The Read And Weep Bundle: Anonymous, Perfectly Hopeless, Run (5 page)

Chapter 11

The crowd cheered at the television. Hands pounded the tabletops and peanuts scattered. It was a joyous occasion, the local team was winning.

“It’s almost halftime, if we can just keep this up for the last two quarters, man we’ll be golden,” Pauly said taking a swig of his beer. He high fived his friends and went back to concentrating on the game.

“I’ll be right back,” Elle said slipping from her seat. She followed Jory through the crowd of people watching the game. Jory was Monty’s girlfriend and Monty was Pauly’s best friend since they both were kids.

“It’s the same thing every god damn weekend. Football,” Jory said with a shake of the head. “Honestly, I’d rather be doing something else.”

Elle smirked, shoving the bathroom door open. She checked the first stall going in. “Yeah, well, Pauly is so obsessed with the game there is no getting around it. It’s better than hearing him whine about how we don’t ever do anything he wants to do.”

“He’s the exact same way as Monty. I don’t know why we put up with it,” Jory whined.

“I’m not sure. Maybe because we love them. Isn’t that what girlfriends say?” Love. It was supposed to make you do insane things.

Elle pumped some soap into her hands. She turned on the faucet, studying herself in the mirror. Jory took the sink next to her.

“The difference between me and you is
I
get to drown my boredom with alcohol. You—” She shot Elle a look. “Not so much.”

“I told you, it’s not a big deal anymore. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a drink and it doesn’t bother me. I’m fine.” She crossed her heart, raking a hand through her hair.

Turning off the water the thought of rehab plagued her mind. Even if it been some time since she had been there it didn’t take away the misery she felt. Or the hole that was in her life from the loss of Stephy.

Jory squeezed Elle’s shoulder. “I’m proud of you. For hanging in there after all you’ve been through. We all miss Stephy. I know I can say that I am glad to have you back even if she’s no longer with us.”

Elle pursed her lips. “Let’s go before you start getting all emotional on me right here in the bathroom.” She guided Jory to the bathroom door. She didn’t want to talk about Stephy or the accident. It was something she had been trying hard to forget. And as long as she didn’t talk about it she was really good at doing just that.

“Come with me to get another drink,” Jory said, taking her by the hand and leading her through the crowd to the bar.

Elle pushed her hair behind her ear looking away from the drinks and staff bustling to and fro as they served their customers. She settled on the neon sign on the wall while Jory ordered tequila or whatever tickled her fancy at that moment.

She searched through the crowd for Pauly and Monty, doing her best to pass the time while they waited.

“Excuse me,” a guy said taking the spot beside her. “Can I get a beer and water for my friend?”

He glanced at Elle giving her a nod and a smile. “I’m going to take a leak, Hart, you grab our drinks.” And with that he hurried off.

She looked him up and down. “You got to be kidding me.”

That same devious grin formed on his face. He moved closer. “Elle Saunders, the most stubborn girl I ever met is that you?”

Jory focused in on the two of them as she waited to order her drink.

“Yeah it’s me. What are you doing here?”

He raised an eyebrow. “My friend and I are watching the game. Just like every other person in this place.”

She nodded. “Oh, so you’re a football freak too I see.” She stared at his black t-shirt, it wasn’t the team color.

“No, I wouldn’t go that far,” he said. He tugged at the jersey she was wearing. “Purple is your color.”

She stared down at his hand as it met back up with his jean pocket. “It isn’t what you think. I hardly know anything about football.”

He smirked. “Sure, I’m willing to bet you have money on this game don’t ya?”

Elle shook her head, smiling at his joke. Jory came closer ending the moment. “Who is this, Elle?”

“Hart. An old friend of hers.” Hart offered a hand. Jory eagerly shook it, taking in his tall frame.

“I’m Jory, also an old friend of hers,” she moved away taking her drink and quickly returned. “Elle has never talked about you.”

Hart playfully frowned. “Aww, breaks my heart. We had some good times.”

Jory’s eyes widened.

Elle shook her head, slapping him. “He’s joking. We only know each other because of rehab. That’s it.”

Hart watched Elle a big grin on his face. He liked making her nervous. “Yes, that’s it. After a month or so I finally broke this one.” He poked her in the side. “She finally let me get to know her a little.”

“You wish,” Elle said. “Most of it was lies.”

“Darn. You mean to tell me you didn’t really breathe fire in the circus?” They both laughed.

Pauly came up behind Elle wrapping his hands around her waist, Hart backed off, watching the couple while the bartender got his drinks.

“Hey babe, grab me a beer while I take a piss?” Pauly didn’t wait for her answer he hurried away to the bathroom.

“Dr. Jon would say that’s a no no,” Hart said.  “By the way, how are you doing with it all?”

Elle raised an eyebrow. “I’m fine. Handling a beer is not going to push me over the edge.” But inside she was angry every time Pauly asked her to handle alcohol. It was bad enough she was in a sports bar.

Jory tapped her on the shoulder. “I’m going to go sit back down with Monty before he thinks we all abandoned him.” She hurried off.

Elle took the beer the bar tender handed her and dropped her hand to her side so she didn’t have to look at it. The coolness against her skin set her heart thudding in her chest. It felt wrong.

“What about you?” She squeezed the bottle. “Are you okay?”

Hart shrugged. “I’m as fine as they all want to believe that I am.”

“What does that even mean?” She asked.

“Don’t you just wish you would have taken me up on my offer?” He licked his lips a familiar grin showing up. “I’ll see you around maybe. It was nice bumping into you. Even if it was the one place we should stay far away from.”

He watched her head off, taking her place at the table with her so called friends.

Elle brushed her hair in the bathroom mirror, and then reapplied her lip gloss. A barrage of laughter echoed the hallway. She sighed and turned the door handle coming from the bathroom and headed down the hallway to the dining room where everyone was seated.

“You look nice,” Pauly said as she settled in the seat beside him.

“Thanks. What did I miss?” she asked, picking up her salad fork and plunging it into the salad in front of her.

“Dad made a toast. Mom ran off to get my birthday cake she spent all day baking. You know the drill.” Pauly leaned back in his seat wrapping an arm around Elle.

Pauly’s sister turned her attention to Elle. “Wasn’t Stephy’s birthday two days after Pauly’s?”

Elle winced, and finally opened her mouth to speak. “Yeah, it was.”

Jackie shook her head pleased that she was right. “Such a shame that she’s gone, I can’t believe it’s been over a year already. It’s great to see you’re handling it all so well though.” She took a long swallow of her red wine going back to conversation with one of Pauly’s aunts.

“Don’t let her get to you,” Pauly said, he stroked her arm. “She’s a bitch, you know this.”

Elle dropped her fork and pushed her plate away. “It’s great to see I’m handling it so well. What the hell does that even mean?”

Pauly shushed her. “Elle, let it go. We don’t need another argument about this mess.”

Elle moved away from Pauly. “This mess? Is that all you think of me?”

“I didn’t say you were a mess. Could we talk about this later?” Pauly shifted in his seat and ran a hand through his hair. “Now is not the time.”

Elle stood up. She planted a kiss on Pauly’s cheek and dropped her napkin on the table. With a big smile on her face she wished everyone a nice evening and headed for the door.

Pauly followed after her. “What are you doing?”

She wriggled into her jacket. “I’m going home. I hope you have a great birthday. I am going to go deal with my mess.”

Pauly grabbed her arm. “You’re being emotional. People are going to miss Stephy and want to talk about it. We all talk about it. You can’t run through life acting as if she’s not dead.”

She pulled away. “And I can’t avoid the truth that it’s my fault. But you want me to shove it aside when I’m angry or offended.”

“That’s not what I’m saying. I just thought that by now you would know how to get over this. Maybe not be so mad all the time, Elle,” Pauly said.

“I spent months in rehab trying to get over this. I’m not over this and I probably will never be over this. I don’t think you can handle that.” She headed for the door, ignoring Pauly’s objections.

He thought she should stay, deal with his family and their remarks, their hatred for her. Everyone loved Stephy, the whole town. She was popular and there wasn’t a person that didn’t know who she was.

There wasn’t a person who didn’t know what happened and they all were ready to judge her any chance they got.

Elle tossed her coat on the bench forgetting about the hook. She shook her high heels off and headed for the living room. She took the seat next to her mother and snagged some of her blanket.

“I thought tonight was Pauly’s party?” Her mother asked taking her glasses off. She rested her book in her lap, the deep line that ran between her eyebrows showed itself as she studied Elle.

“It was. I left early.” She rested her head against her mother’s shoulder. “We got in a fight.”

“Another one?”

Elle sighed. “Yes, another one.”

“Was it about the accident again?” Her mother smoothed her hair, she felt for her. She always had since the day it happened.

“It’s always about the accident. Everything is always about the accident.” She flicked on the television doing her best to forget about the night and how mad she was at Pauly for being so insensitive.

“Pauly cares about you. I’m sure he is only trying to help you through,” her mother said. “You two have been together for a long time. I think he’s just trying to adjust.”

“He doesn’t have a clue about what I need to get better. He hardly was there when I went to rehab. I’m tired of feeling like I owe him something,” she said.

She was tired of trying to make it up to Pauly for screwing up that night. For choosing to party with her best friend instead of him, and he reminded her all the time how wrong she had been. That if she would have done what he wanted she wouldn’t be in the mess she was in. Maybe he didn’t say it anymore, but he had said it before.

“Pauly wasn’t around because you didn’t want him there. You didn’t want anyone there,” her mom reminded her. She lifted her book and started reading again.

Elle grabbed the newspaper on the end table. “Is this today’s” She stared at the obituary. “I can’t believe this.”

“Believe what, Elle?” Her mom raised an eyebrow her eyes stayed on her book.

“Remember Sadie from rehab. This is her obituary.” She read it over making certain she wasn’t crazy. It was hard to be wrong when the red head was staring right back at her on the paper. The same girl she had roomed with in rehab for months.

“How on earth?” Her mother said taking the paper out of her hands. She read it over, her brows furrowed. “This is just terrible.”

“I don’t know why I am here,” Nick said undoing the button on his jacket. He sat down next to Elle at Sadie’s funeral service. “I didn’t even know the girl.”

“Because I’d rather have you here with me than Pauly or our mother,” Elle whispered.

She watched as more and more people slowly filled the seats all around them.

“You owe me big time. I was supposed to golf today with Dad.” Nick settled back into his seat and threw his arm around the back of the pew. He watched the mourners quietly, shaking his head every few minutes and muttering to himself.

“It’s called supporting someone. And stop acting like you’re at the movies. This is someone’s funeral,” Elle reminded him.

“What happened to her?” Nick stared at the casket. “You think it was something awful seeing its shut?” He nodded at the man in front of them that looked over his shoulder at him with a frown on his face.

“I didn’t ask. It’s not something you just ask about,” Elle snapped. “Be quiet before we are the first people ever to get thrown out of a funeral.

Elle fidgeted in her seat, her cheeks warm as more eyes gravitated in their direction. Her brother could be so oblivious sometimes.

Elle recognized Sadie’s mother as soon as she stood up to speak.

“Sadie was my only daughter. The light of my life. And even though she lived the last half of her life on the wrong side of the tracks, she still was my little girl. She just was my little girl with problems. More problems than she could handle. I always asked Sadie ‘if things could be perfect, what would you want, baby?’ And she always had the same answer. She would laugh and then look me in the eye and tell me, ‘if everything was perfect what would be the point, Mom?’ I’m going to miss hearing her laugh. I’m going to miss her phone calls. I’m going to miss her imperfections,” Sadie’s mother said. She wiped at her eyes and took her seat.

Elle stood following the line of people to pay her respect to Sadie. She stared at her feet as the line moved closer and closer to Sadie’s casket.

“Do you want to get lunch after this?” Nick whispered.

“Shut up,” Elle said. She immediately straightened up when she was finally in front of Sadie’s mom. “Ms. Harris. I’m sorry about Sadie.”

Her mom patted her shoulder and pulled her in for a tight squeeze. Elle patted her back and endured her sobs.

“She was trying hard to stay clean. Always trying.” She lifted Elle’s chin. “I’m going to miss her. Thank you for coming. Sadie always thought about you after you left. She always wished the best for you.”

Elle nodded, feeling more and more uncomfortable.

“Are you okay? Is everything going alright for you?”

Elle nodded that everything was alright. It wasn’t like she was about to get into a conversation at a funeral about how crummy her life had been lately.

She said her goodbye and headed for the door, stopping to sign her name in the book, that dreadful book that left a lasting memory for the family.

“Okay, now we can go,” she told Nick.

As they made it to their jackets and she struggled to put her own on she saw him. He was signing the book.

“You came. So I take it you heard about Sadie,” Hart said coming to stand in front of her. He was wearing a dress shirt and black tie. He looked nothing like his usual, casual and comfortable.

“Unfortunately,” Elle said.

Nick sighed, leaning against the wall while his sister once again delayed his chance to get the hell out of there. “Why does he look familiar to me?”

Elle shot her brother an annoyed look. “Because you met him before.”

Hart offered his hand. “Rehab.”

Nick shook his hand looking him over. “I was never in rehab. Besides the times I visited this one right here.”

Hart ignored her brother’s rude comment.

“Well, it was nice seeing you again. I need to get him out of here before he insults anyone else.” She waved, taking off for the door with Nick.

Hart followed after her. “I was thinking maybe we should get a bite to eat and remember Sadie for a few.” He knew it was a long stretch that she would agree, hell, she might tell him he was ridiculous.

“I rode with my brother. And I highly doubt he would go for that.” She shot a look in the direction of Nick. He was already in the car ready to leave.

“I didn’t walk. I do drive.” That was his way of asking her to tag along with him.

Elle fidgeted with the button on her jacket, she weighed the options. Going back home with Nick or out to lunch with the boy from rehab. She knew it was a bad choice to go with Hart.

“I really can’t.” She shot him down without hesitation.

“What about if I give you my number and if you ever feel like taking me up on yet another offer you can call me,” Hart said.

“I have a boyfriend,” Elle reminded him. “And this wouldn’t make him happy.”

Hart made a face. “What is
this
?”

Elle blushed. “You, inviting me out for food and conversation.”

“It’s wrong to want to talk to you while eating?” Hart smirked. “Hand me your phone.”

Elle gave him a weird look confused with his request. He pointed at his palm egging her on. She finally gave in and handed off her cell phone to him.

“There.” He handed it back. “Now when you feel like food and some conversation give me a call.”

She bit at her lip. It felt so wrong, but at the same time he seemed so harmless in asking her to hang out with him.  “Give me one good reason why I should risk upsetting my life any more than it already is.”

Hart raised a finger. “Because you don’t want to regret not taking me up on my offer.”

Elle shrugged, tossing around his reason. “I think you have to do better than that. And you only have a few seconds because I’m pretty sure my brother is about to leave me here.”

“Because deep down we all want to do what we know we shouldn’t. Because sometimes it feels really good,” he said, giving her a smile. “Think about it. And call me.”