squeeze his arm tighter.

“
If
you change your mind, you know how to reach me.”

“No, Keith. I don’t know how to reach you, but I do know how to reach your voicemail.” I slide on my coat, and we walk down the hill, leaving the snowmachine behind. The plane is landed and waiting. A quick visit, but one that leaves me wondering about a million different things—how I feel about Jason, how I feel about going home, how maybe I should relax and enjoy my experience up here more. How maybe I don’t have to leave. How maybe I do. Too much. I need distraction.

“Love you, Sister.” Keith hugs me tight, and I lean into him in a way I haven’t in a long time.

“Love you, too, Brother.” Family is nice even if they irritate the crap out of you.

As soon as his plane takes off I go back inside, change into something comfy, put on my glasses, and sit down in front of my computer. I have work to do, emails to check, and a family to push out of my mind.

I think about my time here and how much I’m starting to enjoy myself. Then it hits me that I don’t really have to be here. Keith is right. The defendant is in jail. His fiancé probably isn’t much of a threat to me in my normal daily stuff. Even if I could go to my house in Anchorage, I don’t know that I want to. How is it possible that I’m
choosing
to stay up here?

“What are you thinking about so intently?” Jason smiles a little over his cup of coffee. I didn’t see him come in.

“Is it okay that I’m still here?”

“Why? Do you want to leave?” He looks relaxed and comfortable, but then he grasps his mug a little tighter, and starts to slowly spin it in a circle on the tabletop.

“No.” I try to look relaxed and like it’s not a big deal, and not something I’ve been giving a lot of thought to.

“Okay.” He opens his laptop and starts typing away.

Well, that was easy. He’s intent right away, and I wonder what he’s working on now. I want to dig through his writing files again and see if there’s anything else in there that’s finished. I also, maybe want to try for something different. Are we too far past a no-strings arrangement? Or is it something we could try?

JASON

I Have NO Idea What the Hell I’m Doing

I still don’t know what to think of Keith. He’s a good guy, I guess. I’m sure if I were him, with his background, and Justine ended out in a place like this, I’d be worried too. After writing all evening, I flip my laptop shut and rub my eyes a few times. My apartment is warm, but feels weirdly empty.

Dana’s been scarce since her brother left, and as much as I’d like to hang out with her, it’s probably not the best idea. It took everything in me not to ask again last night if she was sure she wanted to pull away, because the kiss…

Even better than I thought it’d be, and I’ve spent way too much time thinking about what it would be like to be with her since she arrived. Now that I’ve touched her, even just briefly, it’s all I think about when she’s around.

A knock at my door makes me start, and I strain to hear it again before moving and grabbing the handle, expecting Boz.

Only it isn’t Boz.

Dana’s in my doorway—damp hair. No bra. Low riding pajama bottoms, and part of me wonders if she’s just here to torture me. The fire is the only light in the room, and she practically glows.

“Am I bothering you?” she asks quietly.

I shake my head like an idiot struck dumb.

“I just want to talk for a sec, or…” But she trails off, and brushes her hair behind her. She smells edible.

I stand back and let her step inside, closing the door behind her.

She stands too close to me for me to think.

“Look, Jase…” But she’s still not looking at me.

I don’t know what makes me do it, but my hand hovers next to her shoulder, my fingers sliding over her smooth skin, my body reacting in all the ways that mean I’ll need a cold shower as soon as she takes off, which she’s sure to do.

Why is she here?

Her eyes find mine, and my guess is she’s putting up a lot more certainty than she feels, because her hands are half clasped together, and she’s not completely still. Like Dana is actually afraid, or nervous.

“We’re both adults,” she says like she’s trying to convince herself.

“Yep.” Only I don’t know how to tell her that at twenty-five, I still don’t
feel
grown-up.

“You said it first. No-strings.” Her hand touches my chest, and she leaves it there, staring.

My heart starts hammering. How the hell am I supposed to tell her no when every cell in my body says something different? Part of me is pretty sure this is a trick, or at the very least, a really bad idea.

Her eyes find mine, and she’s practically begging me to kiss her.

I move in but stop, so afraid that this will backfire worse than the kiss.

Dana breathes in, and I swear she’s even closer. We’re as close as we were last night. Her breasts touch my chest first, and then her stomach to mine, and her hips to mine.

The longer she stands here, the more I want her.

Something in my brain screams,
stupid!
about the time I turn my brain off, and cover her mouth with mine.

I think we both know you can’t feel this much and just walk away the next day, but I don’t know that I care. She feels too good.

Dana’s arms wrap around my neck as our tongues continue to slide together, and there’s no thinking, just doing. When my hands tighten around her lower back, it sends waves through my body. Just touching her like this. She pulls away enough to smile at me like she’d planned the whole thing, but there’s also something real, and happy. I’m pretty sure I smile back.

My whole body is tensed in anticipation so I let it take over. If this is how we’re doing it, if she wants to try no-strings—I want to let go and enjoy it. I lean forward and again, press my lips to hers, softly at first, but her lips part, and I deepen our kiss.

I slide my hands up her smooth sides, amazed I get to touch her like this. Dana’s not so careful with me, tugging on my T-shirt until she pulls it over my head inside out.

She’s smiling wide when my shirt drops to the floor, and my hair’s sticking up in all crazy directions. “Time to loosen up, Jase. This is supposed to be fun.”

There’s always part of me holding back, trying to be careful. She sees this. She probably sees a lot of me that I’d rather keep to myself.

Dana runs her hands through my hair, settling it back down. I let go of a tiny bit of my caution, lift her from just under her ass and set her on my bed. She chuckles a little as I smile and step closer. Her hands are on the bottom of her tank, and she starts to pull it off.

“Not too fast,” I tease, already breathless. Wanting this so bad. Her. But also wanting to enjoy all the little moments before we get there.

Dana laughs a little again, and now the uncertainty she had when she first got here is gone. This is half the Dana from the weekends, and half the Dana pushing back her messy hair and wearing glasses.

Her tank rides up slowly, and then stops when I can see the smallest bit of the underside of her breasts.

“I take it back. Rip the damn shirt off.” I grin as I crawl onto the bed between her legs as her tank slides over her head, and I kiss the softness of her skin from just below her belly button up between her breasts, bringing our bodies together. Her soft skin burns against mine. Women are so damn incredible.

We topple over on my bed as we struggle out of our last bits of clothing, and I reach in the nightstand and fumble around for a condom while Dana kisses across my back. The stupid things are in here somewhere. I can’t see. I finally pull one out, but it isn’t just one. It’s a long strip of them. She’s now biting up my neck and laughing at my fumblings. Like I need something to make me feel inadequate at this moment, but it’s her, which makes it okay. I finally get one separated from the rest, and she takes it from me, smiling.

Dana pushes me up, both hands on my chest, until we’re on our knees facing one another. The light from the fire flickers across her slim body. I’m out of breath and realizing that I’m probably totally outclassed here, but too turned on to care.

I want to put my mouth on everything. I run my fingers up and down her sides. I kiss her shoulders, across her collarbone, her perfect handful-sized breasts. She opens the small package with her teeth, and I lose my breath. I can’t imagine anything sexier than she is right now.

She smiles at me again, leans forward, opens her mouth on mine and kisses me, tongue first. Her body moves closer, letting her breasts touch my chest. I put my hands on her small waist to pull her to me. Her hands slide down my stomach and they’re on me then. She puts the condom on faster than I could have done and makes me half insane with my need for her in the process.

I grab her and tackle her down on my bed. I touch or kiss all the parts of her that I’ve been thinking about since watching the small strip of pale skin on her lower back. It is like no sex I’ve ever, ever had. It feels like we’re together for hours, pulling, biting, kissing, grabbing. Exactly what I’ve needed for way too long.

Everything on Dana looks smooth. Her naked body lies next to me, and I want to start all over, more slowly this time. I reach out my arm and brush the back of my hand over her stomach—needing to touch her in some way.

She leans over for one more kiss, before reaching down, pulling the sheet up over her chest and closing her eyes. I feel great. Relaxed. Boz was right. I needed this. It’s been way too long.

My eyes close, and sleep takes me under almost immediately.

I feel Dana move and turn my head to look at her. There she is, her large brown eyes looking at me. I feel it in my chest—this is the girl that’s going to destroy me. Not the overconfident flirt, this one, the one with such depth and feeling that I could fall so hard, so fast…

But I don’t get to finish my thought. Her eyes change, and she sits up.

“I should go.” She sounds so normal, so nonchalant that you’d think we were in here playing cards together.

The words are simple, but hit me hard. I don’t want her to go. I look up at her bare back as she sits next to me.

I take a deep breath and try hard to find the guy who’d just wanted to get laid. I prop myself up on an elbow and laugh. “Come on, Dana. It’s no big deal. I know my bed is more comfortable than that old twin upstairs. This thing is huge. You won’t even know I’m here, and I promise not to get mad if you kick me because I’m snoring.” I’m such a girl. If she walks away now, that’s it. I’m a total cad. I don’t want to seem anxious so I flop back onto my pillow and roll over. Maybe this makes me a jerk, but I’m not sure how it works if you’re doing this together but don’t want more.

I can barely breathe waiting to see what she’ll do.

I should want her to run upstairs and get away from me. That would be better for my plan to not get crushed by this.

She sits undecided for a moment. I guess she finally realizes I’m not moving in and lies down. It’s probably not a good idea to slide in behind her and put my face in her hair. I breathe in wondering if I can still smell her shampoo.