Existing (5 page)

She grins. “Don’t worry, we can show you around.”

We? I’m grateful that I haven’t been ignored or singled out as a weirdo just yet, but I’m not sure I’m ready to be friends with someone who has lots of other friends. I’m not sure I can cope with the attention or the requirement of conversation with strangers. Then I think back to my lonely days wandering through my old school and the bullying and the restlessness in my body when I watched Zak in the cafeteria, and I find myself smiling at Charlotte.

“That’ll be great. Thanks.” I did say I was going to try and change
, I guess.

She beams at m
e and continues to talk non-stop, filling me in on the school gossip for the rest of the time that students approach the front of the room to play with the skeleton.

When the bell rings to signal the end of the two hour class
, I already know who is dating who, even though I don’t know who the ‘who’s’ are. I also know about the parties that happen every month and the people that I need to make friends with to guarantee an invitation.

If I hadn’t already figured out that Charlotte was popular from our chat in class
, then I certainly know it now. We can’t walk more than two steps down the hallway before people stop to chat to her and ask if she’s going shopping this weekend, or if she knows what she’s wearing to the next beach party. I’m feeling a little out of my depth, especially when Charlotte introduces me to every other student that she talks to.

When we finally get away
from the crowds and head toward the Calculus classroom, Charlotte links her arm through mine and grins. “Sorry about all that. I can tell you’re a bit shy, but you really don’t need to be. I’ll look after you.”

I
smile at her. “What if I don’t want looking after?”

She rolls her eyes. “Just trust me when I say I have a sixth sense for these
sorts of things.”

“U
m, okay.”

She tugs at my arm and laughs. “I like you
, Rose.”

I say nothing
, but think to myself that I like her too.

“Who’s your new friend?”

We both stop abruptly in the corridor when a boy blocks our path.

“Get out of our way
, Michael,” growls Charlotte.

He doesn’t move and continue
s to run his eyes up and down my body. I frown and look away, trying to fight the feeling to scratch at my skin. “Who is your friend, Charlotte?” he asks again.

She sighs. “This is the new girl
, Roisin, or Rose for short. Now move out of my way before I knee you so hard in your little Michael that you won’t be able to walk for a week.”

I can feel my eyes widen in their sockets at her outburst
, but at the same time feel a smile start to creep across my face.

Michael smirks
and folds his arms across his muscled chest. “Whatever. I wouldn’t say no to Roisin here feeling my Michael. And it’s not little,” he winks at me.

My mouth hangs open in shock. I’m not stupid in the sense that I know boys think like that, but do they all just come out and say it?

“Ugh,” she huffs. “I’m warning you.”

Michael turns and grins at me
but soon stops when Charlotte slams the end of her foot into his shin.

“Ouch!” he says
, bending down to rub his leg. “What was that for?”

“For being a dick.”
Charlotte shakes her head and pulls me around Michael, who continues to crouch on the floor.

“Just ignore him,” she orders as we walk quickly down
the empty hallway. “I dated him last year and he got all moody when I dumped him. He thinks he’s far too good for any girl at this school, so you can imagine what me dumping him did to his ego.”

“Oh yeah,” I say
, trailing behind her. “He certainly looks to have reconsidered his approach to girls.”

She laughs and pushes
her way through a bright red door.

“Charlotte, y
ou’re late.”

We both stop an
d stare at the tall, thin woman standing at the side of her desk. She’s looking at us like we’ve just crawled out from under a dirty rock.

“Sorry
, Miss,” she says quickly as she squeezes my arm. “I’ve just had class with Roisin and as I was heading here, I realized she was lost so I went to rescue her.”

Realizing what Charlotte is doing,
I look up and smile my most innocent smile at the scary teacher.

“That was very kind of you.” The teacher narrows her eyes in suspicion at Charlotte but then clears her face and looks at me. “You must be Roisin?”

“Yes,” I say.

“You can call her Rose for short though
,” blurts Charlotte.

The teacher raises her eye
brows. “Oh I can, can I?”

“Yup,” she says
, moving away from me and taking her seat in the center of the room.

The teacher clears her throat. “Right
then, Roisin, welcome to Calculus. I’m Miss Ryan.”

I smile again
, not sure if I should say anything or not and glance quickly around the class. The only face I recognize is Charlotte’s and another girl who was in Anatomy with us.

Miss Ryan looks a
round the room and directs me to sit next to a boy with black, square glasses and braces on his teeth. He’s sitting on the front row, directly in front of her desk. “You can sit next to Ethan today. I was thinking of reviewing the seating plan anyway, so you’ll all be moved next class.”

Behind me, everyone groans
.

“Okay
,” she says walking back to her desk. “As promised, we’re having a mid-semester test today. Rosin, this might be a good chance for me to determine if you’ve been placed in the correct class or not.”

I nod as another wave of groans sound out behind me.

“That test was nasty.”

I smile at Charlotte as she picks a bowl of salad up fro
m off the buffet. Everything here is laid out for you to pick yourself and the food, which looks like it was cooked days ago, is kept warm on hot plates. I make a face at the vegetable lasagna.

“It’s much better than it looks,” she says as she picks
up a plate of it and dumps fries on the side. “How did you do on the test?”

“I though
t it was okay. I guess you could call me a bit of a nerd.”

She stops and looks me up and down.
“No way! Are you really?”

I shrug
, hoping she won’t make a big deal out of it. “Sometimes, I guess. I tend to do okay at school.”

She nods and moves away from t
he line and toward three cash registers that are manned by the saddest-looking women I have ever seen. I move past the lasagna and pick up a bowl of chicken stir-fry and egg noodles.

I could kick myself. I couldn’t stop listening to what she was saying to Charlotte in Anat
omy and then the second I walk in here, I find myself searching for her. What the fuck am I doing? I have rules for a reason, and for the last three years I’ve never even thought about breaking them. So why am I now testing the edge of my boundaries?

I pick my tray up, suddenly not really wanting anything more than my salad
, and head towards the tills. I’m too busy arguing with myself to think about where I’m going before I collide heavily with someone.

The plates wobble uncontrollably on my tray and I have to quickly flick one of my wrists to
try and stop them from falling off before the sound of broken crockery, followed by whoops and cheers, echoes out across the large hall. Fuck. Why did it have to be her? I watch the heat burst onto her cheeks as I survey the mess on the floor in front of me.

“Shit,” I hiss.
I crouch down and start to gather the food back onto my plate. Roisin bends down to try and help me.

“I’m so sorry,”
she whispers, picking up a piece of soggy lettuce and handing it to me. When I look down and take it from her, I can see her hands trembling. What is it that she’s so scared of? I stop gathering the food and look at her. When she realises I’m not doing anything, she stops and hesitates for a few seconds before lifting her deep, brown eyes up to mine.

“Don’t worry about it,” I tell her. “It was my fault for not looking where I was going.”

She smiles shyly at me and starts to pick the food up again. The whole canteen is silent. I can’t even hear a fork scraping a plate as we pile the rest of my food back onto my plate.

“Don’t tell me the new girl is already falling for you?” says a voice chuckling at the side of us.

She freezes and stares up at Riley with wide, scared eyes. She starts to furiously shake her head and stands up. I follow her. I can tell she’s going to bolt. If she bolts, then she may as well stick a note onto her forehead telling people to call her a freak. I don’t know how I know, but I know that’s the last thing she needs right now.

“Actually
, Riley, it was me that knocked into her. She’s just got faster reactions than I have, so I guess you could say it was me falling for her.”

She grips the edge of her tray so tight that her knuckles turn white.

“I don’t blame you,” whistles Riley. He nods towards her and says, “Sorry, Rose.”

She
sort of half-shrugs and half-nods and watches him as he walks away from us. Before I can say anything else to her, she shoves her stir-fry and noodle-filled plate and tray into my hands.

“I’m really sorry,” she says again. “Just take my lunch.”

She starts to walk away and I know that I have to stop her. Before I even have a chance to think about what I’m doing, my arm shoots out. My hand immediately curls around her elbow and then I pull her roughly towards me. Her eyes widen in shock.

“Stay,” I breathe into her ear.

She pulls back a fraction but allows my hand to remain around her arm. “What?”

“Don’t run. If you run now, you’ll never be able to live it down.”

Her eyes move over my face as my words filter into her head. I bet she’s wondering how I knew that she was going to do it in the first place, but I’m pretty much betting everything I have that she won’t ask me.

“You’re English?” she asks
.

I laugh. I wasn’t expect
ing her to comment on my accent, but I’ll go with it if that’s the way she wants to send the conversation.

“Yes,” I answer.

She nods, accepting my response. “I won’t run.”

“Good,” I say
, pushing the tray back towards her.

“I’m really sorry.”

“It’s fine,” I say, hoping to dismiss it. I can still feel everyone’s eyes on us. “Accidents happen.” I wait until she grips the tray again and then I walk off.

I’m an idiot. A stupid, massive idiot and I just royally fucked up.

Charlotte waves at me as I weave through the tables. I smile and realize she’s sitting with two other girls at a table farthest away in the corner.

“Hi,” I say
as I sit down next to her.

“Girls, this is Roisin
, but we call her Rose. Rose, this is Cora and Hannah.”

Cora smiles and leans her elbows onto the table
, making her long blonde hair spread out over her shoulders. “So, it didn’t take you long to introduce yourself to the hottest thing in our year, did it?”

I pause with my fork in
mid-air and look at them. “The what?”

She nods toward the lunch line
. “Cabe Evans. The guy you just spent five minutes talking to.”

“Oh,” I say
, finally realizing what she’s talking about. “Yeah, he seems nice.”

Hannah
snorts and pulls her long black ponytail over her shoulder, twirling it quickly in her fingers. “Nice? He’s amazing!” She sighs and leans back in her seat. “I mean, just look at him.”

I follow her deep brown eyes and
we all turn to watch the muscles in Cabe’s arms flex and bulge as he picks up his tray. He nods toward another guy that walks past him and smiles, revealing a set of perfect, pearly white teeth. He looks like he belongs in a catalog, modeling the latest clothes and definitely not in a high school cafeteria.

“He was new two years ago
,” Charlotte informs me between mouthfuls of lasagna. “Every girl in our year and even the year above wants a piece of Cabe Evans but he doesn’t appear to want anyone.”

Cora sighs. “I’d let him have whatever he wants.”

Charlotte and Hannah laugh and nod in agreement. I glance quickly again at Cabe as he hands some money over to the woman at the register and find myself smiling.

As I walk to my C
hemistry class after lunch, the boy with the bright blue eyes from my Anatomy class walks up to me, stopping me in my tracks. I quickly glance around, suddenly realizing he’s stopped to talk to me. Butterflies suddenly spring to life in my stomach as I look into his eyes and at the scar that sneaks down the side of his forehead and over his temple.