Devotion (37 page)
Once again, she nearly stood, but the stronger part of her wavered. Her legs shook so hard she couldn’t quite lift up from the pew. She couldn’t look at him, either. This moment would be cataclysmic if she followed through, and she knew it. “I…I want…” She couldn’t quite complete the request, though it filled her heart completely.
“Juliet…what do you want?”
Tears stung her eyes but didn’t fall. She pushed herself to take in air. “I want you to come with me, Kellen. Come up with me, please. There’s something I need to say to you, and God has to be there when I do. Will you come with me to the altar?”
She stood before he could answer. Her legs still trembled, but then she looked at Kellen while he nodded and slowly rose. Her attention rested on their joined hands and a supernatural power claimed the moment. She couldn’t resist this call to reclamation. Now that she had made the first step forward, she didn’t hesitate to continue.
Associate pastors had assembled. Despite the longer line in front of Pastor Gene, Juliet waited for him. He had counseled them both. He would understand this moment like no one else.
Confused, Kellen followed her toward the front of the church. “Are you sure you want to wait for him? Are you up to it?”
“Yes, absolutely.” She touched him with a smile, bolstered by his concern. Only two weeks had passed since Brittany’s birth, so she tired easily, but right now, she felt fine. Brittany was holding her own and continued to improve. Doctors expected her to be released within a couple weeks.
The closer they came to the spot where Pastor Gene stood, the more Juliet shored up her courage, knowing anxiety was the devil at work. With Kellen at her side, with her hand secure in his, she continued forward until at last they stepped up to Pastor Gene.
Offering them a welcoming smile and a nod, he encircled them both with his arms and they bowed their heads. “Precious Lord, thank You”—Pastor Gene began—“thank you for the love I feel, and the journey this couple has taken toward one another, and toward You.”
A vibrating silence ensued. Juliet took over from there. The words needed release so desperately they all but poured from her. “Kellen, you’ve come so far, and you’ve reemerged into the man I love, and always will. I want to commit to you my desire to do the same. I want to become, and remain, the woman you love. In order for that to happen”— she blew out unsteadily— “I need to ask you to forgive me. Please forgive me for the moments when I let you down, and didn’t support you the way you needed, and wanted.” At that point, she needed to see his eyes, so she lifted her head and tears began to fall.
Within the three-way prayer circle, Kellen leaned toward her and kissed her tear-moistened lips. “Completely forgiven. Completely. I swear to you now—I swear to you forever—you’re the most precious blessing God ever gave me. I will never, ever betray you again.” As Kellen spoke the words, as the reverence of them took her under, Juliet closed her eyes. “I promised you that in marriage, in front of God, in front of our family. I broke that vow, but my prayer remains that you’ll continue to trust me, and believe in me. Please, let me have the gift of your love all over again.”
“You already have it. I promise. I forgive you, too—sincerely, and with all that I am.”
Juliet was drained, grateful for the physical support both Kellen and Pastor Gene provided. Tears continued to fall, and Kellen released her just long enough to brush his thumb slowly beneath her eyes. His touch felt so beautiful and comforting.
“A second chance is all that matters to me,” Kellen concluded. “I can’t live in happiness without you.”
They reassembled their circle in a tight hold. “You make miracles happen, Lord.” Pastor Gene spoke. “I’ve seen it in the way Kellen and Juliet have determinedly reclaimed their marriage, and the love they share. All of this, we know, comes straight from You. Thank You for the faithful provision of Your hand in that which You ordain.”
“Amen,” came a three-way response that warmed Juliet to the core.
****
“I don’t want to leave,” Juliet whispered to Kellen. She sank back against the pew…the same pew, she now realized, that they had occupied long months ago when apathy, bitterness, and betrayal had nearly claimed them both.
Services had long since concluded and they occupied a now silent sanctuary. The lights had been turned off, leaving the interior bathed in milky light frosted by beams of sunlight cutting colorful patterns through the stained glass windows.
How different, she thought, from that rainy, awful day.
Now, Juliet closed her eyes against memories and let them fall away, harmless and ineffective against the happiness she felt.
“When we stood up there together, I felt like I was marrying you all over again.” Kellen’s declaration propelled Juliet to a level of contentment she couldn’t have dreamed possible. “I’m so grateful you found a way back to me.”
“You fought the battle, too, Kellen. I understand that now. You weren’t alone in what happened to our relationship.”
He sighed then shrugged. “I thought my faith would buffer me. In some ways it did, but not completely. I’m imperfect. I can’t expect to dodge sin, or be immune from the consequences of my actions because I’m a child of God. I’m human, and frailty is part of my package, but I never, ever meant to fall away from you, Juliet.”
“I didn’t mean to ever reach a point where our relationship was taken for granted.”
Kellen tipped his head back. For a silent moment, he looked around, taking in their surroundings. “Do you realize this is almost the exact spot where we sat the day you and I thought we had come to the end?”
Juliet rested her head against his shoulder. “Actually, I was just thinking about that.”
Kellen kissed the top of her head and curved his arm against the back of the pew, around her shoulders. Juliet tucked into him and focused on the simple wooden cross suspended above the rear of the altar.
“There’s no question He sheltered us through the storm, Juliet.”
“Thank you for fighting for me, Kellen. Thank you for fighting for us and our marriage when I just didn’t have the strength.”
He lifted away then and turned. Juliet sat up, focusing on his face while he cupped her hands in his and lifted them up, sliding his lips against her fingertips. “It’s like the butterfly analogy. Going still, hoping and praying, and waiting—giving it all to God and returning to obedience—was the only way I knew to give you the power to decide what would happen next. Could you find enough faith and trust to stay with me and keep from running away—even though you’d have every right?”
“I had already made that decision, Kellen—when we went running. I was ready then, and I’m ready now, to give myself all the way back to our marriage.”
“And in return, know this, I’ll remain the man you fell in love with. I’m going to hold on to my faith, and the strength of our love, with all that I am. Not just for you, but for me, and for Brittany. I want to create a legacy that’ll show her the beauty of God’s redemption and grace.”
Juliet stroked his cheek with shaky fingers. “It’s not about the fall. It’s about the rising. You’ve risen again. Better than you ever were.”
Juliet’s words spelled out the roadway to a future that defined the new terms of their marriage: persistence, strength, and devotion.
The kiss they shared was long and slow, seasoned by their history—ripened by all of its joys, all of its passions, all of its struggles and victories. Once Kellen tempered the exchange and eased away, she looked into eyes full of love. There, she tasted the precious gift of their faith, and a relationship renewed by grace.
There, she tasted their future.
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Prayer and devotion aids
: Delve deeper into the Christian view of marriage and gain better understanding and deeper appreciation for the covenant of Holy Matrimony
Discuss:
Communicate with other married (and pre-married) couples and individuals about the joys and challenges of marriage
Companion Workbook
: Great for Engaged couples’ Marriage instruction, or for individual, couples, and group study and enrichment. (Used in conjunction with DEVOTION, the novel.)
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