Existing (19 page)

“Have you see
n the note that my Dad wrote for school?”

She stares blankly at me. “No, I haven’t.”

Before I can ask her anything else, she disappears and calls to Ava that she’s taking her to school. I hear Ava bound down the stairs and then the front door slams shut. Great, I think. What am I supposed to do now? I pack my swimming stuff, just in case Coach won’t let me sit out, and limp out of the door with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

The school bus is unusually quiet this morning. I’m sitting next to the window watching the world whiz by
, but I can feel pairs of eyes burning into me. Girls are whispering and I’m so paranoid that it’s about me that my palms suddenly become sweaty. Just as the panic starts to make my chest swell, the school bus stops and everyone piles out in a hurry. I take a deep breath and head into the school and toward the pool for first period.

“H
i,” says Ashley, walking toward me the second I step through the main doors.

I smile. “Hi.”

“I tried to call you over the weekend.”

I nod.
“Yeah, sorry about that. My battery died on Friday night and I lost my power cord. I only found it last night and thought it was too late to text back or call.”

“It’s never too late to call me, girl.”

I try to smile at him, but it doesn’t quite creep across my face like I want it to.

He narrows his eyes. “You kept my secret.”

I realize it’s not a question, but find myself searching for an answer anyway. “Were you hoping I wouldn’t?”

Ashley shrugs. “I’m not really bothered. Sometimes I li
ke the fact that no one knows; it kind of makes it fun.” He laughs. “It makes the changing rooms after soccer very interesting for me.”

“
Eww,” I say with a frown. “That’s kind of pervy.”

Ashley laughs. “That’s why I do it. Silly
, Rose.”

I shake my head and start
to walk off.

“What’s the matter with you today? You’re not your usual self. You’re not worried about something that happened at the party, are you?”

I shake my head. “I just don’t feel very well today.”

He narrows his eyes.
“Why not?”

“Girl
problems.”

He screws his face up. “
Eww, that’s gross.”

I
grin at him. “See you later, Ash.”

“Bye
, Rose,” he says, watching me carefully.

The locker area is full of students but I can’t see Charlotte, Cora
, or Hannah anywhere. I stash my books for the rest of the day in there and head toward the pool, feeling like my head is about to roll off from tiredness.

I push open the glass doors and feel the heat of the pool wrap around me like a blanket. Several students sit along the benches. I keep my head down and walk toward Coach
, who is standing in front of the pool and looking down in the water.

I clear my throat. “Coach,” I whisper.

He blinks and turns quickly toward me, smiling when his eyes fall on my face. “Hello, Rose, you little superstar. What can I do for you?”

I fight the frown that is threatening to appear across my forehead at his term of endearment. “I’m not sure I can swim today.”

“Why not?” he snaps. “You need to practice.”

“I have
a stomach ache and my knee is acting up.”

He laughs and brushes his fingers along his blonde moustache.
“Nonsense. Swimming makes those aches go away. You of all people should know that swimming is the best sport for low impact on muscles and joints.”

“Yeah
, I know,” I begin, “but-“

“I’ll see you in the pool in five minutes with the others. I didn’t
realize you were such a wimp.”

I open my mouth to defend myself but find myself staring at his back as he walks away. The others look up at him as he marches over and orders them to get changed. I follow silently behind the girls as they file into the changing rooms. I have no idea how I’m going to hide my back. I glance at the door just before I enter the changing rooms and think about bolting and skipping class
, but find Coach standing with his hand on his hips, staring at me. He raises his eyebrows at me in question, which makes me roll my eyes and continue into the changing rooms. Everyone, including Charlotte, is either half naked or completely naked.

“Good morning
, miserable face. How was your head on Saturday morning?”

I glance up at Charlotte and hang my bag on the wooden peg in front of my head. “Hey,” I say
, trying not to sound as miserable as I clearly look.

“What’s up with you?”
she asks, frowning at me.

“Nothing,” I say quickly. “I’m just not feeling great.”

“Coach won’t let you sit it out?”

“Nope,” I huff. “I’ll come in after you guys. You go on ahead.”

She turns around and I watch her eyes widen at the empty changing rooms. “It’s okay, I’ll wait for you so Coach doesn’t get on to you.”

I stare at her and feel my field of vision wobbling.

“What’s the matter, Rose?” she whispers, looking worried.

I shake my head. “I can’t do this.”

“Why?”

I take a deep breath and grab my bag. “It doesn’t matter. I’m going to go and get changed in the bathroom. See you out there.”

She blinks at me for a few seconds before nodding. I smile weakly at her and take myself into the bathroom.

I turn and stare at my bare back in the mirror.
The racer back of the swimsuit breaks up the cuts, but it’s obvious I’ve been scratched to pieces since the cuts still look violently red and sore. The tightness of my swimsuit means that the straps are pressing into my skin, causing tears to sting at my eyes. I step out of the bathroom stall and find Charlotte waiting for me with her hand on her hips.

“
I told Coach you weren’t feeling very well and to give you some more time. He told me to come and check on you,” she tells me.

I sniff and wipe my eyes.

“Rose, will you please tell me what’s the matter? I might be able to help you.”

I take a deep breath and slowly turn around. I hear her gasp behind me. “What happened to you?”

I shake my head. “Please don’t ask me that because I can’t tell you.”

“What? Why?”

“I can’t tell you,” I repeat. 

She blinks and I can see the confusion all over her face. “
Um, okay. Everyone is in the pool already so just hurry up and get in there. We’ll think of something.”

I nod and follow her through the red antiseptic water. I can hear Coach calling orders out to everyone and the thrashing of water as they pound up and down the pool for the warm up.

“Mr. Evans! Stop dawdling and get back in the pool.”

I freeze and feel Charlotte tense at the side of me. We both turn around at the same time and find Cabe standing with his mouth hanging open behind us.

I shake my head at him when it looks like he’s about to ask me something. He glances at Charlotte and then back to me with a desperate look on his face before walking off and diving cleanly into the pool.

“Rose, Charlotte!” snaps Coach. “Get in the pool. What is happening to my swim team today?”

I roll my eyes at Charlotte and hobble toward the edge.

“What’s up with your legs?” she whispers.

“It’s my knee.”

I watch her eyes fall down my legs before they widen in surprise. “You should have just showed Coach your knee.”

“I know, but I panicked.”

She sits on the edge of the pool and slides easily into the
water. I follow her and grip onto the side as the coolness seeps into the cuts.

“Are you okay?”
she asks, concern clear in her face and voice.

I nod.
“Yeah.”

“Can you swim?”

I push off from the side and kick my legs slowly. When I pull my arm out of the water, I feel my skin stretch and pull across my back but throw my head into the water to hide my face.

Thankfully
, Coach doesn’t ask us to get out of the pool and race. He just wants length after length from us which suits me fine. My knee is hurting so my right leg isn’t kicking through the water as hard as the left, which means my body is twisting at the hips and sending me to the right.

“Keep to the cent
er!” Coach calls. He doesn’t specifically say my name, but I know he’s talking to me.

After an hour
, we are finally allowed to get out of the pool to get changed. I swim slowly to the edge until I’m the last in the pool.

“Rose,” Coach calls softly as I climb up the steps. “What’s the matter with you?”

I limp toward him, making sure my back is out of sight and point to my knee. “I fell over the weekend.”

“Well, why didn’t you say
something?” he says, sounding annoyed. “I can’t believe you swam like that.”

I shrug. “It was okay. Like you said
, it’s good to loosen it up without too much impact.”

“What about the competition on Thursday?”

“I don’t know,” I say sadly. “I’ll see how it is.”

He nods and walks toward
his office. I sigh in relief.

“Here,” says Charlotte the second I enter the changing rooms. She throws my towel ov
er my back. “I went to get it for you out of your bag. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Course not,” I say. “Thank you.”

She looks at me as if she wants to ask me more but decides to not say anything. We change next to each other. I turn around and face everyone when I let my towel drop to the floor.

“Did you enjoy the party?”
she asks.

“Yeah,” I say as I pull my bra on. “It was good.”

“I was really drunk. I can’t even remember how I got home.”

I laugh and finish getting dressed without anyone having to see my back. I’m so grateful to Charlotte that I want to hug her. Instead, I smile at her.

“So what’s happening with you and Ben?” I ask.

She giggles. “I’m not sure
, to be honest. Whenever we’re drunk, we seem to hook up, but neither of us say anything about what we’re doing when we’re sober.”

“Do you like him?”
I ask, curious.

“Do you like Cabe?” she shoots back quickly with a wink.

“No,” I say, just as quick. “Even if I did, I wouldn’t touch him after Friday night.”

Charlotte laughs. “So you do like him? You just don’t like that he gets all that attention?”

I shake my head and pack my wet towel back into my bag. “It’s not that. I can understand the attention he gets because he is sort of attractive,” I say, shooting a glance at her. “If you like that sort of thing,” I add quickly.

“So what is it then?”

“Nothing,” I say. “I just don’t like him. He’s a bit arrogant.”

“Arrogant?” she repeats. “Ar
e you nuts? Out of all the good-looking boys in school, Cabe is the least arrogant of them. You’re just making things up.”

“I’m not. You seriously can’t say that I’m the only girl out there who doesn’t like Cabe Evans?”

She laughs and throws her bag over her back. “Maybe not, but I’ve never met one that doesn’t like him and besides, I’ve seen the way you look at him so you can’t lie to me.”

I roll my eyes and follow her out of the changing rooms.

“Oh, by the way,” Charlotte says, spinning around to face me as we walk toward our lockers, “he didn’t do anything with Gabriella, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

I think about my next question carefully. I can see her eyes and the way she’s watching me to see how I react. “It didn’t look like nothing,” I say as I swing open my locker door, “when she was lying on top of him and his hands were
all down her back.”

“I knew it!” Charlotte says
and claps her hands excitedly. “He said he was on the beach talking to someone else when she ran up and jumped on him. I knew it was you, but he wouldn’t tell us. Greg was out on the beach at the same time and he saw a girl walking away from Cabe and Gabriella and he swore it was you!”

“Who
is Greg and what was he doing on the beach spying on me?”

Charlotte laughs. “Don’t try and turn this around. Greg is
a guy on the soccer team. He’s friends with Cabe actually. He was getting it on with a senior apparently, but no one knows who she is so we don’t believe him.”

“And he told you that he saw me walking away? That doesn’t mean anything.”

“It does,” Charlotte says. “It means Cabe and you were alone on the beach. What were you doing?”

“We weren’t doing anything. We were just talking and then Gabriella came and I left them to it.”

“What were you talking about?”