The Read And Weep Bundle: Anonymous, Perfectly Hopeless, Run (9 page)

She settled on cute. That was the perfect way to describe the way Hart acted around her. It was as if he didn’t care what anyone else thought.

She wiped her fingers free of sauce and dropped a third chicken bone in the basket. They were good, he was right.

“I want to hear more about Hart,” she told Jesse. “He’s not one to share.”

Jesse leaned across the counter staring at his friend. He hated to do it to him but this girl, she was changing his friend. “He wanted to be a rapper when we were kids.”

Hart pressed his forehead into his palm and groaned. “We all make mistakes.”

“Oh please tell me he had a really stupid name.” She clasped her hands to her chest smiling from ear to ear. “That would make it even better.”

Jesse slung the towel over his shoulder. “White hot.”

They both started laughing. Hart covered her mouth with his hand, he stood up. “We are leaving.”

He loved that she was enjoying herself but at his expense it was a bit taxing. And the more they hung out the more that would be said. “Have a good night, Jesse. Thanks for the wings, buddy.”

Jesse nodded. “Anytime. And bring her back again. I have more stories I’m sure she would love to hear. Like your partying days.”

Elle noticed the change in Hart’s expression at the mention of partying. It bothered him.

He held her door open and let her get in. And she wondered the whole time it took him to make it around to his side why the mention of partying brought him to such a dark place.

“You know,” she started. “I never understood why some people love bars so much. That place was much better.” She hoped this would make him more at ease.

Hart started the car resting a hand on the steering wheel as he looked at her. “I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

“Did you?” she asked. “I thought you did up until the end.”

He looked away from her. “Of course.” And it was the truth. Spending time with Elle was great. It was healthy and nothing so detrimental that he foresaw going back to rehab.

She bit her lip. “Great.” And then there was that uncomfortable pause again. She watched his knee jump as he made the uncomfortable drive back to her house. They both had so much to say but neither one of them knew how to come out and say anything.

Hart dropped his head and let out a quick puff of air. “I did a lot of stupid things when I partied. Things I’m sure Jesse finds funny but I don’t.”

Her heart picked up speed. He was opening up. “You should know I wouldn’t care. I mean you know what I’ve done.”

He nodded and kept his eyes on the road. “I’ve made a lot more mistakes than you have believe me.” Oh how he had. It was like he never learned from any of them. Every time he owned up to something another one was right on his heels and he was ready to jump in again.

But he knew one thing he wanted to do he wouldn’t regret. And as he pulled into the long driveway that led up to her house he couldn’t run away from it.

“Just do it,” he said to himself under his breath as he got out of his car. “What’s the worst that can happen?” He checked his breath before Elle made it out of her side and smiled at her.

She smiled back pinning her hair behind her ear as she looked up at him.

“I had a nice time,” she said. “We should do it again sometime.” And her fingers were back in her hair toying with each strand.

“I’m sure you did. Please don’t write about me in your journal tonight.” His grin was wide and his eyes even brighter when he teased her.

She followed alongside him up the sidewalk. “How do you know I still write in it?”

“I know.”

She crossed her arms. “Are you stalking me, Hart?” They both laughed.

“Maybe I am.” He grinned and watched her attempt to walk backwards as they stared each other down. “Or maybe it’s a wild guess.”

She sat down on her stairs and patted the spot next to her. “I write every night.”

He sat down, happy to be near her instead of saying goodnight. He rested his arms on his knees and stared off. “So do I.”

She looked over at him. “What do you write about?”

“You’ll never know,” he said. He playfully nudged her.

He evaded the questions again. He was good at it. “What would it take for you to tell me?”

Trust. It would take a whole lot of trust. But he settled on something else. “I might be willing to spill if you kiss me.” He didn’t expect it to work, but the smile on her face instead of shock told him all he needed to know.

“If you want to kiss me just kiss me,” she said. “You don’t have to make an excuse to do it.”

“What can I say it’s fun,” he said with a shrug. His fingers slipped through her hair and he closed the space between them. She shut her eyes and he prayed he didn’t screw it up. It had been awhile since he got so close to someone.

She tensed up just a little as he got closer. But he knew it was because it was new to the both of them. She moved her hand up his chest and finally to his neck. She was just as ready as he was. He wanted to know what her lips felt like against his. He wanted to feel her skin. To taste her.

He moved his lips against hers, a little too careful at first. Afraid to scare her away, she moved in accepting the kiss and the goose bumps he gave her when their tongues collided. They crashed into each other like a dizzying storm. She felt things she forgot how to feel.

It’s was a kiss with very little behind it. A kiss that some would call boring because he wasn’t trying to paw her clothes off. It was sensual, full of things she never felt with Pauly. She just hoped he was feeling the same way that she was.

His hand glided up the sensitive part of her neck. His fingers traced her jawline and he cupped the back of her head in his hands which made her dizzy with lust. He’s was in control and it was so hot and everything she’s always wanted. She inched forward until he pulled her into his lap, one hand around her waist the other in her hair.

He could have kissed her for hours. She brought his hand to her chest and pressed her head into his forehead. “My heart is beating out of my chest.”

He smirked and pressed his lips against her again. “So is mine.” He caught strands of her hair between his fingers as it tried to sail against the wind and cracked a smile. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life. Doing what I could to forget my past.”

“That’s very vague.”

He took her hand in his. “I don’t have an answer other than abandonment issues. That’s what Dr. Jon calls it. Apparently I am afraid of being alone because my parents weren’t that great at the whole parenting thing.”

He quickly waved a hand. “They weren’t in the picture for long. And after a while it was just me.” He accepted it and gained friends by doing drugs and partying. “The more I hung out with the bad crowd the more I felt like I had a purpose or friends.” He ran a hand through his hair.

Elle swallowed hard. “When’s the last time you seen anyone in your family?” She knew Hart refused all visitors in rehab. Someone cared enough to come see him.

“It’s been a long time. My mother always shows up when I’m in rehab. She’s found god and now feels it necessary to tell me how sorry she is.” And he didn’t care how sorry she was. That didn’t change where he was now in life.

“Like that would make anything any better,” she said. He laughed at her. “You’re the first person who agrees with me about that. I knew there was a reason I keep you around.”

Elle laughed.

Right underneath her bed where she kept them—a box full of things that reminded her of the good old days with Stephy, she hadn’t looked at them in a long time. It hurt too much.

But today she found herself sifting through it. She sat on the floor surrounded by all their favorite photos. Years of memories, every high school dance, every Halloween and cheesy fashion trend.

Stephy always smiled. She had blonde hair and the perfect grin. She was the life of the party. The one who always thought positive, she never was in a bad mood.

And in one night she took that all away from everyone.

She pressed a school picture of Stephy to her chest, the best friend necklace always got to her. She wiped her eyes and lifted her own from the box, they were both had them on the night of the accident.

Stephy was wasted and she knew they had to get home. The party was crazy and they already been out way too long.

She thought she could handle the short drive. It wasn’t the first time she drove under those conditions. But for some reason that night everything changed. The party got out of control so fast. And Stephy wanted to go home. She was trying to do the right thing.

She touched the top of her head. She hit her head that night so a lot of what happened was a little foggy. She closed her eyes trying to pull from her memory. She remembered the beer tops scattered all over the sidewalks and the college kids passed out on the front lawn. She even remembered the guys sitting on the front steps that hooted and hollered at every girl that walked by.

The music was so loud and people were singing and she was trying to drag her best friend to her car so they could go home. She opened her eyes, something she had forgotten suddenly jumped into view.

“There were people in the street,” she said. What the hell were they doing there?

Her phone rang ending any chance of figuring it out. “Hello?”

“What’s going on?” Hart asked. “How do you feel about cookouts?”

She smiled and packed away the box of memories. “I like them. But only if there are hotdogs with a lot of mustard.”

“I’m sure that can be arranged,” Hart promised her. “So can I pick you up in an hour?”

“Absolutely,” she said.

“So tell me about her,” Jesse said poking at the meat on his grill.

Hart held onto his water staring at Elle and Jesse’s wife as they played with Jesse’s little girl. “I met her in rehab, after the incident.”

Jesse raised an eyebrow. He knew what the last incident was. Hart knew he wasn’t too happy to hear he was at it again. He didn’t understand any of that lifestyle like he used to. “I’m surprised they didn’t throw you in jail.”

Hart nodded his head in agreement. “Got lucky.”

“What was she there for?” He was sure Jesse couldn’t imagine Elle ever did anything wrong. She was a sweet girl, a little close to the vest but you couldn’t see a dark side if you tried.

“She was involved in a drunk driving accident,” Hart explained. “Her friend died. Courts made her go to rehab.”

Jesse nodded. It made sense. “And let me guess you’re dying to make her forget her mistake?” Hart was a sucker for broken souls. He always tried to fix everyone else.

“She deserves to be forgiven,” he said. “She’s a good girl.”

Jesse flipped the burgers. “They all are. Just never know it.”

Hart loved seeing Elle so free with Jesse’s little girl. She was a natural with kids. There wasn’t anything she did that she didn’t do perfectly.

“You like her don’t you?” Jesse asked. Hart pulled his gaze from Elle long enough to answer him.

He rubbed the back of his neck. “The last time I liked someone I fucked it all up.”

Jesse shrugged. “She’s hanging out with your old pal from rehab and his kid. I think she can see past any faults you have. You met her in rehab, odds are she is a lot more forgiving than most girls.”

He hoped so because there was something about Elle that gave him hope for once.

Jesse handed over the hotdog with mustard. “Go get her. She requested a wiener.”

Hart shook his head. His friend always found a way to make things dirtier than it should be at the wrong time. “You’re such the ladies’ man. Is that how you talked Angie into marrying you?”

Angie came up and wrapped her arms around Jesse. “I love this kid’s filthy mouth.”

Elle smiled at Hart and accepted the hotdog. “I think Hart is still afraid to show his dirty side.” She took a bite of her hotdog. She wasn’t as innocent as he thought that she was. “I swear I can handle it.”

“Just like your handling that hotdog?” Hart asked with a smirk. He watched her lick mustard off her bottom lip. She offered him a bite and he accepted nipping her fingers playfully. He left her with only a bit of bun. And then she kissed him savoring the mustard on his lips. He was more delicious than any hotdog.

“Having fun?” Hart asked smoothing her hair against her face. He searched her eyes.

“Of course.” She always had fun with him. She directed her attention to Jesse. “I’m ready to hear some more stories about Hart.”

Jesse was all for it. After they all gathered around the picnic table he started dishing on his best friend.

“And that’s how Hart started smoking,” Jesse said with a smirk. “He lost a bet.”

Elle couldn’t believe the things she heard about Hart. He was a rebel in every way possible years ago. It wasn’t until recently he gained his soft side. This gentle way about him, wasn’t always there.

She sipped on her tea and squeezed Hart’s hand under the table. “I think it’s adorable.”

Angie laughed. “You two are just adorable together.” She stood up taking the plates from the table. “I’m happy for you, Hart.”

Elle eyed Hart wondering if he felt the same joy she felt in his presence. Ever since their kiss, she felt even more connected to him. It just started to feel natural like it was something they always did. She couldn’t remember ever feeling that way with Pauly.

Jesse handed over his plate to his wife and scooped up Isabella. “They are adorable. But sadly I can’t sit here and deal with it any longer. It is time for Isabella to go to bed. Say goodnight, Isabella.” The little girl waved goodbye before Jesse carried her away.

“She is adorable,” Elle said.

“She’s pretty cute. And you are amazing with her. You’re going to be a great mom one day.”

She shook her head. “I could never imagine having a kid of my own.” She sighed. “Remember smoking?” She changed the subject because some things she didn’t want to admit. Like the fact that she still feel unworthy of happiness.

Hart took her by the hand and pulled her up. “Let me show you something.”

She followed along curious to see what he was up to. “Where are we going?”

They rounded the house and make it to the side of the yard.

“A hammock?” Elle looked at Hart.

He nodded, carefully making his way into it. “I used to love these when I was a kid. Come here.”

She bit down on her lip and imagined how she was about to make a fool of herself. But Hart didn’t let her he held it together for both of them until she was snugly planted by his side.

She studied the orange and pink in the sky. “This is nice.” She rested her head against him and ran her fingers across his chest.

She could hear the crickets chirping in the distance as the hammock slowly swayed. It was all so perfect.

She ran a hand through his hair pushing it away from his eyes; he was truly a beautiful man. She loved his dark lashes and the way they made his light eyes just that more intense. She could look at him forever, every handsome feature. The way his stubble felt against her fingers. And the way his perfect set of eyebrows arched even more when he looked at her. He always tried to figure her out.

“Who would think something so simple could be so right,” he said against her ear. He was relaxed for once enjoying exactly where he was in the world. He tugged her to his mouth with his fingertips and planted a kiss on her lips. He put everything behind it this time. All his fears, his doubts, and his frustration he took it out on her lips. His fingers crashed through her hair making a quick sweep back up to her chin. He pinned her in place so he could be sure to get all he wanted from her. He could kiss her forever and it would never feel anything but what it was—perfect.

He moved to her neck, his lips grazed her skin, his breath warm against the cool air. They both worked for the same goal and got him out of his shirt and only broke away so he could pull it over his head.

His body was just as gorgeous as his face. He was lean muscle. And as she glided her hands over his chest she realized he had the smoothest skin. She teased him with her fingertips ending at the happy trail that wanted to lead her down the front of his pants but she stopped. She didn’t want to take things too far in Jesse’s backyard.

She knew it was just as difficult for him, she could tell by his breathing. She kissed his chest, tasting his skin with her tongue. He slipped his fingers through her hair letting her do as she pleased. It was dark it wasn’t like anyone could see the two of them. As soon as she stopped he brought her mouth back to his and they kissed again. He let her take over and dropped back against the hammock. All of it a big rush to his senses he was taken over by the amount of emotion he felt.

“Do you think we should stop?” She had to ask. She hadn’t been with anyone but Pauly for a long time. She didn’t even know what was right and wrong anymore. She was just happy to be there with him. She was happy to have someone that cared about her the way that he did. He made her feel okay.

And as fast as they connected it all came to an end without warning. Hart broke their lip lock. She could sense the frustration in his every move, his whole demeanor changed.

He kissed her on the cheek and smoothed her hair. “I think I should take you home.”