Devotion (28 page)

“Absolutely. Are you sure you don’t think I’m being a meddlesome mother?”

Despite turmoil, affection poured forth in a deep laugh. “Never. Talk to you in just a bit.”

“Sounds great, honey. Love you.”

Excitement laced her tone. That helped Kellen do what needed to come next. Ending the connection to his mom, he reengaged his phone. He auto-dialed Juliet and she picked up on the second ring.

“Hey, Kellen.”

The sweet, gentle lilt of her voice left him to tingle and ache. “Hey, lo…Juliet.” He winced, wishing desperately he could call her
love
again. Fortunately, she didn’t seem to catch his stumble. “I just hung up from my mom. Do you have anything going on tonight?”

“No, actually I’m just starting dinner.” She took a sharp breath. “Wait a minute…is everything OK with May and Jack?”

“Yes—yes. They’re perfectly fine. Don’t worry.”

“Oh…good.”

Her relieved exclamation melted him. He loved the fact that she cared so much about his parents. If their marriage didn’t survive this nightmare, how would he ever explain it to his folks? Kellen braced and shut down that circuit of negativity.

Juliet continued. “Tell me what’s going on out west.”

“We can talk over dinner. The upshot is, they’d like us to come out for a visit in the next few weeks—before you’re too far along to travel—”

“Oh…ah…” Her discomfort returned and Kellen sighed. “We need to think about this, Kellen. Really. I’m not sure…”

Her words drifted off. Kellen stepped into the void. “We’ll figure things out—together.” He emphasized the last word and was met with a moment of contemplative silence.

“OK. Thanks for letting me know.”

“I didn’t want you to be blindsided if she calls you. Plus, I figured you’d want some time to think it over.”

He heard her breathe softly. “I appreciate that. I’m not trying to be difficult. I’m just confused, and I—”

“Juliet, you don’t even need to say it. I understand. I’ll see you in a few hours.”

Kellen hung up. He didn’t know whether to rejoice that she hadn’t rejected the idea out of hand, or weep bitterly over the losses he continued to endure.

****

Over dinner, Juliet listened while Kellen rehashed trip particulars.

“I’m concerned about you—and the baby. I’d feel better about taking a flight if you were cleared by Dr. Roth. She’s concerned about you.”

The subtle spices of basil, garlic, and tomato sauce warmed the air around the dinette. Seated across from Kellen, she looked up after scooping a fork full of eggplant parmesan from her plate. She arched a brow and offered a teasing smile—a ghost of what they had once been able to share so effortlessly. “I’ll call her tomorrow, but I’m not an invalid. I’ll be fine.”

She ate, and the serving dissolved against her tongue. Anxieties crested in. After savoring the bite, she pushed at her romaine salad, refocused on her plate rather than Kellen.

“You’re under enough stress,” he observed, and he sighed. “You don’t need this.”

“Neither one of us
needs
this, but we can’t beg off, and we certainly can’t alarm Jack and May by telling them what we’re going through—not when we haven’t even figured it out for ourselves yet.”

She looked up as Kellen set aside his fork and knife. His shoulders sagged, and Juliet experienced an itch to reach out, to soothe a gentle hand against his arm and lend comfort. She didn’t allow that emotional entrée. Instead, she leaned back in her chair, building a buffer of physical distance.

“Maybe there’s a purpose here. Maybe we need to look at this trip as a chance to catch up with your parents and get away from our routines for a while. That might help us.”

He regarded her steadily, his mouth a firm line. “You’re sure you’re on board?”

“Kellen, I love your parents. Loving them has always been an extension of the love I feel for you. Refusing their offer wouldn’t be right. It would send up all kinds of red flags.”

“I agree, but what about our anniversary? That’s going to be—difficult.”

Juliet slumped. “The anniversary will come at us no matter what we do or where we are.” She speared some greens dashed by raspberry vinaigrette. “It’ll just be a quiet dinner, with two people we love. It might even make the day more comfortable than if we were just…you know…
here
…”

The awkward phrasing couldn’t be helped, but pain touched Kellen’s eyes and left Juliet feeling bad. “We can make this work,” she added. “We
have
to. They’re my family, too.”

25

Once plans were finalized, Juliet felt like two weeks passed in a hurry. They were set to spend a week with Jack and May and the visit would conclude with a sumptuous dinner to celebrate Kellen and Juliet’s ninth anniversary.

During the drive to the airport, Juliet kept quiet. She noticed Kellen went introspective as well, though his mouth was taut. The subtle lines around his eyes were more pronounced as well, revealing his stress. His fingertips thumped restlessly against the gearshift on the console between them.

She looked out the passenger window, wanting to connect with him physically. Doing so in happier days would have been natural and expected; now she was unsure. The need became undeniable. Keeping one hand tucked on her lap, she slowly reached across the leather divider and settled her hand against his forearm.

He kept his focus on the road ahead, and sunglasses shielded his eyes, but she noticed the way he worked his jaw and swallowed hard. So, she gently increased her hold, sensing he needed the contact as much as she did.

The roadmap to Kellen’s thoughts was plain, a mirror of her own. Visiting California was going to be an excursion riddled by the anxiety of walking on eggshells so the elder Rossiters wouldn’t sniff out any problems and become concerned.

The flight was a whirlwind, featuring a bit of turbulence over the mountains, then a descent from the heights of a sun-drenched, pure blue sky. Juliet got a bit wobbly in the stomach toward the end of the journey, but at the moment queasiness hit, she felt the baby move. The reassurance kept her focused enough to fight back a touch of illness. She tenderly stroked her swollen stomach, calming herself, and connecting with the baby.

As the sun set behind the San Gabriel’s, they pulled up to Kellen’s childhood home, a place that remained much the same now as it had been the first time she saw it as his fiancée.

With her hand dutifully tucked into Kellen’s, Juliet followed him up the walkway to the entrance of a gracious brick colonial. Kellen’s mother swung the door wide and launched into Kellen’s arms with a happy exclamation. A sentimental lump clogged Juliet’s throat as she released Kellen’s hand and took a step backwards.

After the hug, Kellen stepped back and gestured toward their rental car. “I’ve got to grab the luggage. Be right back.”

May Rossiter nodded and embraced Juliet. May walked her inside, roping an arm around Juliet’s shoulders. “You look wonderful. How are you feeling? You must be dead on your feet after traveling.”

Juliet kissed May’s cheek, touched by the woman’s loving manner. “I’m fine. Don’t worry a bit.”

Jack Rossiter stepped into the entryway. His eyes lit up and he swept Juliet into a hug. “Boy, oh boy. Just when I think you can’t possibly get any more beautiful you go and prove me wrong.”

Juliet kept hold of his offered arm. “You sweet talker. I’ve missed you, Jack.” He was a silver-haired, more deeply lined version of his son—tall and lean, yet powerful in personality and presence.

Kellen entered the house, rolling two suitcases, the third piece, an oversized duffle, was slung across his shoulder. Kellen deposited their luggage in the entryway for the time being and greeted his dad with a tight embrace.

May had prepared snacks to eat, and for the next few hours, they settled in, sinking into the familiar ebb and flow of updates and memories. Juliet avoided any reference to troubles in their marriage, and they carefully masked any tensions. The amazing thing was that Juliet didn’t find the exercise to be difficult. Solidarity with Kellen shined a spotlight on the best aspects of their relationship.

“…I remember coming here with Kellen for the first time, to announce our engagement. I was terrified!”

Laughter coursed the room. Juliet and May were curled up on a large, overstuffed couch. Grogginess began to steal over Juliet, but she fought it, eager to spend time with May and Jack.

“You had nothing to worry about.” Jack’s firm assurance prompted Juliet to smile. She exchanged a tender look with Kellen, who sat in an easy chair next to his dad.

“I’m serious,” Juliet snared a carrot from the cracker, veggie, and dip tray. “I wanted to impress you, and let you know how much I loved your son. Everything had happened so quickly between us, and I kept wondering what on earth we’d all find to talk about.”

Juliet ate, and Jack harrumphed. “For better or worse, keeping a conversation going has never been a problem for me.”

May rolled her eyes. “You can say that again.”

Juliet’s gaze tagged Kellen’s once again. Their fingers bumped as they both reached for wedges of cheese and a pair of crackers.

“Besides, we certainly didn’t want you to get away.” Jack sipped from a mug of tea then set it back down on the end table. “After all…”

“Here we go,” Kellen muttered, giving his dad a playful nudge.

“She’s the daughter I always wanted,” sang Jack, Kellen, and May in perfect unison. Juliet blushed furiously, especially when she absorbed the intent way Kellen looked at her. His love reached out, touching her heart in every spot where she needed it most.

They stayed up late, talking until the evening ran deep and exhaustion overshadowed everything else. Juliet realized she needed to call it a night before too long so she rolled her shoulders and stretched. “If y’all don’t mind, I think I’m going to turn in.”

Kellen stood. “I’m pretty beat, too. Let’s pick this up again first thing, OK?”

“You bet,” Jack agreed. “I’m hoping you might be able to take a look at the sprinkler system tomorrow, Kellen. I’ve got a couple spigots along the side of the house that aren’t working right.”

“I’ll give it a look.”

Juliet squelched a grin. Kellen and Jack loved to putter, and take on whatever projects came up. Arm in arm with May, she quipped, “Two heads always being better than one, right?”

“There’s always strength in numbers.” May laughed and squeezed Juliet’s fingertips. Upstairs, they paused at the first closed door and May opened it wide. “I’ve got you two set up here in the guest room, as usual. Holler if you need anything, OK?”

Juliet stared at the queen-sized bed tucked beneath a large, open window. Not far away, a sitting area and adjoining bathroom basically provided them with a suite unto themselves. Right behind her, Kellen froze, their luggage in his care.

The one thing she had failed to consider in orchestrating this trip?

She would be sharing a bed with Kellen.

26

Sleeping arrangements that had been as natural as could be for years suddenly felt brand new—and evocative. At first, Juliet stretched as much space between their bodies as possible, timid about even brushing against him, afraid of the way her mind and body might betray her deepening reception.

But the next morning, she awoke to the weight of his arm tucked against her waist. She automatically snuggled against him. The intimacy stirred her with contentment and longing instead of tension.

So, she didn’t move right away.

Instead, she closed her eyes and enjoyed their connection.

“Mmm.” Kellen’s breath slid softly against her neck. “I’ve missed this so much…”

“Kellen…”

Fear hit her hard, landing in her voice, adding texture to that solitary word of warning.

Undeterred, he moved closer.

Juliet opened her eyes and watched in helpless suspense as he dipped his head. Full, beckoning lips came close, and closer still. Nestled beneath a cocoon of bed blankets and body warmed half-wakefulness, she struggled to maintain steady. She wanted him—so very much.

But…

“Kellen, we need to think, and…”

Light as a feather his lips dusted hers—not claiming, just gliding, and touching. Her blood seared through her veins, and she melted. A tender ache rippled through her body. Words fled.

“Kellen…” Once again, she breathed his name; this time in a helpless plea. Physically and emotionally she dissolved into surrender. He drew her forward, tugging gently against her waist. A pulse-beat of desire built steady and strong.

Caught off-guard and unprepared, she went blind to everything but the two of them. His love and tenderness, which she had longed for so desperately during these lost and lonely nights, was so close now. He offered her everything for which she most wished—

What are we doing?

The thought crashed in on her. So did the recognition of how far they had gone—and how quickly. Innocent physicality had left her mind spinning. Juliet fisted her hands against his chest. In motions almost drunken, she shoved Kellen and the blankets so she could tumble from the bed. Standing on wobbly knees, she cleared her throat and pushed hair back from her eyes. In quick, jerky motions, she slid on her robe.

Chloe. Cheating. Pain.

Three small words became a drumbeat that destroyed the joy of being in his arms again.

“Juliet…please come back.” The quiet, sleep roughened texture of his voice, the smoke of his gaze, became more of a temptation than she could bear. He pulled back the blankets, re-opening the space she had just vacated. The simple gesture caused her legs to tremble with want. “Come back to me.”

The deliberate double meaning of those words rammed home. She couldn’t tolerate the nearness, the flood of emotions both beautiful and wretched. It drove her crazy to feel his warmth again, to be enveloped by his scent and the sound of his breathing and the subtle shifts and gives of his body while he slept.