The Natural: How to Effortlessly Attract the Women You Want (19 page)

Tip:
You need only about four salsa lessons to be able to do the basic steps, which are all you’ll require. Trust me, you can quickly kino-escalate from the salsa opener. It works pretty much each and every time.

The tips above illustrate a few common mistakes men make on the dance floor. In addition, sometimes men attempt to communicate too verbally, which doesn’t work because of the sound level. Other times they end up simply dancing opposite their partner and don’t escalate from there, so she walks off.

Here is the process for a dance-floor escalation, from seeing a girl you like to kissing her:

 

1. Open nonverbally (hip bump/eye contact/gesture/other nonverbal acknowledgment).
   
 

2. Dance opposite each other for twenty seconds or so, maintaining eye contact at least 90 percent of the time.
   
 

3. Step in closer, introduce yourself, and have a very brief verbal exchange (twenty seconds max). This will tell her that you’re now in an interaction; now she won’t just leave, because she knows you’re interested and confident enough to talk to her.
   
 

4. Dance opposite her again and, after a short time, offer your hands; continue dancing, holding her hands in a push-pull fashion, introducing spins if you feel comfortable with them. Maintain eye contact.
   

Now we have some progress, but to get to the kiss close we need to slow things down. Clubs don’t generally play music that has a seductive rhythm; their tempo is much too fast. That doesn’t need to stop you. You’re leading the dance at a certain speed, so you can gradually slow it down and get a little closer, while maintaining complete eye contact.

To escalate from this position to the kiss is easy, since 90 percent of the work is already done. It requires only a step or two more. You can try running your fingers through her hair, or kissing her on the cheek and then moving onto the lips. Alternatively, if you can see that she’s ready, just go directly for the kiss.

Whether you make contact on the dance floor or use your new small-talk skills to chat up a woman at the bar, at some point she’s going to want to contribute to the conversation. When she starts to ask you questions, you want to be ready. Here’s how to keep things moving in the direction you want, no matter how good her questions:

There are certain questions and conversational paths that occur again and again for each person. Think about what yours are and make your input more interesting. If a conversation gets boring because the girl starts asking boring questions, she won’t realize it’s her fault—she’ll just know she’s bored! The obvious one is, “What do you do?” Either make your job interesting or describe it with passion; if it’s undeniably dull, be brief and switch to something more interesting, like a hobby—“But anyway, that’s work; what I really like to do is ….”

  Religion

  Contentious political issues

  Violence

  Bad past relationships

  Anything negative

If you can talk with passion about things you care about, your energy draws people in. If you enjoy something, let it show: be expressive, using visual and emotive language. People will get caught up in it and start to feel good too. When they feel good, they’ll want to talk to you more.

Let’s put it all together with an example of the natural and situational opener. The following interaction was a real demonstration for a student. I recorded it on MP3, and the transcript runs below. There are many techniques used that you can continue to refer to; you’ll see more each time you look.

A girl stands alone in Leicester Square, London, with arms crossed, looking pretty unfriendly
.

Me:
Hi! You’re crossing your arms and I study body language, so I could say that’s because you’re closed or in a bad mood; but I was noticing a lot of people standing like this recently, and either people are more closed at this time of year or more people are cold!
(Laughs.)
So are you in a bad mood or are you just cold?

Girl:
I’m cold.

I’m bantering without putting conversational pressure on her. This is necessary because I have no indication of interest and she looks unapproachable
.

Me:
See, people take this body language stuff too seriously. They need to put more disclaimers in these books. People crossing their arms are closed,
unless
they also might be cold. People stroking their hair are attracted to you,
unless
their hair is in their face and they can’t see anything.
(Laughs.)
You look like you’re waiting for someone?

Girl:
Yeah, I’m waiting for my friend.

At this point I don’t immediately ask another question, like “Who?” or “What time were they meant to be here?” or “What are you going to do together?” This would be natural, but not very interesting. She has given me another link that I can feed off, so I should use it. Her body language is opening up, and she’s receptive to the interaction
.

Me:
I hate waiting for people here. You can’t call them because they’re on the subway, and there are so many people here you keep thinking, “Is that them? Is that them?” The time goes way slower than when you’re waiting somewhere less hectic. So let me guess, it’s your old school friend and you’re meeting for the ten-year reunion dinner?

Girl:
(Laughs.)
Well, it’s my friend from college, but we’re going for a coffee. What’s your name?

This is a big sign of interest. She’s asking a question of me. It isn’t related to the topic and it’s personal, which means she wants to know more about me and extend the interaction
.

Me:
Richard, and you?

Girl:
I’m Anna.

Both:
Nice to meet you.
(Shake hands.)

Me:
Wow, your hands are cold.
(Takes other hand too, and squeezes them both. I’ve quickly done a quite intimate thing that jumpstarts a sexual frame.)

Me:
So is your friend cute?

Girl:
(Laughs.)
She is, actually.

Me:
Cool. So we can all go to coffee together, but we can’t stay long; we need to be somewhere. Tell her I’m your fiancé, that we met last week—it was a whirlwind romance—and that we flew to Vegas, got married by Elvis, and came back yesterday.
(Both laugh.)

Assignment #4

Practice your new conversational skills on your social circle. See if you can make the women feel good and get a deeper level of connection than you normally do. You’ll notice that you get a much better reaction from people and can even use these skills at work.

Push-Pull