Existing (23 page)

She drags me toward the bath, continuing to grip my wris
t with alien strength and shoves me forward. My feet slip and slide across the floor until my knees crash into the side of the bath. I sigh, grateful that I’m still on my feet when I feel her flat palm on the back of my head. I have no resistance against her as she uses her whole weight to slam my face into the side of the bath. My nose cracks, making splashes of bright red blood instantly appear on the white ceramic. I gasp and reel backward, holding my face.

Hallie laughs. “You’ll probably have a crooked nose now too.”

The pain shoots up my face into my eyes before exploding across my forehead. I collapse into a ball onto the floor, trying to keep my eyes on her through the water that’s pouring into them.

“Clean this mess up
, you little skank.”

When I hear the door click close
, I curl further into a ball and cry until the pain subsides enough for me to scramble onto my knees. I stagger toward the sink and grab my towel, soaking it in cold water to try and blot the blood enough for it to stop. I don’t dare touch my nose. When I wrinkle my face up it hurts, but I don’t think it’s broken. I can feel the blood crusting in my nostrils but can still taste it in the back of my throat. I have a headache that’s thumping through my head, but I know I can’t stay in here forever. I quickly mop the blood up off the bathtub and the floor and rinse the towel out before soaking it again and putting it into my pocket.

I tip-
toe quickly to my bedroom and spend the next twenty minutes with the wet towel on my face, trying to reduce the swelling as much as I can. I stare at my make-up bag and realize that I’m already starting to run out of concealer. I don’t know what’s happened to Hallie to make her lash out at me this often. It used to be occasional, but lately it’s been every time she sees me. Something Ava said the other day at the diner makes me think that she’s completely blaming me for the move here, which means she’s obviously not happy. I can’t think why. She’s already made friends and goes out drinking with them enough. I’m sure I heard her telling my Father last night that she was going away this weekend to some spa resort with her friends, so I don’t know what her problem is.

When I’m finally ready for school
, my headache is still pounding in my head but my nose doesn’t feel as bad and thankfully, doesn’t appear to be broken. I can feel the bruises already starting to develop under my eyes though and just hope that they stay away for today and that the concealer I’ve applied is enough to hide them if they do make an appearance. Charlotte and Cabe are already asking questions. I’m not sure what excuse I can use for this one.

My first period is free so I head toward
the library to see if anyone is in there. I step through the door and hear Charlotte’s musical giggle coming from the far end of the room. I walk past the book shelves and the computers, and can just about make out the bean bags that everyone must be sitting on when I see Cabe walking toward me. I can’t face him after the grill and everything that Ava said. I lock eyes with him for a split second before turning around and walking toward the exit as fast as I can.

“Rose,”
he whispers loudly.

I ignore him and scurry out
the door. I stand in the hallway and look left, then right, and finally decide I can just hide out in the girl’s bathroom for an hour. He certainly won’t be able to find me in there. I lower my head and grip my folders to my chest, walking as quickly as I can without running to the bathroom. I rush into a stall and lock the door. I lean back against it and huff loudly. I don’t even know why I’m hiding from him. I’m not sure if it’s because I don’t want to answer the questions he’ll no doubt ask me or because I’m hiding my face from him. As I walk into the bathroom, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and notice the faint purple lines appearing at the inner corners of both of my eyes.

Ten minutes later
, I hear the main door open and footsteps slowly moving across the floor. I stop breathing and don’t move a muscle. My eyes fall on the shadow that comes to stand outside of the door to my stall. I clamp my mouth shut and breathe as quietly as I can through my painful nose.

“You can’t stay in here forever
, Rose.”

I huff. “No, but I can st
ay in here until the next class.”

“Why would you do that?”
he asks.

I bury my face in my hands
, wondering how I got myself into this mess. “I don’t want to talk to you.”

“Why not?”

I almost laugh at his ignorance. “Because I don’t want to.”

He sighs and leans against the door. “Is it because of what
Ava told me? About the ghost?”

I breathe in deeply. “Yes. No.
Maybe.”

“I don’t think you’re weird,” he says and I swear I can hear him smiling. “If that’s what you’re worried about.”

“It
is
weird.”

“Only if
people don’t believe in that sort of stuff.”

“And you’re about
to tell me that you do?” I almost laugh again…almost.

“Just because I’ve never seen one doesn’t mean I don’t think you have.”

I huff and cross my arms over my chest. “Can we just forget she told you about it, please?”

“Sure,” he says quickly, “if you admit that it’s true. I can handle not talking about it if that’s what you want, but you can’t lie to me
, Rose. Nothing works if you lie.”

I feel my face wrinkle up as I try to understand why he’s bothered if I lie to him or not.
“Fine!” I say in exasperation. “I see a ghost. Now please don’t talk about it ever again.”

He breathes in deeply. “That wasn’t that bad
, was it?”

“Yes,” I say quickly. “And that’s the last we’re going to talk about it. Okay?”

“Promise,” he says. “What about the other stuff, Rose? I’m assuming that your Mother must have committed suicide, but I don’t believe for one second that it was because she thought you were ugly. Why would your Stepmother say something like that to Ava?”

“I don’t know
, Cabe,” I sigh. Maybe it’s because she’s a complete and utter loony, drunk bitch and she hates me. “I don’t really want to talk about it.”

He doesn’t move. It’s quiet for a moment and then I hear him leaning against the door. “Did she commit suicide
, Rose?”

“Yes,” I whisper.

“Do you know why?”

I take a deep breath and wipe the tear
away that has fallen silently down my face. “My Father says she was suffering from postpartum depression.”

“Oh,” he says quietly. “Okay.”

After five long minutes of silence, I huff and unlock the door. I see the shadow move and then the door starts to swing open. His arm is leaning up against the door frame above his head, and when the door fully opens he looks sadly up from the floor and into my eyes. He smiles gently at me.

“
I don’t want to talk about it anymore, Cabe. I’ve told you what you wanted to hear and that’s that.”

He nods.

“I don’t know why you’re so bothered anyway,” I say, pushing past him and feeling embarrassed that we’ve had such a deep conversation. I wash my hands in the sink, splash my face with freezing cold water, and feel him staring at me in the mirror.

“You look tired,” he says
, sounding as sad as I feel. “Didn’t you sleep very well?”

I start to shake my head but when I look up in the mirror
, I realize he’s referring to the dark shadows under my eyes. He’s obviously confusing them with bags rather than bruises. “I struggled a little.”

He looks as if he’s about to ask something else but smiles to himself
and shakes his head instead. He studies me in the reflection of the mirror as I dry my hands under the dryer, trying not to push my sleeves up too far. “I don’t think that’s it though.”

I frown. “What are you
talking about now?”

“You.
You’re different, but I don’t think it’s got anything to do with what we’ve talked about. You’re still interesting and I can’t figure out what it is about you.”

“I wish you wouldn’t bother trying
,” I say, holding my hand out so he can pass me my bag back. “You’re a little annoying.”

He pushes his hand through his hair and laughs. “And you’re an idiot.”

I cough as I walk out of the bathroom and into the hallway. “Charming.”

He stops
, not making a move to leave the bathroom. “Why can’t you see it?”

I feel my eyes flick around before finally settling on his tanned, flawless face. “See what
, Cabe?”

He shakes his head.
“Nothing. Forget it. What are you doing this weekend?”

“Nothing,” I say with a shrug.

“Good. So you want to come hang out for a bit?”

I shake my head. “I can’t, sorry.”

“Why not?”

“I have stuff t
o do,” I tell him.

“Like what
, Rose? You just said you weren’t doing anything.”

I see the look on his face and I know he’s testing me. “Don’t,” I warn.

He sighs and stares intently into my eyes. “You sure know how to dent a boy’s ego.”

I stare
open-mouthed and watch him walk down the corridor. Did Cabe Evans just ask me out? I shake my head. He couldn’t have. He doesn’t ask girls out, and especially not ones that have just admitted to him that they see a ghost.

I can’t stop my e
yes from straying toward him at lunch. He’s sitting with one of the boys who he was with at the diner and four other girls who keep touching his arm and smiling at everything he says.

“He’ll see you,” Charlotte whispers, “don’t make it obvious.”

I smile. “I didn’t realize I was being obvious.”

“If you like him
, just go and tell him. As Dr. Pepper says, ‘What’s the worst that can happen?’”

I laugh and stab my fork through a small potato. “There’s a lot that can happen and it wouldn’t be good.”

“You wouldn’t be the first girl he’s said no to. You can start your own gang or something.”I find myself laughing and can’t help but glance at him again as one of the girls, who I think was at the beach house party gets up to sit on his knee. His eyes flash across to me, and as the strength of his silver glare slices into me, I shiver and look away.

“He’s said no to her about five times.”

“I don’t care,” I sigh. “He can do what he wants with whoever he wants.”

Charl
otte giggles. “You’re such a liar.”

I narrow
my eyes at her, which makes the bruises ache. I clear my face and shrug. “Maybe. Or maybe I’m bluffing you.”

She wags her finger at me. “I’m onto you
, Roisin. Just remember that.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I smile
, suddenly remembering the phone call from her Mother last night. “What are you doing on Monday night?”

“I have double practi
ce,” she groans. “It’s going to be brutal. I have an hour of dance and then an hour of cheerleading.”

“You’re a cheerleader?”

Charlotte nods. “So is Cora.”

I feel
my eyebrows rising. “I never realized.”

She shrugs. “We don’t exactly shout it from the rooftops and there haven’t been any games since you got here, so there’s no reason for you to know.”

“I guess.”

I glance back across the room
, trying not to make it obvious what I’m doing, but see his table empty.

“Come on, Seb,” I say, dragging him up their path.

“I don’t want to play with girls,” he says, sounding grumpy.

“I’ve told you that I’ll give you ten pounds if you just come with me and don’t tell them that I’ve made you do it.”

“It’s dollars, not pounds.”

“What?” I ask, turning to stare at him. I re-adjust his hat on his head so that the seams are running the right way.

“You said ten pounds.”

I shake my head at him
and knock on their door. “I meant dollars. Sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”

“Oh,”
she says when she opens the door and sees the two of us standing on her step. I have to try and not laugh as my eyes trail over their big winter coats and scarves and gloves.

I s
mile at her shocked face and then I feel it fall right off when I notice more bruises underneath her eyes. I move my eyes away from them. Now isn’t the time to bring them up. I need to get her out of the house first. “Hi, this is Sebastian or Seb for short.”

“Hello
, Seb,” she says. We both look down at him and see him peering around my legs at Ava.

I laugh and pull Seb’s hat down over his eyes. I guess he’s a lot more interested in playing with them now.
“We were just going to the park and wondered if you girls fancied coming too?”