Existing (40 page)

I hear her gasp
.

“My Mother told me to look for her diary,” I continued.

“And what did it say?”

“Well, I can’t actually remember. I read it the morning of my
accident, and I still can’t remember that day at all. But my Dad told me that I came downstairs on Saturday morning and told him that I had read the diary, and that it said that my Mom knew he was having an affair with Hallie.”

“Your Dad was having an affair with Hallie behind your Mom’s back?”

“Yes.”

“
Rose, what happened to your Mom? Why is she a ghost?”

I take a deep breath and pinch the skin in between my nose
, feeling a headache forming at the back of my head. “My Dad told me she committed suicide when I was six months old.”

“She killed herself because your Dad was seeing Hallie?” I can hear the shock resonating
in her voice.

“Well, he told me it was because she
had postpartum depression, and I think that he believes that’s what actually happened.”

“But you don’t?”

“I’m not sure. This is why I need your help. I was going to tell my Dad about Hallie hurting me today, but something is bothering me.”

“What is it
?”

“I’m not sure. I think I’m going to need your Mom
’s help again.”

“Fine.”

“Fine? You’re okay with it?”

She sighs. “N
ot really, but what can I say to a girl that gets beat up by her stepmother?”

“Gee,” I say, even though a smile plays at the corner of my mouth.
“Straight to the point, huh Charlotte?”

“Yup.
So what’s the plan?”

I sigh. “I need to see y
our Mom, but I’m not ready yet. I need to find this diary that I have supposedly already found.”

“Oka
y. So find it and then I’ll work something out with my Mom.”

“Deal,” I say. “Thanks
, Charlotte.”

“Don’t mention it.”

“Oh, I have something to tell you by the way.”

“Something else?”

“Yup.” I smile. “I slept in the same bed as Cabe last night.”

I grin and quickly hit the end call button. That’ll keep her going for a few days
, I think. She’ll soon be knocking on my door so she can talk to me and get all the details out of me.

I stand in the living room and try to figure out what it is that Lance is watching on the television. I don’t think I’ve seen the main actor before so maybe it’s something new, but whatever it is
, I wouldn’t want to watch it anyway. I’ve always wondered why Sunday night television was total crap.

I glance up and see five fresh
ly ironed shirts hanging over the door and find myself smiling. He was always so careful about what he wore to work and insisted on having the best fitting suits and most expensive, crisp cut shirts. I shake my head and breeze out of the room and up the stairs. The two thin windows on either side of the front door are being hammered by the wind and rain of another storm that has continued to batter the Oregon coast for the last three days.

When I walk into Rose’s room
, I watch her stretching up toward her desk with her face screwed up. She’s still in pain from her ribs, which I think should have healed by now. She pulls down her homework planner and her Art book, and stuffs them into her school bag. She’s been off school for four weeks, and other than the pain in her ribs, I think she’s almost completely healed. Her face looks as flawless as ever, and it’s been wonderful to be able to look at her without seeing bruises there.

I watch her look
under the bed for probably the hundredth time in two weeks. I know she’s looking for the diary. I heard her telling Charlotte on the phone the afternoon that the tree fell down, and every day since then, I’ve watched her search throughout the house. Lance told her that she’d read it so she knows that it exists and that it must be somewhere. The fact that she can’t find it is annoying her more than the fact that she can’t remember ever reading it. I’ve looked all over the house myself, but I have no idea where it is either. I can’t even sense that it’s in the house anymore, which means either Lance or Hallie must have removed it. This makes my blood boil. How dare they take away the only thing Roisin has of me? She doesn’t have any pictures because crazy Hallie demanded they be burnt, and she has no jewelry or clothes or anything of mine. The diary was the one and only thing, but now they’ve taken that away from her too.

I smile when she flicks open her scrapbook. She quickly turns over the pictures of herself
, which I love to look at and think she looks absolutely stunning in. I see her staring at the picture of Cabe, the one where he’s leaning against some railing, looking very handsome and in love as he stares at my daughter. I like Cabe. I think he’s a good boy and I’m pretty sure that he loves Roisin. He hasn’t said it yet, and I know she’s worried because of the way he left her that morning, but she doesn’t need to be. I know why he left like that and I know it’s nothing to do with Roisin. I’ve seen how much she’s missed him these past two weeks, which means I’m pretty convinced that she loves him too.

The front door opens
and I hear Ava and Hallie bustle into the house. Rose stiffens at the sound of Hallie’s voice. She quickly hides the scrapbook into the shoe box and slides it under the pile of clothes in her closet. It must have only been two minutes, but already there is a knock on her bedroom door. I stare at Rose and then at the door. I know she knows it’s
her
.

T
he door opens and then a bleached blonde head pokes around the wood. “Hello, Rose.”

Rose
doesn’t turn around. She continues placing books into her backpack. “Hallie.”

“So, you didn’t tell them
?”

Rose’s eyes widen and I’m glad that Hallie can’t see. Rose opens her mouth a tiny bit and pushes a mouthful of air out.
“No, not yet.”

Hallie snorts. “If you haven’t told them yet, then you’re not going to tell them at all.”

Rose says and does nothing. I sit down on the bed and glare at Hallie. How dare she?

“You want to know something
, Roisin?”

Again Rose remains as still as a statue w
ith her back to Hallie.

“I wish that car had k
illed you. I wish you were dead,” hisses Hallie.

Rose narrows her eyes. I shake my head.

“Oh,” continues Hallie, “and you can get Ava from school tomorrow. I’m busy.”

The second Hallie leaves the room and closes the door
, Rose’s shoulder drop in relief. She picks up her phone and dials someone.

“Charlotte? It’s me.”

Rose frowns.

“No, I still
haven’t found it. We’ll just have to do without it.”

Then she rolls her eyes.

“Yes, I’m sure.”

She nods.

“See you tomorrow.”

She hits a button and throws the phone onto the bed
, making it fly right through me. Any doubts I might have had about leaving it now and not taking it any further have been wiped away. I can’t believe Hallie just marched back in after more than four weeks away, and told Rose that she wishes she was dead. She deserves everything that I hope she gets.

I wave
goodbye to Ava and pull open the front door. I kick the mountains of leaves from off the path and head down the road. The storm has subsided, but the evidence that it was here is still visible almost everywhere that I look. George’s front door and bay window were completely smashed by the tree that fell down a few weeks ago, and they still have not been properly fixed. Wooden boards and black tarp blow and flap in the wind, offering a silent invitation to burglars.

When I get to the end of the street
, I see a black car idling at the side of the road. The window rolls down and then I see his sun-tanned, grey-eyed face smiling at me. The sun has tinted his light brown hair, making it look like he has blonde highlights slashed through it. Even though I’ve looked at his pictures while he’s been gone, his beauty still renders me breathless.

“Good m
orning, Rose.”

I smile and step across the road, making sure I look both ways
first. “Good morning, Cabe.” I walk around to the passenger side door and climb onto the soft, leather seat.

As soon as my door is closed
, he leans over and kisses my cheek. I want to frown. He left and only kissed my forehead, and now that he’s back, he’s kissing my cheek. Maybe he doesn’t want the same thing from me that he did before.

“I’m sorry I didn’t call,” he says
. “I didn’t get an ounce of signal on my mobile. I even took a boat trip to the mainland, but even then I didn’t have any signal.”

I shrug. It had stung that first week when I hadn’t heard
from him, but his explanation made sense. What wasn’t making sense was his behavior toward me after he’d said all of those things. “That’s okay.”

“How are you feeling anyway? Any nerves because this is your first day back?”

I shake my head. “No more than I had on my first day so I’m sure I’ll be fine.” I glance up and realize he’s not really dressed for school. “Are you not going today?”

He shakes his head. “I only landed two hour
s ago and I’m pretty tired so I need to get some sleep. I just wanted to make sure that you were okay.”

I
fold my hands together and place them on my knee as he drives down the road. “So, tell me about the Maldives. I can see the sun was obviously shining.”

He smiles and then shrugs. “
Well, yeah, but that’s about it. There was just this hut that we were staying in, a beach, crystal clear waters, and that was literally it. I just played football all day or snorkeled.”

“Better than being here though,” I say,
as we pass another fallen tree.

“So I hear. Is Hallie back?”

I sigh and look out of the window. “Yeah, she got back last night.” I watch more buildings whiz by and glance quickly at him again as a huge yawn takes over his face. “Actually, I have something to tell you.”

He smiles. “That reminds me,
I have something to ask you actually.”

I look at his face and the smile that’s stretching his skin, making the bags under his eyes look darker
, and nod. “You go first.”

“Mu
m and Dad have invited you and Ava for dinner tonight. Obviously you don’t have to come, but Seb spoke about Ava a lot and I know you have to pick her up, so my Mum just thought that you could both come over.”

“U
m, that should be alright. Hallie said she was busy tonight but I’ll just need to check in with my Dad.”

He nods. “Cool. I’ll tell Mu
m. It’s nothing fancy, just chicken and vegetables or steak or something. It’ll be some sort of meat and vegetables anyway.”

I smile. “They all sound good.”

He’s quiet for the rest of the journey to school. When we get there, I unclick my seatbelt and turn to face him. “Well, thanks for the lift to school.”

He rubs his hand over
his face and sighs. “You know, I might just go in with you.”

I blink up at the bricked building and frown. “Why?”

He shrugs. “Moral support, I guess. I’ll go home after lunch and sleep then.”

We climb out of the car and walk up the path to school. I half expected him to take my hand
, but he keeps them firmly in his pockets. I’m silently cursing him and his weird mood when Charlotte bounds up to us.

“Morning!”

“Hi,” I say, forcing a smile on my face.

“Oh, hi Cabe,” she says,
looking up at him.

He nods once in her direction and says, “Charlotte.”

We both turn with our mouths hanging open as he walks away from us and toward a group of his friends that are gathering at the bottom of the steps.

“Has his sun
tan gone to his head or something?” she asks, looking at him in confusion.

I shake my head and watch as others slap him on his back and try to lift his shirt up. “I have no idea. He’s really
acting different with me.” We both continue to stare at him. “It’s as if all of that nice stuff that he said to me never happened.”

“You slept in the same bed that
night, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, but that was more than two weeks ago now. Maybe he’s changed his mind.”

“Don’t be silly,” she says, grabbing my arm. “Let’s go face the music and then we’ll talk.”

“Music?
What music?”

“Rose, you’re back!”

I turn to see Dominique walking up to me with her entourage of friends. “Hi, Dominique,” I say as nicely as I can.

“How are you feeling?” she asks, blinking her fake lashes at me.

I nod. “I’m much better now, thank you.”

All of them proceed to ask me questions about the accident and my recovery. I’m fed up
with talking about it by the time we reach the end of the hallway, and then even more people come walking up to me to ask questions. People that I’ve never even spoken to before decide to ask me about everything. I’ve had enough. I glance at Charlotte and raise my eyebrows at her. She nods and then pulls me out of the way, shouting and telling everyone that we’ve got an important meeting.

I let her pull my elbow and lead me through the corridors until we exit through the back doors.

“Where are we going?” I ask.

“Just
to the benches.”

“It’s too windy,” I say, pulling my coat around me.

“Exactly, none of the vultures will be brave enough to come out here, and the ones that do obviously care.”

We settle down on some picnic benches and huddle together.

“Does everything feel okay?” she asks, nodding to my rib cage.

“It’s a bit stiff, but nothing I can’t handle.” I pull out my cell phone
and remember that I need to call my Dad. “I’m just calling my Dad,” I inform Charlotte, as I punch his number into my phone.

“Hi
, Rose. Everything okay?”

“Hi, Dad.
Yeah, thanks. Everything is fine. I was just wondering if it’s okay if I take Ava to Cabe’s to have dinner after school?”

“That should be fine
, Roisin. Have you told Hallie?”

I sigh and roll my eyes at Charlotte. “Hallie told me to
pick up Ava since she was busy.”

He huffs into the receiver. “Okay. It’s North Laurel Drive
, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll pick you and Ava up at eight then.”

I smile. “Thanks. See you later.”

I push the phone back into my pocket and huddle up next to Charlotte.

“He
invited you over to his parents for dinner? And Ava too?”

I smile and nod. “Yeah, he did it this
morning, but now he’s just acting odd.”

She sighs and shakes her head.
“Boys, huh? They’re so weird.”

I nod in agreement. “They sure are.”

“Seriously though,” she says, screwing her face up in confusion, “I mean Cabe was all over you when you were ill. He got onto me soooo many times about being careful with you. He was obsessed with you, Rose. I never ever thought I would see Cabe obsessed with anyone. I wish you could have seen it. He’s been moping around school without you, and that first week after your accident, it was like you had died. He didn’t eat. He looked tired. It was weird. It was like you’d sucked him into your coma with you. After all that, why would he just brush you off after he’s been on vacation?”