Existing (21 page)

He doesn’t talk about Rose like some of the other boys do, even though I’m sure he feels the same about
her as they do. They desire her and he even defends her against them and tells them to shut up when they’re bantering like boys usually do. He obviously respects her too much to speak about her that way and it makes me like him even more.

I’m curious
though about why he’s started paying attention to her. If what Charlotte says is true, then why has Cabe Evans allowed his head to be turned by Roisin? I mean, I know she’s beautiful. I know she stands out in a crowd, but there are other attractive girls that I’ve watched knock on his door or approach him when he’s playing soccer with his friends in the park. What is it about Roisin that’s intrigued him so much? I’m pretty sure he’s not playing games with her and I hope that I’m right. This is the first boy that has paid her any attention and I know she likes him. It would ruin her and probably shatter any hope she has of trusting another boy ever again if he was doing all this as some sort of joke.

I also know that he has secrets of his own. On the outside
, he’s a normal, happy guy with lots of friends, good looks, and decent grades, but I’m sure that he’s troubled by something. I have no idea what, but I’m hoping it’s nothing bad. I want to be right about Cabe as much as I want Roisin to be happy. Something tells me that he’s the one that can get her to her happy place. I just hope I’m right.

As much as it killed me to watch Hallie pelt my daughters back with a rake
, I’m glad that she was forced to reveal it to Charlotte. I can tell that Charlotte is suspicious, and so is Cabe by the looks of things. People need to start noticing. People need to start asking questions. As much as Roisin is hiding it to protect Ava, she’s also protecting Hallie. I know the family will be torn apart if it comes out that Hallie beats Roisin, but at least my daughter will be able to escape her living nightmare.

I stand in the bathroom, keeping myself invisible and watch
ing the pain shoot across my daughter’s face. I can’t stand to look at her back. I couldn’t watch when she first took a shower after Hallie had attacked her with that rake. It was too painful to watch her suffering and not being able to do anything about it. I feel so sorry for her that I want to cry until I have no tears left. The only thing I can do to try and help her is to make this stop. The only way I can make it stop is by making sure the truth comes out.

I need Gina.

I need Charlotte to invite Roisin over again, but I can’t influence her like that. I can’t influence either of them. I’m hoping Gina’s curiosity gets the better of her and that she seeks Roisin out for herself. That’s the only hope I have right now.

The girls are all sitting around me at a round table in the cafeteria, giggling and talking excitedly about the beach party later.

“They’re
having a barbeque and everything,” adds Cora when the conversation dies down. “I wonder who’s going to get the food.”

“Probably Mickey,” replies Charlotte
, glancing at me. “His Dad works in that shop and gets cheap meat.”

“Oh yeah,” says Cora
, smiling again. “Course he does.”

“Are you coming tonight?”

I turn my head slowly toward Charlotte and shake my head. “I can’t. Sorry.”

“Why not?” asks
Hannah. “It’s always a good party down at the beach. We build a little bonfire and have food and stuff. Something exciting always happens at a beach party.”

“Yea
h,” adds Cora, “last year, Tara, a girl from my Math class had sex in the sea with Tommy and while they were doing it, someone stole their clothes, so they had to walk around the beach naked while they looked for them.”

I shake my head. “I d
on’t know who either of them is, but I can’t go. I’ve already made plans. Sorry.”

Charlotte looks at me and gives me
a faint smile. “You alright?” she whispers so the others can’t hear.

I nod. “Yeah, my Dad wants us all to have a big family meal toda
y because he’s been working lots and we haven’t seen him much.”

She looks at me w
arily as if she can sense my lie. “There’ll be others.”

I smile. “Sure there will. Y
ou can count me in for the next one.”

“Good,” she says as the others all start talking excitedly again.

I stand with my face turned toward the sun and revel in the feeling of warmth that settles onto my skin as I watch all the innocent little faces running out of the school doors. As usual, Ava is last.

“Hi Rose,” she says
, running up and wrapping her arms around my legs. “Guess what I did today?”

“
Oooh,” I say while pretending to think. “Um, did you dissect a rat?”

“
Eww,” she laughs, wrinkling her face up. “No, that’s gross.”

“U
m, did you win a race in sports or something?”

Ava
laughs. “I’m not you, Rose.”

I ruffle her hai
r with my hands. “I give up.”

“I draw a picture of you.”

“Drew,” I correct.

She smirks at me. “I drew you.”

“You did?” I ask through a smile. “Can I see?”

“Sure,” she says
, pulling her backpack from off her shoulders and unzipping it. “Here it is.”I take the picture from out of her hands and study the yellow blob that’s in the center of it with long, brown wiry curls that she’s drawn on the head. “Is my belly really that round?” I ask with a smile.

“Only when you’ve eaten a big meal.”

I laugh and hand the picture back to her. I watch as she fumbles with her bag and the zipper before she looks up with a proud smile on her face.

“Rose,” she says
, taking my hand, “can we go somewhere before we go home?”

I pull my phone out of my pocket. “Sure, let me just text your Mom to tell her we won’t be home for dinner.”

I tap a quick text telling Hallie that I’m taking Ava out to eat and stash my phone back in my pocket, not expecting a reply from her. I’ll be surprised if she even notices we’re not home, never mind acknowledging my text.

“So, where do you
want to go, Ava?”

“Can we go to the beach? It’s nice and sunny.”

“Um, not really.” I can’t go to the beach because I’ve told everyone I’m having a family dinner at home. “We don’t have anything to do on the beach.”

“We don’t need anything; we can just play with
the sand or something.” She blinks up at me, silently begging me but I can’t do it.

“Sorry
, Ava, I’m not in the mood for the beach today.”

I hear her sigh and feel a pang of guilt for being selfish and worrying about what my friends will think if they see me. I’ve never done that before. I’ve never had to worry what people at school might think and now
that I have made friends, I guess I’ll just have to deal with everything that comes with that.

“Are you still
feeling sick?” she inquires.

I shake my head a little. “Not really. I just don’t think I can run around the beach and I would prefer it if we had a ball or something to play with.”

She nods. “Okay, so what can we do?”

I breathe in the salt-
filled air and smile. “How about we go to Pizza á Fetta?”

I watch her eyes
widen in surprise. “Really? You mean that?”

“Of course I do. I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t.”

“Cool,” she says. “Can I have a pizza all to myself?”

“
Yup,” I smile, “and as much soda and ice cream as you want.”

She grips my hand and swings my arm. “You’re the best
, Rose.”

We walk t
hrough the backstreets hand-in-hand, as we wind our way to the restaurants in the center of town. It’s not miles away from the beach, but I guess if they’re having a barbeque on the beach, then they won’t be anywhere near a pizza place.

We walk up to the front door
, but I can already tell there is something wrong. There are no lights on inside the building and some of the windows have been covered with newspaper.

“What’s going on?” asks
Ava.

I walk up to the do
or and read the handwritten sign that someone has stuck onto the inside of the door.

“They’re renovating
,” I inform her, “they’ll be open again next week.”

“That’s not fair. I really wanted a pizza.”

“I know,” I say, trying to soothe her, “how about we got to the Lumberyard Grill instead? They do those stone pizzas.”

She sticks her bottom lip out in a pretend sulk
, but I know she’s not really that bothered about where we eat. “Okay.”

We round the corner onto St
. Hemlock Street and walk slowly past the Insomnia coffee shop and Pig ‘n’ Pancake breakfast diner until we get to Third Street.

We walk into the grill and take
a seat in a booth on the right-hand side next to the window. I quickly glance around and realize that half of Ava’s school seems to be here tonight. I figure we’ll be waiting a while for our food so I focus my attention on the creek that runs at the side of the restaurant while Ava picks what she wants from the menu.

“Should
we share a pizza and fries?” she asks, peeping her big, Bambi-brown eyes over the menu.

I nod. “Which one
are you thinking of getting?”

“The meat lover’s
one.”

“Okay,” I smile. “I’ll go and order and get us some drinks. Do you want
a coke?”

“Yes
, please.”

I walk over the wooden floor and stand in the
line to order. I can’t believe how many people are here on a weeknight.

“Rose?”

I turn my head toward Ava, who seems much further away than I thought I had left her.

“Can I get a juice instead of coke
, please?” I can’t believe she’s shouting across the restaurant and find myself smiling at her and how oblivious she still is to things like that.

“Sure,” I call back
, equally as loud.

I turn back around and hear
my name being called from the opposite side of the restaurant. I can feel my eyes scanning quickly over the faces until a pair of silver circles forces my gaze to stick. I see him look over to Ava and then back to me. He holds his hand up in a sort of frozen wave and smiles. The gesture is simple, but I can feel the butterflies fluttering in my belly. I wave back quickly and turn away, focusing my attention on the bald head that’s standing directly in front of me.

“Rose.”

I sigh and turn back toward Ava.

“Can I get strawberry and vanilla i
ce cream for dessert too, please?”

I nod and take a step forward as the
line gets shorter. I can’t believe Cabe is here and has no doubt worked out that I’ve lied to my friends. I can still hear my breathing rasping in and out through my mouth in reaction to the sight of him sitting with a group of friends, looking relaxed and comfortable in his jeans and t-shirt. I make sure my eyes don’t roam over to that side of the room again and concentrate on what’s directly in front of me instead.

Ten minutes later
, I finally sit back down at our table and pass Ava her drink.

“You
took forever up there,” she complains.

“I know,” I say
, placing the silverware and the napkin in front of her. “It’s busy.”

“Lot
s of my friends are in here. There’s Fredericka.”

I look over to wher
e she’s pointing and see a pale-faced girl with strawberry blonde hair and a face full of freckles.

“She’s my friend when we do sports. She’s not very good either.”

“Oh dear,” I say, trying not to smile. While Ava is very gifted academically, she’s definitely not talented athletically.

“Meat lover’s
pizza and fries, Miss?”

I look up and smile at the waitress. “
Wow, that was quick.”

She smiles. “We aim to please. I apologi
ze if you had to wait in the line.”

“That’s okay, thanks.” I s
huffle the drinks from the center of the table to make room for the plates. “We’re sharing, so if you could just put the food in the middle that would be great.”

She nods and does as I’ve
asked. “We’ll bring your dessert over when you’ve finished. Is there anything else I can get you?”

I glance at the small
bucket of condiments and spy the ketchup. “We’re good, thank you.”

“Enjoy your meal
, Miss.”

Ava
smiles widely at me. “This looks amazing.” She picks up a huge slice of pizza that’s too big for her little hands to hold and shovels it into her mouth, making the tomato sauce smear all over her face.