Existing (43 page)

“Thank you
, Sebastian’s mommy, for my dinner.”

Katherine smiles fondly at
Ava and then glances quickly at her husband, smiling even more.

Mr
. Evans, or Cabe’s Uncle or whatever it is that I’m supposed to call him, is a bigger, older version of Cabe. He’s tall, like six foot six tall, and broad. He looks like he plays soccer or rugby, like those English rugby players my Dad sometimes watches. His oil slick black hair doesn’t have a hint of grey in it, and his grey eyes are a smokier version of Cabe’s. He’s very attractive, but then again, so are all of the Evans’. I can’t believe how much Cabe actually looks like him. I wonder which one of his parents lost their brother or sister in the car accident that took Cabe’s real parents away.

“So, what does your Father do
, Rose?”

I look up at Cabe’s Uncle
and shrug. “He’s a lawyer but I’m not too sure what type of lawyer, to be honest. When he’s at home, he doesn’t really talk about work all that much.”

He nods. “Sounds like a good way to be. Is he a partner?”

I nod. “I think he was made partner just before his thirtieth birthday.”

He raises his eye
brows at me. “He must be a very good lawyer then.”

I nod. “Yeah, I guess.”

He turns his gaze toward Ava, who looks up at him expectantly. “And what does your Mommy do, Ava?”

Ava
blinks for a moment and then sighs. “Mommy doesn’t do anything.”

Mr
. Evans glances quickly at Katherine, but doesn’t say anything more. I notice how he doesn’t ask about my Mother, so I assume Cabe has filled them in. I’m not sure how much they know about my life and make another note to ask Cabe later.

“Rose beat me at swimm
ing in her first week at school,” Cabe announces.

Katherine coughs as she takes a sip of wine and raises her eye
brows at Cabe. “You lost at swimming?”

Mr
. Evans laughs. “And to a girl, too.” His eyes flick to me and then he smiles. “No offense, Rose.”

I giggle.
“None taken. But according to Cabe, he let me win.”

“Yeah,” smiles
Mr. Evans. “That sounds like our Cabe. Always has an excuse for everything.”“Dad,” groans Cabe, “I was being chivalrous. You know, opening the door for them, pulling out their chairs, letting them win in a swimming race.”

It feels weird to
hear him call his Uncle ‘Dad’ when I know he’s not his real Dad. I could never imagine calling anyone else Mom except my own Mother. I smile at him and drop my eyes.

“I never told you anything about letting someone beat you at swimming
, and if you ask me, I don’t think you did let her win.”

Cabe grins. “She won’t win next time.”

“We’ll see,” I grin back at him.

“Rose?”

I turn toward four year-old Harry and smile. “Yes, Harry?”

“Does that lady still hurt you?”

The table falls deathly quiet. Katherine and Mr. Evans shoot nervous glances at each other. Cabe stares at me carefully. Ava laughs.

“What lady?” Ava asks,
looking confused.

“Oh
, nothing,” says Katherine. “Harry is only four. He doesn’t know what he’s saying, sweetheart.”

Ava
frowns at Harry.

“Mom, can
Ava and I go and finish our game?”

“Yes
, Sebastian,” Katherine answers quickly, as if she’s grateful for the opportunity to get them out of the room.

Sebastian jumps off his
chair.

Ava
glances quickly at me and then at Katherine. “Please may I be excused?”

“Yes.” Katherine and I say at the same time.

We look at each other and both say, “Sorry.”

After Sebastian and
Ava have plodded up the stairs, Katherine turns to me. “Sorry about that, Rose. Harry must have overheard us talking at some point.”

Cabe glares at his Aunty
and then pushes up out of the chair. “Rose and I are going to go for a walk down the beach.”

Katherine nods and I can tell
that she’s embarrassed.

“
It’s fine,” I assure her. “Honestly. I don’t mind at all.”

“Sorry,” she says again,
“we should be more careful.”

I nod. “
Would you like me to help you clear the table?”

She waves a hand as
Mr. Evans stands. “Thank you for offering, Rose, but I’ll help her clean the table.”

I nod. “Well, thank you again
for dinner. It really was good.”

Cabe walks around the table and grabs my hand. He leads me t
hrough the house and into a sun room, where the evening night is creeping in through the glass.

“Sorry about that,” he whispers, “we weren’t talking behind your back or anything.”

I raise my eyebrows. “Well, you must have been, but I don’t mind.”

He looks uneasy but nods. “I’ll just go and get our shoes.”

While he’s gone, I stand in the room and stare out at the deep blue night. The first few stars twinkle in the sky, waiting for the sun to finally sink behind the ocean before they can really shine through the night.

“Here you go.”

I turn and take my boots from Cabe, sitting on the wicker sofa while I pull them on. “This room is nice.”

“Yeah,” he agrees, “but don’t forget what I told you about it not being grea
t when the sea blows a storm inland.”

I shudder just thinking about those winds rattl
ing against the glass, and follow him out and through the yard. We come to a wooden gate that’s taller than I am and surrounded by dense bushes just as high.

“My Mu
m and Dad like their privacy,” he explains.

I nod. I c
an understand that. You wouldn’t want people that are on the beach to just be able to walk up and into your yard. I think about Noah’s house, and how you could get onto the beach by simply walking down a few steps.

We walk hand-in-hand across
the sand. The beach is surprisingly empty.

“It’s quiet down here,
” I say.

Cabe smiles.
“Won’t be next weekend; it’s the annual sandcastle competition.”

“Oh yeah,” I nod. “We read about that before we moved here.
Ava really wants to see them.”

“They’re amazing,” he says
. “Every year I go out there and think I won’t see anything different, and every year, they’re bigger and better than the last.” He shakes his head. “I don’t know how they do it.”

“I
can’t wait to see them.”

He squeezes my hand. “I’ll take you this year.”

“Deal.”

“Or date?”
he asks, raising his eyebrows at me.

I roll my eyes. “Or date.”

He laughs. “I was actually being serious.”

I smile. “So was I.”

He looks up and then sighs. “Looks like it’s time to go back.”

I glance back toward his house
and see Katherine waving at us. I raise my hand and wave back.

“You look a lot like your Uncle,” I say as we walk slowly
back up the soft sand.

He nods. “He was my Dad’s identical twin brother.”

I take a deep breath. “It must be hard to look at him and not think you’re seeing your Dad.”

He sighs. “It was at first
, but it’s gotten easier. Plus, it meant that people didn’t look at us and wonder why I looked so different.”

“T
hat’s why you have the same last name then?”

He rubs the back of his neck and glances back up quickly to the house. “Yeah, that helped too.”

“What happened to them, Cabe?” I ask carefully. “What caused the crash?”

He stops and pulls me into him as
he looks over my head at the water. I can feel his chest moving up and down as he breathes in deeply. “Love,” he finally says.

“Love?”
I repeat, not really understanding how love could cause a car crash.

“
It was cold. They were too busy staring at each other and telling each other how much they loved one other, taking their eyes off the road for a second too long. I can still hear their whispered words and see the way they were looking at each other if I think about it. We hit a patch of black ice.”

I pull back from him slightly and look up to watch his face carefully.

“The car spun around and around for what felt like forever,” he continues, “and the car flipped and skidded along the road before it fell into a ditch.”

“You must have bee
n so frightened,” I say, not really knowing what else to say.

He nods. “I must have been knocked unconscious. When I opened my eyes
, my Mother and Father were holdings hands, their eyes wide and dead, but they were still staring at each other. My brother was bleeding heavily from his head, and I think I knew he was dead the instant I looked at him. I felt it.”

I look up at his face that’s full and sadness and then lean my head against his arms.
“You really blame love for the car crash?”

He nods.

“It’s why I don’t date.” He looks down at me and frowns. “Or didn’t.”

I try to piece together what he’s just told me
, but nothing really makes sense. “What do you mean? You don’t date because you were in an accident?”

He shakes his head. “This is going to sound so stupid.”

“Just say it,” I tell him.

He huffs and shakes his head. At first
, I don’t think he’s going to tell me, but then he opens his mouth and starts to whisper. “I didn’t want to date because I didn’t want to fall in love. I know I could have just slept around or had one-night stands, but I figured if I started to date, then I’d eventually start feeling. And feelings lead to love, and love is just crazy. It makes people do crazy things and I don’t want anything to do with it. I don’t want to get married or have children. I don’t want to grow old and watch the person I love die. I just don’t want it.”

Something sticks in my throat. If he feels like that
, then what are we doing here? He’s never once asked me if I want to get married or have children. I have to ignore that for now. I guess I should be grateful that he’s told me now and not two years down the line. That’s assuming we’d have made it that far.

“So all that stu
ff you said to me at my house?”

“I meant it,” he say
s quickly. “Every single word.”

“But you
just said-“

“I know,” he says, breathing into my hair. “Those were my rules before
, and then you came along with your silky hair and deep brown eyes and the bruises on your face, and I started to get curious. At first, I thought I could help you. You looked sad and frightened, and I wanted to know why. I wanted to talk to you, to see if you’d tell me something. The more I started to speak to you, the more you spiked my curiosity. I started to try and catch a glimpse of you, or to get a chance to talk to you, until I couldn’t see or think of anything
but
you. Basically, you came along and fucked all my rules up.”

Is he saying what I think he’s saying? I think so. I think he’s saying that he wants to give us a try. I think he’s saying he wants to be with me in that way.
I squeeze him tighter, and we just stand there and breathe slowly together until Katherine shouts at us to come in again.

Ava
and I sit in the Range Rover and wave at the whole Evans family, who have congregated on the steps to see us off.

“I feel like I should go out and thank them,” says my Dad as we fasten our seat belts.

My eyes are fixed on Cabe and the look that he’s giving me.

“What’s stopping you?”
I ask.

My Father turns to me and shrugs. “Good point.” He opens the door and slides out of his seat.

I watch Katherine and Mr. Evans’ faces as my Father approaches them. They both look uneasy about what he might say, but soon smile when my Father shakes their hands. Cabe grins at me.

“I wish I could live with them,
” Ava says.

I turn around in my seat, making the leather crinkle underneath me
, and look at Ava, who is staring out the window.

“What’s wrong with living at home with me?”

She shakes her head. “I’d want you living there too.”

“What’s wrong with our house though
, Ava?” I push, hoping she doesn’t say anything about Hallie. If that bitch has touched a single hair on her head, then I don’t care about any plan I have. I’ll take her down.

“Nothing’s wrong. I just liked their house better.”