The Read And Weep Bundle: Anonymous, Perfectly Hopeless, Run (12 page)

Her cell phone pinged and she immediately smiled. It was Hart and they had been texting back and forth for about a week now. She couldn’t get enough of him. She loved the sound of his voice when he said goodnight, or hello or any other word in between.

She was supposed to be studying for her final evaluation for beauty school but she was finding Hart way more interesting.

She wanted to see him again, it had only been two days and she couldn’t wait to get her hands on him.

A backpack crashed down on the table. She didn’t bother looking up she wasn’t expecting anyone. The sound of the zipper interrupted her train of thoughts.

“My apologies,” a girl said. She didn’t know her so she faintly smiled and went back to what she was doing. “Studying?”

Elle nodded and pretended to read her book.

The girl moved her chair across the floor, which annoyed her even more. “Don’t you date Pauly?”

She raised an eyebrow putting her book down. “Used to. I don’t anymore.” As far as she was concerned she only had eyes for Hart even if they hadn’t made it official. But she wasn’t about to tell this girl that.

She tried going back to her work but the girl just wouldn’t let up. “I think it’s really great what you’re doing.”

She had to be confused. “I’m sorry do I know you?”

She dug through her backpack and produced a newspaper. “It says you’re going to speak at the benefit for Stephy Ingram.”

Elle could feel all the color draining from her face. She took the paper and sure enough she saw her name. The only problem was she never agreed to anything. And she only knew one person who would have signed her up for such a thing.

She dropped the paper and gathered her things, shoving her books and notebook back into her oversized purse so she could get out of there quickly.

“Don’t forget your phone,” the girl said.

She circled back and almost ran over the librarian as she pushed a cart of books. “Thanks.”

She dialed her father’s number before she was even out the doors of the library. “What is it Elle? I’m on my lunch break.”

She bit down on her lip slinging her purse over her shoulder and steadied the phone with the other hand. “How could you do this?”

He didn’t think twice. “I think this is what you need right now. We talked with our therapist and he thinks maybe you will find some closure talking about what happened that night.”

She slammed her car door shut. “This is not the kind of closure I want. Stephy’s parents are going to be there.” She’s so mad she doesn’t know whether to scream or cry.

“I think it’s about time you come face to face with the Ingram’s and make amends.”

She slammed her fist into the steering wheel. “What about what I want, Dad?”

“Honestly, Elle. The only thing it seems you are interested in right now is hanging out with a drug addict.” His words were harsh and they hurt.

“Recovering,” she says pulling at her hair. “He is a recovering addict and if you knew anything about him you would know he is a lot better than Pauly.”

“You are never going to move forward if you don’t try.”

She hated that he didn’t see her effort. She was leaps and bounds ahead of where she was a year ago. But it was never good enough after what happened. Or maybe it was always like that she wasn’t sure anymore.

“I have to go.” She buckled her seat belt. “You need to call whoever it is you arranged this with and tell them I will not be attending. It’s not going to happen.”

“Elle, it’s your life and your choices. I only hope you make the right ones so you can be a functioning member of society. This town needs closure.” He hung up before she could.

She threw her phone. She couldn’t understand how one person could be so god damn infuriating in a matter of minutes but her dad was. Now the entire town was anticipating her appearance at an event for a girl she killed. And she didn’t know what to do. Her dad wouldn’t let her live it down if she didn’t go.

“What’s the matter?” Hart asked. He sensed something was off, her usual smile wasn’t there. She was preoccupied with something.

“Every time I think things are getting better they seem to get worse,” she said rubbing at her forehead. She played with her food poking at her steak that Hart so kindly bought her. It was a nice restaurant and he treated her to a fancy meal. But she had a lot on her mind which she thought she could get off her mind if she did something else.

“Hey.” He touched her hand, and stroked her knuckles with his fingers. “I’m the one who is supposed to be vague not you.” He searched her eyes.

“My father volunteered me to speak at the benefit for Stephy and it’s even posted in the paper.” She looked at Hart to confirm it was just as bad as she thought that it was.

“That’s harsh, but what’s the worst that could happen?”

“I have to face the entire town and talk about the worst day of my life.” That was the worst thing that could happen. Somehow she had avoided it for this long. She hadn’t seen Stephy’s parents since the funeral. And she only stayed for less than five minutes before Stephy’s cousin caused a scene and demanded that she leave.

Once in a grocery store she almost ran into them but she dropped her groceries and took off. She didn’t have the heart to speak to them.

“How many times do I have to tell you this is not the worst day of your life?” Hart shook his head. “You’re being dramatic.”

She pulled her hand away. “This is starting to remind me of rehab. I am pretty sure there is nothing worse than killing your best friend and having the entire town look at you like your some monster.”

“The only person who thinks you’re a monster is you.” Hart looked to the left at the couple dining on lobster. “Excuse me.”

They both looked at him. “Do you know this girl?”

Elle’s cheeks burned. What the hell did he think it proved? She hardly could look at them. But sure enough they both shook their heads no.

“My point, is that nobody in this town knows what you did, and if they do so the hell what. You made a mistake, it wasn’t intentional.”

She tried to argue but he cut her off. “Stephy chose to party that night. She also chose to get in the car and drive home with you.” He shrugged. “Why aren’t you mad at her?”

“Because she’s dead.” She put her fork down. “She’s dead and I’m not.”

“You could be too,” Hart said. “Would that make this all better?”

She watched the waiters carrying fancy metal trays high above their heads as they dashed back and forth through the restaurant. She knew if she was dead that things wouldn’t be better.

Her wall came back down. He leaned forward. “Now kiss me and let’s get out of here.”

She smiled and laid one on him.

“This is why I never go shopping,” Hart said he shoved his hands in his pockets while Elle looked at underwear.

“This was your idea.” She tossed a pair of frilly navy blue underwear at him. “You told me to do this. You said, and I quote, it will change your life. Take the bull by the horns.” She rolled her eyes and shook her head at him. “And if I am going to put myself out there I am going to do it in style.”

Hart tugged his baseball cap down farther on his head and tossed the underwear back on the display. “I’d much prefer you naked.”

“I don’t think that would go over well with all of these people. I’m sure that would just solidify that I
have
lost it.” She smirked rounding the display. “Besides, it’s always nice buying new underwear, especially when you have someone to show them off to.” She kissed him deeply making him forget he was is in the middle of a lingerie store.

“I think you should buy the black ones,” he said.

She grabbed the black ones and smiled at Hart. “I haven’t seen a hat like that in a long time.”

“That’s because the Brooklyn Dodgers aren’t a team anymore.” He took his hat off and put it on her head. “It’s vintage and one of my favourite things.”

She stared up at him. “It looks good on you.” She took it off and handed it back. He put it back on and moved to the next display, suddenly he wasn’t feeling so self-conscious about being in a lingerie store. The thought of Elle in any of it was a turn on and that made it worth it.

“What about this?” He pointed at a sheer bra and underwear, but when he turned around the look on her face disturbed him. “Elle, Are you alright?”

She shook her head, and ran a hand through her hair. “I don’t know.” Something was wrong, and her mind raced as she searched for answers. She couldn’t explain it. She watched Hart tug at his baseball cap uncomfortable. Maybe he thought she was about to lose it.

She told herself it was all in her head. She was stressed out because she was about to do something big.

“I’m probably just stressed out.” She carved a hand through her hair and hurried to pay for her things before she passed out. She couldn’t breathe.

She moved around a couple of girls as they giggled by a rack of pajama pants and dropped to her knees only a foot from the registers. She couldn’t breathe. She closed her eyes, she saw the streetlights, the dizzying lights, and the radio. There was a song playing and it was way too loud. Stephy sung along. She could hear her voice. And she told her to put on her seatbelt. And all of a sudden she’s bombarded by the rush of people from the party. This was why they wanted to leave, there were way too many people.

She screamed when Hart touched her. “I want to leave.”

He helped her to her feet and out of the store. Everyone was looking at them and he didn’t care. If he had to he was ready to tell them all where they could go.

Her hands were shaky, her stomach was in knots she had the biggest panic attack of her life. She clutched the bottled water to her chest and stared at the blank wall in Hart’s apartment. She didn’t want to go home. And Hart was sweet enough to offer up his place.

It felt like she hadn’t said anything in hours. She wasn’t even sure what time it was she just knew she felt awful. And Hart didn’t push her to talk about it.

“Dr. Jon said there will be times when this happens.” She rubbed the back of her neck. “That after you go through something traumatic anything can make you break down. Am I breaking down?”

“I don’t know. Do you think you are?” Honestly, he thought she might be. She scared him, she looked at him like she saw a ghost. “I don’t think you are.”

“It was all of a sudden.” She sat up. Hart tossed his hat on the coffee table and sat down next to her.

“Maybe it’s stress,” he said, he kissed her knuckles, and pulled her close. “But no matter what it is you’re going to be okay. I’ll make sure of it.”

His words were reassuring. She let him stroke her hair. “It’s starting to come back. Little by little I’m remembering more. I didn’t want to think about that night ever again. And now for some reason my brain wants to bring it all back.”

“Where do you think you would be if she was still alive?” He did what he knew best. “Do you think you would be any happier?”

“For the most part maybe.” She hated school before Stephy died. She was stuck in a boring relationship, the only thing that gave her any kind of satisfaction was having Stephy to share her youth with. Sitting home watching stupid movies or tanning at the beach talking about plans for the future that’s what they did best. They escaped the mundane by fantasizing about the lives they wanted.

“What about you?” She looked at Hart. “Was there ever a time you actually enjoyed life?”

He wasn’t sure. “High school. I had this wickedly awesome art teacher. I was an awful student but it didn’t matter because he made everyone feel like they could take over the world.”

“What about with Jesse. It seems like you had some good times together.” The friendship she saw between Jesse and Hart was undeniable. They had a bond, they were in sync with each other.

“I told you. Jesse is the only one who still puts up with me. I think he feels sorry for me more than anything.” He scratched his head. “A lot of things I’ve done are because of him. He used to be real bad. If anyone should have died from that lifestyle it should have been him.” He also believed Jesse had a lot of guilt for the way a lot of things happened in their lives. Jesse was the cause of many of his relapses.

“There is one person who came along and woke me up a little,” he said. “You.”

She climbed into his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. He stared her down. “Those few months we spent locked up together in rehab were some of the best, even if I didn’t know it at the time. You were changing me.”

She kissed him. “You refused to let me be miserable.” Hart was persistent. He never let her sit alone and dwell on her circumstances. He forced her to deal with him instead of her misery.

“I thought about you almost every night before I went to sleep.” She never told him that. “When I thought about you I could fall asleep.” She was plagued with horrible breakdowns. But when she closed her eyes and thought about Hart and their conversations it was enough to calm her down so she could sleep. She started to crave it.

He kissed her back. “You were the only person I wanted to see. The only reason I came out of my room most days.” He had almost died, he was tired, and he didn’t want to do another rehab. He was at his bottom. He thought back to that day when he wrote in his journal. Writing about relief and how bad he wished he could get some. He needed something because he was afraid he wasn’t going to make it and that’s when he saw her—literally. He was drawn to her. He needed to know her and to convince her that she could make it, because he heard her crying when they brought her in. For once there was someone more miserable than he felt. She showed him he wasn’t the only one.

“Come with me tomorrow?” She brushed his hair back with her fingers.

“I’ll be there.” He promised. He watched her unbutton her top, she guided his hands to her stomach. He gripped her flesh, his fingers crawled higher.

“I want you,” she said in nothing but a whisper against his lips. His shirt tangled in her grip.

And he lifted her off the couch, and carried her down the hallway to his bedroom, he batted whatever was on the bed off and laid her down. It was dark and she could only see what little the moon provided through the blinds.

She could taste the minty gum in his mouth and it turned her on even more that he was chewing it still. She could feel how hard he was through his jeans. They crashed against each other moving together perfectly. She pulled his shirt up stroking his lower back. He undid his belt with one hand using the other to steady their kiss.

His hands were on her breast stroking her through the fabric of her bra. And she arched her back and begged him to give her more. He unhooked her bra and her nipples hardened at his touch. “Are you sure you’re okay?” He wanted it very much but he didn’t want it to be regret. He didn’t want to take advantage of her if she was breaking down.

“I’m so sure,” she moaned against his ear, her hand slid further down and teased him.

“I don’t want you to do something you regret because you’re upset,” he told her, he pushed against her when she bit his bottom lip.

“I’m not upset. I’ll be upset if you don’t fuck me right now.”

This wasn’t the Elle he was used to. But it turned him on hearing her talk to him like that. He was ready to give her what she wanted. He hurried out of his jeans. She rubbed the front of his boxer briefs. And helped him out of them and they kissed slow taking their time. They explored each other, every part their hands could touch with him above her. And when he couldn’t hold out any longer he unzipped her jeans and pulled them down her legs. He almost tore her underwear in half taking them off. And then he slipped between her legs and teased her.

She stroked his chest as he fumbled for a condom from his end table. She was ready and waited impatiently as he tore the foil and clumsily rolled it on. She knew what was about to happen and she could hardly contain herself. Hart was a beautiful man and as she watched him touch himself knowing soon he would be inside her it was hot.

He kissed her again and rubbed against her. “You’re beautiful. Every single part of you.” She pulled her shirt the rest of the way off so he could enjoy her completely. She was ready. She lifted her hips ready for him.

He moved slowly into her, watching her reaction, the way her eyes closed at the feel of him. He eased in a little more igniting a beautiful sound from her lips. A little more and she gripped his back lifting her hips and welcomed him further. He groaned and went deeper, kissing her, tasting her, watching her come undone a little more with each thrust. He moved faster and harder dropping his head against her, he could hardly handle the way she sounded against his ear. What he was doing to her was driving him crazy. She had her pulled him against her making him go even faster and harder, begging him for more.

He slowed back down and tried to make things last as long as possible. He stroked her hair, touched her face, and ran his hands down her neck. “God you feel amazing,” he told her.

A few more thrust and he had it. He felt her convulse around him and he started to pick up speed, he kept going and she held on tight helping him orgasm. Her nails sliced down his back and she screamed his name. He slowed down, and let out a ragged breath. He kissed her lips over and over again, his fingers tangled in her hair.

“Dear god,” Hart panted. “Another thing we do great together.” He pulled out and planted one last kiss on her forehead before he took the spot beside her on his bed and tried to catch his breath.

“Can I sleep here tonight?” she asked.

He kissed her shoulder. “Of course. I’m not letting you leave after that.” He wrapped his arms around her.