The Read And Weep Bundle: Anonymous, Perfectly Hopeless, Run (6 page)

Elle snapped her laptop shut.

“I’ve studied so long I think my eyes are going to fall out,” she said, stretching her arms above her head. She rubbed her eyes and headed for the kitchen.

Her mother was stirring spaghetti sauce and her father was mowing over legal documents.

“I studied three times as long when I was your age,” her dad said.

She unscrewed the cap to a water and took a sip. “That’s because you were studying to become a judge. I simply want to cut hair for a living, Dad.”

She knew her father detested her choice in career. And if he had it his way she would be a doctor, lawyer or some sort of scientist. But not anymore, there was only so much she could be motivated to do.

She capped her water and grabbed her jacket. “I’ll see you guys later.”

Her mother fussed with her hair. “Aren’t you going to eat lunch before you head out?”

“I have class in a half hour. And today they are letting me cut a real person’s hair. Now that’s what I call exciting,” she said with a smile.

“Way to dream big, when I was your age I was already starting my lifelong career,” her dad told her, shooting her a stern glance over his paperwork.

Her mother turned on her heels. “Now Jon, that’s enough giving her a hard time. She is doing a great job, doing what she loves.”

Elle kissed her mother and ignored her dad’s silent glare and headed out to class. Maybe she wasn’t doing anything that seemed all that impressive to him, but it kept her busy and that’s all that mattered to her.

She came to enjoy hair right after rehab. It was a way to express herself. She could change something, make it different and no matter what she messed up it didn’t matter because it was just hair. It came back.

She decided to do something fun with her life. Not to take anything too serious anymore. Part of the reason for that choice was because everyone around her was so somber all the time. And she needed a way to stay together when all she wanted to do was fall apart. It was hard to function, but slowly she learned how to keep herself in control.

Everyone wanted to be sad. Everyone was mourning the loss of a life. And sure, she was too, but she also was alive and had to live her own.

Gretchen, her classmate plopped down in her chair. “Bad news. The models backed out at the last minute. Looks like we are stuck chopping up mannequin heads another day.” She fluffed her hair in the mirror and spun toward Elle.

“Too bad, I was actually looking forward to it too.” She gathered up her combs and started organizing her station trying to pass the time.

Ky, another classmate traipsed past the two of them. He was the dramatic kind and it was apparent he had something big to dish. Elle waited. One hand on her hip waiting for his story or whatever it was he was going to tell them.

“Both of you bitches can thank me later,” he said, grinning from ear to ear. “I saved the day.”

Elle stared at Ky confused. “What are you talking about?”

Ky clapped his hands. “Oh, you’ll see. I happened to hear about your little dilemma and I found some wandering strays to fill in for today. You’re welcome.”

Elle’s jaw dropped when Ky called in the guinea pigs.

Ky elbowed her in the side. “Hot right?”

She gripped Ky’s arm in shock. Hart took her seat with a grin on his face, pleased by her response to their running into each other again.

“You never called.” He stared at her from the mirror. “And look how the universe repays you.”

She reluctantly buttoned the cape around his neck. “Yes, look. I’m beginning to think you’re stalking me.”

Hart smiled. “I swear I was in the area.”

Elle picked up the spray bottle and comb.

Hart watched her closely. “Promise me you won’t butcher my hair. It happens to be one of my favorite parts of me.”

She stood in front of him her heart pounding in her chest. She
 didn’t know why the thought of touching him was making her so tense, but it was.

“I can’t promise anything. And you can’t sue me,” she said, staring at his dark head of hair. The kind of hair that belonged to someone famous, the kind of hair you slipped your fingers through and tugged back and forth.

She dropped her spray bottle.

“Somebody’s clumsy today,” Hart said a big grin on his face. His dark eyebrows rose in amusement, he kept his eyes on her as she tried to convince herself to touch him.

“I’m fine. Let’s get this over with.” She came a bit closer, he smelled amazing. And the way he was staring at her with those eyes, those brilliant eyes of blue, rimmed with dark lashes.

She ran her fingers through the front of his hair, brushing it back on his head. “What do you want?”

Hart was silent.

Elle tilted her head to the side. “Hello?”

“Sorry.” He blinked. “Do whatever you want to me. I’m sure you’ll make me look great.”

Elle bit her lip, spraying him with the spray bottle. She started to work, combing and cutting. Trying to remember everything th
at she had learned in hopes she didn’t butcher him.

“Got any plans tonight?”
Hart asked. He stayed still, letting her try her best. 

“I plan on going home and eating some of my mom’s famous spaghetti and meatballs and then probably going to bed,” she told him. She spun the chair.

“Sounds like a blast,” he said. “You’re never going to give in are you?”

“Probably not.” She looked over his hair, taking him by the chin to turn him the way she needed to get a better look. The scruff on his chin tickled her finger tips, his teeth grazed his bottom lip drawing her eyes to his mouth. He had an amazing set of lips.

“For once just be honest. Am I not the kind of person you want to be associated with? Is it the rehab thing?” he asked.

Elle quickly shook her head. “No. Hart, it has nothing to do with that, it’s just me. I can’t hang out with you. It’s not a good idea.”

She was with Pauly and in a bad place in her life. She wasn’t the girl to be anyone’s friend. She had a hard time being friends with the ones in her life already.

He wasn’t
saying anything. And now she felt even worse.

“Alright, I’ll be honest. I’m not doing okay.
 
I've
 never been okay and all I want to do is make it through without another emotional breakdown. I can’t add anything to my life because I’m afraid it will crumble. And the idea of going back to that place I was in scares the shit out of me,” she said.

She dropped her scissors and comb on her station. “Anyways, I think you’re good to go.”

Hart took the mirror she was offering, but didn’t look in it. “Looks great.”

“You didn’t
even look,” she said.

“I don’t care about my hair.”

She rolled her eyes undoing the collar of the cape. “Don’t do that, don’t worry about me. You did the same thing a long time ago.”

“Someone needs to worry about you. One time, just hang out with me. And after that I’ll leave you alone,” he said. “If I make your life worse than it already is I‘ll never bother you again.”

“Why are you so insistent on doing this?” She shook her head. “I’m a mess; you know this better than anyone.”

“So am I,” he insisted. “One time, come be a mess with me.”

“Fine,” she tossed the cape on her station. “One time. You’ll see how much of a mess I am and you’ll quickly go running for the hills.”

She hoped she didn’t
regret the choice she made. Because making choices was the hardest thing anymore.

As Elle paced the floor of her bedroom she found herself trying to come up with an excuse, one that got her out of meeting up with Hart.

She wished she had it in her to just do what she felt was right.

But what was right? That she didn’t know.

She checked her phone one final time. She thought maybe if Pauly called that would give her enough guilt to not meet up with Hart.

She ran the brush through her hair a few more times and let out a sigh as she located the perfect shoes to go with her sweater.

She headed down her parent’s wooden staircase and waited in the kitchen long enough to get the third degree from anyone. But there was nobody there to give her one. She wondered if this was all signs that she was meant to get out of the house.

All the way to her car she told herself it was nothing. That everything was fine, she wasn’t going to fall apart or screw up. Hart was an old friend and instead of messing her life up she tried to see it as positive.

She buckled her seat belt. There had to be one positive thing that could come from spending time with the boy from rehab, if she could come up with just one.

“He’s doing well. He can show you how easy it is.” She put the car into reverse backing down the driveway. “This could help me.”

As Elle headed through the parking lot of the bowling alley a breeze from the winter’s air snagged her hair sending it off her shoulders. She hurried inside searching for Hart in the crowded bowling alley.

It wasn’t exactly the place she would have picked to meet up, but she decided it would do and she would deal with it. The crash of pins startled her senses, she bit down on her lip until she picked him out in the crowd.

“You made it,” Hart said helping her out of her jacket. He led her to the lane he reserved for the two of them.

“Yeah, I made it.” She brushed her hair off her shoulders and took a seat. Hart handed over bowling shoes for her to wear. “How do you know these will fit?”

He shrugged, a grin appearing on his face. “I took a guess. I can get a different size if they don’t.”

She sighed. She was starting to regret coming as she looked around at everyone.

Hart grabbed her by the ankle tugging her shoe off in one quick jerk. He caught her foot in between his legs not giving her a chance to object. The next thing she knew his hands had a hold of her foot.

“I know how to put my shoes on.” She watched him lace her shoe up as if she was a toddler incapable of doing so herself.

“I can see it in your eyes,” Hart explained grabbing her other foot. “You’re ready to run right out of here. And I will be damned if we don’t have a good time.”

“I’ve never been that great at bowling,” she said. “I can’t remember the last time I even went.”

Hart nodded. “That’s great. Makes this next part even better.”

Elle raised an eyebrow. “What does that mean?” She was afraid to hear his answer.

“A bet. Every strike I get you do whatever I tell you to do.”

She rolled her eyes. “Oh yeah right, are you nuts?”

“It won’t be anything too crazy,” he said. “And same goes for you. If you get a strike I will do anything you want me to.”

What were they in high school? She shrugged. He took it as a yes standing up ready to get the game going.

Elle watched Hart approach the lane. He gripped the ball taking off at a slow pace. The ball hit the floor and seconds later the crash of the pins sent him into a victory dance as he made his way back to her.

She shook her head at him as he took the spot next to her. “It’s your turn. And since I got a strike I want you to throw the ball with your eyes closed.”

She scoffed but stood up. “Really? That’s the request?” She grabbed a pretty pink ball and headed for the pins. It wasn’t like he could see if her eyes were shut or not from where she stood.

Suddenly he was behind her. She struggled to hold onto her ball as Hart’s hand went over her eyes. He wasn’t joking, he was going to have it his way no matter what she wanted.

“I probably didn’t have a chance anyways,” she said letting him lead her toward the lane.

“Shut up and bowl,” he said. “Nobody likes a sore loser.” He teased her.

The ball dropped with a hard thud.

“Oh no, I guess it paid off. Remind me not to be so cocky next time,” Hart said. He laughed at himself for looking like a fool now.

“I think that was my first strike ever,” Elle said with a smile. She stared at the score board.

Hart stood beside her. “So what will it be?” He hoped she was having a good time. So far he hadn’t seen much of a smile or anything on her face.

“I don’t know.” She looked up at him trying to think of something to make him as uncomfortable as she felt at the moment. “I want to know the real reason you failed at rehab.”

Hart’s eyes darted away from her.

Elle smiled. “Remember this game was your idea.”

He picked up his bowling ball. “I just never imagined this was your sense of fun.”

“I figure going for the jugular might make me feel less uncomfortable,” she said, not afraid to admit it.

Hart threw the ball gaining another strike. He returned to the seat next to Elle without a victory dance like the time before.

“If it will make you more comfortable then I’ll tell you.” He sat back. “I guess I came back for many reasons.”

Elle was glued to his every move. He had never opened up before. Not even in rehab.

“Boredom, bad relationships, guilt, you name it.” He shrugged. “Too much partying, too much confidence. There was always something worth taking that trip.”

Elle crossed her arms. “That’s not much of an answer.”

Hart gave her a dirty look. “Those are my reasons and you’re saying they aren’t good enough?”

“Why did you come back the last time?” She stared at him watching how uncomfortable in his own skin he seemed to be all of a sudden.

He sighed. “Too much partying. I was bored and had nothing better to do with my time. I partied, did a bunch of stupid shit and found myself back in rehab.”

Elle couldn’t imagine going through rehab more than the one time she had. It was tough enough the first time. She had never been the kind of person to open up to strangers. And being forced to do so didn’t ever sit well with her. She never got used to it. And she found she never completely opened up either.

“I went back a couple months after you finished,” Hart admitted.

Elle admittedly was a bit surprised to hear that. “You seem so together. So strong, like you know what you’re doing.”

“So how about we finish up this game and grab a bite to eat,” Hart said. He stood up handing over her bowling ball. It was obvious he didn’t want to talk about himself.

Elle grabbed the bowling ball. Before she attempted another strike she shot Hart a look over her shoulder. There he stood, tall, looming, handsome even. His eyes on her and only her, she found herself smiling. She swung and let go of the ball, the ball quickly crashed into the pins and as she waited she held her breath as the last pin struggled to stay upright.

“Yes,” she squealed, clapping her hands in triumph. Two in a row was not bad at all. She spun around, a big smirk on her face. “You’re in trouble.”

Hart shook his head refusing to believe she was any threat to his chance of winning.

“Okay. What’s the next thing you want me to do?” Hart asked.

“Tell me what it was like growing up with your family?” Everyone had a story. And she was sure his would prove interesting. There had to be a reason he was where he was in life.

Hart took a seat. He started untying his shoes.

“What are you doing?” Elle asked, she was shocked he was bailing. She was supposed to be the one doing that not him.

“I wanted this to be fun. I didn’t think you were going to want to analyze my entire existence,” he said. He dropped the shoe and started on the other one.

“Are you serious?” Elle said.

Hart’s expression proved he wasn’t kidding. “I don’t like this. I don’t like talking about my life.”

Elle took a seat. “Fine.” She took her shoes off and quickly put on her own shoes. She stood up throwing on her jacket.

Hart slipped into his own jacket. “If you’re so screwed up and not wanting another friend why are you digging?”

“Because that’s what I do. I ask questions, I try to find similarities in my life with others so I don’t feel so awful all the time ok?” She shook her head angered by him.

Hart caught up with her just as she slammed her bowling shoes on the counter and was heading for the door.

“Wait a minute,” he said.

She buttoned the top of her jacket trying to keep the cold out. “What?”

“Give me another chance.” He pulled his keys from his coat pocket. “Let’s take a ride. I’ll bring you back to get your car.”

She followed after Hart a bit reluctant and curious.

“I don’t like to talk about my family,” he said as he opened her door for her. “It’s nothing worth talking about.”

He shut her door and hurried around the car to his side. She buckled her seat belt and waited patiently for more.

“I moved out when I was barely a teen” He started his car.

“Where?” she asked, she couldn’t imagine leaving her parent’s house at that age.

“All sorts of places. Anything was better. I was fifteen when I realized I was better off by myself,” he said. He ran a hand down the back of his neck. “And that’s when everything went from shitty to even worse.”

Elle swallowed. She felt bad having asked anymore. She could only imagine what he went through. She touched his shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” she said softly.

Hart shrugged. “Not your fault.”

It was all she knew to say. There were never any words to make someone feel better when they had been through so much. She knew this personally.

“But you’re okay now?” She asked. He looked okay. He looked healthy and full of energy. He seemed in control of his life and anyone with the determination he had to get her to hang out probably wasn’t that bad.

Hart pulled out of the bowling alley’s parking lot. They made it to the first light before he answered another one of her questions.

“I can say that right now I feel okay,” he said, he concentrated on the road. “And my advice to you is don’t focus on getting better. Just worry about not screwing up.”

Elle looked out her window. The trees flew past at a high rate of speed blurring into unrecognizable shapes. “I already did. I screwed up so bad it doesn’t matter if I get better.”

Hart shot her a disturbed look. “Are you going to blame yourself for the rest of your life for one bad thing you did?” He came to a stop staring up at the light. “We all screw up. What you need to do is stop letting everyone around you treat you like your screw up is worse than anything they’ve ever done. Or that you’re a bad person, because I don’t think you believe that you are.”

Elle could feel the tears brewing underneath the surface. His words tugged at her insides making her feel something she wasn’t used to feeling. “No one has ever said that to me.”

“Why would they? The world is using you as their scapegoat. If they can always tell you how bad you are they don’t have to worry about themselves.” Hart pulled into one of the local diners in town. He put the car into park and undid his seatbelt.

“It’s not that simple, I really screwed a lot of lives up, in some ways they aren’t wrong for acting the way they do,” Elle said.

Hart shook his head. “You are going to make more mistakes in your life. What, are you going to compare them all to this one and let all the rest go?”

Elle sighed. “Why do you care so much?” He was always trying to figure things out, but if he was so screwed up himself why did he bother?

“Because I know how it feels to have nobody in my corner, nobody to give a shit about me. You’re too nice of a girl to feel abandoned. Now let’s eat, leave all the emotional baggage in my car please,” he said climbing out of the car.

Elle was blown away by Hart.