Existing (45 page)

“Are you sick?” I ask
, stepping up to stand beside her.

She laughs. “No
, Rose.”

“So then why are we hiding out in the bathroom?”

“It’s been a month.”

I nod.

“That’s my limit.”

I shake my head. “I’m sorry if I’m being stupid, but I’m really not following you.”

“One month,” she repeats. “If we’ve dated for one month, then I’ll have sex with them.”

“You have a rule?” I ask with a laugh.

She nods. “You have to. You don’t want boys thinking you’re easy and girls thinking you’re a slut.”

“Oh.” This is all new to me
, so I’m not too sure why she’s telling me any of this. She must know I can’t offer any advice. “I didn’t realize there were rules. Why are you worried? I thought you’d said you’ve had sex before?”

She giggles. “Of course I have
, but this time I’m scared because I actually like him.”

“Didn’t you like any of the boys that you’ve had sex with before?”

“There’s only been three, Rose, and yeah I liked them, but I mean, I
really
like William.”

I turn and face the mirrors and stare at Charlotte
’s bright green eyes, seeing the faraway look she has in them.

“Oh,” I say, realizing
what she’s saying. “You mean you love him?”

She nods her head without looking at me. “I don’t know how it happened.”

“Does it matter? Won’t that make sex better if you love him already?”

“I don’t know,” she says with a shrug. “I’ve never loved anyone before.”

“Does he love you?” I ask.

“I’m not sure. Neither of us
have said it, but it feels like he does. He’s nice, Rose. Really nice.”

I nod. “I’m sure he is.”

“So, he’s coming over to my house later because my Mom says she’s going out for a few hours, and I think I’m going to have sex with him.”

I try not smile. “Well, good luck I guess.”

She laughs then and lifts her head back up so we’re staring at each other in the reflection of the mirror. “When are
you
going to have sex?”

I look dow
n. “I’m not sure.” I realize that I lied to her about being a virgin, so I say, “I’m pretty sure Cabe has already done it, so I’m scared that I’m going to be terrible at it whenever I do it anyway.”

“I would bet my last dollar that Cabe has already done it, but
you never know, Cabe is full of surprises.”

“What do you mean?”
I ask, blinking at her.

“He’s attractive, athletic, nice, kind, funny
, and not to mention, sex on legs. He can have whatever girl he wants.”

I nod.

“Boys are all the same,” she continues. “They have sex at the first opportunity that they have, so with girls throwing themselves at him, I’m betting he’s already done it. But I can’t figure out why he’s said no to dating anyone at our school. He’s hasn’t so much as kissed a girl at this school before you.”

W
hen I walk into the cafeteria at lunch, I see Charlotte sitting next to William at a table with Cora and Hannah. Both of them are smiling and nodding at something Charlotte is saying. I grab a sandwich and start to walk toward them when Cabe suddenly blocks my path.

“Have you been avoiding me
, Rose?”

I sm
ile. “Not at all. Why?”

“I looked for you this morning.”

I glance at Charlotte, who winks at me. “I was with Charlotte. We had to have a girly moment.”

He turns and sees Charlotte leaning her head against William’s sh
oulder and then rolls his eyes.

“Girls,” he m
umbles. “Such strange species.”

“Am I sitting with you or not?” I ask.

He turns and blinks at me. “Well, that was direct.”

I smile. “Sorry, Charlotte must be rubbing off on me and my lunch is going cold.”

He eyes my egg sandwich and scowls at me. “You’re so funny, Rose.”

I dump my tray on the table and pull out my chair. “I know.”

“Modest too, I see.”

I stick
my tongue out at him and peel my sandwich box open.

He leans back casually in his chair and smiles at me.

“What?” I ask.

“What was your girly moment about?”

I shake my head. “You don’t want to know.”

“Oh
, I think I do.”

“Trust me,” I say, “you don’t.”

“Try me.” I can tell by his tone of voice and the shape of his eyes that he’s teasing me, so I decide to call his bluff and satisfy my curiosity at the same time.

“Really?”

He nods.

I shrug. “Okay. You asked for it.” I put my sandwich down and flick some crumbs from off my fingers at the same
time that he swigs his can of Coke. “Charlotte was talking to me about sex.”

Cabe spits w
hatever remains of Coke he had in his mouth all over me and the table.

“Sorry,” he laughs
, as he grabs some paper towels and wipes the mess up off the table. “You caught me off guard.”

I smile.
“Told you that you didn’t want to know.”

“It’s not that,” he says quickly. “It’s just the way you came out with it.”

I roll my eyes and take a quick bite of my sandwich.

“So, what exactly was it about sex
that you were talking about?”

I shrug, trying to make
it seem like I’m not really affected by this topic of conversation. “Oh you know…this and that.”

He smiles. “I’m not sure I know what ‘this and that’ is.”

“Okay, Charlotte was betting that you’re not a virgin.”

He grins devilishly. “Was she now
?”

I nod.
“Yup.”

“And did you spill all of my dirty secrets
?”

I look up and shrug as I try to figure out where I want this conversation to actually go. “No, but it did make me think,” I say honestly.

He raises his eyebrows at me. “Go on.”

“Well, when we were on the beach you said you ‘could’ have had one-night stands
, but that you thought they might lead to feelings.”

He nods.

“So,” I continue, “I assumed you hadn’t, but I guess I could be wrong.”

He sits for a moment and flicks the ring of his
soda can. “Would it bother you if I’d had sex before?”

Before I can answer him
, Gabriella saunters over and pushes her hand through his hair. I glare at her over his head.

“Gabriella,” he says
, lifting her hands off his head. “Stop it.”

“Oh come on
, Cabe. We don’t need to keep pretending. We can tell everyone about us.”

His eyes shoot across the table to me. “There’s nothing to tell.”

Gabriella flicks her hair and then slides herself around him until she’s sitting on his knee. “Don’t be coy, Cabe. It doesn’t suit you.”

Charlotte is sitting
on the other side of the room, shaking her head at me. I know what she’s thinking. I know she’s wondering why I keep going back to Cabe, even though there is some reason why he isn’t telling Gabriella to take a hike. I roll my eyes, grab my sandwich, and get up.

“Rose, wait.”

I am not going to be made a fool out of. Not by Cabe and certainly not by Gabriella.

“Rose Williams
, just stop walking and wait!” he yells.

I freeze. Everyone else in the cafeteria stops eating or talking and turns to see what Cabe Evans is shouting about. When I turn around
, I see Cabe push Gabriella roughly off him, and then he stands up on the table and calls out my name again. I look around and cringe. This is not good. I walked away because I didn’t want a scene, and now it looks like we’re going to have a full-out fight in the middle of the cafeteria. He launches himself off the table and strides toward me.

I brace myself for an argument
, but instead he grins at me and slowly lifts my chin with his fingers. I can feel every pair of eyes on us and it makes my palms feel clammy. Cabe smiles softly at me, and I can see his eyes moving from side-to-side as he studies me.  His eyes drop to my lips and then his head starts moving down. Oh my God, I think, what is he doing and why is he doing it in the middle of the cafeteria?

I watch his eyes start to close and then I feel our lips connect
. Even though I know everyone’s eyes are on us, I feel myself being taken over by his mouth. His lips move in perfect rhythm with mine and when I feel his tongue brush my bottom lip, I almost crumble there and then. We kiss and it’s not just any sort of kiss, it’s a take-your-breath-away sort of kiss. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest and I can feel the way my body arches into him, eagerly searching to be as close to him as it possibly can. He moves his hand from my face and places it gently on my hip before roughly pulling me into him. Just as I think he’s going to stop, he sucks my tongue. My eyes flash open in shock, just in time to see him smiling against my mouth as he slowly and torturously pulls away.

Withi
n seconds, the whole cafeteria is clapping and cheering. Cabe’s soccer teammates are banging on the table and making weird animal noises. I glance down at the floor and feel utterly embarrassed. I smile at Cabe and the rest of the people who are cheering along, and then walk slowly out of the cafeteria.

“Hey!” Cabe calls. “Will you please stop making me follow you everywhere?”

I stop outside my locker. “That was embarrassing.”

“I don’t care if you were embarrassed. I wanted everyone
to know that we’re together, especially Gabriella. She won’t take a hint.”

“So, we’re together?”
I ask.

He smiles. “Well,
I
certainly thought we were.”

I roll my eyes. “I didn’t mean that I didn’t want to be. I just mean
t that I didn’t know, since we hadn’t said anything to each other.” And now I sound like a dork.

Cabe smiles at me. “
I don’t just kiss any girl like that, you know.”

I can’t help but smile back. “I should hope not.”

“Well, now it’s settled then,” he says with a slow, sexy smile.

I blink at him. “Um
, okay.”

“Good,” he
says with another smile, “and don’t worry about Gabriella. I haven’t so much as hugged her, let alone done anything else with her.”

I huff. “I don’t want to know.”

He looks down at me and raises one eyebrow. “You did think that though, didn’t you? You thought something had gone on?”

I take a deep breath. “Yes.”

“Do you think that now?”

“No, I guess not.”

“Good, because I haven’t had sex, kissed, or touched anyone at this school, Rose. I don’t like secrets, and I wouldn’t want you walking around wondering who I had or hadn’t slept with.”

I nod. “Well, thanks.”

He smiles sarcastically at me. “No problem. I’m glad we sorted that out.”

I slam my locker shut.
“Yup, me too.”

He grins and quickly kisses my cheek. “I’ll see you later.”

The music is blaring out of the speakers that sit proudly at each corner of the pub, making me feel like I can actually feel my heart thumping in my chest. I hate loud music.

“Why do you look like you’re about to puke?” asks Riley, as he comes to stand next to me.

I put my drink down onto the table and shake my head. “I’m fine.”

“Is it because you
snogged Rose in front of everyone?”

“Snogged?”

He nods. “That’s what you lot say, isn’t it?”

I laugh. “Yeah, we do.
If you’re twelve.”

Riley shrugs. “You can’t blame a guy for trying.”

“You don’t need to try,” I tell him. “You are a big enough idiot all on your own.”

“Shut up,” he says quickly. “Here comes the fag.”

“Riley,” I hiss. “Don’t call him that.”

“What? He is one, isn’t he?”

I shake my head and nod at Ashley as he comes walking towards me. I notice three girls trailing behind him and roll my eyes. He gets more girls than Riley does. Maybe that’s why Riley doesn’t like him, I think to myself.

“Hey,” Ashley says, as he takes a seat opposite me. “This is Frankie, Vicki
, and Tara.”

The three girls stare open-mouthed as their eyes move between me and Riley. I glance at the three blondes and say, “Hi,” before turning my attention back to Ashley. I don’t bother waiting to see if they say anything back to me.