The Multi-Orgasmic Couple: Sexual Secrets Every Couple Should Know (8 page)

According to the Tao, women are energized by beauty. By bringing beauty and sensuality into your everyday life, you expand your desire and your overall sense of joy.

EVERYDAY EROS

One of the secrets of desire is that it starts long before we reach the bedroom. Poets the world over have known that the path to lovemaking is as important as the destination. While each woman has her own erotic fingerprint, many of us share certain images and situations that increase our desire. Many women find that increasing the sensual nature of their everyday life helps keep their body alive to their sensual and sexual potential.

It is important to nurture this aspect of yourself in whatever way you find helpful: wearing clothes that caress your body, smelling candles, flowers, and other scents in the house, listening to sensual music, taking hot baths by candlelight, or eating foods that you find tantalizing. According to the Tao, women are energized by beauty. By bringing beauty and sensuality into your everyday life, you expand your desire and your overall sense of joy.

Be alive to the erotic possibility of the world around you. Notice the beautiful diversity of bodies all around you. If you are able to look at and appreciate other women’s bodies without judging them, you will be able to accept your own body for its own unique and beautiful form.

Open yourself to the erotic possibilities of art and nature. Let yourself dance to beautiful music, or feel the wind on your body and let it stir you. Be open to the world around you, not to appeal to someone else but to pleasure yourself. Discovering the erotic possibilities of our life gives us incredible power. For the Tao, our sexual energy is the very foundation of our being and is essential for being fully alive.

This exploration of your desire is a process that can be life transforming. It is a great new adventure that you are embarking on. As with any other knowledge

or skill that you acquire, the more time that you spend, the more you will get out of it. The small amounts of time you invest in your sexual potential will result in tremendous rewards—in the pleasure you receive, in the deeper relationship you have with your partner, in the increased joy in your life, and in your greater overall vitality.

Knowing Your Body

Now that we have begun kindling our desire, it is time to embrace and explore our bodies. Unfortunately, for many women, looking at our naked body is filled with anxiety. Women have been learning for years to evaluate their body in comparison to impossible bodily ideals. The Tao recognized that when we celebrate ideal images, we make all others feel inadequate.

While you are engaged in pursuing your orgasmic potential, try to take a holiday from body criticism. Do your best not to engage in complaints or worries about your body alone or with others. It is amazing how difficult this can be! Try to remember that a judged and criticized body does not yield pleasure nearly as easily as a body that is loved and appreciated. As we look at ourselves and touch ourselves, we start the process of loving ourselves.

Exer cise 5

LOVING YOUR BODY

1. TAKE IT FROM THE TOP: Start at the top of your head and move downward, noticing the particular artistry of your body. Notice the color, shape, and texture of your hair, the color of your eyes, and the shape of your face. Note how soft your lips are compared with your cheeks. Notice your ears and your neck, the length of your arms.
   

2. NO BODY CRITICS: Whenever negative thoughts occur to you, such as, “The backs of my arms are flabby,” take a moment to verbally appreciate that part of your body for what it does. For example, thank your arms for the great job they do at lifting, writing, and hugging.
   

3. APPRECIATE EACH PART: Find something kind to say about each part of your body. As you move down your body, appreciate the particular shape of your breasts, the color of your nipples, the soft curves of your belly and hips, your buttocks, the roundness of your thighs, the length of your legs, the stability of your feet. Every woman’s body is uniquely beautiful. You can feel desire and be desired exactly as you are.
   

Find a mirror that is as near to full length as possible. Again, you will need freedom from interruption and soft lighting.

The small amounts of time you invest in your sexual potential will result in tremendous rewards
—
in the pleasure you receive, in the deeper relationship you have with your partner, in the increased joy in your life, and in your greater overall vitality.

A judged and criticized body does not yield pleasure nearly as easily as a body that is loved and appreciated.

Most of us are familiar with the shape and size of our hands since we see them every day, but very few of us are as familiar with the size and shape of our sexual anatomy. In order to pleasure yourself or to show your partner how to pleasure you, it will help if you are familiar with your body’s erogenous zones. If you have never seen what your genitals look like, we strongly encourage you to take a few minutes to look at them.

Find some private time when you will not be interrupted. Lie back, preferably on a bed or a couch, prop yourself up with pillows, and use a hand mir-ror in front of your genitals until you can easily see them. If you lean the mir-ror against a pillow, you may be able to use a flashlight or other direct lighting to see better.

Getting Up Close and Personal—a mirror can help a woman become familiar with her own sexual anatomy.

Exer cise 6

GETTING UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL

1. YOUR OUTER LIPS: Place the mirror between your legs so that you can see your genitals. You’ll notice that the thicker, outer, lips (or labia majora) are covered with hair on the outside. If you part these, you will see the smaller lips of the vagina (or labia minora), which have no hair.
   

2. YOUR CLITORIS: Part the inner lips and look at the top, where the lips meet (or at twelve o’clock on a clock face, if you are looking in your mir-ror). There you will see your clitoris, a half-centimeter bump. You will notice (and you will need good lighting for this) that there is some tis-sue, often called the hood, surrounding the clitoris that can be withdrawn in order to see the clitoris itself.
   

3. YOUR VAGINA: If you move directly downward (that is, toward your anus) you will find your urethra, a sometimes-difficult-to-spot small opening below the clitoris. This is where your urine comes out when you pee. Another centimeter or two down is the vagina. Often the opening of the vagina is covered with folds of tissue. If you bear down as if you are going to have a bowel movement, you will notice that the tissue opens up, usually showing you the entrance to the vagina, which extends into your body like a canal.
   

4. YOUR CERVIX: The only accessible part of your sexual anatomy you won’t be able to see during this bodily exploration is your cervix. Though you can’t see your cervix without the help of a speculum (a device that props open the vagina), you can certainly feel your cervix. If you place one or two fingers within your vagina all the way to the back and bear down as if you’re having a bowel movement, you will touch something that feels like the end of your nose. This is your cervix.
   

5. YOUR PERINEUM: Below the vagina you will notice that the inner lips join together in a very muscular area that is covered with normal skin and sometimes hair, called the perineum.
   

6. YOUR ANUS: At the bottom of the perineum you can see your anus, which is a puckered circular area of skin with a strong muscle inside.
   

Woman’s sexual anatomy

Now that you have seen your own genitals, it might be helpful to know some general facts about this most personal and often mysterious part of our body.

CERVIX

UTERUS

BLADDER

G SPOT

RECTUM

PUBIC BONE

ANAL SPHINCTER

MUSCLE

CLITORIS

OUTER LIPS

INNER LIPS

PC MUSCLE

PERINEUM

VAGINA

Outer Lips:
While all women have pubic hair, the color, texture, and amount are different. In general vaginal lips are pale pink, red, dark tan, or brown, depending on your skin color. In most women, they can be quite irregular in shape, and all shapes and sizes are completely normal. During increased arousal, both the outer and inner lips become swollen with blood, much as a man’s penis becomes engorged during sexual arousal. In fact, the female outer lips and the male shaft of the penis start out as the same tissue in the early development of the fetus. These tissues can be very sensitive if gently stroked during sexual play.

Clitoris:
The clitoris is the anatomical equivalent of the head of the penis in a man and has just as many nerve endings as the head of the penis, only concentrated into a much smaller space. This makes it the most sensitive sex-

ual organ in either sex. It is also the only organ in either sex exclusively dedicated to sexual pleasure. The naked clitoris is exquisitely tender, and most women prefer more indirect stimulation, either through the surrounding skin, from the side, or through the hood. The clitoris swells during sexual arousal and becomes much more prominent.