The Read And Weep Bundle: Anonymous, Perfectly Hopeless, Run (34 page)

I clutched my chest, trying to calm my racing heart. It was like a wild bull frog jumping all over the place. I turned on the water drowning out the commotion in the hallway.

I was going to stay locked in the bathroom until Aunt Wanda came back—if she did. There were times she didn’t roll back around until morning.

These were the moments I wished for more. I just wanted someone to care enough about me, so these things didn’t happen. But no matter how much I wished for that it didn’t matter. Some people just weren’t meant for the good life. You got used to being treated like an object. You understood that sex was just another thing to get what you wanted. I never wanted to be that person, but it was crazy what became right and convenient when you were desperate.

After the hot shower I sat on the bathroom floor dripping wet. I had forgotten to grab the towel in the closet in my escape from Ben.

To pass the time I stacked stray beer caps one after another waiting for Wanda, waiting to hear her voice so I could come out. There was no way I was prepared to fight off three men. I didn’t care how tough I could be
, some things were not always possible.

When I finally heard her voice in the hallway I stood up. I stared at my naked frame in the foggy mirror. Wondering what it was that she thought was so beautiful
about me. Why she always compared me to a piece of art. I barely had a chest, not that I minded much. Aunt Wanda always complained how much her large chest gave her back aches.

My hair was long and
brown. With a faint hint of red from the time I tried for light auburn.

They
said the eyes were the window into your soul, if that was true my windows showed how dull and lifeless mine was. Mine were light gray, with hints of brown. I swore my dad was a demon, they always said I had his eyes. My mother and Wanda had the clearest blue eyes that went well with every part of them.

My body was long and thin. It had a mind of its own. I was awkward and fidgety most of the time. But Wanda said that was another quality that made me such a catch. She said men liked a girl who wasn’t comfortable in her own skin.

I envied anyone with a tan. Tan was a foreign word to my body. I was pale.

I pulled on my jeans and tank top and headed into the hallway. I kept my eyes on the ground not wanting to even look at the idiot. Who was he to think he could take advantage? If I hadn’t been so worried about stirring up trouble I would have socked him a good one.

I tossed our suitcase next to Wanda. She was lying on top of Jon on the sofa. She didn’t even notice. I headed out the front door, the night air hitting me in the face as I hurried down the steps into the
ir poor excuse for a lawn.

I ran a hand through my damp hair. I felt saved by the night. The moon glowed in the sky. I stared at it
, not sure what to do. I was stuck, once again.

There was a loud screech, the door banged against the house and slammed shut. My body tensed. I prayed it was Wanda.

“What
, you don’t want to finish what we had going on back there? Ben asked.

I backed away.

“Just go away,” I said.

He came closer, grabbing me by the
arm. “Where is it?”

I hesitated
; surprised he knew I stole his money. I didn’t know what to say. I just wanted everything going on to end already.

He was as fast as lightning, in seconds my hair was wrapped around his fist. He knocked me to the ground. I groaned
, the wind knocked out of me. His body crashed on top of mine. He checked my front pocket searching for the money. I struggled to get out from underneath him. He wasn’t that big of a guy.

Finally I got one hand free. I hit him in the face, pulling at his hair. I screamed, trying to break free.

“Just give me the money and I will let you go.” He pulled me by the shirt.

“Get off of me!” He had strength on his side that on my best day I didn’t—strength and beer.

I flinched as his hand crashed into my face. He had slapped me. Tears stung my eyes. I screamed again, and he slapped me once more. His hand trying to cover my mouth, I instantly bit down on his hand. He howled in pain as I clamped down even harder.

“Ben
, go back in the house.” Someone called from the darkness with that same familiar twang. The moonlight finally revealed him as he approached. Ben looked at me one last time before he gave up. He pushed me away from him and went back inside.

I swore he was an angel. His blonde shaggy hair glistened in the moonlight. I stared at him from my knees, touching my face for signs of blood before accepting his help off the ground.

“I don’t know what happened. But I am sorry, “he said, brushing the grass from my clothes.

“It’s fine. I’m sorry,” I stammered
, searching for someplace to hide from Ben. He watched, crossing his arms as I headed toward our car.

“Where you two heading? Is that woman your with a drug addict?”

I leaned against our car. “She uses drugs on occasions, but it’s not a problem,” I said as I always did.

He nodded.

“Thanks very much. You didn’t have to help.” I knew he probably thought I was a thief.

“What. Are you kidding? You were never going to get away from Ben. He was a wrestler in high school,” he said, a small smile on his face. I studied his expression trying to figure out the meaning behind it.

“Well, thanks.” I looked away.

“I don’t care if you took his money. Are you in trouble? I mean what’s the deal with the two of you? Are you gypsies or something?” he asked, genuinely interested.

I felt a little frazzled.

“She likes to travel. We
’re headed for California.” I always wondered how long before that actually happened. It had been the goal for years. But something always sent our plans right out the window.

“Do you like to travel?” he asked.

“I’m used to it. It’s what we do.” I shrugged. I stared at my dirty feet, wishing this night would come to a quick end so we could just be on our way.

“You seem sad.” I always looked sad it was a natural response anymore.

“No, just tired. I really was hoping to get some sleep, but I guess not anymore.”

“I live next door, come on,” he said with a wave, heading across the grass. I followed reluctantly. It was a matter of what was worse, being next door to a
drunken drug dealer or a stranger that could be just as crazy.

“You can sleep on the couch. I’ll get you a pillow and some blankets.” He headed out of the living room. It was a lot neater in his home versus next door.

I followed him down the hallway, coming to a stop behind him as he pulled a blanket from his closet.

“Whoa, you scared me. Are you ok?” He studied me nervously.

“I don’t care if you’re expecting a favor.” I told him, waiting for him to touch me.

“What? Oh...no...No…no. Honestly I just want you to be able to sleep. I’m not like that. I have a girlfriend.” He hurried past me.

I let out a huge sigh of relief. At least now I knew he wasn’t going to try anything. Sometimes you had to make sacrifices and look like a fool to see that there was no harm in people.

I climbed onto his couch, my body thankful for the comfort, the paranoia and fear melt
ed away. I pulled the blanket up to my chin and drew my knees to my stomach.

“Goodnight,” he said turning off the lamp.

The room fell silent. I drifted off to sleep hoping for a better tomorrow.

It was morning. The sun was high. Its bright light beamed through the small neighborhood.

I sat in the grass behind our car peeling a long twig apart. Waiting on Aunt Wanda, and hoping she would get up so we could go soon.

My stomach growled. So loud I could hear its cries every time. There was no way I would go back inside that house after everything that happened. I had almost made up my mind to walk down the road to find food with the stolen cash. I gave Aunt Wanda ten more minutes and then I was going to do just that. It was going to be a long walk with no shoes on.

The man from last night came out of his house, his front door screeching and then falling back with a soft thud. I watched him stretch. He raised his arms above his head really looking like he was taking in the day.

I dropped the stick as soon as I realized he was coming over.

“Good morning, y
our still here.” He rested his hand on our rusty car. And it didn’t seem to bother him in the least. It didn’t seem he was bothered by anything at all I noticed.

“Morning,” I said back. I stood
, feeling a bit odd sitting on the ground as he talked to me. I was sure he felt bad enough for me already.

“Have you eaten?” he asked. He tilted his head, his eyebrows lifting just the slightest as he waited for a reply.

“I’m waiting on Wanda,” I told him. I ran my hands against my shorts brushing the grass and dirt away. As I looked at him more closely I realized he was cute, the kind of guy who could be even cuter if he only tried a little more, a natural blonde with a beautiful mouth and perfect simple features. I liked the way his eyes were so full of life and warm. I didn’t see that all that often.

“What did you say your name was?” he asked, leaning against the car. He crossed his arms and batted at the grass with his foot.

“Kendall, you didn’t say what yours was either.”

“Ryan Bri
dger, I’ve lived here my entire life. I do construction. Can’t say that I am the best of friends with Jon and his boys, but sometimes I get bored,” he said, offering more information then I needed.

“Nice to meet you, Ryan.” I smiled a little as I met up with his eyes. He smiled back.

“Are you hungry? I can fix breakfast. I hate to see you out here hungry,” he said. “Because I think we both know Wanda ain’t coming out of that house anytime soon.”

I nodded in agreement. We walked to his house together going inside.

Ryan headed for the kitchen, rifling the cupboards for pots and pans. It was obvious he didn’t do much cooking. I was starting to wonder if he even had a girlfriend.

He cleared the newspapers off the kitchen table and hurried to toss his jacket from the chair. “Have a seat,” he said.

He started cracking eggs in a bowl, looking up every couple seconds to make sure I was still with him.

“Where are you from?”

I thought about his question, debating on the truth or a lie. Lies were easier and left no trail behind me. Sometimes when I felt someone deserved the truth I would splurge and give up a few details about myself.

“South Carolina,” I answered.

He nodded not knowing if that were the truth or a lie.

“How did you end up with your aunt? Where’s your folks?” he pressed.

“Um, just one of those things that happen, my mom died. And I don’t know my father. I mean… I know his name, but never met him,” I said.

I ran my tongue over my teeth trying to figure out what was the truth anymore. My mom the last I knew was alive and well, probably lying with a man as I sat in this man’s kitchen.

“Do you have any brothers or sisters?”

“My mom has another daughter. But she was taken away from her. Years before I was born,” I said.

And this was true. Little miss Joy-Ann, my mom, went and got herself knocked up by the principal of her high school. She was a freshman, and he was finding any and every reason to see her in his office. Eventually Mom did what she always did and slept with him. She never imagined that she would end up pregnant. Being barely fifteen with a kid, well that wasn’t going to work out for her. Mom had no parents to help support the kid. And the principal wanted nothing to do with her. So my sister, Coral, was taken away from her once the principal found a way to get her suspended from school.

Mom always said she never broke into the school and that she didn’t steal from the school either. But it was coming from her. I didn’t believe her one way or another. I just knew that Coral was saved all because of it.

Ryan carried the two plates to the table. He sat down two forks. He did his best to dish out scrambled eggs. I wasn’t going to complain about the food, I hadn’t eaten since the morning before.

We ate and chatted. Things were a bit quiet; I was never good at conversation.

I finally stood up, dreading the idea that I had to go back outside and wait for Wanda some more. “Do you mind if I hang out until Wanda is ready to leave?”

He looked relieved. “Of course. Watch TV, take a nap, whatever, I don’t mind at all.”

He sat down next to me on the couch. He seemed happy to help me out.

“What are some of your favorite shows?” he asked, flipping through the channels.

“I’ve always liked actions movies. And old school gore,” I laughed.

He nodded and then looked at me with an expression I had seen before. I knew what it meant. It was as obvious as the morning sky shining outside. I moved closer, my hands pressing into the couch cushion on either side of his legs. He acted a bit shocked.

“I’m not that kind of guy,” he said, his kiss said otherwise though as his lips met mine.

“I don’t care what kind of guy you are. You know nothing about me or who I am,” I told him, I guided
his hands to my chest, holding them there so he could feel my heart pounding as I waited for him to give in.

It was
instant. His hands attacked me, his fingers glided down my ribcage. I pulled my shirt over my head. He tossed it on the floor. I was enjoying everything a lot more than I thought I would.

I laid back on the couch, wrapping my legs around his waist and worked on getting him out of his jeans. He was in a hurry to get to the next step. I wondered how often he had sex. Something about the way he acted made him seem a little too eager.

I slid my fingers through his hair. Breaking the kiss, he wasn’t a bad kisser, it was just too personal. He was a nice guy and I knew I was not a nice girl. Guys like him kissed nice girls the way he was kissing me.

He worked on my shorts finally freeing me.

“I’ll be back,” he said jumping up. He headed down the hallway in nothing but his birthday suit. I sat up, almost nude myself.

It was thrilling in a weird way to see such a personal side of someone.

“What are you doing?” I called, growing a little impatient.

“Just grabbing a condom,” he said back.

I plopped down on the couch, trailing my fingers across my stomach feeling oddly comfortable as I waited for him to return.

I barely heard the front door slam against the wall as an enraged blonde came flying in the house, her fist swinging in my direction.

“Who the hell are you, bitch!” She yelled, dropping her purse on the ground ready to fight me.

I was already in the kitchen with my clothes in my hand. I rounded the table dodging ever
y object flying by me as I hopped into my shorts.

“He obviously has a girlfriend,” I muttered. She rushed the table, flipping it on its side. I backed up, tugging my shirt on. Finally I was fully clothed.

“You’re damn right he has a girlfriend. Ryan where you at? You sorry son of a bitch,” she yelled. “I’m telling my brother and he’s going to beat the piss out of you.”

I felt bad, but at the same time I was angry. I was in another situation where I had to fight my way out.

“You get away from me or I’ll beat the shit out of you,” I warned. I kicked the chair over to show I meant what I said.

She let out a guttural scream crashing over the table, her hands finding my hair; she flipped me on the floor. I held onto her arms, fighting to get on my side. The trick was never ending up on bottom. Bottom meant your face was about to be pummeled. Bottom meant you were shit out of luck. Aunt Wanda had taught me everything I needed to know about fighting.

I pressed my knees into her stomach gaining control.

“Don’t you touch me!” I spit in her face. I swung my fist, colliding with her pretty little nose, her cute little chin.

She rolled over, taking me with her. I couldn’t believe such a petite little blonde had such muscle behind her. I fought against her, my head slamming against the floor.

“Why are you in my house with Ryan? Who the hell are you?” She swung hitting me in the face with her fist, and then clawed me with her painted nails.

Ryan finally showed himself. He was dressed now. He ripped her off of me along with a chunk of my hair. I jumped up from the ground and started for the door, but I didn’t make it. She jumped on my back like a rabid monkey. I spun back around losing my footing and crashed onto the floor.

Ryan yelled at her
, telling her to let me go which only sent her into more of a rage.

Suddenly there was gun fire. It sliced through my eardrums making everything feel like a dream. I lifted myself from the ground, looking down at the blonde cowering in fear of Aunt Wanda who had the gun aimed right at her head. Not a single ounce of Wanda trembled or was afraid as she locked on her target.

“Stay where you are, bitch,” she growled. She motioned me to get out of the house. I looked at Ryan one last time; his face was as white as a ghost. First he had been caught with another woman and then a crazy lady barged in his house wielding a pistol.

“Let’s go,” I said from the doorway, hoping it didn’t turn out ugly. I looked down at my bloody knuckles unsure of what to do next.

“You should be lucky I don’t blow your pretty little head all over this shithole.” She screamed at the blonde kicking the coffee table.

“I’m sorry!” she offered from her crouched position on the floor. Ryan stayed where he was not even looking at Wanda.

“Let’s go, please,” I begged.

“Kendall
, shut your mouth. This is your mess anyways. You should know better than to try and screw cute men with houses.” She scolded me.

I sighed
, walking down stairs, wishing I had a gun of my own to blow her head off.

Two shots rang out. I headed back over to Jon’s to gather our things. I knew the drill. As I walked through the front door I could smell the smoke and stale beer. I stepped over Jon’s lifeless body on the floor. I passed the creep who had nearl
y tried to have his way with me, the bullet hole in his head left a trail down the side of his face, if you ignored the wound he just looked like he was sleeping.

I wasn’t sure where the other one was, but I knew he was dead.

Finding the suitcase I opened it up to find a stack of cash and a bag of marijuana.

“I guess that’s what you get for dealing drugs, huh, Jon?” I said, laughing at him as I passed to get to the door.

Wanda was in the yard unscrewing the license plate from Jon’s pickup. She was always quick with this, replacing it with another set of plates before we were back on the road.

She jumped to her f
eet taking the suitcase from me, her expression was serious as she hustled to throw our things in the truck.

“Go in there and see what you can find,” she ordered.

I headed back into Ryan’s house. His body slumped against the wall of the kitchen. I clutched my stomach feeling sick. He didn’t deserve to die. He was a nice man. I knew he was a nice man. I knew no one would probably find him for a while either. He just seemed that lonely.

I rummaged through the drawers ending up with sixty bucks and a bottle of pain pills.

I jogged back out to the truck. Wanda was already ready to go. She studied the items, opening up the bottle of pills and swallowed a few before tossing them beside her on the seat.

“Well Kendall, here we go. On the road again,” she said with a smirk as we headed down the road.