Existing (14 page)

Charlotte
’s doing enough talking for the two of us, which means I’m quite happy sitting in the back and not having to talk.

I turn to look out
of the small window to the left of my head. I see the beach as it curves gently around the bends of the land. The sea basks in its deep orange glow as the sun begins to sink into it. I see the library and the Wal-Mart that I went to earlier in the week, and then the car seems to pick up speed as we travel down the main road and past the rolling hills and towering trees.

“How far away is it?” I ask.

Ben turns his head slightly and smiles at me. “There you are, Rose. I didn’t think you were going to talk to us.”

“Sorry,” I say.
“I guess I just don’t know you.”

“Sure you do,” he says with a laugh. “Well, you know Ashley anyway and you can get to know me pretty quickly.”

I blink, trying to think of the faces that I’ve looked at this last week. I’ve seen so many that they have all started to blur into the same face. Except for one. There is one out of all of them that I have remembered in great detail. Especially those eyes and the way they look at me as if they can see right through me.

“I can’t remember if I’ve already met you Ben, so I’m sorry.”

Ashley chuckles from the seat in front of me. “That’s okay. We know
you
, Rose, and we have another five minutes before we get to the party.”

I nod. “Whose party is it
?”

“
Zav’s,” Charlotte says, leaning over to squeeze my hand.

“Zav?
” I repeat. “What sort of name is Zav?”

“His name is Xavier. With
a ‘X’ but he doesn’t like it.”

“
Ohh,” I say. “Right.”

“So where did
you come from, Rose?” Ben asks.

“What do you mean?”
I ask, feeling a frown creep across my face.

Ben smiles and turns right down a street. There are four or five huge houses all situated opposite us as we drive down the road. I can see the sea rolling in waves behind them.

“You’re not from Oregon, are you?”

“Oh, no, I lived in Utah,” I reply.

I notice a congregation of cars of all different shapes and sizes parked outside the house at the very end. White fairy lights fill the branches of the trees that line the path to the front door.

“How come you moved?”
he pushes.

He turns the car around and parks on the grass at the sid
e of the house. “My Dad decided he wanted a change of scenery.”

“Cool,” he says
, switching the engine off. “And that didn’t bother you at all? Moving schools and stuff?”

I glance quickly at Charlotte
, who seems to be listening as intently as the boys. “No, not really.”

“I think that’s enough questions for now
, Ben.” Ashley turns around and smiles at me. “You ready, ladies?”

Charlotte takes a deep breath, reaches into her bag
, and pulls out a small bottle of vodka. “Ready,” she says with a grin.

Ashley gets out of the car and flicks a switch
, making the seat in front of me shoot forward. A big hand appears in front of my face. I take it and am grateful for the strength of his arm as he pulls me out of the car, ensuring I keep my dignity.

“Thanks.” I stand up straight and pull m
y dress down that finishes halfway down my thighs and feel my thin heels wobbling in the soft grass.

He grins at me and lets his eyes fall down my body.
“You look amazing.”

I glance down at my dress to try and hide my blu
shing cheeks. “Thanks,” I whisper.

He laughs and offers his arm for me. I smile and link my arm through his. Both Ashley and Ben are very attractive and both look as if they hit the gym every night with their broad backs and round shoulders. Even though
Ashley told me he was gay, I don’t believe him. He looks at women; I’ve seen him. Maybe he’s bisexual, I think to myself.

Ben and Charlotte appear at our side. As we step across the grass
, Ben’s foot gets caught in some leaves and he trips. We all watch his legs in slow motion as they fumble in front of each other. He eventually retains his balance without falling into the mud, but all of us are laughing at him.

“Alright,” he says
, straightening his shirt. “Nothing to laugh at now. Ben didn’t fall over. Ben may have looked like a dick trying not to fall over, but Ben is fine now.”

I feel a frown start to crinkle up my forehead at the same time that a giggle starts to uncoil in my belly. “Why are you referring to yourself in the third person?”

Ashley throws his head back and laughs. “He’s been doing that all day! Come on guys, there’s a party waiting for us.”

He’s still chuckling at the side of me as we walk. I can feel his arm and see his
shoulders shaking as he silently recalls the image of Ben skipping and dancing across the grass in his head. The fact that he’s still laughing and doing such a poor job of hiding it makes me giggle. Then Charlotte starts to laugh too, which makes Ashley explode at the side of me. I can feel myself laughing hysterically and can’t help but think what an idiot I was to purposely avoid making friends at my old school.

We are all still laughing as we finally step onto the concrete path.

“Ben,” says a deep voice.

I turn with my arm still linked in Ashley’s and stop laughing when I see Cabe standing in front of us.

“Hey, Cabe,” Ben says, shaking Cabe’s hand. “This is Rose and Ashley, and you already know Charlotte.”

Cabe turns towa
rd me and frowns, looking annoyed. “Hello, Rose.”

“Hello
, Cabe.”

He cocks his head toward
Ashley and says to me, “I see you’ve already got a helping hand. I’ll see you inside.” He nods at the others and pushes his way past us until he disappears into the house.

Ben steps forward and nudges Ashley with his shoulder. “What’s his beef?”

Ashley frowns. “I have no idea. Don’t really know the guy.”

I glance behind the boys toward
Charlotte, who grins at me.

“What?” I mouth.

She mimics Ashley and me linking arms and raises her eyebrows. I shake my head.

The music is pumping out
of the speakers so loud that I can feel my own heartbeat banging around in my chest. My eyes scan over the crowd where couples seem to be intertwined with each other, their faces merging into one, and groups of people are grinding and dancing against each other. I weave my way through them and follow the boys and Charlotte into a brightly lit kitchen. Five trays of alcohol are laid out on the island in the middle of the kitchen with buckets of ice in the sinks.  There are cans of beers, bottles of wine coolers, wine bottles, miniature vodkas and whiskeys, and then bottles of coke and lemonade to choose from.

“What do you ladies want to drink?”
Ben asks, while opening a can of beer for himself.

“I’ll have
a vodka,” says Charlotte.

“Rose?” he asks.

“I’ll just have a beer, please.”

Ashley grins at me. “I love a woman who likes a beer.”

“I thought you love men?” I whisper.

Ashley grins at me.
Ben passes us our drinks and then I watch his eyes roam around the room. When they stop, I look to see what’s caught his attention.

A girl wearing a tiny, strapless black dress that is being held up by an enormous pair of breasts walks quickly into the room
, making her poker straight, white-blonde hair fan out behind her. Her legs are nearly as long as I am tall and the black shoes she’s wearing must be about five inches high. She looks about three years older than us and I wonder if she just looks older than she is. If she is older, then why is she here at a party for teenagers? She reminds me of Destiny from my old school. I shake my head and watch her breeze into the room, picking up a miniature bottle of whiskey with confidence I would die for. She pulls a small glass from off the counter and pours the liquid in to it. Even the way she pours a drink is sexy and without a doubt, I know she knows it. She has the attention of every boy in the room.

My eyes dart around the room until I find a pair of silver ones fixed on me. Cabe smiles but is then lost from my view as the tall girl brushes her hand across his face and hands him the whiskey.
When I see her touch him like that, I realize it’s the same girl that was sitting on his knee in the cafeteria the other day.

I’m so stupid, I think
, looking away quickly. Of course someone like Cabe is going to be looking for someone like her. The image of the two of them side-by-side makes me feel sick. They’re equally as attractive as the other. I can’t believe I’ve allowed myself to think about Cabe in that way. I feel like a fool.

“She’d get it all day long.”

I almost choke on the sip of beer I’ve just taken as I blink up at Ben. Charlotte and Ashley grin.

“What?” he says, looking at
me. “You have to admit she’s stunning. Perfect, even?”

My eyes flick across the room again and watch as she whispers something into Cabe’s ear. She giggles and flicks her hair
, but Cabe’s face remains perfectly still. I watch her lower her face down to his and then have to look away. I can’t watch her kiss him. I can’t watch him kiss her back. The fact that this bothers me means I’ve let myself get carried away. I like him. I shouldn’t like him. I’ve been stupid. I promised myself that I’d never go near another boy for as long as I live. Why have I let my body and heart betray my mind? Stupid heart. Stupid feelings.

I nod
at Ben. “She’s very pretty.”

“She’s also a complete bitch.”

I take a sip of my beer and glance at Charlotte, who has now suddenly decided to join the conversation. “She’s a really, nasty bitch, but is a totally different girl when it comes to boys. And she’s only interested in one thing and one thing only.”

Ben laughs. “That’s what all boys want girls to be interested in. She sounds like fun to me.”

Charlotte sighs. “You’re so shallow.”

Ben and Ashley laugh at the same time
, causing Charlotte to shake her head at me. “Come on, Rose. Let me introduce you to some people who don’t constantly have sex on the brain.”

“All boys have sex on the brain,” calls Ben. “
You’d make great girlfriends if you realized that and appreciated it when going out with guys.”

She grabs my hand and leads me around
the house for the next half hour. We meet up with Cora and Hannah, who are dressed similarly to us in pretty, colored dresses but seem far drunker than we are as they sway and giggle behind us. I meet Zav, who looks like he’s just fallen out of a surfer boy catalog, and his group of friends who all cheer and wave drunkenly at us. The house is amazing. It’s a bigger version of a beach hut. Bare wood and exposed brick greets me around every corner.

“Where’s the bathroom?” I ask as we walk up the stairs.

“Just up here, I think.”

“Charlotte, who is your new friend?”

Charlotte sighs and stops on the step in front of me. She turns around and narrows her eyes. “Her name is Rose.”

She starts to walk back up the stairs again and I follow
, hearing footsteps suddenly behind me. When I get to the top, I feel a hand brush my thigh.

“Hey
!” Charlotte grabs my hand and pulls me further along the landing. “Don’t touch her like that!”

The boy with long, black hair l
aughs and wobbles closer toward us. “Why not? If she’s going to wear a dress like that, then it’s just an invitation to be touched.” I can hear the slur in his words and the whiff of alcohol that breezes out of his mouth and over my face. 

“Just because she’s got a dress on
that shows some leg does not mean you have the right to touch her legs, or any part of her for that matter. What’s wrong with you, other than the fact that you’re a complete moron?!”

“Do you know him?” I ask
, watching him laugh and stagger toward me.

She sighs. “He goes to our
school, but I’m not friends with him because he’s a total loser!”

“I’m no
t a loser,” he says with a grin. “I just always get what I want and I want her.” He stabs his finger through the air toward me.

“You’re not having her,” says Charlotte
, throwing her hand protectively around my waist. I’m so out of my depth here that I don’t know what to do. Is this how boys normally act when they’re drunk? Is this what Cabe is like when he’s had a few whiskeys? Will he be slurring his words and touching the girl with long legs?

He lunges forward and grips onto my shoulders.

“Get off her!” Charlotte growls. “Ben!” she calls. “Ashley!”

The boy pushes me back and slams me against the wall. He leans in an
d breathes heavily into my ear.